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Международный экзамен по английскому языку. Стратегия и тактика письма

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Исправление ошибок на уровне содержания и языковой формы 91

**Задание 32. Use transition words to link the sentences.

however, therefore, nevertheless, but, moreover, for example

1.The development of the high speed trains has had a great impact on people in many countries. ______, the computers have had an impact on people all over the world.

2.I believe that women should have the right to serve in the army. _______, they should be assigned to combat roles.

3.Many people would agree with the idea that the best use for the open space in our community is to build a shopping centre in this community. ________, there are other people who feel we should turn this area into a park.

4.I used to work in a restaurant when I was in college. I realize what a difficult job restaurant work is. _________, whenever I go out to eat, I try to leave a good tip for my waiter.

5.Many rock musicians receive much money for the work that they do. ___________, Peter Hammer was re cently offered a contract worth over 10 million dollars.

________ I feel that this is far too much to pay a person who simply provides entertainment.

**Задание 33. Combine the following sentences into one sentence using one of the transition words below. Mind the punctuation!

although, and, hence, furthermore, whereas

1.I really like writing essays. I look forward to becom ing a journalist.

2.My favourite class I have ever taken was my paint ing class last term. I had to get up early in the morning to be there on time.

92Как написать успешное сочинение

3.I have to take a bus. I have to walk a little bit.

4.My English teacher always gives homework. My French teacher never gives me any homework.

5.The English teacher helped me more than any other teacher. I signed up to take another class with her next term.

*Задание 34. Finish the sentences with transition words.

1.Playing games enhances competitive advantage. Therefore,____

2.Building a research institute in our community would cause many problems. For instance,_________________

3.The most interesting course I have ever had was my PC course. Consequently,_____________________

4.All students should be required to wear a uniform in high school. Indeed,________________

5.My best friend studies French. In addition,________

Особые абзацы

Существует два типа абзацев, выполняющих специ альные функции и требующих индивидуального подхо да. Это Введение и Заключение. Они достаточно специ фичны, и им следует отдать должное внимание на стадии корректуры.

Введение — первое впечатление. Перечитайте Введе ние и ответьте на вопросы:

показан ли контекст для понимания главного тезиса?

провозглашен ли главный тезис?

задает ли Введение тон всему сочинению?

способно ли Введение заинтересовать читателя?

Исправление ошибок на уровне содержания и языковой формы 93

Заключение — последний шанс произвести впечатле ние на читателя. Ответьте на вопросы:

отражает ли оно главный тезис?

предлагает ли оно новое понимание?

создается ли ощущение завершенности?

вызывает ли эмоции у читателя?

*Задание 35. Revise the following introductions. Decide if they proD vide context, state your main thesis and grab reader’s interest. Make comments.

1.

Main thesis

I had sharp disagreements with my best friend con nected with our daily routine, and the outcome was the following: we refused to share our duties and lost our friendship.

Introduction

1. Have you ever had any serious disagreements between your friend and yourself? Misunderstanding can cause prob lems and even break your friendship. Therefore, I can’t agree with the proverb: “A friend in need is a friend in deed.” It doesn’t reflect a true friendship. Not only in need may you lose your friend, but also in a very common situa tion like ours. Once I had a disagreement with my best friend discussing where to spend our holidays. In the end we couldn’t avoid a severe conflict and parted. I wonder if our friendship was true?

Comments

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94 Как написать успешное сочинение

2.

Main thesis

I am sure, that knowledge gained from experience is more essential than knowledge gained from books, because I’ll remember my own ups and downs forever.

Introduction

2. “Knowledge is power,” said Francis Bacon, an English philosopher. I think, he mentioned knowledge gained from books. There is no doubt, knowledge gained from books is as important as knowledge gained from experience. Would you use the first source of knowledge or the second one — it depends only on you. As for me, despite all ups and downs of life I value my life experience: it makes me more sophis ticated and mature. I believe that “there is no gain without pain.”

Comments

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3.

Main thesis

In 5 years I’ve got experience in running business and become more sophisticated not only in doing business, but in making profitable contacts as well.

Introduction

3. “Everything is moving, everything is changing,” said a Greek philosopher. It isn’t a secret, that he was right. Life proves that. Nature is changing, people are changing, and of course, you are changing. As for me, I have changed physi cally and mentally since my childhood. What has changed in my appearance, my inner world, my attitude to life? It’s a very tough question. Nevertheless, I’ll try to answer it.

Исправление ошибок на уровне содержания и языковой формы 95

Comments

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4.

Main thesis

I think, I am equal parts — a person who works efficient ly not only during the day, but also at night, because my productivity depends on such factors as job satisfaction, money motivation, workload, deadline and working condi tions.

Introduction

4. I think, I am equal parts — a person who works effi ciently not only during the day, but also at night, because my productivity depends on such factors as job satisfaction, money motivation, workload, deadline and working condi tions. Moreover, I can work round the clock.

Comments

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5.

Main thesis

If I received a site of land, I would like to build either an art gallery or a dance club in order to unite business and pleasure.

Introduction

5. If I had got some site of land to use as I wish, I wouldn’t miss the chance to implement my dream into life. First of all, I won’t doubt whether to use it for pleasure or

96 Как написать успешное сочинение

for business — I’ll try to combine both opportunities: busi ness and pleasure.

*Задание 36. Revise the following conclusions. Decide if they proD vide a sense of closure, restate the main thesis, offer a new underD standing and arouse reader’s emotions. Make comments.

1.

Main thesis

I had sharp disagreements with my best friend connected with our daily routine, and the outcome was the following: we refused to share our duties and lost our friendship.

Conclusion

1. In the end I realized that it was very unpleasant to sharply disagree with my friend and tried to find a reason able way out in such a troublesome situation. Therefore, now we look forward to getting a compromise in order to avoid any conflict. Even though we do have some disagree ments, we both agree with the folk proverb: “Don’t trouble trouble, and no trouble troubles you.”

Comments

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2.

Main thesis

I am sure, that knowledge gained from experience is more essential than knowledge gained from books, because I’ll remember my own ups and downs forever.

Conclusion

2. I think both sources of knowledge — gained from books and received from life experience — are important

Исправление ошибок на уровне содержания и языковой формы 97

and helpful, because only combined knowledge helps us to survive in this cruel world. Moreover, not only will the in formation taken from books, but also the awareness of life, give you a competitive advantage in the society you are to live and work in.

Comments

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3.

Main thesis

In 5 years I’ve got experience in running business and become more sophisticated not only in doing business, but in making profitable contacts as well.

Conclusion

3. In 5 years I have developed my communication and managerial skills, and now I can cope with any unpredict able situation in the sphere of small business.

Comments

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4.

Main thesis

I think, I am equal parts — a person who works efficient ly not only during the day, but also at night, because my productivity depends on such factors as job satisfaction, money motivation, workload, deadline and working condi tions.

98 Как написать успешное сочинение

Conclusion

4. Finally, I should say that I work better during the day as I prefer to wake up early in the morning and go to bed before midnight. Nevertheless, if it is necessary, I am able to work round the clock.

Comments

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5.

Main thesis

If I received a site of land, I would like to build either an art gallery or a dance club in order to unite business and pleasure.

Conclusion

5. In my opinion, there are lots of ways to use a land you have already received. The main idea is that the plot you’ve got is your ownership. It is your property. It is YOURS! You may sell the plot and invest your money in business getting some profit. On the other hand, if you “have a bee in a bon net,” you have a chance to build, for example, a salmon farm to prosper. Anyway, it’s up to you to decide how to use some land you’ve got. Make your choice and go ahead!

Comments

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Таким образом, пересматривая текст на уровне абзацев, первое, на что следует обратить внимание, — какая организационная структура лежит в основе всего

Исправление ошибок на уровне содержания и языковой формы 99

сочинения. Эффективна ли она? Соответствует ли аргу ментации главного тезиса? Затем необходимо обратиться к каждому абзацу, чтобы убедиться, что в нем содер жится одна единственная главная идея, выраженная в мини тезисе. Не забудьте обратить внимание на пере ходы как между абзацами, так и внутри них. И, закан чивая исправление ошибок на уровне содержания в аб зацах, убедитесь, выполняют ли Введение и Заключение свои особые функции.

Урок 12. ИСПРАВЛЕНИЕ ОШИБОК В ПРЕДЛОЖЕНИЯХ

Итак, вы пересмотрели как все сочинение в целом, так и каждый абзац в отдельности. Теперь можете сосре доточиться на конкретных предложениях. Несмотря на то, что у вас есть четко сформулированный тезис, обос нованные доказательства, а все абзацы прекрасно орга низованы в единую структуру с хорошими перехода ми, — это еще не все. Необходимо сделать ревизию на уровне предложений. Для того чтобы ваши идеи были понятны читателю, предложения должны быть, прежде всего, лаконичными и однозначными по форме и содер жанию.

Лаконичность высказывания

На уровне предложений необходимо соблюдать пра вило «чем меньше, тем лучше»: чем меньше слов вы ис пользуете, чтобы донести ваши мысли до читателя, тем они понятнее читателю. Поэтому:

a) старайтесь избегать предложений, которые не не сут конкретной смысловой нагрузки: There are many

people who think…

100 Как написать успешное сочинение

Конструкции There is, It is не имеют прямого отно шения к подлежащему и открывают доступ ненужным словам, которые лишь засоряют предложения, вуалиру ют идеи, затеняют смысл.

There is no reason

People have no reason to struggle.

for people to struggle.

 

b) избегайте «воды», нагромождения слов, повторов, тавтологии. Читатель теряет нить повествования, а сле довательно, и интерес:

Because of the fact that — нет необходимости в такой громоздкой фразе. Достаточно сказать: «Весause».

I am of the opinion that, I believe, I feel следует употреблять только тогда, когда вы свое мнение проти вопоставляете чужому. Просто так эти слова и выра жения употреблять не следует. Помните: сочинение — ваше личное творение. То, что вы думаете и пишете (чи татель в этом не сомневается), — это ваше личное мне ние, ваше личное отношение к предмету.

I am of the opinion that

The мuzak is irritating. (Слово

the мuzak is irritating.

irritating показывает ваше

 

отношение к фоновой музыке.

 

Этого вполне достаточно.)

That, who, and which phrases часто отягощают предложения, поэтому их следует перефразировать, используя прилагательные:

It was an experience

It was a very rewarding

that was very rewarding.

experience.

That — лишнее слово. Лучше обойтись без него:

I wish that I had taken

I wish I had taken the opportunity

the opportunity that

I was given more seriously.

I was given more seriously.

 

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