II. Sources of Self

1. Gender: the composite of social, psychological, and cultural attributes that characterize us as male or female. We get socialized into the role of males and females, taught different sets of behaviors, and form different self-concepts. Men focus on achievements, abilities and beliefs; women focus on connecting to others.

Gender Socialization has changed dramatically with the electronic age (Michael Sound Bite 2-3). In the electronic age men and women can compete on equal terms; men no longer have to be strong or domineering; women tend not to overemphasize femininity and weakness. In the Internet gender is often misrepresented. Gentler men are increasingly more appreciated.

2. Family

Our families give us understanding of functions, rewards and dependability of interpersonal relationships, helping us shape two dimension of thinking: attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance.

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DISCUSSION STARTER 3: What lessons about gender did you learn from your family when you were

growing up? From your friends? Based on these lessons, what aspects of your self did you bolster—

and bury—given what others deemed appropriate for your gender? How did learning about gender

affect your interpersonal communication? Your relationships?

Attachment Anxiety: the degree to which a person fears rejection by relationship partners; Attachment Avoidance: the degree to which one desires close interpersonal ties.

John Bowlby: Four attachment styles: (a) Secure attachment (low on anxiety and avoidance); (b) Preoccupied attachment (high in anxiety, low in avoidance); (c) dismissive attachment (low anxiety and high avoidance), and (d) fearful attachment (high in anxiety and avoidance).

3. Culture

Culture is an established, coherent set of beliefs, attitudes, values, and practices shared by a large group of people (Roger Keesing, 1974).

Culture projects many types of large-group influences: nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age. Individualistic cultures emphasize importance of the individual; collectivistic cultures stress the importance of the group.

Most people belong to several cultures, and therefore often experience culture clashes.

DISCUSSION STARTER 4: How do you feel about the Smith and Carlos gestures? When you consider your own cultural background, to which culture do you “pledge allegiance”? How do you communicate this allegiance to others? Have you ever suffered consequences for openly communicating your allegiance to your culture? If so, what were they?

III. Presenting Your Self

1. Our selves are subdivided into public and private selves. Private selves consist of our own self-awareness, self-concept and self-esteem; Public selves is what we present to others, what we want others to see.

Public and private selves can mirror each other, or be fairly disconnected. People judge us mostly by our public selves.

2. Erving Goffman: your face is what you want others to see and know; you create and present it through your communication. We create different faces for different moments in life and different relationships.

A mask is a version of the public self that has been designed to strategically veil the private self. Masks can be explicit or subtle, meant to inflate the image or downplay one’s image.

Discrepancy between your face and your mask is loss of face. It is usually painful and embarrassing so you should work on being consistent: (a) use words and actions that are consistent with the face you are trying to craft; (b) your communication and behaviors must go well with the knowledge others have about you; (c) your communication and behavior must be reinforced by objects and events in the surrounding environment.

DISCUSSION STARTER 5: Recall an embarrassing interpersonal encounter. How did you try to restore your lost face? Were you successful? If you could relive the encounter, what would you say and do differently?

3. Online Self-Presentation

Several important differences exist between real-life and online self-presentation. In real life people judge you by what you are saying, and what you look like. In online communication the amount of information you transmit is limited, and we seek to look our best.

In online communication you present your ideal self; before you get to know your interlocutor, you will have no idea whether he or she really that way: (a) we make ourselves more attractive; (b) we try to show ourselves as experts, (c) we have to stand a test of warranting value (prove that we are that way through other evidence).