Pullet Surprising Literature¹

1. Mr. Murdstone treated David Copperfield's Mother like a very terranical mail shovenist.

2. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow was born in Portland, Maine, while his parents were traveling abroad.

3. Emily Dickinson was a wreck loose in society.

4. Anton Chekhov was the son of Russian pheasants.

5. In Of Human Bondage, Philip stays up all night studding with Mildred.

6. Suicide was a way of life for Hemingway.

¹обыгр. Pulitzer prize

7. In A Streetcar Named Desire, the climax is when Blanche goes to bed with Stella's husband. At the end, Blanche goes to a mental institution, where she dis­covers what life is really like.

8. Lord of the Flies is a story about a bunch of boys on an uninhibited desert island.

Poly-Tickle Speeches

1. No man is an Ireland.

2. Today the real problem is future.

3. "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world," promised former Vice President Dan Quayle, who also proclaimed, "I support efforts to limit the terms of members of Congress, especially members of the House and members of the Senate."

4. "If Lincoln were alive today, he'd roll over in his grave," said former President Gerald Ford, at a Lincoln's birthday dinner. Ford also said, "Things are more like they are now than they have ever been."

5. Former Michigan Governor George Romney offered clarification: "I didn't say that I didn't say it. I said that I didn't say that I said it. I want to make that very clear.”

6. We have two incredibly credible witnesses here/' an­nounced U.S. Senator Joe Biden at the U.S. Supreme Court confirmation hearings for Clarence Thomas. One of those unbelievably believable witnesses was Thomas, now a justice on the court, who repeatedly denied "uncategorically" Anita Hill's allegations of sexual harassment.

7. Argued law-and-order Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo, who had also been chief of police, "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe."

8. When he heard that the indicted Spiro Agnew was asking to have his corruption case tried by the House instead of in a regular court, Rep. Charles Vanik of Ohio exclaimed, "He's trying to take the decision out of the hands of 12 honest men and give it to 435 Congressmen!"

9. Sen. Wally Horn of Iowa commented on the issue of what size basketball girls should use: "Girls shouldn't play with men's balls. Their hands are too small."

10. A Louisiana lawmaker, loudly opposing a bill for the benefit of dependent children, shouted, "To hell with posterity. What's posterity ever done for us?"

11. U.S. Senator Barbara Boxer announced, "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, 'Thank God I'm still alive.' But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again."

The word politics derives from poly, "many," and ticks, "blood-sucking parasites." Here are more classics of poly-tickle science:

12. Anyone working for the town should be above and beyond approach.

13. I deny the allegations, and I defy the allegators.

14. When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut.

15. If you forget the complications, it's all very simple.

16. The average age of a 7-year-old in this state is 13.

17. In 1994, Americans stand on the horns of an enema.

18. We have a permanent plan for the time being.

19. Family planning has many misconceptions.

20. It's time to grab the bull by the tail and look it squarely in the eye.

21. I think I misquoted myself.

22. My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.

23. I don't necessarily believe what 1 think.

24. I know what I believe is different from what I think.

25. Panama belongs to us. We stole it fair and square.

26. Do you realize that DNR wants to buy up millions of acres of land in northern Wisconsin that have been untouched by nature?