I. Повтор текста с максимальной точностью.

Анекдоты

1.A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie!	2.A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
3.A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window... "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"	** LOST DOG ** 3 legs, Blind in left eye, Missing right ear, Tail broken, Recently castrated, Answers to the name of "LUCKY"

4, A drummer, sick of all the drummer jokes, decides to change his instrument. After some thought, he decides on the accordion. So he goes to the music store and says to the owner, "I'd like to look at the accordions, please." The owner gestures to a shelf in the corner and says, "All our accordions are over there." After browsing, the drummer says, "I think I'd like the big red one in the corner." The store owner looks at him and says, "You're a drummer, aren't you?" The drummer, crestfallen, says, "How did you know?" The store owner says, "That 'big red accordion' is the radiator."

5. A guy walks into the doctor's office and says, "Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!" The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him, "If it doesn't work, let me know." A week later the guy is back: "Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says, "Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative. Still another week later the poor guy is back: "Doc, STILL nothing!" The doctor, worried, says, "We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician." The doctor looks up and says, "Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

6. Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the Midwest, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars." The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch. And once he got there the feeling became very strong. Sue and Bob started an argument. The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you utter one sound, you pay ten dollars. So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls and dives as he could - heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport. "I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?" "Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

7. A man was in a bar. Hoping to strike up a conversation with a distinguished looking fellow sitting nearby, he said, "May I buy you a drink?"

"No," said the man coolly, "Don't drink. Tried it once and I didn't like it."

"Would you like a cigar?"

"No. Don't smoke. Tried tobacco once and I didn't like it."

"Would you like to join me in a game of gin rummy?"

"No. Don't like card games. Tried it once, and I didn't like it.

However, my son will be dropping in after a bit. Perhaps he will join you."

The first man settled back in his chair and said, "Your only son, I presume?"

Задание 2. Sight Translation

News in Brief 9 (World Events)

1. United Nations peacekeepers called for NATO air strikes as the Bosnian Serbs tightened the noose round Sarajevo. The UN's chief negotiator vetoed the request.

2. For the first time in 75 years, a British government minister held formal talks with Sinn Fein, the IRA's ( The Irish Republican Army) political wing.

3. After months of demonstrations and political uncertainty, the Italian government signed a deal with trade unions to overhaul the pension system. This was the last and most difficult item on the agenda of Lamberto Dini's stop-gap government.

4. In a second round of local elections, Italy's Democratic Party of the Left and its allies won nearly 90% of seats contested. Members of the humiliated Freedom Alliance criticized their leader for running too personal a campaign.

5. And in Britain, the Labour Party had its best-ever local-election results. The Conservatives lost nearly half the 4,000 seats they were defending.

6. Early results from the general election in the Philippines pointed to successes for supporters of the current President. Police said that 38 people were killed during the campaign.

7. The Australian government, forecasting an unexpected budget surplus for the next year, announced cuts in government spending and higher company taxes, plus a sale of assets, including the government's half share in the Commonwealth Bank.

8. Details of a supplementary budget to pay for earthquake reconstruction in China were announced by the government. The package proposes new spending of $32.6 billion. Most of the money will be spent on repairing earthquake damage, and some on strengthening elevated motorways in the rest of the country. The package also contains some soft loans for businesses hurt by the earthquake.

9. The Aum Shinrikyo sect, suspected of a poison-gas attack on the Tokyo metro may have tried out the gas on sheep on a farm in Australia, investigators believe.

10. John Deutch was confirmed as the new director of central intelligence with cabinet-level status. His job is to shake up the CIA and restore morale at the same time.

11. Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee said he would recommend abolishing or greatly reducing funds for every United Nations agency except UNICEF. This, he claimed, would save America $200m a year.

12. An oil workers' strike in Brazil was declared illegal. The union said it would advise workers to stay out. Rail workers joined many others in nationwide public-sector strikes against constitutional reforms. Unabashed, the government went ahead with privatization plans.