V. Self-Reflection Items

There are a total of eight self-reflection items (SRIs) in each chapter. For the online and face-to-face versions of the class alike, choose THREE items to discuss.

1. Communication Diary: Choose one of SRI to discuss privately with your teacher. Answer all the questions in the SRI. Refer to at least THREE concepts in the chapter in THREE good paragraphs, then summarize in the fourth paragraph. (20 points).

2. Communication Board Posting: Choose one of the SRIs to discuss openly with your fellow students. Follow the same rules as for CD1 but in the end ask ONE question of your fellow class-mates, a word of advice. (20 points).

3. Communication Board Comment: Write one good paragraph in response to the question posed by your classmate in pairs as assigned by the teacher (10 points).

1. Think of a relational partner with whom you repeatedly have the same conflict over and over again. What effect does this conflict have on your relationship? In what ways do you contribute to its continuance? How might you change your communication to end this repetitive cycle?

2. Think of a complementary personal relationship of yours, in which you have more power than the other person. How does the imbalance affect how you communicate during conflicts? Is it ethical for you to wield power over the other person during a conflict to get what you want? Why or why not?

3. Recall a conflict in which you chose avoidance. Why did you make this choice?

What consequences ensued? Were there any positive outcomes? If you could relive the encounter, what, if anything, would you say and do differently to obtain more positive results?

4. Recall a conflict in which you and the other person exchanged negative messages such as defensive communication, sudden death statements, or dirty secrets. What impact did these messages have on the conflict? How did they affect your relationship?

5. Call to mind a recent conflict you experienced. Who was to blame? Was the cause of the conflict a temporary factor such as mood or stress or something more permanent? Was the other person cooperative or uncooperative? How did your judgments regarding blame, cause, and cooperativeness shape how you communicated?

6. Think of an unsolvable conflict you’ve had. What made it unsolvable? How did the dispute affect your relationship? Looking back on the situation, could you have done anything different to prevent the conflict from becoming unsolvable? If so, what?

7. What differences do you think exist in how men and women deal with conflict? How do your beliefs about these differences shape your approach to conflict with men? With women?

8. Consider a conflict you’ve had that was complicated because of cultural differences. What specific differences amplified the conflict? How might knowledge of culture have helped you better understand what was happening and resolve the conflict more effectively?

VI. Creative Assignment Focus on Culture

Read Steve’s chapter insert, and answer all the questions posed. Then write a one-page reflection on what you think about the issue and how it pertains to your communication experience. Please refer to at least THREE concepts from the chapter in your response.

ACCOMMODATION OF RADICAL RACISM

You’re walking down the street, and a man approaches you and demands your wallet. You immediately give it and then ask him whether he also wants your coat. Or suppose you badly want an open position at work. When you find out that a coworker also wants it, you inform your supervisor that you no longer want the job and encourage her to give it to your colleague instead.

As the biblical verse “When a man takes your coat, offer him your shirt as well” (Luke 6:29) suggests, one way to deal with conflict is an extreme form of accommodation known as radical pacifism. Although it is often associated with antiwar movements (Bennett, 2003), radical pacifism embodies a broader philosophy about the nature of interpersonal connections between human beings and how conflict is best resolved.

Those practicing radical pacifism believe in a moral obligation to behave in selfless and selfsacrificial ways that quickly end conflicts and that assist others. During interpersonal conflict, this means discovering what someone else wants and needs, then aiding that person in attaining these goals, even if it means sacrificing your own.

The practice of radical pacifism cuts across countries, ethnicities, and social classes; it is primarily rooted in the religious cultures. For example, in the Buddhist text Punnovada Sutta (Bodhi & Nanamoli translation, 1995), the Buddha asks his disciple Punna what he would do if someone attacked him with a knife. “I would think they were truly kind, for not taking my life.” “What if they kill you?” asks the Buddha. “I would be happy, because many disciples, disgusted by the body, sought to have their lives ended with a knife, but I was fortunate enough to have it happen without even seeking it!” Amish Church elders embracing radical pacifism share a similar view: “Even if the result of our pacifism is death at the hands of an attacker during a violent conflict, so be it; death is not threatening to us as Christians. Hopefully the attacker will have at least had a glimpse of the love of Christ in our nonviolent response” (Pennsylvania Dutch Country Welcome Center, n.d.).

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• What are your beliefs regarding the practice of radical pacifism?

• Do you have an ethical obligation to accommodate others when their interests clash with yours? At what point, if any, does this obligation end?

• How would your interpersonal communication be affected if you practiced radical pacifism?