Instead go play golf.

Moses was looking down from heaven and saw the rabbi on the golf

course. He naturally reported it to God. Moses suggested God punish the

rabbi severely.

As he watched, Moses saw the rabbi playing the best game he had ever

played! The rabbi got a hole-in-one on the toughest hole on the course.

Moses turned to God and asked, "I thought you were going to punish him.

Do you call this punishment?!"

God replied, "Who can he tell?"

"If I were Rockefeller (если бы я был Рокфеллером)," sighed (вздохнул) the

Hebrew teacher (учитель), "I'd be richer than Rockefeller (я был бы богаче, чем

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Рокфеллер)."

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His friend asked (его друг спросил), "What do you mean? (что ты имеешь в виду)

How could you be richer? (как бы ты мог быть богаче)"

"I'd do a little teaching on the side (я бы еще немножко давал уроки побочно =

подрабатывал бы уроками; side – сторона, бок)."

"If I were Rockefeller," sighed the Hebrew teacher, "I'd be richer than

Rockefeller."

His friend asked, "What do you mean? How could you be richer?"

"I'd do a little teaching on the side."

What do you mean?

The time is the French Revolution (время – Французская революция).

Yossi lived in a small village (жил в маленькой деревне, в местечке) and one day

(однажды), his friend Roberto came to see him (его друг Роберто пришел

навестить «повидать» его) after returning from a trip to Paris (после возвращения

из поездки в Париж).

Yossi asked Roberto what was happening (спросил, что происходит) in Paris as he

had heard (поскольку он слышал /to hear-heard-heard/) they were regularly using

the Guillotine (/что там/ регулярно пускают в ход: «используют» гильотину).

«Yes, you heard right (ты правильно слышал),” said Roberto, «conditions there are

as bad as can be (условия там настолько плохи, насколько возможно: «может

быть»). They are chopping off people’s heads in their thousands (отрубают,

оттяпывают людские головы тысячами).”

«Oy vay (о, горе – идиш),” moaned (простонал) Yossi, «what ever will happen to

my hat business? (что же будет с моим шляпным бизнесом)”

The time is the French Revolution.

Yossi lived in a small village and one day, his friend Roberto came to see

him after returning from a trip to Paris.

Yossi asked Roberto what was happening in Paris as he had heard they

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were regularly using the Guillotine.

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«Yes, you heard right,” said Roberto, «conditions there are as bad as can

be. They are chopping off people’s heads in their thousands.”

«Oy vay,” moaned Yossi, «what ever will happen to my hat business?”

Сonditions there are as bad as can be.

One day a Jewish Mother and her 8-year-old daughter (однажды еврейская мама и

ее восьмилетняя дочка) were walking along the beach (шли вдоль берега, пляжа),

just at the water's edge (прямо у кромки воды). Suddenly, a GIGANTIC wave

flashed up (вдруг гигантская волна нахлынула) on the beach, sweeping the little

girl out to sea (сметя маленькую девочку в море).

"Oh, God," lamented (застонала, жаловалась) the mother, turning her face toward

heaven (поворачивая свое лицо к небу) and shaking her fist (потрясая кулаком).

"This was my ONLY baby (это был мой единственный ребенок). I can't have more

children (я больше не могу иметь детей). She is the love and joy of my life (она

любовь и радость моей жизни). I have cherished every day (дорожила,

наслаждалась каждым днем; to cherish – лелеять, дорожить) that she's been with

me (который она была со мной). Give her back to me (отдай мне ее: «дай обратно,

назад»), and I'll go to the synagogue every day for the rest of my life!!! (и я буду

ходить в синагогу каждый день всю оставшуюся жизнь; rest – остаток)"

Suddenly, another GIGANTIC wave flashed up and deposited (вынесла) the girl back

on the sand (на песок).

The mother looked up to heaven and said, "She had on a HAT!!! (на ней была

шляпка)"

One day a Jewish Mother and her 8-year-old daughter were walking along

the beach, just at the water's edge. Suddenly, a GIGANTIC wave flashed

up on the beach, sweeping the little girl out to sea.

"Oh, God," lamented the mother, turning her face toward heaven and

shaking her fist. "This was my ONLY baby. I can't have more children.

She is the love and joy of my life. I have cherished every day that she's

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194

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been with me. Give her back to me, and I'll go to the synagogue every day

for the rest of my life!!!"

Suddenly, another GIGANTIC wave flashed up and deposited the girl

back on the sand.

The mother looked up to heaven and said, "She had on a HAT!!!"

Give it back to me!

Sadie goes to see her rabbi (идет навестить: «повидать» своего рабби); she

complains (жалуется) about her very bad headaches (на очень сильные: «плохие»

головные боли). She whines (хнычет), cries (плачет), and talks about her poor

living conditions (и говорит о своих жалких жизненных условиях) for hours

(часами).

All of a sudden (вдруг, совершенно неожиданно), Sadie shouts (выкрикивает),

overjoyed (вне себя от радости; joy – радость), "Rabbi, your holy presence (ваше

святое присутствие) has cured me! (излечило меня) My headache is gone!

(прошла)"

To which the rabbi replies (на что рабби отвечает), "No Sadie, it is not gone. I have