Revising Your Message: Evaluating the First Draft

This chapter covers the tasks in the third step of the three-step writing process: revising your message to achieve optimum quality and then producing, proofreading, and distributing it. After you complete your first draft, you may be tempted to breathe a sigh of relief, send the message on its way, and move on to the next project. Resist that temptation. Successful communicators recognize that the first draft is rarely as tight, clear, and compelling as it needs to be. Careful revision improves the effectiveness of your messages and sends a strong signal to your readers that you respect their time and care about their opinions.3

The scope of the revision task can vary somewhat, depending on the medium and the nature of your message. For informal messages to internal audiences, particularly when using short-message tools such as IM and email, the revision process is often as simple as quickly looking over your message to correct any mistakes before sending or posting it. However, don’t fall into the common trap of thinking that you don’t need to worry about grammar, spelling, clarity, and other fundamentals of good writing when you use electronic media. These qualities can be especially important in electronic media, particularly if these messages are the only contact your audience has with you. First, poor-quality messages create an impression of poor-quality thinking, and even minor errors can cause confusion, frustration, and costly delays. Second, anything you write in electronic media will be stored forever and could be distributed far beyond your original audience. Don’t join the business professionals who have seen ill-considered or poorly written electronic messages wind up in the news media or as evidence in lawsuits or criminal cases.

Particularly with important messages, try to plan your work schedule so that you can put your first draft aside for a day or two before you begin the revision process. Doing so will allow you to approach the material with a fresh eye. Then start with the “big picture,” making sure that the document accomplishes your overall goals, before moving to finer points such as readability, clarity, and conciseness. Compare the before and after versions of the letter in Figures 5.1 and 5.2 on the following pages for examples of how careful revision makes a message more effective and easier to read.

1 LEARNING OBJECTIVE

Discuss the value of careful revision, and describe the tasks involved in evaluating your first drafts and the work of other writers.

For important messages, schedule time to put your draft aside for a day or two before you begin the revision process.

Evaluating Your Content, Organization, and Tone

When you begin the revision process, focus on content, organization, and tone. Today’s timepressed readers want messages that convey important content clearly and quickly.4 To evaluate the content of your message, make sure it is accurate, relevant to the audience’s needs, and complete.

When you are satisfied with the basic content of your message, review its organization by asking yourself these questions:

■Are all your points covered in the most logical and convincing order?

■Do the most important ideas receive the most space and greatest emphasis?

■Are any points repeated unnecessarily?

■Are details grouped together logically, or are some still scattered through the document?

Next, consider whether you have achieved the right tone for your audience. Is your writing formal enough to meet the audience’s expectations without being too formal or academic? Is it too casual for a serious subject?

Finally, spend a few extra moments on the beginning and end of your message; these sections usually have the greatest impact on the audience. Be sure that the first paragraph is relevant, interesting, and geared to the reader’s probable reaction. The opening should also convey the subject and purpose of the message. For longer documents, the opening should help readers understand how the material is organized. Review the conclusion to be sure that it summarizes the main idea and leaves the audience with a positive impression.

The beginning and end of a message usually have the greatest impact on your readers.

Evaluating, Editing, and Revising the Work of Other Writers

At many points in your career, you will be asked to evaluate, edit, or revise the work of others. Before you dive into someone else’s work, recognize the dual responsibility that you have. First, unless you’ve specifically been asked to rewrite something in your own style, keep in mind that your job is to help the other writer succeed at his or her task, not to impose your writing style. In other words, make sure your input focuses on making the piece

When you evaluate, edit, or revise someone else’s work, remember that your job is to help that person succeed, not to impose your own style.

The phrase you can bet is too informal for this message.

The sentence beginning with “Much to the contrary . . . ” is awkward and unnecessary.

This edit inserts a missing word (dealer ).

This group of edits removes unnecessary words in several places.

Delauny Music

56 Commerce Circle Davenport, IA 52806

(563) 555-4001 delaunymusic.net

June 21, 2013

Ms. Claudia Banks

122 River Heights Drive

Bettendorf, IA 52722

Dear Ms. Banks:

Thank you for your recent purchase. We wish you many years of satisfaction with your new Yamaha CG1 grand piano. The CG1 carries more than a century of Yamaha’s heritage in design and production of world-class musical instruments and will give you many years of playing and listening pleasure.

Our commitment to your satisfaction doesn’t stop with your purchase, however. As a vital first step, please remember to call us sometime within three to eight months after your piano was delivered to take advantage of the Yamaha ServicebondSM Assurance Program. This free service program includes a thorough evaluation and adjustment of the instrument after you’ve had some time to play your piano and your piano has had time to adapt to its environment.

In addition to this important service appointment, a regular program of tuning is essential to ensure your piano’s impeccable performance. Our piano specialists recommend four tunings during the first year and two tunings every year thereafter. As your local Yamaha dealer, we are ideally positioned to provide you with optimum service for both regular tuning and any maintenance or repair needs you may have.

Figure 5.2 A Professional Business Letter

Here is the revised and finished version of the edited letter from Figure 5.1. Note that the block format used here is just one of several layout options; Appendix A also describes the modified block format and the simplified format.

MyBCommLab Apply Figure 5.2’s key concepts. Go to mybcommlab

.com and follow this path: Course Content Chapter 5 DOCUMENT

MAKEOVERS

2 LEARNING OBJECTIVE

List four techniques you can use to improve the readability of your messages.

Revising to Improve Readability

After confirming the content, organization, and tone of your message, make a second pass to improve readability. Most professionals are inundated with more reading material than they can ever hope to consume, and they’ll appreciate your efforts to make your documents easier to read—and easier to skim for the highlights when they don’t have time to read in depth. You’ll benefit from this effort, too: If you earn a reputation for creating well-crafted documents that respect the audience’s time, people will pay more attention to your work.

Four powerful techniques for improving readability are varying sentence length, using shorter paragraphs, replacing narrative with lists, and adding effective headings and subheadings.

To keep readers’ interest, look for ways to combine a variety of short, medium, and long sentences.

Varying Sentence Length

Varying sentence length is a good way to maintain reader interest and control the emphasis given to major and minor points. Look for ways to combine a mixture of sentences that are short (up to 15 words or so), medium (15–25 words), and long (more than 25 words). Each sentence length has advantages. Short sentences can be processed quickly and are easier for nonnative speakers and translators to interpret. Medium-length sentences are useful for showing the relationships among ideas. Long sentences are often the best way to convey complex ideas, to list a number of related points, or to summarize or preview information.

Of course, each sentence length has disadvantages as well. Too many short sentences in a row can make your writing feel choppy and disconnected. Medium sentences can lack the punch of short sentences and the informative power of longer sentences. Long sentences are usually harder to understand than short sentences because they are packed with information; they also harder to skim when readers are just looking for key points in a hurry.

Short paragraphs have the major advantage of being easy to read.

Keeping Your Paragraphs Short

Large blocks of text can be visually daunting, particularly on screen, so keep your paragraphs as short as possible. Unless you break up your thoughts somehow, you’ll end up with lengthy paragraphs that will intimidate even the most dedicated reader. Short paragraphs, roughly 100 words or fewer (this paragraph has 78 words), are easier to read than long ones, and they make your writing look inviting. You can also emphasize ideas by isolating them in short, forceful paragraphs.

However, don’t go overboard with short paragraphs at the expense of maintaining a smooth and clear flow of information. In particular, use one-sentence paragraphs only occasionally and only for emphasis. Also, if you need to divide a subject into several pieces in order to keep paragraphs short, use transitions to help your readers keep the ideas connected.

Lists are effective tools for highlighting and simplifying material.