Vin DiCarlo - Pandoras Box (Complete PUA System)
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Dynamic
Tester: be direct, but adopt a very playful attitude and tease her in the first 30 seconds if possible. Convey that you are in a great mood today and meeting each other is an adventure.
iNvestor: be direct, but instead of teasing her, be very warm and reassuring. Convey that you are very curious about who she is as a person.
Examples
•Passing on the street
oiNvestor: Let her pass, then double back, try to get in front of her without being scary, and say, “I know this is crazy, but I think you are so beautiful I had to meet you.”
oTester: Ask her for directions, and then transition to a personal conversation by asking if she’s from in town, and how she likes it.
•She is sitting at a café or in a restaurant as you walk by
oThere’s really only one effective, authentic way to do this, unless you are extremely creative and can think of a reason to talk to her aside from the fact that you’re attracted to her. Usually there is such a small time window that by the time you think of something, the moment is gone. Just go for it, and calibrate based on her response.
o“Excuse me. I noticed you as I walked by…you almost made me trip over myself! I know I’m interrupting, but I had to take a second to talk to you. I’m Brian.”
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•At a mall – she is shopping in a store or walking past
oiNvestor: “Excuse me. I know its dangerous to get in the way of a woman shopping, but I think you are breathtaking. I’d kick myself if I didn’t say hi before I left.”
oTester: “Hey – do you know if there’s a Kenneth Cole store in here? (Whatever she says,) You seem to have a good fashion sense. I suck at picking clothes out for myself. What do you think of vertical striped button downs? Are they still in style? So what could you see on me? OK cool – thanks. By the way, what’s your name? (Introduce yourself). Are you from the area?”
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Review
If you say something direct, like a compliment about her beauty, there are two ways she will respond. She may appear uncomfortable and avoid eye contact (Tester), or she may lock eyes with you to see if you are sincere (iNvestor).
Likewise, if you say something indirect, she may light up and engage you Tester), or she may respond with the bare minimum required to not appear rude (iNvestor).
Either way, as long as you use the principles of Universal female psychology when you approach, you won’t do anything extreme enough to ruin your chances. Simple notice her response and calibrate immediately.
Remember, every failure is a step towards success. Don’t worry about being perfect – amass experience and have fun trying new ways to meet women!
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introduction
What is a “cold read”? Plain and simple, it is a tool to get a result. In this case, it is a conversational tool to get an emotional result in the person you are “reading.”
A cold read is one of the most powerful conversational tools you can use, in any situation – professional, romantic, or purely social. Basically a read is an observation about someone that makes him or her feel as if you
understand them on a very deep level. Because a read is merely a statement, but has such a powerful emotional impact, it is extremely efficient. It is the efficiency of this conversational tool that gives you profound leverage when dealing with others. There is nothing more effective than an accurate cold read when influencing another people’s emotions.
Why does an observation about someone create such a profound emotional effect? Let’s start with the term “cold.” It is called a “cold” read because you are telling the other person something about themselves they have not told you explicitly. You are observing something about them that is not easily observable, and may in fact be completely undetectable by other people – even people who have known that person for years.
(Remember-theegotisticalself-centerednessof99%ofhumanbeingsmakes yourjobveryeasywhenitcomestocoldreadingsomeoneeffectively.)
Thebestcoldreadiswhenyoutellsomeonesomethingaboutthemselvesthat theywerepreviouslyunawareofwhentheyrealizeyourreadisaccurate.
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If you can help a woman learn about herself, you are showing her something new, as women are socialized (and genetically inclined) to focus on others and figure out how everyone else “ticks.”
The first reason to use cold reads is that they create the perception, in your subject, that you are an authority. This makes you influential. Influence is power, in any relationship.
Another reason to use cold reads is that they create in your subject, the perception that you understand them on a much deeper level than anyone else. This makes your subject very comfortable with you, because they feel like you understand them.
Automatically this leads to a sense of chemistry – the elusive and indefinable quality of a great relationship. When two people “get” each other, they feel that click that is chemistry. Women already desire this click with everyone they meet, and when you convey that you understand her, she will desire that click so much that she will convince herself that the two of you “get” each other.
Lastly, and most practically, a cold read creates the opportunity to escalate, out of thin air. Universally, women want to think that you like them for their personalities – this is what attracts (or repels) them to men and this is their evolved strategy for keeping their sexual partners around
(Remember, personality lasts a lifetime, while her body, i.e. sex, lasts a matter of minutes – until the man orgasms).
When you Cold Read a woman, you create a reason, based on her personality, to escalate physically. This must always be the interpersonal dynamic with women you are pursuing sexually.
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WThere are two ways to read someone. Obviously, telling them |
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hat are different ways to Read someone? |
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something about themselves is the primary method. We’ll call this a |
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There is a more subtle way to read someone, where you talk about |
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Direct Cold Read |
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yourself in a way that you know your subject will immediately |
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relate to. This is like “pacing” in NLP terms, but much more natural |
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conversationally. We’ll call this method an |
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An organic, conversational, natural-sounding read incorporates both |
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Indirect Cold Read |
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elements. When you try to tell someone about themselves |
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they will resist. But when you fractionate your own idiosyncrasies and |
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too much |
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vulnerabilities with your observations about her, she feels as if you are |
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just “talking.” |
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Indir |
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is used heavily in the Time/Mate Optimization |
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You’ll notice that |
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Axis. This is because the first Axis is most subject to her conscious |
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awareness, and most likely to change over time. Therefore, the more you |
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try to directly shape her at this level, the more likely she is to resist. |
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Di ect Read |
: “You are ____.” You tell her what you already know about |
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her. |
: “I am ____.” You pace her worldview by talking about |
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yourself, prompting her to think or say “Me too! This guy must |
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Indi ect Read |
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understand me because we are the same.” |
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Applying the Pandora’s Box Axes to Cold Reading
Just to review, here is a brief explanation of each of the Axes in Pandora’s Box:
I. Time and Mate Optimization
Her datingTester:strategytimeuse(forindirectfinding optimalread – “I”mate)– pace her reality by talking
• about yourself. T’s – they don’t understand, and R’s – they don’t care (about connection)
• iNvestor: be very direct, use the read as the reason you like her
II. Coping strategy for sex and emotions (pain and pleasure)
How she copes and balances sexual emotions with potential pain and past
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Justifier: focus the read on her personality, as if you see something |
trauma |
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no one else does |
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Denier: focus the read on her sensuality/sexuality, as if you see |
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something no one else does |
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III. Worldview and contributive style
Her contributionRealist: assess– howpersonalityshe needs toinnurturethe “now”and keep her man
•• Idealist: future projection role playing
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Readingshouldto Shapebeused to Shape. Shaping is a more accurate and understandable term for what academia call Behavioral Conditioning. Effective Shaping requires three principles:
Perception: of the shaper as an authority
1. Motivation: the desire to be shaped, based on the perception of potential2. rapport (mutual understanding)
3. Conditioning: a reward to reinforce the desire behavior
Do these principles remind you of the three reasons to use Cold Reads
listed earlier?
Use the Us Frame when appropriate. The Us Frame is the verbalization of |
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a bond between you and your subject. |
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, you must convey to your subject that you and she are |
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on the same side, partners working together, for mutual success. |
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Us Frame |
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, you see others as teammates, |
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Looking through the |
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rather than competitors or conquests. |
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Us Frame |
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