Instead (вместо этого) walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting

more than his paws wet (не намочив ничего, кроме лап). This continued all day

long (это продолжалось весь день); each time (каждый раз) a duck fell, the dog

walked across the surface (по поверхности) of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully (наблюдал внимательно), saw everything (видел

все), but did not say a single word (но не сказал ни единого слова).

On the drive home (по пути /в машине/ домой) the hunter asked his friend, "Did you

notice anything unusual about my new dog? (ты заметил что-нибудь необычное в

моем новом псе)"

"I sure did (конечно, да)," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim (он не умеет

плавать)."

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search

ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a

duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever

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believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal

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pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would

impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a

duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog,

however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the

bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long;

each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to

retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single

word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything

unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."

Did you notice anything unusual about it?

Tom was so excited (был так взволнован) about his promotion (по поводу своего

продвижения по службе) to Vice President (до вице-президента) of the company

he worked for (компании, в которой он работал) and kept bragging (продолжал

хвастаться) about it (этим: «об этом») to his wife (своей жене) for weeks (недели

напролет).

Finally (наконец) she couldn't take it any longer (она не могла терпеть, выносить

это дольше), and told him (и сказала ему /to tell-told-told/), "Listen (послушай), it

means nothing (это ничего не значит), they even have a vice president of peas at the

grocery store! («у них» есть даже главный (вице-президент) по гороху в

продуктовом магазине)."

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"Really? (правда)" he said (сказал он /to say-said-said/). Not sure if this was true or

not (неуверенный в том, правда это или нет), Tom decided to call (решил

позвонить) the grocery store.

A clerk answers (секретарь отвечает) and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice

President of peas? (пожалуйста, могу я поговорить с вице-президентом по

гороху)"

The clerk replies (отвечает), "Canned or frozen? (консервированному или

замороженному; to freeze – замораживать)"

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company

he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks.

Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means

nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!"

"Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the

grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of

peas?"

The clerk replies, "Canned or frozen?"

Listen, it means nothing.

Really?

Can I please talk to the Vice President?

Two men were digging a ditch (двое /людей/ копали ров) on a very hot day (очень

жарким днем).

One said to the other (один сказал другому), "Why are we down in this hole digging

a ditch (почему мы внизу в этой дыре, яме копаем ров) when our boss is standing

up there in the shade of a tree? (когда наш начальник стоит там наверху в тени

дерева)"

"I don't know (я не знаю)," responded the other (ответил другой). "I'll ask him (я

спрошу его)."

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So he climbed out of the hole (он вылез из ямы) and went to his boss (и подошел к

начальнику). "Why (почему) are we digging in the hot sun (на жарком солнце) and

you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence (смекалка; сообразительность /– вот причина/)," the boss said.

"What do you mean, 'intelligence'? (что вы имеете в виду, сообразительность)"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you (ну давай, я покажу тебе). I'll put my hand on

this tree (я положу руку на это дерево) and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard

as you can (я хочу, чтобы ты ударил по ней /твоим/ кулаком так сильно, как

можешь)."

The ditch digger ("копальщик" рва) took a mighty swing (взял мощный размах /to

take-took-taken/) and tried (попытался) to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed

(отодвинул) his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree.

The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back (вернулся /to go-went-gone/) to his hole. His friend

(друг) asked, "What did he say?"

"He said we are down here because of (из-за) intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face (на свое лицо) and said, "Take your shovel

(возьми лопату) and hit my hand."

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day.

One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when

our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"

"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging

in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?"

"Intelligence," the boss said.

"What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I

want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can."

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The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The

boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree.

The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he

say?"

"He said we are down here because of intelligence."

"What's intelligence?" said the friend.

The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and

hit my hand."

What do you mean?

Three Englishmen were in a bar (три англичанина были в баре) and spotted an

Irishman (заметили ирландца). So, one of the Englishmen walked over (один из

англичан подошел) to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder (хлопнул его по

плечу), and said, "Hey, I hear (я слышу) your St. Patrick was a drunken loser (был

пьяница-неудачник; to lose – терять; проигрывать)."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that (правда? Я этого не знал)."

Puzzled (озадаченный), the Englishman walked back to his buddies (вернулся к

приятелям). "I told him St. Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care (а его это не

задело; ему было все равно; to care – заботиться, волноваться)."

The second Englishman remarked (заметил), "You just don't know how to set him

off... (ты просто не знаешь как вывести его из себя) watch and learn (смотри и

учись)." So, the second Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the

shoulder and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was lying (был лживым), idiotic

(идиотичным), low-life scum! (нищим, влачащим жалкое существование

мерзавцем; scum – пена, подонок)"

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Shocked beyond belief (невероятно потрясенный: beyond – за пределом; belief –

вера), the Englishman went back to his buddies. "You're right (ты прав). He's

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unshakable! (он не "потрясаем"; его не расшевелить; to shake – трясти,

встряхивать)"

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The third Englishman remarked, "Boys (парни), I'll really tick him off... just watch (я

действительно его "заведу"... только смотрите)." So the third Englishman walked

over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "I hear St. Patrick was an

Englishman!"

"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying (пытались) to tell me."

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the

Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and

said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser."

"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told him St.

Patrick was a loser, and he didn't care."

The second Englishman remarked, "You just don't know how to set him

off... watch and learn." So, the second Englishman walked over to the