Film: The Queen

In 1997, after the death of Lady Di in a car accident in Paris, the reluctant Queen and The Establishment do not accept to honor the "People's Princess" as a member of the Royal Family. However, the public and the media question the utility of the monarchy and the just-elected Prime Minister Tony Blair advises the Queen to make a public speech mourning the loss of Diana.

Please read the assignment carefully and write a good paragraph in response to each of the questions, referring to at least ONE concept in each of the paragraphs.

1. What kinds of conflicts does the Queen experience in the film?

2. What adaptations of power currencies do people around her use to minimize these conflicts, and what does she herself do to help mitigate these conflicts?

3. What conflict styles do the characters exercise, and how do these styles help/impair their communication?

4. What are some cultural barriers that you believe the Queen would like to have shed?

5. What can you learn from the Queen’s behavior in difficult times that you yourself can use?

Relationship Problem

Follow Steve’s algorithm to answer all the questions posed. Please write at least ONE good paragraph in response to each stage in Steve’s plan, referring to at least ONE concept from the chapter in each.

DEALING WITH FAMILY CONFLICT

BACKGROUND

Conflict poses complex challenges for your interpersonal communication and relationships. But when you throw in parental expectations, power differences between generations, and the emotional connections within families, effectively managing conflict becomes even more difficult. To see how you would deal with family conflict, read the case study and work through the five steps that follow.

CASE STUDY

Your parents are “old school” in their views of parental power: they believe that children should show deference to elders without exception. Although you’re still in college, your brother Sanjay is much older and has a family of his own, including a teenage son, Devdas. You love your brother dearly, and get along well with Devdas; but Devdas is going through a rebellious phase in which he shows little respect for authority figures.

Your parents decide to spend a week with Sanjay and his family. You’re nervous, because your father delights in picking on Devdas about his hair, clothing, and music; and given Devdas’s recent attitude, you’re afraid he may lash back. Sure enough, toward the end of the week, you get a phone call. It’s your father, and he tells you that he and your mother ended their visit early, and that he wishes no further contact with your brother or his family. He says that Devdas “swore at him for no reason at all.” He tells you, “I have no interest in associating with people who raise children to behave like that.” When you ask whether he provoked Devdas, your father angrily responds, “I did nothing wrong! Are you taking his side?”

Shortly after, you get an e-mail from your brother. He says that your father is delusional and “made the whole thing up.” Chatting online, you ask Sanjay whether Devdas might have cussed at your dad. “Absolutely not,” your brother fires back, “Devdas doesn’t even know such words; how can you ask that?!”

As the weeks go by, the rift deepens. Your brother refuses to talk with your father until he apologizes. Your father refuses contact with your brother until “he admits his son’s wrongdoing!” Poisoning the relationship further, Devdas’s birthday comes and goes, without a call or gift from the grandparents. Now, with the holidays approaching, both parties are pressuring you to choose sides. Sanjay demands that you “stand with him” against your father and says “you’re no longer family if you don’t.” Your father tells you, “If you continue to support Sanjay in this shameful matter, I will be forced to rethink my financial support for your education.”

YOUR TURN

While working through the following steps, keep in mind the concepts, skills, and insights you’ve learned so far in this book, especially in this chapter. Also remember: there are no right answers, so think hard about the choice you make! (P.S. Need help? Review the concepts listed below.)

Step 1: Reflect on yourself. What are your thoughts and feelings in this situation? What attributions are you making about your father? About Sanjay? About Devdas? Are your attributions accurate? Why or why not?

Step 2: Reflect on your father and brother. Using perspective-taking and empathic concern, put yourself in your father’s shoes. Consider how he is thinking and feeling. Then do the same for your brother. How do they likely perceive you?

Step 3: Identify the optimal outcome. Think about all the information you have regarding your family (your father, Sanjay, and Devdas), and your relationships with them. Consider your own feelings as well as theirs. Given all these factors, what’s the best, most constructive outcome possible here? Be sure to consider not just what’s best for you, but what’s best for your family as well.

Step 4: Locate the roadblocks. Taking into consideration your own thoughts and feelings, those of your father, Sanjay, and Devdas, and recent events in this situation, what’s preventing you from achieving the optimal outcome you identified in step 3?

Step 5: Chart your course. What will you say to your father, Sanjay, and Devdas to overcome the roadblocks you’ve identified and achieve your optimal outcome?

Skill

COLLABORATING IN CONFLICT

This exercise helps you use collaboration to manage a conflict.

➊ The next time you are in a conflict, openly discuss the situation, emphasizing that it’s an understandable clash between goals rather than people.

➋ Highlight common interests and long-term goals.

➌ Create several solutions for resolving the conflict that are satisfactory to both of you.

➍ Combine the best elements of these ideas into a single, workable solution.

➎ Evaluate the solution you’ve collaboratively created, ensuring that it’s fair and ethical.

CREATING BETTER CONFLICT RESOLUTION

This exercise helps you to create better conflict resolutions.

➊ When a conflict arises in a close relationship, manage your negative emotions.

➋ Before communicating with your partner, call to mind the long-term relational consequences of your various communication choices.

➌ Employ a collaborative approach, and avoid kitchen-sinking.

➍ As you negotiate solutions, keep your original goals in mind but remain flexible about how they can be attained.

➎ Revisit relationship rules or agreements that might have triggered the conflict, and consider redefining them in ways that prevent future disputes.

WORKING EFFECTIVELY THROUGH CONFLICT ONLINE

This exercise helps you effectively work through conflict online.

➊ Wait before responding to a message or post that provokes you.

➋ Reread and reassess the message.

➌ Consider all of the factors that may have caused the other person to communicate this way.

➍ Discuss the situation offline with someone you trust.

➎ Craft a competent response that begins and ends with supportive statements, uses “I” language, expresses empathy, and emphasizes mutuality rather than just your own perspective and goals.