V. Self-Reflection Items

There are a total of eight self-reflection items (SRIs) in each chapter. For the online and face-to-face versions of the class alike, choose THREE items to discuss.

1. Communication Diary: Choose one of SRI to discuss privately with your teacher. Answer all the questions in the SRI. Refer to at least THREE concepts in the chapter in THREE good paragraphs, then summarize in the fourth paragraph. (20 points).

2. Communication Board Posting: Choose one of the SRIs to discuss openly with your fellow students. Follow the same rules as for CD1 but in the end ask ONE question of your fellow class-mates, a word of advice. (20 points).

3. Communication Board Comment: Write one good paragraph in response to the question posed by your classmate in pairs as assigned by the teacher (10 points).

1. How is the language that you use different when talking with professors, versus your best friend or romantic partner? Which type of language makes you feel more comfortable or close? What does this tell you about the relationship between language and intimacy?

2. Think about personal idioms you have for your friends, family, and romantic partners. With whom do you have the most idioms? The least? What does this say about the relationship between idioms and intimacy?

3. What language do you consider your native tongue? In what ways does this language connect you culturally to those who share it? How does it distance you from those who don’t speak it?

4. Recall an encounter in which someone communicated connotative meanings— that is, hinted or implied information beyond the literal meaning of the words. How did you figure out what the person really meant? Did your knowledge of her or him help or hinder you in making sense of the message?

5. Think about the vocabulary you inherited from your culture for thinking and talking about relationships. What terms exist for describing serious romantic involvements? Casual relationships that are sexual? Relationships that are purely platonic? How do these various terms shape your thinking about these relationships?

6. Recall an encounter where you possessed important information but knew that disclosing it would be personally or relationally problematic. What did you do? How did your decision impact your relationship? Was your choice ethical? Based on your experience, is it always cooperative to disclose important information?

7. How do you define deception? What relationship consequences have you experienced because of it? If a friend, family member, or romantic partner deceives you out of a genuine concern for your feelings or to protect your mutual relationship, is the deception unethical? Why or why not?

8. Recall an online encounter in which you thought you understood someone’s e-mail, text message, or post, then later found out you were wrong. How did you discover that your impression was mistaken? What could you have done differently to avoid the misunderstanding?

VI. Creative Assignment Focus on Culture

NAMES AND PREJUDICE

Individuals in culturally oppressed groups face a unique challenge in naming themselves. The names they embrace often are used against them as insults. Here, four college friends discuss their thoughts about names used to describe sexual orientation.

DAVE: “Gay” is not an inclusive word, because it’s the lesbian, bi, transgender, queer, and gay community. “Queer” can be offensive depending on who’s saying it and how they mean it. I use “queer” to describe myself, but it’s different if I say it, versus someone coming up and saying to me, “You’re a %$#@ queer, aren’t you!?”

KYEORDA: When people say “gay,” they think white male, and that’s not me. I use “queer” because it includes a lot of different people. I started referring to myself as queer because I don’t like the word “bisexual.” When you say you’re bisexual, people assume things, like that person is in a phase and they’re really a lesbian or when I walk in the room I’m going to be attracted to half males and half females, and it’s just not like that. “Queer” is more ambiguous and I like that.

BRANDON: I like the word “queer” but I don’t use it to identify myself. I use it when I speak about the community in a broad context because “LBGT” [lesbian-bisexual-gay-transgendered] doesn’t encompass everyone. When you think about “gay” you think male; that eliminates other genders. “Queer” is questionable, depending on who you are. Older LBGT members don’t like it; there are too many difficult memories.You see the younger generation reclaiming it and making “queer” something we can believe in.

SARAH: “Gay” is not an inclusive word. So far as “queer,” I don’t think it’s a bad word to use, and it’s convenient as opposed to the acronyms, but I don’t use it myself. Also, I think there are some people outside the community who view “queer” as different or oddball and that’s not an image we want to project.

BRANDON: I think breaking that image is something important though. I’m normal, and I’m queer!

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

• Think about groups you belong to—religious, social, ethnic, etc. What are some positive and negative names attached to these groups?

• What impact do these names have on you and your relationships with other group members?

• Can the negative names applied to your group be challenged? How?