2. Negotiation: How to be right without making other people wrong

What exactly are we trying to accomplish by proving to others that we're right? We might win the argument but ultimately lose the relationship. Perhaps a better, deeper-rooted question is this: Why do we lose sight of success, of our big objective, when we feel challenged or intimidated?

When I prepare to negotiate, provide a service or turn my employees' talent into performance, I know deep down that if I make people feel valuable they will see my input as having value. But in that moment when they are just hands-down, across-the-board dead wrong, I sometimes can't stop myself from letting them know how incredibly wrong they are. When that happens, my ability to influence them vaporizes on the spot, and I'm left dealing with the response I created by making them wrong.

I think this is the most consistently counterproductive thing we do in business and, I suspect, in our personal lives too. It may be the foundation of communication breakdown. Maybe this behavior is so prevalent because it's part of human nature. Could we be natural born jerks? (Jerkdom - nature or nurture?) If so, how do we overcome the urge to prove our point at the expense of our business or relationship?

Wynn Solutions studied thousands of top communicators and saw a common behavior among them: the practice of not making people wrong. We decided to find out how they did it.

We discovered that these top communicators lowered their expectations of other people's behavior before meeting with them face to face. It seemed to reduce the tendency to overreact in the heat of the moment. Also, they walked in the door with an agenda of not making the other person wrong and of looking for areas where the other person's knowledge was strong. So when that moment came - when other people made their limited knowledge obvious - top communicators were not so ready to pounce.

This approach may sound a bit condescending to some, but it sure beats dealing with communication issues you create for yourself by having to prove you're the smartest person in the room. It allows you to be right without making others feel wrong.

By Garrison Wynn, a nationally known speaker, trainer and consultant, the president and founder of Wynn Solutions, specializing in building profitable business relationships.

3.Negotiating skills: ask for more than you expect to get

It creates some negotiating room, and you might just get what you're asking for.

Whether playing the role of buyer or seller in a sales transaction, asking for more than you expect to get is a classic opening position in negotiations.

In the audio book, "Sound Advice on Negotiating Skills," author Roger Dawson says, "Henry Kissinger called this the key to success at the bargaining table." It's simple, notes Dawson, but there are many profound reasons for doing it.

"It creates some negotiating room that makes it easier to get what you really want," says Dawson. "It creates a climate where the other person can have a win with you." This climate can prevent negotiating deadlocks, especially when dealing with an egotistical negotiator, according to Dawson.

"When you're selling, it raises the perceived value of your product or service," says Dawson. However, some salespeople are so eager to reach agreement that they soften their opening negotiating position. "They hope that by doing this the client will appreciate how generous they've been," says Dawson. "The danger in this is that the client may instead think, 'If they've given us this much, we can get a lot more; let's be tough negotiators.'"

The solution, says Dawson - a renowned speaker and author of the book, "Secrets of Power Negotiating for Salespeople" - is to "ask for more than you expect to get, but imply some flexibility so that you can encourage them to negotiate with you."

By Richard Cunningham, a principal of What’s Working in Biz, a publisher of business audiobooks and online audio programs on marketing, sales, small business strategies.