In a hoarse whisper, Dez said, "I’ll warm you up," then kissed her again.

"Ex-cuuuuuse me," a voice said from the top of the stairs. "If I’d known it would take you two lovebirds half an hour to bring up the freezer goods, I’d have asked you to clean the basement, too."

Dez choked back a laugh and smacked Jaylynn lightly on the butt. "Up we go."

Jaylynn spun around and mounted the stairs, shaking her head and complaining to Sara about the complete and total lack of privacy. Dez followed, still feeling the race of her pulse as well as the Jaylynn-generated heat against the cool of the basement. It occurred to her that everything that had happened with the younger woman in the last several weeks was enough to make her head spin.

She told the two roommates that she’d be back shortly with Luella, then headed over in her truck, still feeling the effects of holding her favorite blonde woman. They had not been apart, not even for one night, for the last seven-plus weeks. As far as she was concerned, things could stay exactly that way forever. In fact, sometimes she felt like she had known Jaylynn forever. She had never in her whole life felt so close or so comfortable with anyone—not even her mother, brother, or father. Sometimes she felt a connection that seemed ages old and that went soul deep. She couldn’t quite explain it, not to herself, and certainly not to Jaylynn. She said she loved kissing me. But she hasn’t come right out and said she loves me. Of course, neither have I, and I probably should. I want to.

She wished she could say the words, had rehearsed them in her head in a number of situations, but so far, it didn’t seem the opportunity had presented itself. It bothered her that she felt this sense of alarm and apprehension. I can’t imagine being without her—correction: I actually can imagine being without her, and I never want it to happen. How did I ever survive before she came along?

It was a puzzle to her, and one that was troubling. It was just as well that she arrived at the duplex to get her landlady just then, because it was clear she was making herself awfully nervous.

* * *

"I can’t wait for Bill to see you and Dez together," Sara said. Chewing on the eraser end of a pencil, she leaned over a list lying on the table in the nook corner of the kitchen. She named off ingredients while Jaylynn scurried around pulling spices and noodles and cans of sauce out of various cupboards.

"I can’t wait to see you and Bill together either. I know you’ve been waiting and waiting…. And really, Sara, I don’t know how you’ve done it. Eighteen months. I’d just die without Dez for eighteen months."

The brown-eyed woman laughed. "You would not. You were perfectly self-sufficient without her, just as you are now with her. You’d get by just fine." She picked up a container of oregano. "Is this enough for a triple batch?"

Jaylynn stood next to her, shoulder to shoulder, as they both examined the contents of the plastic container. "I think so. But that’s the nice thing about spices. If you have enough just to give the flavor, it works out. We’ll throw other stuff in, maybe chili powder or something. It’s kind of fun when every batch ends up tasting a little different."

"We got any basil leaves?"

"Tons. Don’t fret." She scooted around the other side of the table and sat in one of the wobbly orange and red vinyl chairs. "Wow, eighteen months is a terribly long time. It’s going to be bad enough that I have to go off to driver training in Iowa for four days. I’ll miss her a lot."

"But homecomings are so much fun."

"Yeah—but lots more fun when they’re after four days. Eighteen months would be a real killer!" Sara nodded at her thoughtfully. "Are you worried, Sara? Do you feel you’ve changed much—and has he?"

The brown-eyed woman slid into the chair nearest to her and across from Jaylynn. She put her elbow on the table and chin in one hand. "Yes and no. Bad things have happened to both of us. I was nearly raped, and he got beat up in that German tavern last year. Maybe it’s easier for guys though. It wasn’t like anyone was trying to rape him."

The blonde nodded. "Sad to say, guys are a lot more used to fighting and violence. It’s really a shame. None of us should have to feel that terror or anger or fear. It really sucks."

"Sucks, huh? What a way with words you have."

"Thanks. I done learnt it all in college." Jaylynn grinned.

"So you would worry if you and Dez were apart for a long period?"

Jaylynn’s face took on a thoughtful look as she considered the question. "I’d just be so damn lonely for her. I read some stuff in my psych class that talked about how when you love someone, you share more than just good feelings. You also share all kinds of pheromones and hormones and chemicals, and you get used to that. You get used to a certain level of daily interaction, and you get so accustomed to the hormonal exchange that when the other person goes away, you can’t help but feel homesick for them, physically and emotionally. You get something along the lines of the DT’s—it’s almost like drying out from drugs or alcohol. Isn’t that something? Scientists are only just beginning to understand some of it."

"No wonder battered wives stay with the batterer."

"Could be a piece of it."

They gazed out the nook window at the sunny October day. The fall had been so mild that there were still birds to be seen in the black walnut in the middle of the yard and in the maple trees along the side yard.

The brown-eyed woman said, "I am afraid—a little bit anyway. What if he comes home—after having traveled all of Europe, seeing the Mona Lisa and the Louvre and the Sistine Chapel and Stonehenge and all those famous places—and I’m no longer enough for him?"

Jaylynn nodded. "I don’t think that will happen. I hope it won’t happen, but I can understand why you’d feel that way."

"Don’t get me wrong. I am more excited than worried, that’s for sure. But every once in a while a little kernel of doubt inches its way in."

"You both have a lot in common, and he left crazy about you, Sara." This caused her friend to smile a little. "He was more than crazy. I’ve never seen an Army man cry—"

"And you weren’t supposed to notice! Don’t you ever mention it to him," Sara said, admonishing her.

Jaylynn put her thumb and forefinger up to the side of her mouth and drew them across her lips, then pretended to toss something over her shoulder. "My lips are sealed. I’ll never tell. But I have to say, that was one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen…almost sweet enough for me to consider liking a guy."