Amazing greys (abridged from Punch) Peter Freedman champions the politicians who dare to be dull.

When a government committee, set up during the last war, asked Oswald Mosley why he had made such frequent visits to see Mussolini in the thirties, Mosley replied: "Because he's the most interesting man in Europe". .

When Sue Lawley, during an interview for Desert Island Discs asked Mosley's widow Diana why she had been such an admirer of Adolf Hitler, the aged fan of the fascists cooed: "He had so much to say ... he was so interesting, fascinating".

The Mosleys, of course, never met Ivan the Terrible, Pedro the Cruel or even Vlad the Impaler, who was, by all accounts, a real card and great value at bring-an-impaler parties. Had they done so, however, they would doubtless have been too busy being inter­ested to notice one great lesson of history, which is this: beware an interesting politician. He's only going to get you into trouble.

On the other hand, if it's wealth and happiness you're after, vote dull. Life may not be quite so thrilling. But it will be a lot more comfortable.

Dean Acherson, American Secretary of State under president Truman, said: "The first requirement of a statesman is that he be dull". Who, for example, is the leader of the third great econom­ic superpower, Japan? By the same token, name the leader of Switzerland. Well, how about one Swiss leader in living memo­ry? Dead memory? It does not matter, nobody in Switzerland can remember either. But the country seems to get by.

The only British politician in the Grey Super League is, of course, the suede-brained former chancellor, Sir Geoffrey Howe-dull-can-you-get (and how dreary of me to mention it). Howe is the dullest figure of his generation and the dullest cabinet min­ister of any generation. He has all the sparkle and panache of a pair of Hush Puppies — not by chance his favourite foot­wear — and his greatest sporting achievement was a notable second-best loser prize in an army boxing competition.

His name has become a byword for British dullness and the Power for positive plodding. Some politicians' speeches set their audiences alight Howe's seemed to be made of asbestos. The list of books with which to launch a sure-fail publishing compa-ⁿy would be headed by one called The Years of Restraint: Geof­frey Howe's Collected Budget Speeches, 1979-1983. Yet, Howe ^is not the only survivor of Mrs. Thatcher's original 1979 Cabinet ^but probably the single least-disliked politician in the country — the man, at any rate, who Maggie dared not sack because he, more than anyone else, embodies the dullness that is our national strength and foundation of our democracy.

Going back into British history, this century's most charis­matic politicians have undoubtedly been Lloyd George and Win­ston Churchill. Lloyd George was finally toppled by Andrew Bonar Law, the driest Scot you could imagine, and Churchill inspired the nation during World War II only to end up on the wrong end of a landslide victory. The man who replaced him is the inspiration for all small, mousey men — Clem Attlee.

Attlee overcame desperate economic circumstances to trans­form society in away few leaders have been able to manage. His Government created the National Health Service and supervised Indian independence. Yet he was said to have the charisma of a building society branch manager. Orwell said that Attlee reminded him of "nothing so much as a dead fish before it has had time to stiffen". Winston Churchill vented his bitterness on his lacklus­tre opponent in a variety of savage taunts. "An empty taxi drew up at N10 Downing Street", reported Churchill on one occasion, "and Clement Attlee got out". He also called Attlee "a sheep in sheep's clothing".

The only leader America has — until now — produced in the same league of dullness as Clement Attlee was Calvin CoohdgeJthe Republican president from 1923-1929. As the writer H.L. Mencken put it, "Nero fiddled while Rome burned, But Coolige only shore”. Until Reagan, in fact, piling up eleven hours a night and two to four hours an afternoon. Indeed, his first executive decision on becoming President was to move a rocking chair out onto the White House stoop, whereupon he could laze away the Washington evenings.

Even while awake, Coolidge was a man of few words. The story was told of a woman who cornered him at a party, saying: "I made a bet that I could get more than two words out of you". "You lose", he replied. But those words he did speak, he made count. He is said to be the only president who could get four syllables in the word "cow".

On retiring from office Coolidge became a newspaper col­umnist. He was responsible for such epigrammatic insights as "Raising taxes does not now seem popular"; "The future may be better or worse"; and, best of all, during the Great Depression, "The final solution for unemployment is work". But the final verdict on Coolidge was, of course, Dorothy Parker's response to the news of his death — "How can they tell?"

If only Parker had felt the need to ask the same question of either of the two men who so captivated the Mosleys. If only, indeed, the old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times", had been restated as "May you have an interesting leader".

Notes:

1. Sir Oswald Mosley (1896-1980)

a British politician with extreme right wing ideas. He was a Member of Parliament from 1918 to 1931, but in 1932 he started a new politician group called the British Uni­on of Fascists (BUF). Mostly admired Mus­solini and Hitler;

2. Benito Mussolini (1883-1945)

an Italian leader who established the system of fascism and ruled Italy as a dictator from 1925-1943. He fought with Germany in World War II, but because of the failures, he was forced to give up power in 1943. Af­ter the war he was shot by Italian partisans;

4. Desert Island Discs

a British radio programme in which fa- mous people talk about their lives and choose the eight records they would like to have with them if they were left alone on a desert is­ land. They are also allowed to choose one book and one luxury;

5. George Orwell (1903-1950)

the pen name of Eric Blair, a British writ­er, best known for his novels "Animal Farm" and "Nineteen Eighty-Four";

6. Downing Street

the street in central London that contains the official houses of the British PM, at num­ber 10, and the Chancellor of the Exchequer at number 11;

7. Calvin Coolidge (1872-1933)

the President of the USA from 1923-1929;

6. Dorothy Parker (1893-1967)

a US writer of poetry and short stories, who also wrote reviews of books and plays. She is remembered for her many clever and funny sayings in which she criticized US so­ciety and well-known people

Exercise 36

Choose the most appropriate variant:

1. In Peter Freedman's opinion, dull politicians

1. are more successful than interesting politicians

2. do more for their voters than interesting politicians

3. do less harm than interesting politicians

2. Mr. Geoffrey Howe's greatest sporting achievement was

1. he won a prize in an army boxing competition

2. he lost a prize in an army boxing competition

3. he took the last but one place in an army boxing competition

4. he was second-best in an army boxing competition

3. Geoffrey Howe's speeches

1. produced a mesmerizing effect on his audiences

2. astounded his audiences

3. invigorated his audiences

4. produced a lulling effect on his audiences

_e) produced no impression on his audiences

4. Attlee Clement

1. inspired all small mousey men

2. was able to inspire all small mousey men

3. could have inspired all small mousey men

4. inspires all small mousey men

5. Calvin Coolidge

1. made people count his words when he spoke

2. counted every word he spoke

3. chose his words carefully when he spoke

Discuss in groups

What leaders have ruled Russia in the past century? What im­print have they left on the history of Russia? What effect does the personality of a leader have on the destiny of a nation?

Read how John Humphrys accounts for the public attitude to the choice of a politician. Do you find his arguments convincing? / inadequate? Why? Sum up his point of view in writing.