Big boys don’t cry

Task 1. Can you think of situations that provoke extreme emotion? Do men and women react in the same way in such situations?

Task 2. You are going to hear a discussion between a man and a woman about male and female attitudes to being ill. Before you listen to the tape, read the following statements quickly. As you listen, write Y (yes) or N (no) next to 1-7 according to whether the statements accurately reflect what the woman says or not.

1. The woman thinks that men believe they never have mild illnesses.

2. She expresses sympathy for injured football players.

3. She believes that most men try to hide their reactions to pain.

4. She thinks that men do not like to take time off work through illness.

5. She thinks that men prefer to be looked after by their mothers when they are ill.

6. She believes that women, unlike men, accept that they will experience some pain in life.

7. She thinks that women expect their partners to look after them when they are ill.

Task 3. Now listen again and check your answers. What is your reaction to the woman's views?

Task 4. Read the article once only. What does the writer think about men crying in public? Do you agree with the writer's views? Why? Why not?

Big boys do cry ... and they're heroes

Wimbledon 1992 will be remembered as the year the champion, his coach and his girlfriend all broke down in tears, and the winner and runner-up hugged each other on court in full view of 500 million spectators all round the world.

Is Andre Agassi heralding a new type of hero, the one who openly weeps and so tugs at the world's heartstrings? How many of us watching also felt a tear come to our eyes as we witnessed his reaction?

Open displays of emotion, of course, are becoming common in world-class sport, at least among the younger players. We've seen it among football players for the past few years. But so far, it's only the men who are shedding public tears.

Women seem to be getting tougher while men are increasingly allowing their vulnerable sides to show, and not being ashamed of it, either.

According to Dr Brian Roet, author of A Safer Place To Cry, men who can openly weep are the lucky ones, the emotionally healthy people. A common newspaper expression for people who are trying to cope with strong emotions is that they are “fighting back tears”. This is taken to mean that they are being brave. But how much braver if they can let the tears flow and allow everybody else to know what they are going through.

Tears, Roet says, represent so many emotions: “They are a natural form of expression, like laughter. They can convey a multitude of feelings, such as happiness, sadness, loneliness, fear, relief, anger, or frustration, and as such provide healthy pathways to the outside world”.

“However, for some strange reason society has designated this expression of emotion to be unsuitable and the feelings are forced to remain underground.”

Many people, he says, have an overbrimming lake of tears ever ready to flow just under the surface, yet they do their best never to let them come out, at least in public.

After 15 years in general practice, Dr Roet came to realize that the inability to shed tears and show emotion was behind many of the illnesses he had been trying to treat. He now feels that providing a “safe place” to cry is far more helpful to his patients than dispensing drugs. Many have not cried for years and at first are ashamed when the tears start to flow but, he says, it's only when tears can come that emotional healing can take place.

“I hope that people will learn to respect tears. As we learn to laugh and cry naturally, without fear of guilt, we develop peace of mind and the tranquillity that provides a healthy basis for the rest of our life.”

But he admits he remains unable to shed them himself. “The only safe place for me to cry is in the cinema, where the tears well up and flood over the most trivial situations.”

“I believe now that I was told so much as a child that boys don't cry that this imprint has sealed my tear ducts, except out of sight in the darkness of the make-believe cinema world.”

Sporting stars who break down in public remind us that there is nothing wimpy, nothing weak or loser-like about the ability to shed tears. Men who can cry easily are the real winners in life, those who are at the same time confident and sensitive.

Agassi's tennis is wondrous, but it's his ability to cry and remind us that he is fully human rather than just a tennis robot that will turn him into a world-class heart-throb.

Women always warm to a man who can cry. And perhaps the new breed of weeping sports stars will give other men “permission” to cry, so that tears can become as natural a form of expression as smiling and laughter.

Task 5. In the article, the writer uses the following words and phrases:

a. ... when the tears start to flow...

b. ... tears well up and flood ...

What do they mean?

The verbs in italics are usually associated with water. These verbs normally have a literal sense; however, it is also possible for them to have a metaphorical or figurative sense. Look at the following examples of flowing below and decide whether the meaning is literal or metaphorical.

1. “…source of discontent,” he says. “Once the oil starts flowing, the companies demand that the sub-contractors ...”

2. ...month which is extremely fast. Once the ideas start flowing, you don't want to block it by taking too much time...

3. ...his contemplations of the turquoise flowing Nile were abruptly sullied by the tinny sounds of...

4. ...while the European champion, confidence flowing, sprinted to 13 min 17.82 sec, a time he has never...

5. While the Honda's bodywork is smooth and flowing, the Kawasaki's is angular and punchy.

1. Above him, a full moon rode flowing black clouds in a charcoal sky, illuminating the...

2. The camera shows tourists flowing back and forth in front of the White House.

3. He divided her hair into three parts, three golden rivers flowing down from the hills to the plain.

Task 6. In the text, the writer refers to an overbrimming lake of tears. This is a good example of a metaphor, where the image of a lake is used to emphasize the extent to which a person may cry.

Here are some more metaphors using similar images. What type of situations could they be used to describe?

1. a sea of happy faces

2. a sea of campaign banners

3. rivers of fire

4. waves of rebellious children

5. pools of empty silence

Notice the common pattern of noun +of+ noun. Look up the following words in your dictionaries and note down similar phrases using this pattern.

For example, a stream of verbal abuse.

• a stream of

• torrents of

• floods of

You may be able to use metaphors like these when you are talking about a scene in a picture or when you are writing descriptions.

U THINK & SPEAK OUT