Start by telling them your position on the triangles and how you’re striving to improve yourself.

They will understand where you’re coming from if you do it in a compassionate manner. Of course, it might take them a few days to process all the information. Patience is key.

How the Winner’s Triangle Looks Like in Practice

Now, the theory sounds nice and all. Except we all know that practice makes perfect, and is the best way to learn about anything.

As such, we will present you with three real cases of people shifting triangles – so to speak – and becoming winners themselves. Use their examples wisely in order to improve your own status.

Sarah

Because Sarah grew up in a lower income family, both her parents needed to work to make ends meet. Her mother wasn’t around much, so she was raised by nannies.

She didn’t get the necessary motherly affection as a child so her self-esteem had to suffer. Not only that, but she ended up being angry with her parents, and struggling with abandonment issues.

Naturally, she couldn’t communicate her feelings properly because of those problems. Her mother would return tired from work and couldn’t give her the affection she needed. This made Sarah feel unworthy.

Her mother was often a Persecutor, leaving her father to play the role of Victim. Sarah would sometimes end up in the Rescuer’s role.

Since the mother was the only consistent feminine role model she had, she turned Persecutor herself. This was especially clear when she interacted with other children in her class.

As a young woman, Sarah would be enabled as a Persecutor by her sister, who often played victim. It only ended up hurting her ability to get close to people. The fear of abandonment was too strong.

She felt “in control” with her bossy and superior attitude, and the feeling that people were acknowledging her existence. But really, she ended up with no meaningful friendships.

After all, who would want to be friends with someone so overly critical of every little thing? Still, all she wanted was affection and some understanding. She was just too afraid of communicating that fact, and showing others her kind and gentle side.

Luckily, Sarah met someone in her late twenties that would change that for her. Instead of enabling her as a Persecutor, this person made her understand what she was doing wrong.

It ended up being an eye-opening experience for Sarah, and she started struggling towards fixing those abandonment issues.

Through care and understanding, Sarah toned down her bossy nature and began defying the Persecutor role she had gained in her childhood.

She began to be an Assertive instead, which benefited her relationships greatly. No longer did she respond with anger when she wasn’t being noticed. Instead, she just communicated her feelings in a calm manner and people finally understood where she came from.

Ultimately, that helped her understand others just as well – helping them become Winners as she had managed to do.

Nigel

Unlike Sarah, Nigel got plenty of affection from his parents. In fact, you could say it was too much affection. They were not responsible enough to set some boundaries and instill some discipline.

If he started crying, he knew that his mother would act as a Rescuer even if he did something wrong. Naturally, he was going to suffer through grade school because he was not accustomed to negative reactions from anybody.

He would just become upset and difficult to communicate with. Even as he grew older, he felt like a sad outcast. Ever the Victim, he still gained enough attention from Rescuers in his life.

But, this meant he would have no opportunity to grow as a person. Sure, he could go to college and find a job, but those are simply materialistic goals. Inside, he felt just as sad and lonely as always.

He could not recognize his shortcomings, and neither could he see how others viewed him as a person. In the end, he got tired of the constant melancholy and the lack of friends.

He started studying psychology and self-improvement techniques. It helped him understand how he got into his situation and what steps were necessary for change.

Realizing that being a Victim all the time would not help, he worked on becoming more Assertive. That meant learning how to express his sorrows in a more constructive way than just whining about it.

Sure, it was a difficult change to make, but his social interactions had definitely improved because of his effort.

His parents could not believe this shift in character from Nigel. And yet, it was probably nice seeing him make true friends and claim some responsibility once in a while.

He managed to learn how to communicate his feelings in a healthy manner, despite fears of rejection or the thought of discomfort.

It was much easier to communicate with him, as a result. He would not simply “shut down” as he did in grade school. Ultimately, this made him think of a brighter future.

Brenda

Brenda’s father left the family before she and her brothers and sisters even turned 8. Her mother eventually married someone else, and had two more children.

As such, Brenda was the oldest of 5 children. It wasn’t a happy life for Brenda, as her mother struggled with alcoholism for the rest of her life.

She would pick up the slack and take care of her siblings when her mother couldn’t. The new husband was abusive to the family.

Now, while Brenda didn’t receive much attention from her parents, she still felt the affection of her siblings. She needed to act as a Rescuer for them when things got tough around the house.

But, if you remembered what we discussed about Rescuers, you would know that Brenda was neglecting her own needs.

Her frustration was thus exteriorized by defending others. While she was kind, she couldn’t form any meaningful relationships with others her age.

This made her feel very alone. As her brothers and sisters grew up alongside her,

she couldn’t fill the role of Rescuer for them anymore.

Instead, she found new ways to do it. This only exacerbated her feelings of insignificance and neglect – which lead her down the path of alcoholism just like her mother before her.

At thirty years old, Brenda ended up in a psychiatrist’s office to deal with her internalized anger.

He helped her realize that in order for her to enact change, she would need to learn how to open up to others. With time, she learned how to do it, and managed to quit her addiction and unhealthy Drama Triangle role.

Now, you might believe that these stories are too extreme to apply to everyone. But, when you look at the facts:

We all deal with our feelings according to how our parents raised us; Similarly, the way we interacted with others during childhood has a strong effect;

Parents deal with their own problems and can’t always prevent ours;

Sure, Sarah, Nigel, and Rachel probably had it harder than most of us (not to detract from those who went through such difficulties.)

But their stories are a great illustration of how childhood experiences can affect us later in life. Everyone is different, however, so these examples are not always applicable.

They’re still a nice way to understand why a person behaves a certain way. By analyzing the hopes, dreams, and fears of others, we can end up discovering something within ourselves as well.

In the end, we all have something to gain from such experiences: how to create meaningful relationships, how to meet our own needs, and more.