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5. Grammar of diplomacy in negotiations

In business, the grammatical and lexical choices you make can have a powerful effect on the outcome of a meeting or negotiation. Generally, diplomatic language is less direct language, so each sentence or expression is usually longer than its more direct, less tactful equivalent.

Look at the following ways of making what you say in a negotiation more diplomatic:

1 Modals: would, could, may, might

  • This is a problem. > This would he a problem.

In the second example the speaker sounds less direct, but the basic message doesn't change. This would be a problem still means it is a problem! But it sounds better.

2 Modifiers: slight, a bit, rather, a few, etc. soften the impact of bad news.

  • There may be a delay. > There may be a slight delay.

3 Rephrased negatives 1: not very, totally, completely + positive adjective

  • We're unhappy with this arrangement. > We're not very happy with this arrangement.

  • I'm unconvinced. > I'm not totally convinced.

Using positive adjectives makes you sound more positive - even when you use them in the negative!

4 Rephrased negatives 2: unable, not able, not in a position to

  • We won't accept anything less. > We're not in a position to accept anything less.

Try to avoid using can't and won't. They make you sound powerless and obstructive.

5 Negative question forms. Negative question forms are incredibly powerful in negotiations. Questions sound more persuasive. Use them to make suggestions and give warnings.

  • Shouldn't we be working together on this?

  • Wouldn’t it be better to…?

6 Comparatives: -er, more, less. The use of comparatives makes what you say sound more negotiable.

  • We're looking for something cheap. > We're looking for something cheaper.

7 Introductory softeners: unfortunately, I'm afraid, to be honest, with respect, etc.

  • This doesn't meet our needs. > Unfortunately, this doesn't meet our needs.

  • You don't quite understand. > With respect, you don't quite understand.

These softeners warn that bad news is coming! They indicate that you are going to say something negative. This doesn’t change the content of your message, but makes it easier for others to accept.

8 Restrictive phrases: at the moment, at this stage, so far, etc.

  • That's our position. > That's our position at the moment.

Using a restrictive phrase does not exclude the possibility of future movement.

9 The passive sounds less like an accusation:

  • NOT: You promised us.., BUT: We were promised…

10 Being open to negotiation. The -ing forms.

  • We aimed to reach agreement today. > We were aiming to reach agreement by today.

  • We had hoped to see some movement on price. > We had been hoping to see some movement on price.

Using the Past Continuous keeps your options open – you were aiming to reach agreement and still are. The Past Perfect Continuous closes the door a little more – you've stopped hoping, but could be persuaded to hope again.

11 Negative adjectives like expensive are often avoided. Seem is common.

  • We don’t seem to agree.