New and used antiques Come in We are closed

11. In the Mammoth Caves in Virginia; bottomless pit—175 FEET DEEP

12. At the entrance of a one-way bridge in Sonoma, California: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDERWATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

13. At the entrance to a bridge in Philadelphia:

In case of enemy attack

DO NOT STOP

DRIVE RIGHT OFF BRIDGE

14. In a Portland, Maine, parking garage: tenants not paid by THE 15TH OF THE MONTH WILL BE TERMINATED.

15. In a Brooklyn barbershop window: during construction WE WILL SHAVE YOU IN THE REAR.

16. In a Baltimore restaurant: all food must pass through THE CASHIER BEFORE ENTERING THE DINING ROOM.

Headline Headaches

Sometimes you need to know the context of headline in order to guess what it's trying to announce:

1. MONTANA TRADED TO KANSAS CITY Explanation: San Francisco 49ers quarterback Joe Montana was traded to the Kansas City Chiefs.

2. DEAD GUITARIST NOW SLIMMER AND TRIMMER Explanation: Grateful Dead guitarist Jerry Garcia was on a diet.

3. SENTINEL NAMES SOBER FEMALE ATHLETE OF YEAR Explanation: An athlete named Erin Sober was being honored.

Now we can turn to the "How's That Again?" Department. Some call these examples blinkers because, quite simply, they make the reader blink:

1. MAN JUMPS OFF 2ND STREET BRIDGE NEITHER JUMPER NOR BODY FOUND

2. LEGISLATOR WANTS TOUGHER DEATH PENALTY

3. LEARNING TO SKI AN UPHILL BATTLE, EXPERTS SAY

4. WOMAN IMPROVING AFTER FATAL CRASH

5. MANY WHO MOVE TO FLORIDA LEAVE AFTER DEATH

6. PROPERLY DRAFTED W1IL REDUCES ANXIETY AFTER DEATH

7. BOY DECLARED DEAD, REVIVES AS FAMILY PROTESTS

8. MOTHER OF 18 CHILDREN IN TROUBLE AGAIN

9. SUICIDE BOMBERS STRIKE AGAIN

10. DEAD COYOTE FOUND IN BRONX LAUNCHES SEARCH FOR ITS MATE

11. Study: those without insurance die more often

12. 42 PERCENT OF ALL MURDERED WOMEN ARE KILLED BY THE SAME MAN

13. Close kin to the blinker is the penetrating glimpse into the obvious. These self-evident headlines make us say, 'Quite so. What's the big deal?"

14. MAN FOUND DEAD IN CEMETERY

15. ACTOR'S DEATH DURING FILMING USUALLY CAREER-LIMITING MOVE

16. CITY HALL SAYS FLOODING IN LOWLANDS WAS THE RESULT OF TOO MUCH WATER

17. DROWNING OFTEN CAUSE OF DEATH IN OKLAHOMA

18. study: dead patients usually not saved

19. EXTINCT ANIMALS MAY LOSE PROTECTION

20. STUDENTS AT COLLEGES GROW OLDER

21. WARRING FACTIONS DON'T AGREE

22. CHILDBIRTH IS BIG STEP TO PARENTHOOD

23. LOW WAGES SAID KEY TO POVERTY

24. study finds sex, pregnancy link

25. ONLY RAIN WILL CURE DROUGHT

26. ECONOMIST USES THEORY TO EXPLAIN ECONOMY

27. bible church's focus is the bible

28. WHATEVER THEIR MOTIVES, MOMS WHO KILL KIDS STILL SHOCK US

29. ALCOHOL ADS PROMOTE DRINKING

30. free advice: bundle up when out in cold

Banner Boners

Headlines are literally the head lines, the most promi­nent part of a newspaper. Thus, when a headline runs amock and becomes a mockery, the error is there for all to see. It has been said that the pun is the lowest form of wit. When an editor inadvertently trips over a double meaning, the result can be the lowest form of headline: