XIII. Responsibly Managing Our Nonverbal Communication

1. Understand that your nonverbal signal as much as your words if not more;

2. Nonverbal behavior is in many ways cultural;

3. Each situation demands a totally different nonverbal setup;

4. Verbal and nonverbal communication go together.

Practice

I. Opening Story: Starting the Discussion

A. Michael’s Instructions: While not obligatory for reading, the opening story in each chapter sets the mood for the rest of the reading. Stephen chooses stories that relate to several concepts in the chapter and talks about these concepts in general terms.

B. Read the opening story and identify three concepts from the chapter that characterize the communication process in the situation.

C. Then: (a) think of similar examples in your life, (b) remember the actions that the hero of the story, you, and other people around you took when they faced the situation; (c) think of the ways these actions influenced everyone involved; (d) suggest the ways which your naïve knowledge of communication offered you as remedies for whatever did not work in communication in that particular instance; (e) discuss how your scientific knowledge of communication changes your perception, and list three things that you would do now if you faced a similar situation in the future

D. An essay on the opening story can be used as an extra credit opportunity. If you would like to get more points, write a six-paragraph essay answering the questions above in good paragraphs (1 opening sentence, 2-3 main idea sentences, 1 summary and transition sentence). Make note that although this assignment is long and fairly difficult, you will be given only 10 points for it. The reason for it is that the extra credit points must be extra hard to get.

STORY OF SMILING INDIANS

Look closely at this photograph. As you do, try to recall other images of Native Americans from the late 1800s or early 1900s that you’ve seen. What is different, unique, or interesting about this photo? How does the picture make you feel? What’s your impression of the people in it?

I first came upon this image in poster form in my son’s preschool classroom, and I was stunned. Intuitively, I found the picture perplexing and provocative, but I couldn’t put my finger on precisely why. Seeing me staring at it, the teacher approached me. “Pretty neat, isn’t it?” she said. “Yes,” I said, “but something about it strikes me as unusual. Do you know what it is?” “Of course,” she replied. “They’re smiling.”

By the late 1800s, stereotypical images of Native Americans were being sold as tourist postcards and magazine illustrations (Silversides, 1994). These images depicted Native peoples in full ceremonial dress, astride their horses or posed in front of teepees, scowling fearsomely.

As Cambridge University professor Maria Tippett (1994) notes, “The image one gets throughout this seventy year period is of a blank-faced, stiff, and unengaged people” (p. 2). When I surveyed more than 5,000 photos from this era, I found not a single image portraying Native Americans with smiles—except for this family photo.

In contrast, this rare portrait, taken by amateur photographer Mary Schaffer (1861–1939), shows people who, rather than staring blankly into the camera, “communicate with the eyes behind it” (Tippett, 1994). The image has an intriguing history. Schaffer, with her friend Mollie Adams and two guides, were exploring the headwaters of the Saskatchewan and Athabasca rivers in Canada, where they met a band of Stoney Indians who befriended them. Among them were Samson Beaver, his wife Leah, and their young daughter Frances, who invited Mary to dinner. After the meal, Mary asked them if she could take their picture, and they agreed.

The Beaver family photo provides a literal and metaphorical snapshot of an interpersonal encounter: the postures, faces, dress, and use of space during a family meeting with a new friend late one sunny afternoon. You can almost feel the fellowship that must have infused the conversation, communicated through Samson’s smile, his forward lean, and his direct gaze—all cues conveying intimacy and closeness. If you feel an immediate connection and empathy with Samson, you’re not alone. This is a typical human reaction to the sight of a smiling person. A scowling face has quite the opposite effect.

The Beaver family photo reminds us of the universal and transcendent nature of human nonverbal expression and of its powerful role in shaping our impressions of others. A hundred years ago, a family joined new friends to share a meal and something of themselves with each other. Although they’re all long since dead, the image of their encounter serves as an enduring reminder of the power of human nonverbal expression to shape our interpersonal communication and relationships.