100 Unit 2: The Three-Step Writing Process

of a continuing series of staff reductions anticipated over the next several years.” However, your boss is concerned about the vagueness and negative tone of the language and asks you to rewrite that sentence to read “This staffing adjustment is part of the company’s ongoing efforts to continually align its resources with global market conditions.” Do you think this suggested wording is ethical, given the company’s significant economic presence in the community? Explain your answer in an email message to your instructor.

4.Writing: Using Plain Language; Media Skills: Blogging [LO-3] Download the Security and Exchange Commission’s (SEC’s) A Plain English Handbook, from www.sec.gov/pdf/handbook.pdf. In one or two sentences, summarize what the SEC means by the phrase plain English. Now scan the SEC’s introduction to mutual funds at www.sec.gov/investor/pubs/inwsmf.htm. Does this information follow the SEC’s plain English guidelines? Cite several examples that support your assessment. Post your analysis on your class blog.

5.Writing: Creating Effective Sentences; Media Skills:

Social Networking [LO-4] If you are interested in business, chances are you’ve had an idea or two for starting a company. If you haven’t yet, go ahead and dream up an idea now. Make it something you are passionate about, something you could really throw yourself into. Now write a four-sentence summary that could appear on the Info tab on a Facebook profile. Make sure the first sentence is a solid topic sentence, and make sure the next three sentences offer relevant evidence and examples. Feel free to make up any details you need. Email your summary to your instructor or post it on your class blog.

6. Writing: Crafting Unified, Coherent Paragraphs; Media Skills: Email [LO-5] Suppose that end-of-term frustrations have produced this email message to Professor Anne Brewer from a student who believes he should have received a B in his accounting class. If this message were recast into three or four clear sentences, the teacher might be more receptive to the student’s argument. Rewrite the message to show how you would improve it:

I think that I was unfairly awarded a C in your accounting class this term, and I am asking you to change the grade to a B. It was a difficult term. I don’t get any money from home, and I have to work mornings at the Pancake House (as a cook), so I had to rush to make your class, and those two times that I missed class were because they wouldn’t let me off work because of special events at the Pancake House (unlike some other students who just take off when they choose). On the midterm examination, I originally got a 75 percent, but you said in class that there were two different ways to answer the third question and that you would change the grades of students who used the “optimal cost” method and had been counted off 6 points for doing this. I don’t think that you took this into account, because I got 80 percent on the final, which is clearly a

B. Anyway, whatever you decide, I just want to tell you that I really enjoyed this class, and I thank you for making accounting so interesting.

7.Writing: Crafting Unified, Coherent Paragraphs; Collaboration: Evaluating the Work of Others [LO-6], Chapter 5 For this exercise, work with four other students. Each of you should choose one of the following five topics and write one paragraph on it. Be sure one student writes a paragraph using the illustration technique, one using the comparison-or-contrast technique, one using a discussion of cause and effect, one using the classification technique, and one using a discussion of problem and solution. Then exchange paragraphs within the team and pick out the main idea and general purpose of the paragraph one of your teammates wrote. Was everyone able to correctly identify the main idea and purpose? If not, suggest how the paragraph might be rewritten for clarity.

a.Types of cameras (or dogs or automobiles) available for sale

b.Advantages and disadvantages of eating at fast-food restaurants

c.Finding that first full-time job

d.Good qualities of my car (or house, or apartment, or neighborhood)

e.How to make a favorite dessert (or barbecue a steak or make coffee)

8.Writing: Using Technology to Compose Messages [LO-7], Chapter 5 Team up with another student and choose some form of document or presentation software that allows you to create templates or another form of “master design.” (Microsoft Word, Microsoft PowerPoint, or their equivalents are good choices for this assignment.) Your task is to design a report template for a company you know about firsthand or whose general communication style you are able to analyze from its website and other materials. You can start your template from scratch or adapt an existing template, but if you adapt another template, make sure the final design is largely your own. Chapter 5 offers information on document design.

Expand Your Skills

Critique the Professionals

Locate an example of professional communication from a reputable online source. Choose a paragraph that has at least three sentences. Evaluate the effectiveness of this paragraph at three levels, starting with the paragraph structure. Is the paragraph unified and cohesive? Does it have a clear topic sentence and sufficient support to clarify and expand on that topic? Second, evaluate each sentence. Are the sentences easy to read and easy to understand? Did the writer vary the types and lengths of sentences used to produce a smooth flow and rhythm? Is the most important idea presented prominently in each sentence? Third, evaluate at least

six word choices. Did the writer use these words correctly and effectively? Using whatever medium your instructor requests, write a brief analysis of the piece (no more than one page), citing specific elements from the piece and support from the chapter.

Sharpen Your Career Skills Online

Bovée and Thill’s Business Communication Web Search, at http://websearch.businesscommunicationnetwork.com, is a unique research tool designed specifically for business communication research. Use the Web Search function to find a website, video, PDF document, podcast, or presentation that offers advice on adapting to your audience or composing business messages. Write a brief email message to your instructor or a post for your class blog, describing the item that you found and summarizing the career skills information you learned from it.

Improve Your Grammar, Mechanics,

and Usage

You can download the text of this assignment from http:// real-timeupdates.com/bce6; click on Student Assignments and then click on Chapter 4. Improve Your Grammar, Mechanics, and Usage.

Level 1: Self-Assessment—Adjectives

Review Section 1.4 in the Handbook of Grammar, Mechanics, and Usage and then complete the following 15 items.

In items 1–5, indicate the appropriate form of the adjective that appears in parentheses.

1.Of the two products, this one has the __________ (great) potential.

2.The __________ (perfect) solution is d.

3.Here is the __________ (interesting) of all the ideas I have heard so far.

4.Our service is __________ (good) than theirs.

5.The __________ (hard) part of my job is firing people.

In items 6–10, insert hyphens where required.

6.A highly placed source revealed Dotson’s last ditch efforts to cover up the mistake.

7.Please send an extra large dust cover for my photocopier.

8.A top secret document was taken from the president’s office last night.

9.A 30 year old person should know better.

10.If I write a large scale report, I want to know that it will be read by upper level management.

In items 11–15, insert required commas, where needed, between adjectives.

11.The two companies are engaged in an all-out no-holds- barred struggle for dominance.

12.A tiny metal shaving is responsible for the problem.

13.She came to the office with a bruised swollen knee.

14.A chipped cracked sheet of glass is useless to us.

15.You’ll receive our usual cheerful prompt service.

Level 2: Workplace Applications

The following items may contain errors in grammar, capitalization, punctuation, abbreviation, number style, word division, and vocabulary. Rewrite each sentence, correcting all errors. If a sentence has no errors, write “Correct” for that number.

1.Its time that you learned the skills one needs to work with suppliers and vendors to get what you want and need.

2.Easy flexible wireless calling plans start for as little as $19 dollars a month.

3.There’s several criteria used to select customer’s to receive this offer.

4.PetFood Warehouse officially became PETsMART, Jim left the co. due to health reasons.

5.First quarter sales gains are evident in both the grocery store sector (up 1.03%) and the restaurant sector (up 3.17 per cent) according to Food Institute estimates.

6.Whatever your challenge, learning stronger “negotiating” tactics and strategies will improve the way people work and the results that comes from their efforts.

7.To meet the increasing demand for Penta bottled-drink- ing-water, production capacity is being expanded by Bio-Hydration Research Lab by 80 percent.

8.Seminars begin at 9 A.M. and wrap up at 4:00 P.M.

9.Temple, Texas-based McLane Co. a subsidiary of Walmart has bought a facility in Northfield, Minn that it will use to distribute products to customers such as convenience stores, stores that sell items at a discount, and mass merchants.

10.The British Retail Consortium are releasing the 3rd edition of its Technical Standards on Apr. 22, reported The New York Times.

11.The reason SkillPath is the fastest growing training company in the world is because of our commitment to providing clients with the highest-quality learning experiences possible.

12.According to professor Charles Noussair of the economics department of Purdue University, opinion surveys “Capture the respondent in the role of a voter, not in the role of a consumer”.

13.The Study found that people, exposed to Purina banner ads, were almost 50 percent more likely to volunteer Purina as the first Dog Food brand that came to mind.

14.In a consent decree with the food and drug administration, E’Ola International a dietary supplement maker agreed not to sell any more products containing the drug, ephedrine.

15.Dennis Dickson is looking for a company both to make and distribute plaidberries under an exclusive license, plaidberries is blackberries that are mixed with extracts and they are used as a filling.

Level 3: Document Critique

The following document may contain errors in grammar, capitalization, punctuation, abbreviation, number style, word division, and vocabulary. You will also find errors related to topics in this chapter. Concentrate on using the

102 Unit 2: The Three-Step Writing Process

“you” attitude, emphasizing the positive, being polite, and using bias-free language as you improve this message. As your instructor indicates, photocopy this page and correct all errors using standard proofreading marks (see Appendix C) or download the document and make the corrections in your word processing software.16

Welcome! Here is your new card for your health Savings Account (HSA)

Using your prepaid card makes HSAs: Fast + Easy + Automatic!!

Step 1: Activate and Sign Your Card(s)

■You CANNOT use your card until you perfom these following steps: to activate, go to the websight listed on the back of your Card(s). You can also just following the instructons written on the sticker which should be attached to the front of your card.

■Your member ID No. could be one of two things: your Social Security Number or the ID number assigned by your Health Plan

■Sign the back of your card and have the other person on the account, if any, sign the other card (you should’ve received two cards with this letter, by the way)

Step 2: Use Your Card as You Need

However, DO NOT ATTEMPT to use yoru card for anything expenses other than current year medical expenses—qualified only!—for you or your dependents if you have any

The things your Card can be used for include but are not limited to such as:

■Prescriptions, but only those covered by your health plan—obviously

■Dental

■Vision and eyewear

■OTC items if covered

Step 3: Save All Receipts!! So You can use them when you do Your Taxes

References

1.Martin Shovel, “How to Be an Outstanding Communicator,” CreativityWorks blog, 16 May 2011, www.creativity works.net; “About Us,” CreativityWorks, 16 May 2011, www.creativityworks.net.

2.Annette N. Shelby and N. Lamar Reinsch, Jr., “Positive Emphasis and You Attitude: An Empirical Study,” Journal of Business Communication 32, no. 4 (1995): 303–322.

3.Sherryl Kleinman, “Why Sexist Language Matters,” Qualitative Sociology 25, no. 2 (Summer 2002): 299–304.

4.Judy E. Pickens, “Terms of Equality: A Guide to Bias-Free Language,” Personnel Journal, August 1985, 24.

5.Xerox website, accessed 17 May 2012, www.xerox.com; ADM website, accessed 17 May 2012, www.adm.com.

6.Lisa Taylor, “Communicating About People with Disabilities: Does the Language We Use Make a Difference?”

Bulletin of the Association for Business Communication

53, no. 3 (September 1990): 65–67.

7.Susan Benjamin, Words at Work (Reading, Mass.: Addi- son-Wesley, 1997), 136–137.

8.Plain English Campaign website, accessed 28 June 2010, www.plainenglish.co.uk.

9.Plain Language website; Etzkorn, “Amazingly Simple Stuff.”

10.Susan Jaderstrom and Joanne Miller, “Active Writing,” Office Pro, November/December 2003, 29.

11.Portions of this section are adapted from Courtland L. Bovée, Techniques of Writing Business Letters, Memos, and

Reports (Sherman Oaks, Calif.: Banner Books International, 1978), 13–90.

12.“Why Concrete Language Communicates Truth,” PsyBlog, 21 June 2011, www.spring.org.uk/.

13.Catherine Quinn, “Lose the Office Jargon; It May Sunset Your Career,” The Age (Australia), 1 September 2007, www.theage.com.au.

14.Food Allergy Initiative website, accessed 18 May 2012, www.faiusa.org.

15.Inspired by Inglesina website, accessed 14 March 2008, www.inglesina.com and BestBabyGear website, accessed

14March 2008, www.bestbabygear.com. (The text contained in the sample message does not appear on either website.)

16.Adapted from a mailer received from Evolution Benefits,

10January 2008. (None of the errors shown in this exercise exist in the original.)

5

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Completing Business Messages

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

After studying this chapter, you will be able to

1Discuss the value of careful revision and describe the tasks involved in evaluating your first drafts and the work of other writers.

2List four techniques you can use to improve the readability of your messages.

3Describe the steps you can take to improve the clarity of your writing and give four tips on making your writing more concise.

4Identify four software tools that can help you revise messages and explain the risks of using them.

5List four principles of effective design and explain the role of major design elements in document readability.

6Explain the importance of proofreading and give six tips for successful proofreading.

7Discuss the most important issues to consider when distributing your messages.

Leo Babauta

Author and blogger Leo Babauta knows that it is in the revision stage that a message really comes alive.

As one of today’s most widely read bloggers, Leo Babauta recognizes that the true power of writing often lies in rewriting—revising messages until they are as clear, concise, and effective as possible.1 Careful revision often means the difference between a rambling, unfocused message and a lively, direct message that gets attention and spurs action. Taking the time to evaluate and improve your messages through revision can also save you from releasing the sort of poorly written messages that can hold back your career and harm your company’s reputation.2