Vin DiCarlo - Pandoras Box (Complete PUA System)
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just being all over the place, you’d call it “willy-nilly”, much of the stuff they do doesn’t make any sense; and that’s absolutely wrong. Women are extremely logical. During the thinking process women follow patterns and they’re just as rational as men are. But, they’re different on a biological level. They’re different on a physical level. They play a different role in the mating process, and in the peer bonding relationship and this different role has forced them to evolve at different survival strategy. And this is going all the way back to before we were homosapiens, and it’s primarily, the source of it, is that we’re sexually dimorphic; meaning the women, their bodies, are very different than men.
Right.
Obviously women have kids and they are the ones that bear a child and all that stuff. They’re also physically not as strong as men; they’re smaller. There’s just a whole list of physical differences that have forced them to have different psychological strategies for surviving, for mating, for finding the best mate. And it’s extremely logical; it’s just as logical as a man. So it’s important to not get stuck thinking that women just don’t make sense. That’s kind of a copout and it’s not useful and it’s not realistic.
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Right. I agree, of course. It is logical. Men and women both have logic; it’s everything we do. But I think it’s often unclear, or hidden, what the logic is; it’s often far below our conscious awareness. But there is some kind of logic always running to help us survive and perpetuate the race.
Right, and if you think about it, we wouldn’t be at the top of the food chain, we wouldn’t even be alive, our race wouldn’t have survived as long as it did, we wouldn’t even still be here if the things we did didn’t make any sense.
Right.
Nature, evolution and whatever you want to call it has been shaping us for a long, long time. And it is subconscious, it’s instinctual, but when you take a closer look like we did for this project, you start to see some really interesting things coming to the surface.
Right. So, we do have some kind of different survival strategy. I mean obviously stay alive, reproduce, eat, and not freeze to death, but on a more complex level, I guess more sophisticated level, we have a different survival strategy. What does it mean exactly and what is the most striking difference between the men’s survival strategy
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and a woman’s survival strategy from an emotional point of view?
Well, when we talk about survival, we’re talking about not Brian: just survival of the individual, but survival of the offspring, the genetic survival; making sure that the children she has survive. It’s a gene game; we’re talking about genes being
passed down. And in a sense you can even see humans like vessels for genes, and it’s really all about the genes getting passed down. For males, because we’re talking about our entire history, I mean pre-human. For men, physical strength has always been really important as far as surviving. For women, they have a different role, and they can’t rely on physical strength, on brute strength, the way that males historically have. What a female does to survive, since she can’t rely on brute strength, is you can almost think of it as strength in numbers; where her strength comes from the association she has with others, men and women. So, also, if you think about her offspring, her child if she has a child, she needs that child to survive and children can’t speak, so she has to have this intuitive sense of what the child needs. And you’ll see this with moms; when their baby’s crying, they kind of know what’s wrong. And what this means is that women have developed a very high degree of empathy, which means they understand how others feel by feeling that way themselves. And this is fundamental to being able to create strong bonds, strong connections; it’s almost like mind reading. If you can feel
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how someone else feels, you’re stepping into their shoes. And this is extremely important for creating strong bonds, for creating rapport, a feeling of rapport with another person. It’s also very important when you have a crying baby that can’t speak and you need to know what’s wrong, so that you can attend to that child’s needs. It’s also, if you think about it, it’s also very important as far as finding the best male mate, the guy who’s going to give you the things, as a woman, the things that you’ll need; not just good genes, but is this guy going to stick around after he has sex with you and puts a baby in you.
Right.
And so, she’s going to be keyed into what’s going on inside that guy.
Right.
So, this high degree of empathy, you could just say it’s her way of surviving. It’s her way of coping.
Right. It’s her logical mechanism.
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Yes.
Thosearethereasonswhyitisalogicalmechanism,isthatthis empathy,herabilitytosensewhatotherpeoplearefeelingand feelwhatotherpeoplearefeeling;notjustknowwhatthey’re feeling,butactuallyfeelitherself,that’swhatallowsherto makedecisionsthathelpherownsurvival. Aswell,likeyou saidinregardstothebaby,withtryingtodetermineifthisguys goingtostickaround. Andso,that’sobviouslysomethingwe noticeisifwe’reoutwithguys,alotoftimeswhenaguygoes totalktoagirl,thereasonwhyitdoesn’tworksometimesis becauseherdegreeofempathy;shecansensewhat’sgoingon insidehismindandifhe’shavingstrangethoughts,orifhe’s feelingalotoffear,notnecessarilyalittlebitofnervousness, butlikefearorhassomekindofhiddenresentment,orsome hiddenagenda,shecansensethatnomatterwhathe’ssaying. Andso,that’sadifficultythatguyshaveisthattheydon’thave theempathy. Sonotonlyarewomenusingtheirempathyto sensethisguy’sstateinsayingthisguy’snogood,butalso,the guysarelackingempathybecausethey’rehavingdifficulty bringingtheirenergyleveluptoaplacethatmatchesthe womanthatthey’regoingtotalkto.
Right, and I can make this really clear for guys, keep listening. This is something I tell my students right off the bat when they all sit down and prepare for the boot camp. I think most guys are able to look down about a city blocks distance and see a woman walking towards them. And even
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if she’s wearing a coat or a sweater, they can tell how large her breasts are, what kind of figure she has, whether she’s pretty or not; from a long ways away you can tell.
Yes.
That’s where our attention is calibrated to, is her body. Because what we want to do, to put it bluntly, is spread our seed in the most fertile, healthy women we can, so that they’ll have healthy offspring. So, that’s where our attention has evolved to be. Now, if you have that, there’s this myth that like guys are perceptive or aware, they’re just kind of these guys doting around, just dumb right? But, we’re extremely perceptive. We’re just paying attention to different things like the hip-to-waist ratio.
Right.
Now, if you can tell how large a woman’s breasts are from a city block away while she’s wearing a sweater, because you’re tuned into her body, women are tuned into your character, your personality, your energy, your emotions, and what’s going on inside you. So if you can tell that,
if you’re that perceptive, you better believe that when you’re up close and personal looking a woman in the eye, she can tell what’s going on inside you for a very high degree of accuracy.
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Right.
Because that’s where her attention is keyed into.
That’s really great stuff Brian. Now, one thing that I’ve observed, and I’m sure you’ve seen this too, is that people get their identity from different things, right? So for a man, he might get his identify from his career, how much money he makes, how he dresses, what kind of car he drives, things like that. How important is a woman’s identity, and where does she get it from?
Well, when you talk about the guy’s job and his money and his car and how he drives, I definitely agree that those are all very important to the average guys identify. And even to me, I like to have nice things and one of the appeals of having this job is that there is some status attached to it and my ego gets a little boost out of that, and that’s what it really is all about; what I just said, status. So when you’re talking about a guy’s car, his job, and all that, what’s underlying all those things is status. And men are wired to pursue status, to elevate their status. Men are more aggressive, more proactive, and more concerned with their rank.
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And for women, there’s the chase for status is a very solo adventure. It’s your status, and if everyone else is trying to raise their status, they’re essentially in competition with everyone else, or at least to some kind of degree.
Right.
For women, status isn’t as important as interconnection. And so, it’s not just as men we grow up learning to chase status. There are numerous studies showing that boys naturally do this; they naturally compete and have a harder time sharing than the girls, although from age 2 and 3 and up. So it’s not that this identity is, it is learned, but it’s also we’re born with it, and women have evolved this high degree of empathy, because interconnection is where they get their power and how they survive. So as a man, having this drive to pursue status and to improve your rank and to compete, you have to understand that underlying drive that permeates pretty much your whole life. A woman has the same level of drive, only it’s not for status, it’s for interconnection. And stemming from her biology and from her psychology, this then becomes how she identifies herself. So a woman, her level of self esteem is based on the number and quality of connections she has with other people. And one thing that’s interesting, all the research I did, an interesting thing that happens when women get caught up in the man’s game of pursuing
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status, like as far as career, I’m not trying to say that women can’t be successful, it’s far from it. A lot of times in very demanding jobs, women perform better than men for a number of reasons. One of the main reasons is their ability to interact with other people effectively. But what ends up happing a lot of times is that women get into their 30’s and 40’s, and they’ve been career women for so long, if they’ve been neglecting their interpersonal relationships, they will become very depressed, disillusioned, and want to work less hours, maybe change careers, or do something where they can interact with people more. So this is a very fundamental part of a woman’s self esteem and her identity is to have these quality connections with other people.
Right, and from those connections, they form their identity as a part of, I have all these connections in my life–I have this person, this person–and they are the sum of those parts you could say.
Yeah. When this concept started really taking shape in my mind, what I actually pictured was, and this might sound strange, a bunch of shapes, like a little collection of shapes; like squares and circles, and all these shapes arranging themselves as sort of a circle, and in the middle they imply another shape that’s implied by the shapes around it. And that shape in there, it only exists because of all these other shapes around it; that’s kind of like a woman’s identity.