In mock horror, Jaylynn said, "No! I would never - I’m sure I said almost as good."

The dark-haired woman smiled. Without a thought as to what others might think, she reached across the table and put her hand over Jaylynn’s. She leaned forward, and in a soft voice said, "I love you very much."

"Likewise, pardner."

She squeezed the smaller woman’s hand, then let go, but she hooked one long leg around the blonde’s calf and smirked.

"You’re not going to make this easy on me, are you?"

"Nope." Dez crossed her arms over her white jacket. In fact, tonight may be the night that I sing that song I wrote for you. She sat smiling to herself as Jaylynn launched into a question about where they might want to go on their first big vacation, and once again she was hit with the realization that everything was going to be all right.

* * *

The second of February dawned cold and clear, with the smell of burning firewood wafting through the neighborhood. The tall cop dressed in sweat pants over running tights, thick socks, running shoes, and an insulated but breathable skintight shirt under a zip-up jacket with a tall collar. She wore a Thinsulate hat that pulled down over her ears and tied under her chin, and she had on lightweight Gortex gloves. Right now, it felt a little chilly, but once she got moving, she knew she’d be fine - perhaps even overly warm.

According to the thermometer outside Luella’s back door, it was 24 degrees out, but there was no wind, so Dez expected a pleasant run. She walked alongside the duplex and out to the sidewalk, then turned left and headed for the lake. At seven-thirty. on a wintry Saturday morning, it was still halfway dark, with the last vestiges of night beginning to lift. The streets and walkways were deserted. She could only hope that the park personnel had done their jobs and cleared the running path around Como Lake. Otherwise, she’d have to run in the street, and with all the patches of ice, that didn’t look too promising.

She quickened her pace to a very fast walk and let the kinks in her legs work themselves out. Stretching her shoulders and arms and rolling her head a little, she felt her muscles start to warm up. When she reached the arch a few moments later, she was pleased to see that the paths were clear and well-lit, with the electric lights still shining silvery beams all around the lake. She walked a little further until she was ready to pick up to a slow jog.

It hadn’t snowed for three days, but there was a thick layer of the white stuff over the top of the ice-covered lake. Some brave soul had stomped down the embankment to the edge and then walked across the ice all the way to the other side of the frozen water. His or her boot prints pointed toward the Pavilion on the far side. It had been well below freezing for several weeks, but still, Dez didn’t think she’d take that kind of a chance out on the ice.

She continued forward, extending her stride now that she felt she could trust the surface of the footpath. Looking off to her left and across to the other side of the lake, the tall, white columns on the front of Pavilion stood, sparkling as the early morning sun rose. The green tiled roof looked almost black. She chugged along toward it and started around the turn. Now, beyond the parking lot, she could see the wood frame over the fountain. The wooden cover for the fountain had been painted green, but it looked out of place, like a giant mottled toad plopped down next to the stately building which was all closed up for the winter. As she ran past it, she thought about the Tivoli murder and how senseless it had been.

She put that thought out of her mind, and now, up on her right, she could see the house where Tim and Sara and Jaylynn lived. Not for long, she thought. Just a few hours, and she and the rookie would be unpacking at their new house. They hadn’t actually had the closing on the property yet, but the two sisters were insisting that they move in and start getting settled. They had the rest of the month before the new tenant, a greenhorn police recruit, moved into the apartment above Luella on the first of March. She was glad Jaylynn had found a nice female cadet, and the new rookie, Meghan Petersen, was thrilled with Dez’s place.

She felt a pang of sadness. As much as she looked forward to the new adventure of moving into a house with the love of her life, still, she felt a sense of grief. She had been pushing it into the background and telling herself for days to stop feeling it, but it hadn’t worked. The same sad feelings crept up on her when she least expected, and here they were again. She slowed her pace and let herself feel.

Fear. It was fear again. What if something happened to Luella - or to Vanita - and she wasn’t there? What about her calm, orderly life? Would she and Jaylynn drive each other crazy? What if she wasn’t meant to live with someone else? What if it ruined things between her and the blonde? How could she be sure this was the right move? Once the new rookie moved into the apartment above Luella, she knew she couldn’t move back. What would happen if something went wrong?

She slowed to a walk, panting less from fatigue and more from the stress of asking herself these questions. Her breath came out of her mouth in puffs of white smoke. She fell into a quick walking pace, and then pop - the electric lights around the lake all went out at once. She surveyed the sky and saw a weak sun trying to peek through the clouds.

All right, let’s be logical here. She went through her questions in her head again and reasoned with herself, walking at least a third of the way around the lake before she suddenly heard Luella’s voice in her head. "Dez, honey, you have to believe in something bigger than you, something or somebody who rules the Universe. Things have a way of working out if you just trust that. Just trust in the Universe or God or whoever. That’s all you have to do. Focus on trust."

That sounded just like something Luella would say. She took a deep breath and leaned forward to start jogging again before she got too cold. But she couldn’t prevent tears from springing to her eyes. Luella was old. She wasn’t going to last forever. What would I do without her?

And then another voice came into her head, that of Marie Montague. In an amused tone, the therapist said, "You never totally lose anyone you love, Dez. They are always there in your head - in memories that you can draw upon."

The tall cop frowned. She didn’t remember ever hearing Marie say that to her, and yet, it was exactly like something Marie would say. A startled laugh emerged from her, and she found herself thinking that Marie and Luella’s voices were there, in her head, in her memories, in her heart. Just like her father’s sometimes was - and Ryan’s. Not just people who were alive, but also the voices of the dead. In fact, more and more, lately, she had found herself carrying on little conversations in her head with Jaylynn, and later, when she broached the subjects with the blonde, much of what Jaylynn actually did say ran along the lines of what the dark-haired woman had imagined in her musings.

She picked up the pace. Okay, now I guess I’m losing it. This is way too weird. But the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. She could integrate a lot of people’s viewpoints and ideas, even their voices - what was so wrong with that? She continued to think about it all as she reached the arch and completed her second lap around the lake. She wondered for a moment if she should head home, but she decided to take one more lap. Lengthening her stride, she asked herself the key question: do I want to move over to the new place with Jaylynn? She picked up the pace, pumping hard with her arms.