5. Funny Stories

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At her friend’s house a young girl meets a sailor who has escaped a shipwreck. Being eager to hear a thrilling story of a storm at sea she asks him:

“How did you feel when tossed by the waves?”

“Wet, miss,” he answers, unwilling to go into particulars.

* * *

• Do you know that ugly gentleman sitting opposite us?

• That’s my brother, madam.

• Ah, I beg your pardon. I haven’t noticed the resemblance.

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An American who went to Japan had a Japanese servant who was very polite. One morning the American wanted to get up very early and said to the servant: “Wake me up at six, please. Don’t forget.”

At six o’clock the servant entered the American’s room very quietly and seeing that the American was asleep took a sheet of paper and wrote some words on it. Then he left the room as quietly as he had entered.

Waking up at 11 o’clock, the American jumped out of bed, looked at his watch and saw the sheet of paper on the table. He read these words on it: “Dear sir, it is now six o’clock. Please get up at once.”

* * *

When a little boy arrived home from school his mother asked him if he had been a good boy.

He replied: “Sure, I was good! How much trouble can you get into standing in a corner?”

* * *

Patient: I’m in love with you! I don’t want to get well.

Nurse: You won’t. The doctor saw you kissing me, and he is in love with me, too.

* * *

A member of the faculty of a London medical college was chosen to be an honorary physician to the Queen. Proud of his appointment, he wrote a note on the blackboard in his classroom:

“Beginning next month I will be honorary physician to Queen Elizabeth.”

The next day when the professor returned to the classroom, he found the following line written below his notice: “God Save the Queen!”

General revision

A.

Ex. 1. State whether the -ing form is a participle, a gerund, or a verbal noun.

1. Looking back upon that time was like remembering some­thing that had happened long ago, when he was much younger. (J.S.) 2. Looking back upon that time, I thought that all might have been different had it not been for the interference of my parents. 3. Dave lived there like a rent-paying tenant, his comings and goings being of small concern to the others. (A.S.) 4. The distraught Jenny, sitting by her sleeping child, was at last made to realize, by its peaceful breathing, that all danger was over. (Th.D.) 5. She left off ringing, and, sitting down at the top of the stairs, buried her face in her hands. (Glsw.) 6. With a sudden tightening of the muscles he became aware of a figure walking noiselessly beside him. (H.W.) 7. There was the sound of rocking a chair in the room, and of a woman singing. (R.G.) 8. He cursed himself for having come, and at the same time resolved that, happen what would, having come, he would carry it through. (J.L.) 9. Through spaces of the unfinished house, shirtsleeved figures worked slowly, and sounds arose — spasmodic knockings, the scraping of metal, the sawing of wood. (Glsw.) 10. Having exhausted all the possible combinations of his vocabulary, the sailor quieted down to hard thinking. (J.L.) 11. An old clock kept with its ticking a jealous record of the seconds slipping away for ever from its old master.

Ex. 2. Insert not or without before the -ing form, thus using a par­ticiple or a gerund.

1. ... speaking the language, he was questioned through an interpreter. 2. She never did a thing ... asking somebody's advice. 3. The man was holding forth, ... paying attention to the attempts to interrupt him. 4. I left him alone, ... wanting to distract him from his work. 5. ... having recognized me, she passed by ... answering my nod. 6. The girl looked innocently about her, ... realizing what the joke was. 7. They could not see each other ... immediately losing their temper. 8. ... waiting for an answer, he turned round and walked out. 9. I tried to catch his eye but he sat motionless, ... looking in my direction. 10. They jumped at the proposition, ... thinking of the consequences. 11. The wind had been blowing for many days ... seeming to stop. 12. The young man asked me all kinds of questions ... concealing his curiosity. 13. I stood as if petrified, ... believing my eyes. 14. He never signed a paper ... having thoroughly read it through. 15. The door stood ajar, and we entered ... knocking.

Ex. 3. Use the appropriate form of the infinitive or participle of the verb in brackets.

1. (to switch on) the light, he pulled down the curtains. 2 (to switch on) the light, you have only to reach out your hand. 3. He took up the glass carefully, not (to spill) a drop. 4. He took up the full glass, not (to spill) a drop. 5. He received a letter (to inform) him of their new address. 6. They sent him a letter (to inform) him of their new address. 7. She winced (to remember) the pain. 8. She strained her memory (to remember) the date. 9 It was an answer (to expect). 10. An answer came, but it was not the answer (to expect). 41. A new canal was built (to connect) the two rivers. 12. (to take) his glass from the table he held it away from him (to scrutinize) the colour. 13. He is not a man easily (to move) by tears. 14. He was a sentimental man, easily (to move) by tears. 15. There is a man (to wait) for you. 16. There is a man (to see) you. 17. He stopped short as if (to take aback). 18. He shaded his eyes with his hand as though (to protect) them from the blazing sun. 19. She smiled to herself as if (to remember) something funny. 20. (to see) from afar, a beacon must be high and powerful. 21. (to see) from afar, the beacon was an unfailing guide for ships at sea, whatever the weather. 22. They had tried many other methods, finally (to return) to the initial one 23. They had tried many other methods only (to return) to the initial one.

Ex. 4. Translate what is given in brackets using the infinitive or participle.

1. He raised up his head а) (с удивленным видом); b) (чтобы посмотреть, кто вошел); с) (и увидел, что кто-то наблюдает за ним). 2. We have many people а) (которые нам помогают); (которые могут нам помочь). 3. а) Не settled at the new place (и уже не покидал его); b) (Обосновавшись) at the new place, he never left it. 4. The scientists brought back from the expedition some pictures of deep water fishes (невиданных ранее). 5. That is one of the greatest discoveries (когда-либо сделанных чело­веком). 6. a) The first party of the goods (посылаемых) to the fair has arrived; b) (посланных) to the fair is on the way to the port of delivery; с) (которые будут посланы) to the fair is ready for transportation. 7. a) I shiver (при одной мысли об этом); b) I shivered (подумав об этом). 8. а) Не must be a great authority on the subject (раз он написал) such a book; b) He was a great authority on the subject (проработав) in the field for so many years. 9. His was a wisdom а) (которая приобретается) only through experience; b) (которая может быть приобретена) only through experience. 10. a) How many rooms are reserved for the delegates (прибывающих) for the conference? b) There are some more delegates (которые должны прибыть) for the conference;

2. These rooms are occupied by the delegates (прибывшими) for the conference.

Ex. 5. Combine or paraphrase the following sentences using non-finite forms of the verb (give several variants where possible).

1. He tore the envelope open and took out the enclosed letter. He turned it several times in his hand and put it back unread. 2. When Andrew was reinforced by this information he immedi­ately went down to the hall and rang up his wife. 3. We took a cab; we wished to be among the first who would greet the guests. 4. We came to the party; we found everybody gathered. 5. He wanted me to speak in public; he insisted on it. 6. He had examined every little exhibit in the museum. He now had a complete idea of the poet's life. 7. Martin poured out the wine clumsily and spilt some of it on the table cloth. 8. I did not stay in the country long enough. I don't know the customs of the people. 9. I hope you will remember this once and for all. You won't make me remind you of it. 10. They did not wish to meet anybody; they went round the house and entered it from the back lest they should be observed. 11. Every other minute he would push up his sleeve and look at the watch. 12. He reads into the early hours of the morning. This habit of his will have its say on his health one fine day. 13. When he saw me in this dress he burst into laughter. He couldn't help it. 14. If such machines are applied in agriculture, they will save farmers much time and labour. 15. He kept on reading; he did not answer. It seemed that he did not hear my question. 16. The man registered the newcomers, that was his job. 17. They made the garden shady; they had planted more trees in it. 18. He did not suspect a trap. He readily accepted the offer. 19. When I was examining the post mark, I noted that the communication had been sent Thursday last. 20. You will not recover soon if you don't take regular treatment.

Ex. 6. State whether the -ing-form is the gerund, the par­ticiple or the verbal noun. Give your reasons.

1. Now... you stop crying, like a good girl, and powder your nose and all that. (P. W.) 2. Strickland was indifferent to his surroundings, and he had lived in the other's studio without thinking of altering a thing. (S. M.) 3. Because of the skating she began to be easier as she walked... . (Bates) 4. "Where is Ogilvy Street?" "Up the road, first turning to the left." (P. W.) 5. The poor woman lay quite still, refusing to speak, with her eyes intent, as though she watched for the coming of death. (S. M.) 6. And so absorbed was she in this pursuit that a knocking on the outer door did not pene­trate to her consciousness. (S. M.) 7. The longing in his voice was very sad. (Cron.) 8. He discovered... one morning that an idea had come to him for making a series of water-colour drawings of London. (Galsw.) 9. There was a great deal of excited coming and going. (Cron.) 10. Then there was a rattl­ing of plates and cups. (Cron.) 11. He was interrupted in this task by the opening of the door, and looking up, was surprised to see his niece. (P. W.) 12. I mustn't keep you standing here for another instant. (P. W.) 13. Liza was able to make her own living by working at the factory. (S. M.) 14. Mr. Braddock greatly disliked being called brother, but he made no comment. (P. W.)

Ex. 7. Define the non-finite form of the verb and its func­tion.

1. Liza set about getting her tea. She thought it would be rather lonely eating it alone, so pouring out a cup of tea and putting a little condensed milk into it, she cut a huge piece of bread-and-butter, and sat herself down outside on the doorstep. Another woman came downstairs, and, seeing Liza, sat down beside her and began to talk. (S. M.) 2. He had to contend with the work of his practice, he had only the long nights in which to study. Sustained by black coffee and a wet towel round his head he battled on, sitting into the early hours of the morning. When he fell into bed, exhaust­ed, often he could not sleep and sometimes when he slept he would awake, sweating from a nightmare. (Cron.) 3. There were little knots of women talking at their open doorways, and as he passed they stopped talking to smile and give him a friendly "Good morning". Approaching Number 12 he fan­cied he saw a face at the window. And it was so. They had been waiting on him. The instant he placed his foot on the newly pipeclayed doorstep, the door was swung open and the old woman, beaming unbelievably all over her wrinkled face, made him welcome to the house. (Cron.) 4. Surrounded by difficulties and uncertainty, he longed for Christine. Let­ters were no use; he had no talent for expressing himself on paper... . Yet she was not returning to Blaenelly until the first week in September. He turned a fretful, hungry eyes upon the calendar, counting the days that intervened. There were still twelve of them to run. He felt, with growing des­pondency, that they might as well be past, for all the prospect which they held for him. (Cron.)

Ex. 8. Use the gerund or the participle in the required form instead of the infinitive in brackets.

1. She left the room (to murmur) something incoherent about (to bicycle) down to the village. (S. M.) 2. She seemed to be on the point of (to discuss) whether I was a satisfactory person. (Bates) 3. As I stood (to hesitate) in the hall with all this (to pass) through my mind, Caroline's voice came again. (A. Chr.) 4. She and I were supposed (to work) togeth­er in the evening (to take) round suppers, (to tidy) the ward and (to clean) things. (M. D.) 5. "Well, dear," said Miss Marple, "it is much easier for me (to sit) here quietly than it was for you." (A. Chr.) 6. She rose and stood (to look) at him, her face quite expressionless. (F. F.) 7. (to recover) from her surprise, she soon came out again. (White) 8. She watched him through the window (to walk) alone. (White) 9. They had not very long to wait however before the door opened and Miss Packard came in (to apologise) as she did so. (A. Chr.) 10. (to talk) of Bill, is he expecting me? (P. W.) 11. While (to wait) for the door to open, he was conscious of extreme quietude, broken by a clock chiming four as if with the voice of Time itself. (Galsw.)

Ex. 9. Define the type of predicative constructions in the following sentences.

1. Tommy heard the sound of the key being turned in the lock. (A. Chr.) 2. I felt they expected me to say clever things, and I never could think of any till after the party was over. I tried to conceal my embarrassment by handing round cups of tea and rather ill-cut bread-and-butter. I wanted no one to take notice of me, so that I could observe these famous creatures at my ease and listen to the clever things they said. (S. M.) 3. We stood under a street light, reading the paper, waiting for Tom to come down from the park after taking Lydia home. (Bates) 4.I want to be read and I think I am justified in doing what I can to make my book readable. (S. M.) 5. My uncle was sitting in a chair near the window. He seemed to be staring into space, his hands clenched nerv­ously on the edge of the chair. (D. Rob.) 6. ...and he despised himself again because his heart had given such a jolt of relief when he saw her come in. 7. He had left his wife sit­ting on the sofa in the drawing-room, her hands crossed in her lap, ... waiting for him to go out. (Qalsw.) 8. For Tansy it was a dance that she was not likely to forget. (D. Rob.) 9. We found M. Hautet awaiting us in the hall, and we all proceed­ed upstairs together, Franchise marching ahead to show us the way. (A. Chr.) 10. When it was time for me to go I asked if I could see the rooms. (S. M.) 11. "And now," Mrs. Gary was saying, "I want you to go and see the lady who has the chrysanthemums." (F. F.) 12. When she opened her eyes, it was with a shock that she saw Nigel standing beside her. (D. Rob.) 13. She dosed, and so did not hear a man walking on bare feet along the beach. (D. Rob.) 14. ...Martin was sup­posed to be engaged to Christine Manners. (D. Rob.) 15. ...She isn't likely to be your secretary much longer. (D. Rob.) 16. The gate had been kept unlocked for her. I opened it and let her through. (Bates)

Ex. 10. Define the function of predicative constructions in the following sentences.

1. What a lot of people seem to have been at school with you! (P. W.) 2. My goodness, I'd give something to see that girl smile. (S. M.) 3. She felt her eyelids burning; she stamped her foot violently; her hands scurried nervously over the table as if searching for a weapon, and then she flung herself wildly at Gedney. (F. F.) 4. You don't seem to understand how... happy it makes me to see you sitting there... . (P. W.) 5. Irene turned to answer him, and Soames saw Bosinney watching her and smiling to himself. (Galsw.) 6. The sun's beams seemed to hit the white road with a directed energy. (S. M.) 7. To save embarrassment to people still living I have given the persons who play part in this story names of my own contriving... . (S. M.) 8. The bowl seemed suddenly to turn itself over... . (F. F.) 9. It dawned upon Andrew, ...that his having been in practice in this remote Welsh mining town condemned him. (Cron.) 10. Andrew swung round to see Mrs. Page sail out of the sitting-room, her face unusually pale, her black eyes sparkling with some violent emotion. (Cron.) 11. Again Bernice had to speak. "Do you want me to go home?" (F. F.)

Ex. 11. Recast the following sentences so as to use constructions with a non-finite form of the verb instead of subor­dinate clauses.

1. Though he had suffered so much from the ridicule of his friends, David... could never resist displaying his pic­tures. 2. I do not believe the people who tell me that they do not care a row of pins for the opinion of their fellows. 3. When we had finished I called the waiter to pay for the dinner. 4. It appeared he had not two thoughts on the matter. 5. It appeared that her admiration for the famous writer was so intense that she was prepared to cut an engagement in London. 6. He insisted that I should go with them. 7. It seemed that Jack had chosen the moment to ask me to grant him a favour. 8. He regretted that he had done this. 9. I was sure that she had read all Mike's books. 10. It seemed that he was having a good time. 11. It happened that they knew one anoth­er very well. 12. Andrew saw that Clara's eyes widened with surprise.

B.