- •Оглавление
- •От автора
- •Предисловие
- •Соль книги – Контексты
- •If they can put a man on the moon,
- •It is forbidden for a lady to eat chocolates on public transport (Stupid law of England).
- •It is unlawful to drag a dead horse down Yonge Street (Toronto) on a Sunday (Stupid law of Canada).
- •Illiterates don’t have to read this.
- •It is not legal for a Member of Parliament to enter the House of Commons wearing a full suit of armour
- •Irs agents never quit. They just don’t do anything too taxing anymore.
- •If sex is a pain in the ass you’re doing it wrong.
- •It is against the law to frown' at a police officer
- •It is a crime to delay or detain a homing pigeon
- •I have 75 balls and drive women crazy. I am best known as Bingo!
- •I’d give my left arm to be ambidextrous.
- •It is a crime to wear a mask in public
- •It is a crime for an owner of a pig to call him swine or 'Napoleon' (Stupid law of France).
- •If a man is caught kissing a woman in public the death penalty may be enforced (Stupid law of Greece).
- •It is illegal to mispronounce the name of the state of Arkansas (Stupid law of Arkansas us).
- •Vampires are a pain in the neck.
- •In one Dutch region it is a crime to breach the dykes of a river, even though the region has no rivers (Stupid law of Holland).
- •I am too jung to see a psychologist.
- •It's a crime to set up a mousetrap without a hunting license
- •If someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your commode, you are obliged by law to allow them entry (Stupid law of Scotland).
- •If the opposite of pro is con, then what is the opposite of progress?
- •It is an offence to possess a hippopotamus
- •I looked in my wallet this morning and realized some Drunk spent all my money Last Night!
- •I bet you I could stop gambling.
- •I’ve been faithful to my girlfriend several times.
- •It is considered an offence to shower naked
- •I haven’t had sex for so long I think I’m a virgin again.
- •I avoid all relationships. A “relationship” is when you’re screwing your cousin.
- •I’ll never forget the night I got so drunk I couldn’t remember anything.
- •If a sheep is a ram, and a donkey is an ass, how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
- •It is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp in Atlanta (Stupid law of Florida us).
- •Important discovery just in from the Psychology Department: The majority of accidents are caused accidentally.
- •It is against the law to speak English
- •It is considered an offence if a woman appears in public unless she is accompanied by a male relative or guardian.
- •It is illegal to whisper dirty things in lover's ear during sex (Stupid law of Oregon us).
- •I am an optimist. I think women are bad.
- •I wish I could drink like a man. I can take one or two. Three puts me under the table. And four puts me under the host.
- •Virginity is like a balloon – all it takes is one prick and it’s gone.
- •I was ruined twice. When I got married and when I got divorced.
- •It is illegal for a monkey to smoke cigarettes
- •It is illegal for over 16 women to occupy a house together because that constitutes a brothel ... However up to 120 men can live together without breaking the law.
- •It is illegal to utter profanities when talking about country music singer Loretta Lynn (Stupid law of Kentucky us).
- •In the event that a horse refuses to pass a car on the road, the owner must take his car apart and conceal the parts in the bushes (Stupid law of Pennsylvania us).
- •Приложение I Неофициальные названия языков, штатов, городов, стран и жителей этих стран и городов
- •Приложение II numerals and how they function
- •In modern english
- •Thousand
- •In two minds about something
- •In two shakes of a lamb's tail
- •Приложение III
- •A visit to the language zoo.
- •Goose – гусь
- •Fish – рыба
- •It’s better to be a small fish in a big pond than to be a big fish in a small pond.
- •It’s time to fish or cut bait – (дословно: или ловить рыбу, или снять с крючка наживку), «сматывать удочки» в виду отсутствия клева или бесполезности предприятия, время принимать решение.
- •Bird – птица
- •Wolf – волк
- •Butterfly – бабочка
- •Lion – лев
- •Crow – ворона
- •Duck – утка
- •Vixen – лиса (самка)
- •Rat fink.
- •Vulture – гриф
- •Varmint – вредное животное
- •Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed eager beavers.
- •Приложение IV-бонус! Занимательные и широко употребительные выражения повседневного английского языка, граффити, каламбуры, заголовки, опечатки, рекламные ляпы и многие другие казусы
- •Продолжение весёлого бонуса! From the Mouths of Babes
- •Losing the Human Race
- •Science Friction
- •Stop the Music!
- •Pullet Surprising Literature¹
- •Poly-Tickle Speeches
- •A Guide to Sportspeak
- •Blessed Bloopers
- •Gavel to Gabble
- •Premedicated Humor
- •Laugh Insurance
- •Signs of Trouble
- •New and used antiques Come in We are closed
- •In case of enemy attack
- •Headline Headaches
- •Study: those without insurance die more often
- •Banner Boners
- •Partial jury chosen for tyson case
- •How to combat that feeling of helplessness with illegal drugs Galley Oops!
- •Brand New Bloopers
- •Mrs. Malaprop Lives!
- •A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
- •Closed for official opening.
- •Under a Spell
- •Back to Grammar School
- •Those Dang(ling) Modifiers
- •Самые смешные граффити!
- •I like my job. It's the work I don't like.
- •It's the little things that count.
- •I lost my job, my wife and my Mercedes.
- •I sure miss that Mercedes.
- •Веселые истории, шутки, заголовки, опечатки и слоганы.
- •It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
- •It hangs around after the man leaves and gives the woman a hug.
- •It’s not a big deal unless you’re not getting any.
- •It has 14 gears. Thirteen go in reverse and one forward, in case the enemy attacks from behind.
- •Men vs women jokes
- •Vive la difference
- •I need some space
- •Art and literature
- •Art and literature: batty books
- •Art and literature: World’s shortest books
- •Chat-up Lines
- •Chat-up Lines: extra cheesy
- •Dyslexia
- •Education
- •Education: absentees
- •Education: college
- •Education: dumb exam answers
- •Шутливый медицинский словарь
- •А теперь лингвистический десерт !!! language and linguistics: Etymological conundra
- •Is there another word for synonym?
- •Тематический указатель политика. Государство и власть
- •Бизнес. Экономика и финансы
- •Наука и техника. Образование
- •Сми и пиар
- •Человек
- •Литература и искусство
- •Географические названия
- •Персоналии
- •Ключевые слова "трудных" контекстов
- •Вопрос 799, 832, 881
Those Dang(ling) Modifiers
Reading the following statements from newspaper stories, we may well ask ourselves what's going on in our courts these days:
The juror never was asked if he had been molested by either defense or prosecution attorneys.
Bernard Constantino pleaded guilty to charges of distributing marijuana Wednesday in front of judge Hart.
A homeless man accused of breaking into a whale watching boat on Rose's Wharf was ordered to receive inpatient treatment in the Plowshare program for his drinking problem in district court Monday.
The Collier County sheriff's office has announced that one of its dog deputies has been named number one dog deputy for capturing a kidnap suspect after holding a female hostage for several hours.
Grodskins was arrested for illegal consumption of alcohol by the sheriff's department on Sunday.
Ms. Innes testified that the defendant was told by a child abuse specialist that her daughter was more than likely being sexually abused in Belknap County Superior Court.
Arlene Tollman received a suspended sentence for operating a motor vehicle with a blood-alcohol level of more than.10.
Anna Anderson requested that she be cremated before her death.
The blaze was extinguished before any damage was done by the local fire department.
Gregory Hartell, Dover Township, is awarded a Purple Heart Medal 41 years after he was injured in the Korean War by George Best, commissioner of the State Veterans Affairs Office.
I am a single parent with a 2-and-a-half-year-old daughter who has been unable to attend Craig University because of student loans.
The meetings held on Monday and yesterday included presentations by a priest who is a psychiatrist specializing in the diagnosis and treatment of sexual disorders among other experts.
Vice President Gore hobbled up to a small stage filled with Democratic, candidates on crutches, having ruptured his Achilles' tendon while playing basketball.
He provided background information about the life of a man who gained national attention after being mutilated by his wife for the NBC news program Now with Tom Brokaw.
The senator used the term the titty bill in referring to a bill that would ban nude dancing during a discussion with another lawmaker.
Do not sweep an area where there have been rodents with a broom.
A Grand Rapids neighborhood is getting some help in fighting crime and protecting children from the city commission.
Самые смешные граффити!
DO IT TOMORROW.
YOU'YE ALREADY MADE ENOUGH MISTAKES TODAY!
I like my job. It's the work I don't like.
Work is what they try to con you to do so that you will have the money to be able to buy what
they try to con you to think you need.
When pleasure interferes with your work, give up your work.
Work is an escape for those who have nothing better to do.
You can't blame this company's big mess on one person. This took real teamwork.
PLUMBERS IN ACTION.
(added) Shouldn't Inaction be one word?
Get to know the ropes before you try to pull a few strings around here.
Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
Things are so depressing around here that the only people with a smile are those who are proud of their teeth.
Education Kills By Degrees.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
My math professor has more problems than his math book.
FIVE WORDS COMMONLY SAID
TO A WORKING ARTS GRADUATE:
BIG MAC AND FRIES PLEASE.
einstein's real discovery:
time = money
How can these professors measure our intelligence with theirs?
Attending university is the opposite of sex. Even when it's good, it's lousy.
Lawyers should be buried far out at sea because deep down they're okay.
Artists can make practically anything
-except a living.
He who can does, he who cannot teaches…
and usually cannot teach.
Old musicians never quit.
They end up decomposing.
The purpose of philosophers is to contradict
other philosophers.
Universities teach us to say a little about things
we know nothing about.
History Is Something That Never Happened
Written By Someone Who Wasn't There.
THE MAJORITY OF ACCIDENTS
ARE CAUSED ACCIDENTALLY.
Euclid was a square.
Geography is everywhere.
BEING EDUCATED IS ONE THING.
GETTING A JOB IS ANOTHER.
Engineers should use their brains more often.