Chapter 8. Developing Interpersonal Competence Theory

DISCUSSION STARTER 1: How would you define interpersonal communication competence? Is it appropriate, effective, and ethical or some other set of qualities? Is competence just common sense?

I. What is Interpersonal Competence?

1. William Kupach, Brian Spitzberg: An interpersonally competent person can communicate consistently in three ways: by doing so (a) appropriately; (b) effectively; and (c) ethically (being fair to all).

2. Steps of gaining competence are as follows: (a) knowledge; (b) skills; (c) action.

DISCUSSION STARTER 2: Think of an interpersonal encounter in which different people expected very different things from you in your communication. How did you choose which expectations to honor? What were the consequences of your decision? How could you have communicated in a way perceived as appropriate by everyone in the encounter?

3. Mark Snyder: Appropriateness is the degree to which your communication matches situational, relational and cultural expectations about how people should communicate.

Some people are highly sensitive to appropriateness. They are called high-monitors; they act in accordance with situational expectations; they prefer situations with clearly defined expectations.

Other people are low self-monitors, they believe that people should communicate in the same manner regardless of the situation.

Overemphasizing appropriateness can backfire, and you can find yourself suppressing your freedom of choice to peer pressure and negative perception.

4. Effectiveness is the ability to use communication to accomplish interpersonal goals: (a) self-presentational goals of being perceived as a particular person; (b) instrumental goals (practical things you want to achieve in a particular situation); (c) relational goals (connections you want to build with your communication partners).

Being competent in this aspect means being able to make trade-offs among these three kinds of goals.

5. Ethical communication is the ability to make competent decisions in accordance with standards of moral behavior: (a) preventing harm; (b) treating others with respect; (c) stressing their value and worth; (d) being honest, kind and positive.

II. Improving Communication Competence

DISCUSSION STARTER 3: Read the story presented by Steve on p. 259. How would you respond to Ron? Do you think Ron would be more or less likely to get his work done as a result of your approach? How would other group members judge your skills as group leader, based on how you dealt with Ron?

1. Barbara O’Keefe: when we justify incompetent behavior, we send out messages of three kinds: (a) expressive; (b) conventional, (c) rhetorical.

2. Expressive messages have the purpose of conveying what you think and feel so that others will know.

3. Conventional messages emphasize effectiveness: people cite social norms, rules and obligations.

4. Rhetorical messages signal an attempt to solve the problem.

III. Using Rhetorical Messages

1. Address the situation in a neutral and non-judgmental ways; express empathy in the form of perspective-taking and concern; open doors to negotiation.

2. Rhetorical messages are more competent that conventional or expressive messages. Practice rhetorical messages by incorporating the four characteristics: (a) stating things in a non-judgmental fashion, (b) expressing empathy concern; (c) offer specific solutions, and (d) open doors to communication.