11. Name at least two or three situations that cause you feel the emotions listed below. Continue the list.

Pattern: I find sharing experiences exciting because…

boring • sharing experiences

embarrassing • taking with parents

confusing • finding new companions

exciting • spending a night at a club

annoying • doing domestic chores

worrying …

amusing

12. Write your good/ bad points using the personality profile chart given below and ask your friend to say whether you are objective. Make up a dialogue between two friends: ask your friend to give you a piece of advice how to come to agreement with your parents.

Personality profile chart

Good points	Bad points
caring, cautious, charming, dependable, hard-working, honest, kind, loving, sympathetic, witty.	big-headed, impatient, moody, stubborn, self-interested, unforgiving, self-pitying, too easily hurt.

13. Describe the qualities you like about your parents. What qualities do you think they appreciate in you?

14. Read the text and answer the questions:

• What happens when a child becomes a teenager?

• Why is it important to cop an attitude?

• What is necessary to do to be respected?

• What is a ‘bugaboo’?

Bridging the Generation Gap

When your baby becomes a teenager the basket of bathtub toys has been collecting dust in the cupboard for may be five or six years now. He dresses himself, remembers to bathe, makes his lunch, gets ready for bed and sleeps when he is tired. His life is a strobe of furious activity interspersed with periods of intense sloth. The phone is his personal domain, and special dispensation or dire emergency is required to wrest it from his grasp. You have a teenager. Most of the moments of his day take place beyond your vision and outside your knowledge. Except what he tells you about. What does he tell you, anyway? Are you living with a stranger, or do you still know this person? The answer is an equation. Your part + his part = the relationship. It is about all the influence you have now. Here are just a few tips for how to make the most of it.

Cop an attitude. An attitude of respect and faith is contagious. Kids tend to see themselves the way their parents see them, so when you respect their ability to make decisions, learn from outcomes and survive mistakes and adversity, this is strengthening to them. Self-respect and faith in self are cornerstones of self-esteem.

Enjoy them. The humor, energy and sense of possibility teenagers often have can reawaken parents to sides of themselves they had forgotten or neglected. (This is not always a happy event. If you find yourself dealing with unresolved issues from your own teenage years, you might want to get some support from friends or professionals to work it out so you don't visit your "stuff" upon your kid.) When kids experience themselves as likable, they usually act more likable.

Listen more than you talk. Adopt an attitude of curiosity rather than trying to control or manipulate child’s thinking. Ask questions like, "How so? What do you think now? Were you surprised? Now what will you do? What is your plan? Is this some thing you want help with?" If your object is only to listen, you won't be preparing your response while she is still talking. You'll hear better that way, and she'll be encouraged to talk more.

Ask whether he wants to hear it before sharing your point of view. Only proceed if he says "yes." Then be brief, don't lecture, and don't expect him to agree with you. If you state your case with a "This is what makes sense to me" attitude as opposed to "This is the only right way to see things," he can listen more openly instead of planning his rebellion.

If you want respect, respect yourself. This is how kids learn what respect looks like, not by hearing you insist upon it with words. Say no when asked for something you simply do not want to do or give. You don't always have to have a good reason. She may be mad but she won't be scarred for life. (Refusing calmly without guilt is one of the most valuable skills a child can have modeled for her.) Don't listen to abusive language; if she won't modify her words, remove yourself till you're both cooled down.

To teach respect, show respect. Treat him as you want to be treated. Speak to your child as you would to a friend, even when you are upset with him. Request instead of demanding. Ask instead of telling. Make agreements instead of dictating rules. Involve him in deciding; don't decide for him. Accept that his priorities and perspectives may be completely different from yours. This is normal.

Remember that hypocrisy and double standards are some of the biggest bugaboos for teenagers. Don't expect them to follow rules you don't follow yourself. Whether it is about checking in by phone, putting things away, or drinking out of the milk carton, "Do as I say and not as I do" will not improve the relationship.

Think "we" instead of "you". "We have chores to do before we can leave the house; how can we take care of what needs to be done?" or "Since spills seem to happen, let's not eat or drink in the living room." (As opposed to, "Since you spilled, you can't eat in there.") Any way you can get across the message, "We are in this together," bridges the gap that conflicts might otherwise create.

Don't catastrophize, you'll lose your credibility. Instead of "You are ruining your life!" say, "I'm concerned about what might happen if . . . What do you suppose you might do in a case like that?" Relax. What you're seeing is a grand experiment. It's not who he is or how he'll be forever.

Admit your own mistakes and talk about what you are learning from them. Showing self-acceptance and tolerance of imperfection in this way is very encouraging to kids (as well as other people around you) and tends to make you easier to approach with questions, regrets and challenges. Apologize when you wish you had done or said something differently, like saying something mean during an argument.

Go off the things which don't affect YOUR life, like friends, clothes, music, school and diet. If you save your energy for setting limits and following through firmly and kindly for things which do affect you directly and you really can control, he is much more likely to be receptive, and learn more about life and relationships. This would include enlisting participation in household tasks like cooking and cleaning, not doing more driving around than you are really willing to, and sticking to a budget for clothes and entertainment. (Better yet, give him a monthly allowance or let him get a job so he can budget.) If you can avoid taking his behavior personally (thinking everything he does is a reflection on you as a parent), you will have an easier time staying out of his business.