Film: December Boys

In the late 1960's, four close-knit orphans in Australia, called the December Boys because they were all born in the same month, leave their orphanage for a holiday by the sea. Having all but given up hope of ever being adopted, the friends are on a seaside holiday one winter when they hear a rumor that a seaside couple are looking to adopt one of the orphans, friendships are tested and new alliances made as the four boys compete for the chance to gain a real family.

Please read the assignment carefully and write a good paragraph in response to each of the questions, referring to at least ONE concept in each of the paragraphs.

1. How different are the worldviews of children and adults in this film?

2. What are the main behavior schemata of the children, and how do they adapt them to changes?

3. Note several examples of how they explain what is going around them. Are their attributions correct or do they make attribution errors?

4. How do they deal with uncertainties that arise before them?

5. How does their gender influence the perception of themselves and other people?

6. What lessons can this film teach us today about viewing the world and perceiving the people around us?

Relationship Problem

Follow Steve’s algorithm to answer all the questions posed. Please write at least ONE good paragraph in response to each stage in Steve’s plan, referring to at least ONE concept from the chapter in each.

RECONCILING INTIMACY AND UNCERTAINTY

BACKGROUND

One relationship challenge we face is discovering information about people close to us that increases our uncertainty and changes our impression of them. To understand how you might effectively manage such a relationship challenge, read the case study and work through the five steps that follow.

CASE STUDY

Early in the semester, your professor pairs you with Alex for a class project. Although Alex is attractive, you don’t really like Alex because the two of you seem very different. But as you get to know Alex better, it turns out both of you like the same music, video games, movies, and food. Although Alex isn’t publicly warm or outgoing, in private Alex is kind, honest, and generous. As you spend more time together, you begin to feel attracted to Alex. In time, the two of you become a couple.

Despite your escalating intimacy, Alex’s family is a closed topic. One evening at Alex’s apartment, you press for more: “I’m always talking about my family, but you never talk about yours,” you say. “That’s because my family is my business,” Alex snaps. Stung, you ask, “But can’t you at least tell me something? I mean, what about your folks. . . .” Alex interrupts you, saying, “My folks? You don’t have a clue what you’re talking about.” Hurt, you murmur, “You don’t have to be rude.” Alex responds, “Congratulations, you’ve discovered the real me.” Angry, you storm out.

The walk home helps you cool off, and you begin reflecting on your relationship. While you have deep feelings for Alex, tonight’s incident jacked your uncertainty sky high. You feel unable to predict or explain Alex’s next move. You find yourself wondering whether Alex is emotionally unstable and what other undesirable aspects of Alex’s personality might emerge.

Arriving home, you call Alex’s childhood friend Chris, who approves of the relationship. You tell Chris what happened. Chris says, “Alex will be upset I told you this, but the reason Alex never talks about family is because of fear of what you might think if you knew. Alex doesn’t really have a family—Alex was bounced around various foster homes for years, dad left when Alex was a kid, and Mom has been in and out of rehab. But you should know that despite all this, Alex is a good person and really loves you.”

Afterward, a million questions race through your mind. Was Alex’s outburst triggered by your pressing the issue? Or does it indicate emotional instability? Has your impression of Alex changed in negative, irreparable ways? Is it ethical to hide your knowledge of Alex’s childhood, or should you tell Alex what you know? Do you try to patch things up and continue your relationship, or do you use this evening’s conflict as a convenient excuse to bail?

YOUR TURN

Think about the interpersonal communication concepts, skills, and insights you have learned while reading this book, especially this chapter. Try to keep all of this in mind while working through the following five steps, which will help you become aware of how you can make better interpersonal communication choices in your relationships. Remember, there are no right answers, so think hard about what choice you will make! (P.S. Need help? See the helpful concepts listed below.)

Step 1: Reflect on yourself. What are your thoughts and feelings in this situation? What attributions are you making about Alex and the interpersonal communication you experienced? Are your attributions accurate? Why or why not?

Step 2: Reflect on your partner. Using perspective-taking and empathic concern, put yourself in Alex’s shoes. Consider how your lover is thinking and feeling. How did Alex likely perceive the encounter tonight? How did this perception shape the exchange you two had? How does Alex likely feel about you and your relationship?

Step 3: Identify the optimal outcome. Think about all the information you have about Alex and about this relationship. Consider your own feelings as well as Alex’s. Given all these factors, what’s the best, most constructive relationship outcome possible here? Be sure to consider not just what’s best for you, but what’s best for Alex as well.

Step 4: Locate the roadblocks. Taking into consideration your own thoughts and feelings,your partner’s, and all that has happened in this situation, what’s preventing you from achieving the optimal outcome you identified in step 3?

Step 5: Chart your course. What can you say and do to overcome the roadblocks you’ve identified and achieve your optimal relationship outcome?

HELPFUL CONCEPTS

Punctuation, 79–81

Attribution errors, 83–84

Uncertainty reducing strategies, 84–86

Ingroupers and outgroupers, 87–88

Negativity effect, 98–99

Algebraic impressions, 99–100

Perception-checking, 105, 108

Skill

Practice the skill Steve mentions by focusing on his suggestions. Then write a one-page report, making reference to at least THREE concepts from the chapter.