To help us make that determination, respond to the following survey questions and fax them back. Answer concisely; but use extra paper if necessary—for details and explanations.
When you finish the survey it will help headquarters improve service to you; but also, help us all improve service to our customers. Return your survey before before May 15 to my attention. Then blockbuster hopefully can thrive in a marketplace,
Chapter 3: Planning Business Messages |
77 |
that critics say we cannot conquer. Blockbuster must choose wisely and serve it’s customers well in a difficult video-rental business environment.
Times are very tough but if we work hard at it its possible we might make Blockbuster ‘the man on the streets’ favorite ‘place to go to rent videos!
MyBCommLab
Go to mybcommlab.com for Auto-graded writing questions as well as the following Assisted-graded writing questions:
3-1. As a member of the public relations department, which medium (or media) would you recommend using to inform the local community that your toxicwaste cleanup program has been successful? Justify your choice. [LO-4]
3-2. Would you use the direct or indirect approach to ask employees to work overtime to meet an important deadline? Please explain. [LO-5]
3-3. Mybcommlab Only – comprehensive writing assignment for this chapter.
References
1.Chip Heath and Dan Heath, Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die (New York: Random House: 2008), 214.
2.Carol Kinsey Gorman, “What’s So Great About Face-to- Face?” Communication World, May–June 2011, 38–39.
3.Linda Duyle, “Get Out of Your Office,” HR Magazine, July 2006, 99–101.
4.“About Skype,” Skype website, accessed 12 May 2012, http://about.skype.com.
5.Caroline McCarthy, “The Future of Web Apps Will See the Death of Email,” Webware blog, 29 February 2008, http://news.cnet.com; Kris Maher, “The Jungle,” Wall Street Journal, 5 October 2004, B10; Kevin Maney, “Surge in Text Messaging Makes Cell Operators,” USA Today, 28 July 2005, B1–B2.
6.Laurey Berk and Phillip G. Clampitt, “Finding the Right Path in the Communication Maze,” IABC Communication World, October 1991, 28–32.
7.Samantha R. Murray and Joseph Peyrefitte, “Knowledge Type and Communication Media Choice in the Knowledge Transfer Process,” Journal of Managerial Issues, Spring 2007, 111–133.
8.Raymond M. Olderman, 10 Minute Guide to Business Communication (New York: Alpha Books, 1997), 19–20.
9.Mohan R. Limaye and David A. Victor, “Cross-Cultural Business Communication Research: State of the Art and Hypotheses for the 1990s,” Journal of Business Communication, Summer 1991, 277–299.
10.Steve Tobak, “How to Be a Great Storyteller and Win Over Any Audience,” BNET, 12 January 2011, www.bnet.com.
11.Debra Askanase, “10 Trends in Sustainable Social Media,” Community Organizer 2.0 blog, 13 May 2010, www.communityorganizer20.com.
12.Heath and Heath, Made to Stick, 206.
13.Jennifer Aaker and Andy Smith, “7 Deadly Sins of Business Storytelling,” American Express Open Forum, accessed 21 March 2011, www.openforum.com.
4
MyBCommLab®
ImproveYour Grade!
Over 10 million students improved their results using the Pearson MyLabs.
Visit mybcommlab.com for simulations, tutorials, and end-of- chapter problems.
Writing Business Messages
LEARNING OBJECTIVES
After studying this chapter, you will be able to
1Identify the four aspects of being sensitive to audience needs when writing business messages.
2Explain how establishing your credibility and projecting your company’s image are vital aspects of building strong relationships with your audience.
3Explain how to achieve a tone that is conversational but businesslike, explain the value of using plain language, and define active and passive voice.
4 Describeeffective. how to select words that are not only correct but also
5Define the four types of sentences and explain how sentence style affects emphasis within a message.
6Define the three key elements of a paragraph and list five ways to develop coherent paragraphs.
7Identify the most common software features that help you craft messages more efficiently.
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“ |
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Communication |
The message from recruitment agencies, employer |
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surveys, and the like is familiar, loud, and clear: |
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Matters . . . |
You must be an outstanding communicator |
” |
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if you want to get to the top of your profession. |
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—Martin Shovel, writer, speechwriter, illustrator, and cofounder of CreativityWorks
Martin Shovel
As a multitalented communication specialist who has succeeded at everything from advertising to professional illustration to scriptwriting, Martin Shovel has had numerous opportunities to see effective communication in action. He knows that the top professionals in every field have worked hard to hone their communication skills, and his years of experience have taught him what it takes to communicate in an engaging and persuasive manner. His number one rule: Keep it simple.1 You can read more about his advice for successful writing and speaking by following the Real-Time Updates Learn More link on page 86.
The multitalented communication specialist Martin Shovel knows that strong communication skills are one of the secrets of reaching the top of any profession.
78
Chapter 4: Writing Business Messages |
79 |
Adapting to Your Audience:
Being Sensitive to Your Audience’s Needs
Martin Shovel and other successful communicators will tell you that audiences tend to greet incoming messages with a selfish question: “What’s in this for me?” If your target readers or listeners don’t think a message applies to them, or if they don’t think you are being sensitive to their needs, they won’t pay attention. You can improve your audience sensitivity by adopting the “you” attitude, maintaining good standards of etiquette, emphasizing the positive, and using bias-free language.
Adopting the “You” Attitude
1 LEARNING OBJECTIVE
Identify the four aspects of being sensitive to audience needs when writing business messages.
Readers and listeners are more likely to respond positively when they believe messages address their concerns.
You are already becoming familiar with the audience-centered approach, trying to see a subject through your audience’s eyes. Now you want to project this approach in your messages by adopting the “you” attitude—that is, by speaking and writing in terms of your audience’s wishes, interests, hopes, and preferences.
On a simple level, you can adopt the “you” attitude by replacing terms that refer to yourself and your company with terms that refer to your audience. In other words, use you and your instead of I, me, mine, we, us, and ours:
Instead of This |
Write This |
Tuesday is the only day that we can promise |
If you need a quick response, please submit |
quick response to purchase order requests; |
your purchase order requests on Tuesday. |
we are swamped the rest of the week. |
|
We offer MP3 players with 50, 75, or 100 |
You can choose an MP3 player with 50, 75, |
gigabytes of storage capacity. |
or 100 gigabytes of storage. |
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Adopting the “you” attitude means speaking and writing in terms of your audience’s wishes, interests, hopes, and preferences.
Of course, you will have occasions when it is entirely appropriate to write or speak from your perspective, such as when you are offering your opinions or reporting on something you have seen. However, even in those instances, make sure you focus on your readers’ needs.
Also, be aware that the “you” attitude involves a lot more than just using particular pronouns. It is a matter of respecting and being genuinely interested in your recipients. You can use you 25 times in a single page and still offend your audience or ignore readers’ true concerns. If you’re writing to a retailer, try to think like a retailer; if you’re dealing with a production supervisor, put yourself in that position; if you’re writing to a dissatisfied customer, imagine how you would feel at the other end of the transaction.
Keep in mind that on some occasions it’s better to avoid using you, particularly if doing so will sound overly authoritative or accusing. For instance, instead of saying, “You failed to deliver the customer’s order on time,” you could avoid the confrontational tone by saying, “The customer didn’t receive the order on time,” or “Let’s figure out a system that will ensure on-time deliveries.”
Maintaining Standards of Etiquette
Good etiquette shows respect for your audience and helps foster a more successful environment for communication by minimizing negative emotional reaction:
Instead of This |
Write This |
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Once again, you’ve managed to bring down the website through your incompetent programming.
You’ve been sitting on our order for two weeks, and we need it now!
Let’s review the last website update to explore ways to improve the process.
Our production schedules depend on timely delivery of parts and supplies, but we have not yet received the order scheduled for delivery two weeks ago. Please respond today with a firm delivery commitment.
Avoid using you and your when doing so
■Makes you sound dictatorial
■Makes someone else feel guilty
■Goes against your organization’s style
Even if a situation calls for you to be brutally honest, express the facts of the matter in a kind and thoughtful manner.
Some situations naturally require more diplomacy than others. If you know your audience well, a less formal approach might be more appropriate. However, when you are
80 Unit 2: The Three-Step Writing Process
Use extra tact when communicating with people higher up the organization chart or outside the company.
communicating with people who outrank you or with people outside your organization, an added measure of courtesy is usually needed.
Written communication and most forms of electronic media generally require more tact than oral communication (see Figure 4.1). When you’re speaking, you can soften your words by your tone of voice and facial expressions. Plus, you can adjust your approach according to
IM Customer Service - Microsoft Internet Explorer
Poor |
HELLO |
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How can I help you? |
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Customer: |
Hi, I tried installing the FarCast |
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wireless router in my apartment, |
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but I’m not getting any signals |
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out of it at all. |
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Agent: |
OK, tell me what steps you took, |
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and we’ll see what you did wrong. |
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Customer: |
What do you mean did wrong? |
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I followed the instructions exactly. |
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The router is obviously defective. |
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Agent: |
Well, we’ll see. Did you install the |
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software before connecting the |
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LAN cable, as the manual says? |
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Customer: |
Of course I did. I just said I followed |
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Agent is typing a message...
Customer starts with a clear description of the problem.
Agent immediately blames the customer, without gathering any information.
The agent’s accusation puts the customer in a defensive, negative frame of mind.
Agent is practically accusing the customer of lying.
The conversation has needlessly degenerated into an argument by this point.
IM Customer Service - Microsoft Internet Explorer
Improved |
HELLO |
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How can I help you? |
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The agent expresses sympathy for the customer’s plight, which
establishes an emotional bond and encourages more effective communication.
The conversation continues in a positive mood, with the focus on solving the problem, not on blaming the customer.
MyBCommLab Apply Figure 4.1’s key concepts. Go to mybcommlab
.com and follow this path: Course Content Chapter 4 DOCUMENT
MAKEOVERS
Customer: |
Hi, I tried installing the FarCast |
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wireless router in my apartment, |
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but I’m not getting any signals |
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out of it at all. |
Agent: |
I’m sorry you’re having trouble. |
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Let’s go through your setup and |
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see if we can find the problem. |
Customer: |
Great, thanks. |
Agent: |
First, can you tell me which of the |
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small green lights on the front of |
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the router are lit up? |
Customer: |
Only the power light. All of the other |
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lights are off. |
OK, we have power but looks like the router isn’t getting a network signal.
Used with permission from Microsoft.
Figure 4.1 Fostering a Positive Relationship with an Audience
In the “poor” example, notice how the customer service agent’s unfortunate word choices immediately derail this IM exchange. In the “improved” example, a more sensitive approach allows both people to focus on solving the problem.
Chapter 4: Writing Business Messages |
81 |
the feedback you get. However, if you inadvertently offend someone in writing or in a podcast, for example, you usually don’t get the immediate feedback you would need in order to resolve the situation. In fact, you may never know that you offended your audience.
Emphasizing the Positive
You will encounter situations throughout your career in which you need to convey unwanted news. However, sensitive communicators understand the difference between delivering negative news and being negative. Never try to hide the negative news, but look for positive points that will foster a good relationship with your audience:2
Instead of This |
Write This |
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It is impossible to repair your laptop today. |
Your computer can be ready by Tuesday. Would you |
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like a loaner until then? |
We wasted $300,000 advertising in that |
Our $300,000 advertising investment did not pay |
magazine. |
off; let’s analyze the experience and apply the in- |
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sights to future campaigns. |
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You can communicate negative news without being negative.
If you’re trying to persuade audience members to perform a particular action, point out how doing so will benefit them:
Instead of This |
Write This |
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We will notify all three credit reporting |
Paying your overdue bill within 10 days will prevent a |
agencies if you do not pay your overdue |
negative entry on your credit record. |
bill within 10 days. |
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I am tired of seeing so many errors in the |
Proofreading your blog postings will help avoid embar- |
customer service blog. |
rassing mistakes that erode confidence in our brand. |
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Show audience members how they will benefit by responding to your message.
Look for appropriate opportunities to use euphemisms, or milder synonyms, that convey your meaning without carrying negative connotations. For example, when referring to people beyond a certain age, use “senior citizens” rather than “old people.” Senior conveys respect in a way that old doesn’t.
However, take care when using euphemisms. It’s easy to push the idea too far and wind up sounding ridiculous—or worse yet, obscuring the truth. Speaking to your local community about the disposal of “manufacturing by-products” would be unethical if you’re really talking about toxic waste. Even if it is unpleasant, people respond better to an honest message delivered with integrity than they do to a sugar-coated message that obscures the truth.
Euphemisms are milder synonyms that can express an idea while triggering fewer negative connotations, but they should never be used to obscure the truth.
Using Bias-Free Language
Bias-free language avoids words and phrases that unfairly and even unethically categorize or stigmatize people in ways related to gender, race, ethnicity, age, disability, or other personal characteristics. Contrary to what some might think, biased language is not simply about “labels.” To a significant degree, language reflects the way people think and what they believe, and biased language may well perpetuate the underlying stereotypes and prejudices that it represents.3 Moreover, because communication is largely about perception, being fair and objective isn’t enough: To establish a good relationship with your audience, you must also appear to be fair.4 Good communicators make every effort to change biased language (see Table 4.1 on the next page). Bias can take a variety of forms:
■Gender bias. Avoid sexist language by using the same labels for everyone, regardless of gender. Don’t refer to a woman as chairperson and then to a man as chairman. Use chair, chairperson, or chairman consistently. (Note that it is not uncommon to use chairman when referring to a woman who heads a board of directors. Archer Daniels Midland’s
Patricia Woertz and Xerox’s Ursula Burns, for example, both refer to themselves as chairman.5) Reword sentences to use they or to use no pronoun at all rather than refer to all individuals as he. Note that the preferred title for women in business is Ms. unless the
Bias-free language avoids words and phrases that unfairly and even unethically categorize or stigmatize people.
82 Unit 2: The Three-Step Writing Process
TABLE 4.1 Overcoming Bias in Language
Examples |
Unacceptable |
Preferable |
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Gender Bias |
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Using words containing man |
Man-made |
Artificial, synthetic, manufactured, constructed, |
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human-made |
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Mankind |
Humanity, human beings, human race, people |
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Manpower |
Workers, workforce |
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Businessman |
Executive, manager, businessperson, professional |
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Salesman |
Sales representative, salesperson |
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Foreman |
Supervisor |
Using female-gender words |
Actress, stewardess |
Actor, flight attendant |
Using special designations |
Woman doctor, male nurse |
Doctor, nurse |
Using he to refer to “everyone” |
The average worker . . . he |
The average worker . . . he or she |
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OR |
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Average workers . . . they |
Identifying roles with gender |
The typical executive spends four hours |
Most executives spend four hours a day in |
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of his day in meetings. |
meetings. |
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The consumer . . . she |
Consumers . . . they |
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The nurse/teacher . . . she |
Nurses/teachers . . . they |
Identifying women by marital status |
Mrs. Norm Lindstrom |
Maria Lindstrom |
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OR |
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Ms. Maria Lindstrom |
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Norm Lindstrom and Ms. Drake |
Norm Lindstrom and Maria Drake |
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OR |
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Mr. Lindstrom and Ms. Drake |
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Racial and Ethnic Bias |
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Assigning stereotypes |
Not surprisingly, Shing-Tung Yau excels in |
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mathematics. |
Shing-Tung Yau excels in mathematics.
Identifying people by race or ethnicity
Mario M. Cuomo, Italian-American politician and ex-governor of New York
Mario M. Cuomo, politician and ex-governor of New York
Age Bias
Including age when irrelevant |
Mary Kirazy, 58, has just joined our trust |
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department. |
Mary Kirazy has just joined our trust department.
Disability Bias
Putting the disability before the person |
Disabled workers face many barriers |
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on the job. |
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An epileptic, Tracy has no trouble |
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doing her job. |
Workers with physical disabilities face many barriers on the job.
Tracy’s epilepsy has no effect on her job performance.
REAL-TIME UPDATES
Learn More by Reading This PDF
Get detailed advice on using bias-free language
This in-depth guide offers practical tips for avoiding many types of cultural bias in your writing and speaking. Go to http://real-timeupdates.com/bce6 and click on Learn More. If you are using MyBCommLab, you can access Real-Time Updates within each chapter or under Student Study Tools.
individual asks to be addressed as Miss or Mrs. or has some other title, such as Dr.
■Racial and ethnic bias. Avoid identifying people by race or ethnic origin unless such identification is relevant to the matter at hand—and it rarely is.
■Age bias. Mention the age of a person only when it is relevant. Moreover, be careful of the context in which you use words that refer to age; such words carry a variety of positive and negative connotations. For example, young can imply youthfulness, inexperience, or even immaturity, depending on how it’s used.