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Children's negativism manifests itself as a child's unmotivated resistance to the
influence of the people around them. There are two types of negativism: passive and
active. In the first case, the child expresses their reluctance to fulfill the request or
demand of their elders, and in the second he acts in the opposite way compared to
what is required of him.
Stubbornness is a mental state very close to negativism. This is a negative fea-
ture of a child’s behavior, expressed in conscious (intentional), unreasonable and irra-
tional opposition to the requests, advice, demands and instructions of parents. This is
a type of stubborn disobedience for which there are no visible and clear motives. It
also manifests itself in the desire to continue an action started even in cases when it
becomes obvious that it is meaningless and does not bring benefit.
Each of the child’s reactions considered generates a corresponding response
from the parents. Its direction, character, methods and means acquire procedural
characteristics and form a style of family education appropriate for each family.
Family parenting style
The style of family education is a system of techniques and means, as well as
the nature of the emotional interaction between parents (elders) and children. A fairly
extensive phenomenology of it is described in the pedagogical literature (A.I. Zakharov, E.G. Eidemiller, A.E. Lichko, etc.), but recently it has been viewed as a kind of
implementation of the personal characteristics of parents in relationships with children. Let us consider this approach on the basis of the corresponding development by
A.G. Leaders and E.N. Spireva26, according to which individual psychological characteristics, for example, mothers, give family education the following specificity.
An extroverted mother (active, spontaneous, open in emotional manifestations)
devotes more attention, energy and time to raising the child, and attaches sufficient
importance to meeting their needs. At the same time, she is demanding, imposes
more prohibitions in upbringing, and therefore confrontation with children is possible
in the family.
A spontaneous mother, prone to uninhibited self-assertion, offensiveness and
leadership, also devotes a lot of time to the child, makes an excessive number of demands, prohibitions and sanctions, and therefore there may be cases of ignoring their
needs, which can lead to educational confrontation and lack of cooperation between
the parent and child.
26
См.: Лидерс А.Г., Спирева Е.Н. Стиль семейного воспитания и личностные особенности родителей :
монография. М.: Омега, 2006. С. 63–106.
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An aggressive mother pays less attention to the child, may ignore the satisfaction of their needs, and also impose an increased number of prohibitions and sanctions on them. Such a mother is prone to emotional rejection of the child, emotional
distance, as a result of which educational confrontation and lack of cooperation with
the child are frequent in the family.
A rigid mother makes many demands and prohibitions, constantly controls the
children, devotes a lot of time, effort and excessive effort to their upbringing.
An introverted mother (immersed in her inner world, withdrawn) tends to leave
the child on the periphery of pedagogical attention. Such a mother makes insufficient
demands, prohibitions and sanctions. In upbringing, there is often a lack of cooperation with the child, and emotional distance is manifested.
A sensitive mother pays a lot of attention to the child, readily fulfills their requests, and makes few demands and prohibitions. In parenting, there is emotional
closeness between parent and child.
An anxious mother also pays a lot of attention, energy and time to the child, often gives in to them, and makes few demands and prohibitions. In upbringing, anxiety
for the child often manifests itself, which infantilizes them.
A labile mother, prone to compromise, devotes enough time and effort to upbringing, meeting the needs of children, and makes fewer prohibitions and sanctions,
but more demands. It is easier for her to cooperate with the child, there is emotional
acceptance of the child, spiritual closeness with him.
The style of parenting is also largely determined by the personal resources of
the family, which, on the one hand, depend on the composition of the family (oneparent or single-parent family, large family, the presence of close relatives — brothers, sisters, grandparents, etc.), and on the other hand, on state of health, education,
individual interests, level of aspirations, etc. of older family members. In this case,
one of the most important characteristics is the attitude of the elders towards the
younger ones as their unconditional life values, which determines the extent of their
participation in upbringing.
Material resources also play a certain role in shaping the style of family education (costs of food, clothing, the opportunity to purchase toys, books, audiovisual
equipment, the presence of personal space for younger children — a room, a children’s corner, a desk, etc.).
In the most general form, the style of family education in pedagogical literature
is defined as authoritarian, democratic or liberal, with a fairly wide range of intermediate options. For example, an authoritarian parenting style is characterized by the
desire of elders to subordinate the younger ones to their influence as much as possi-
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ble, to suppress their initiative, to strictly enforce their demands, to control their behavior, interests and even desires. It is characterized by the severity and categorical
judgment of parents. The threat for the purpose of coercion is its main means. Communication is directed primarily from seniors to juniors. This style can cause children
to become psychologically alienated from the outside world and hostile towards the
people around them.
The democratic style is characterized by the desire of elders to establish warm
relations with younger ones, to encourage their initiative and independence. Adults
do not consider themselves infallible and explain the reasons for their demands. Trust
in younger people, in principle, distinguishes the type of control over them from the
authoritarian style and makes approval and encouragement the main means of education. The content of interaction in education is determined not only by the elders, but
also by the younger ones, who often act as its initiators.
The liberal style presupposes forgiveness and irrational tolerance in relations
with children. Its source is predominantly excessive parental love or detachment from
raising children. When this style of family education is implemented, children often
grow up disorganized, undisciplined and irresponsible.
In reality, the presented styles of family education in their pure form are rare.
Compromise options are usually practiced. In addition, older family members may
implement styles that are not identical to each other (for example, the father is more
authoritarian, the mother is liberal). Consequently, in each case we can talk about
one or another technology of family education.
11.2. FAMILY EDUCATION TECHNOLOGY
Considering that considering the family as a subject of pedagogical interaction and a specific sociocultural environment for the formation and development of
the child’s personal sphere presupposes the implementation of appropriate relation-
ships between parents and children, it is advisable to consider the technological side
of this process. It is important to keep in mind that the solution to this problem involves disclosing, first of all, the composition of its main components: goals, objectives, principles, rules, methods and means.
Goals and objectives of family education
The goals of family education, while reflecting the requirements of the state,
society and a specific social group for the personal characteristics of people, still re-
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flect their unique identity. In modern pedagogical literature, it is linked to the focus
of parents' pedagogical activities on educational interaction with children in three
educational spheres — duty, interest and love. Let us consider each of them in more
detail, as well as their educational capabilities, content and mechanism of action.
- Sphere of debt. Its content is the responsibility of parents and children for
the normal functioning of the family. It is a constitutional duty for parents to care
for the upbringing of their children and for children to care for their parents. Duty
calls for performing all household and work tasks, mastering artistic culture, healthy
rest and a sober life. The habitual, moral consciousness of children and parents in
the spirit of duty and responsibility is formed in everyday everyday activities on the
basis of mutual exactingness and respect. Active communication in the area of debt
is ensured by mutual assistance, mutual verification of the quality of the assigned
work, etc.
The sense of duty brought up in the family is easily transferred by the child to
other areas of life. In the sphere of debt, the initial civic, spiritual, labor, moral and
volitional education is carried out through the family.
- Area of interest. A common family interest unites and unites parents and
children into a friendly team based on joint exciting activities. Interest should be actively introduced into the area of debt. The child, being a participant in the development of various family situations, is interested in completing certain tasks assigned to him. The fulfillment of duty and responsibilities in this case is based not
only on volitional efforts, but is also associated with pleasant emotions and experiences. The main thing is that his fascination, born of pure interest, merges with a
sense of duty, responsibility and duty.
Family members also show free interest in each other, in everyone’s affairs at
work, in educational institutions, and in their state of mind. Closely related to this
natural interest in the successes of a loved one is the interest of family members in
social life. Spiritual communication between family members is facilitated by reading and discussing a book together, watching a movie, visiting museums and exhibitions.
Strengthening educational functions in the area of interest is facilitated by
joint physical education and sports. The family is also bonded by an interest in joint
active recreation, working in the garden, hiking, long walks in the forest, skating,
skiing, biking, active games of tennis, volleyball, etc.
- Sphere of love. Spheres of duty and interest cannot exist outside of relationships of intra-family love, which gives all life in the family a special, unique flavor
and forms subtle human feelings in the child. If blind and thoughtless, unspiritual
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love predominates in a family, then group egoism grows on its soil. Normal family
love develops in a child a love for people. Family love manifests itself as a heightened, emotionally charged, respectful and caring attitude of family members towards
each other. It actively stimulates intra-family communication and activities aimed at
facilitating and improving the lives of loved ones. Parents and children strive not for
personal pleasure, but for the benefit of their loved one. This gives birth to and
strengthens in the child’s mind genuine, highest human love both for those close to
him and for other people.
Only those parents, brothers and sisters, and grandparents who deeply and sin-
cerely love each other can awaken family love in children. Love is brought up only in
an atmosphere of love, which is organically absorbed into the child’s consciousness
and directs their emotional and volitional attitude towards life. Relatives in the family
show love through selfless help, care and emotional concern for a loved one.
Active, energetic love for people is expressed in children by a sense of responsibility for another person and all living things, a sense of duty to society and to oneself. Genuine humanism, responsible and active love of parents for children presupposes their manifestation of justice and exactingness, providing the child with independence and conditions for self-affirmation. Democracy and humanism are developed in children by those parents who themselves show spiritual sensitivity and responsiveness to people. Humanism, like family love, is nourished by the atmosphere
that parents create in the family.
Consideration of the goals of family education through the development of the
listed educational spheres allows us to identify the corresponding tasks in this type of
pedagogical activity of parents. They are combined into three groups and in the
most general form provide:
1. Educational tasks:
- formation of the foundations of the child’s character, their initial moral prin-
ciples and positions;
- laying the foundations of hard work, the desire for socially useful activities,
order and discipline, and compliance with the norms of society.
2. Educational tasks:
- implementation of moral and aesthetic preparation of the child for the for-
mation of their own family relationships in the future;
- formation of a feeling of love, goodwill, deep respect for father and mother,
sisters and brothers;
- cultivating a pure sense of respect and love for representatives of the other
sex, manhood and maiden honor;
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- equipping with skills and abilities for organizing everyday life, family leisure,
and running a family household.
3. Personal development task — creating conditions for the physical, moral,
mental, labor, aesthetic, etc. development of children in the process of everyday activities and communication.
The level of achievement of the goals of raising children in the family is evidenced not only by their good academic performance, but also by the degree of manifestation of hard work, a creative approach to business, and healthy interests. No less
important are social activity, physical training, developed artistic and aesthetic taste,
discipline and willpower. An important indicator of the success of family education is
also the absence in children of such negative qualities as greed, envy, desire for profit, commercialism, and materialism.
The goals and objectives of family education determine its general direction.
At the same time, its technological component is formed on the basis of the implementation of the relevant principles and rules of education.
Principles and rules of family education
As is known, the principles of education are the most general starting points
that express the basic requirements for the content, methods and organization of the
educational process. In a family setting, they reflect the specifics of educational interaction between parents and children and, in contrast to general educational principles,
are considered as pedagogical positions that guide parents when solving educational
problems.
What are the requirements for the principles of family education? Let us char-
acterize the most important of them.
Commitment. The principles of family education are not simple advice to parents. They require mandatory and full implementation in a family environment. Ignoring their demands by some parents not only reduces the effectiveness of educational interaction with children, but also undermines its foundations. A father or
mother who violates the requirements of the principles withdraws themselves from
participation in this process, deprives children of the joy of communicating with their
parents, and in some cases even leads to the formation of their mental pathology and
(or) psychological (behavioral) deviation.
Complexity. The principles carry an important requirement that requires their
simultaneous, and not alternate, isolated application at all stages of educational inter-
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action in the family. Therefore, they should not be taken into account in a sequential
chain, but simultaneously.
Equivalence. The principles of family education as general fundamental principles are identical in pedagogical significance. Among them there are none that require implementation in the first place, and those whose implementation can be postponed even for the near future. Equal attention to all principles prevents possible
pedagogical violations of the educational process in the conditions of a particular
family.
It should be noted that in family pedagogy, until now, there has not been a mutually recognized system of principles for raising children in the family. Nowadays
there is quite a variety of approaches. However, rationality suggests highlighting in
them the most relevant for the current stage of development of domestic pedagogical
thought, which implements predominantly the humanistic positions of world pedagogy.
A generalization of existing approaches to systematizing the principles of education made it possible to identify in them the following fundamental provisions that
determine the organization and implementation of pedagogical interaction between
parents and children in the process of family education.
The principle of creativity provides for the creation in the family of the necessary conditions for the free development and realization of children’s abilities. It is
important for parents not only to know the physiologically determined level of intellectual, physical and other inclinations of their children, but also to assist them in
their development, application and improvement. This creates favorable precondi-
tions for diagnosing and realizing the child’s personal potential in an area of socially
significant activity acceptable to them.
The principle of humanism presupposes the recognition of the child’s person-
ality, like any other person, as an absolute human value. This requires parents to understand and recognize the self-givenness and uniqueness of their children, their
uniqueness in human life.
The principle of democracy is based on the establishment of equal spiritual relations between adults and children. Naturally, this does not require recognition of the
“leading role” of the child in the family — this in itself is absurd. However, taking
into account his opinion on certain events, proposals for solving family problems and
problems should become a rule for the family.
The principle of citizenship requires parents to engage in purposeful activities
to realize the child’s own “I” in the system of public-state relations. At an earlier age,
this may be participation in the work of public organizations, and later — the realiza-
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tion of one’s own rights and the fulfillment of responsibilities to the state, society and
family.
The principle of retrospectivity requires parents to carry out educational interaction with the child from the standpoint of continuity of the national educational system, taking into account national, regional and municipal pedagogical systems, foundations and traditions.
The principle of priority of universal moral norms and values implies the construction of a family education system taking into account generally accepted moral
norms and values, as well as approaches to building interpersonal interaction. It is
important here that the criteria for selecting family norms and values do not contradict those recognized by humanity.
Along with the principles of family education, a number of pedagogical rules
are also reflected in the specialized literature, the implementation of which is advisable in the educational interaction of parents and children. They differ from principles
not so much in their scientific validity as in their vital relevance. Let's look at some of
them.
Priority to immediate social circle. Its meaning is based on the fact that the
strength of the mutual influence of people on each other is directly proportional to the
degree of their spiritual, ethical, moral and moral closeness. However, it must be taken into account that those we love always have power over us.
Consider the child as they should be. Compliance with this rule forms the so-
called “prospect for the child’s personal development.” In this regard, it is quite appropriate to quote the words of V. Goethe: “If we accept people as they are, we make
them worse. If we treat them as if they are what they should be, we help them become
what they are capable of becoming.”
Avoid “oppressive silence”. Silence, sometimes deliberately kept by parents
for educational purposes, causes a growing and unbearable unpleasant feeling in the
child, when they suddenly begin to hear in themself the unspoken parental “You de-
serve this with your behavior.”
Recognition of the inner nature of the child. The great art of raising children to
be different is to first force them to recognize this beginning within themself, and
then inspire them that they can become the best.
Using the “Pareto relationship” in conversations with children. Its meaning is
that in the first 20% of the conversation a person achieves 80% of the result, and for
the remaining 80% — only 20% of the effectiveness.
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“Getting into trouble.” A naughty child who finds themself in an uncomfortable situation where they looks ugly or stupid (and they understands that they thmself
has been “set up” by their disobedience) is in a hurry to get out of it as soon as possible.
The next elements that form the technology of family education are its methods
and means.
Methods and means of family education
Family education methods are the techniques and means by which purposeful
pedagogical interaction between parents and children is carried out. In this regard,
they are quite firmly linked to general methods of education, but have corresponding
specificity due to the following conceptual provisions:
a) the influence on the child is carried out exclusively individually and is based
on their specific actions and actions, as well as adaptation to their mental and personal characteristics;
b) the choice of methods depends on the pedagogical culture of the parents:
understanding of the purpose of education, parental role, ideas about values, style of
relationships in the family, features of educational interaction, etc.
As a result, family education methods bear a vivid imprint of the parents’ per-
sonality and are inseparable from them. It is believed that there are as many varieties
of methods as there are parents. However, most families use general methods of
family education, which include:
- a method of persuasion that involves pedagogical interaction between parents
in order to form in the child internal agreement with the requirements placed on them.
Its means are predominantly explanation, suggestion and advice;
- the method of encouragement involves the use of a system of pedagogically
appropriate means (praise, gifts, formation of perspective) in order to encourage the
child to develop the desired properties and personality traits or behavioral habits;
- the method of joint practical activity implies the participation of parents and
children in the same educational activities (visits to museums, theaters; family outings; charitable events and actions, etc.);
- the method of coercion (punishment) involves the use of a system of special
means in relation to a child that does not humiliate their personal dignity, in order to
instill in them a refusal of unwanted actions, actions, judgments, etc. As a rule, deprivation of a certain list of significant things is used as a means of punishment for their
pleasures — watching TV, walking with friends, using the computer, etc.
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There is no doubt that other methods of pedagogical interaction with children
can be used in family education. This is due to the specifics of family education in
each specific case. However, their choice should be based on a number of general
conditions:
- parents’ knowledge of their children and taking into account their positive
and negative qualities: what they read, what they are interested in, what household
and social tasks they perform, what difficulties they experience, etc.;
- personal experience of parents, their authority, the nature of relationships in
the family, the desire and ability to raise children by personal example;
- if children prefer communication with parents, priority is given to the method
of joint practical activity;
- taking into account the level of pedagogical culture of parents.
However, rational spiritual contacts in the family cannot arise as a result of the
implementation of only the presented principles, rules, methods and means of education. For this, appropriate pedagogical prerequisites must be created. Their interaction
can be considered in models of family education.
Models of family education
The results of a special study of the uniqueness of family relationships in recent years have made it possible to identify typical models of family education.
They were the basis for the corresponding systematization, reflecting certain systemforming features. This made it possible to form a fairly wide range of scientific approaches. Let us consider the one where the basis for systematization is the nature of
intrafamily relationships and its influence on the upbringing of children.
Families that respect children. Children in such families are loved. Parents
know what they are interested in and what worries them. They respect their opinions
and experiences and strive to help and encourage them with tactful advice. These are
the most prosperous for raising a family. The relationship between parents and children in this model is characterized by a general, highly moral atmosphere of the family: decency, frankness, mutual trust, equality and mutual assistance.
Responsive families. Relations between adults and children are normal, but
there is a certain distance that parents and children try not to violate. In such families,
parents often decide for themselves what their children need, delve into their concerns and interests, and children share their problems with them. They grow up obedient, polite, but not proactive enough. Also, children in such families often have dif-
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