VI. Principles of Interpersonal Communication

A. Each communication message has content and relationship components: what we say and how we say it. Relationship information is a kind of metacommunication – communication about communication.

B. Interpersonal communication can be intentional or unintentional. We can intend to mean something or transmit some information without knowing it (Paul Watzlawick) There’s debate on whether unintentional transfer of messages is communication (Michael’s Sound Bite 1-10). Bill Ausmus believes that when we don’t consciously communicate, other people interpret our behavior and provide an explanation.

DISCUSSION STARTER 4: Consider an instance in which you didn’t intend to communicate a message but someone saw your behavior as communication. How did this person misinterpret your behavior? What were the consequences? What did you say and do to correct the individual’s misperception?

C. Interpersonal Communication is Irreversible: what has been done, cannot be undone.

DISCUSSION STARTER 5: Think of an encounter in which you said something and then immediately regretted it. What effects did your error have on you? On the other person or people involved? On your relationship? How could you have expressed the same information differently, to avoid negative outcomes?

D. Interpersonal Communication is Dynamic: each situation is influenced by a number of factors. Every interaction is unique; every interaction changes as it goes on.

DISCUSSION STARTER 6: Recall an interaction that took a sudden turn for the worse. How did each person’s communication contribute to the change in the interaction’s quality? What did you say or do to deal with the problem?

E. Interpersonal Communication Depends on Ethics, or principles that guide our behavior toward others: act truthfully, accurately and thoughtfully; understand and respect others; bear responsibility for consequences, share information, opinions and feelings; respect privacy and confidentiality, do not degrade people with distortion, intimidation or intolerance.

VII. Needs and Goals of Interpersonal Communication

A. Abraham Maslow: Humans have a hierarchy of needs; after the bottom ones are satisfied, we move on to the next level: moving from physical to security to social to ego to self-actualization needs.

B. Human Communication Needs (Michael’s Sound Bite 1-11). Three scholars have added a list of purely communicative needs. Will Schutz: (a) need for inclusion, (b) need for affection, (c) need for control (being aware of what is going on); John Stewart: (d) need for power, (e) need for identity, (f) need for privacy; Albert Bandura: (g) need for self-efficacy.

C. Communication Needs differ in scope (how much) and valence (whether you change yourself and own circumstances, or deprive others of their resources).

D. In our communication we set goals (Michael’s Sound Bite 1-12): short-term (tactical) and long-term (strategic); conscious and subconscious, doable and non-doable; scripted and unscripted; followed through or dropped.

E. Goals have been classed by type as follows: self-presentation goals, instrumental goals, relationship goals. In this course we will study all types of goals.

DISCUSSION STARTER 7: Is one of these three goals generally more important to you than the others?

Why? Does the type of relationship you have with someone—romantic, family, friendship, or coworker— influence which goal you prioritize when communicating? How?