Taking Сomputer for Granted. Учебное пособие

UNIT 7

Parking

«Tell me», said the policeman, «why did you park here»? The driver answered respectfully, «Because, you see, here is

a sign ‘Fine for parking’».

Boxing

Old Tom was telling his grandson, Jack, about his days as a Golden Gloves contestant.

Cuddling

Cuddling in the front seat of the car, Tom asked his date, «You don’t shrink from kissing, do you?» Judy replied, «If I did, I’d be awfully small by now».

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Confession

«Becky», said the bedridden man. «I can’t die without telling you how rotten I have been. I stole one million bucks from the company, made an additional million by selling secrets to our competitors, and what’s more I fired the accountant since I knew he was your lover».

«Don’t worry about that», sighed Becky, «I’m the one who poisoned you».

Risk

Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building

your wings on the way down.

Ray Bradbury

They who lose today may win tomorrow.

Miguel De Cervantes

And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more.

Erica Jong

Doubt

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are

cocksure* and the intelligent full of doubt.

B. Russel

*cocksure – very self-confident

Minidictionary

State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford. Obsolete – Any computer you own.

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Floppy – The state of your wallet after purchasing your computer.

Microseconds – The time it takes for your state-of the art computer to become obsolete.

Keyboard – The standard way to generate computer errors. An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Mail

A blonde went to her mail box many times. Her neighbor noticed it. «Are you waiting for a special delivery?» asked he. «No», she replied «my computer keeps telling I have a mail».

Hard work

The businessman came home absolutely exhausted. «My dear», asked his wife, «you must have had a hard day». «It was terrible», answered her husband, «our computer broke down and we had to do our own thinking».

If Restaurants Function Like Microsoft

Characters: Client, Waiter Bill

Taking Computer for Granted

Client: I did but fly is still there.

Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl? What kind of bowl are you using?

Client: A soup bowl!

Waiter: That should work. Maybe it’s a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?

Client: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!

Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?

Client: I set down and ordered the Soup of the Day!

Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?

Client: Yes, I changed my chair and spoon! Be so kind as to bring me my soup.

Waiter (leaves and returns with another bowl of soup):

Here you are, Sir.

Client: Thanks, (looking into the bowl) … waiter! There is a gnat in my soup!

Millionaires

1

Before Christmas a millionaire with his wife walked into an art gallery. They bought twelve Dalis, four Van Goghs, and seven Turners. «Well», said the millionaire after they left the gallery, «that takes care of the Christmas cards. Now let’s do the serious shopping».

2

Mr. Smith was showing off his estate to his date. «Here I have three swimming pools. The first one is filled with cold water

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for my friends who like to swim in cold water. The other one is filled with warm water for those of my friends who like to swim in warm water». The lady was extremely expressed, but the third pool was empty and it stirred up the curiosity of the young woman. «Darling», she said, «but why this one is empty»? «Because», answered Mr. Smith, «not all of my friends like to swim».

Parents 1

Father: Jack, you are a pig! Do you know what a pig is?! Jack: Yes, Dad. It’s a son of a hog.

2

Father to his son: How dare you disobey your mother?! Do you think you are better than I am?!

3

Sam: Dad I’m late for football match. Please, do my homework. Dad: It wouldn’t be right, Sammy.

Sam: That’s OK! At least you could try.

Restaurant

«Waiter!» shouted the angry client. «This meal isn’t fit for a pig!» «I’m sorry», replied the waiter, «I’ll change it and bring you one that is».

Economists

Give me a one-handed economist! All my economists

say, «On the one hand … on the other».

H. Truman

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Taking Computer for Granted

Life

Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.

F. Lebowitz

Literature

The greatest masterpiece in literature is only a dic-

tionary out of order.

J. Cocteau

Men and women

I don’t know why women want any of the things men have when one of the things that women have is men.

C. Chanel

The great question … which I have not been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is «What does a woman want»?

S. Freud

Trouble

Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.

Anonymous

Doctors

Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob and kill you.

A. Chekhov

A physician is one who pours drugs of which he knows little into a body of which he knows less.

Voltaire

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Diplomats

A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Napoleon I

To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war.

W. Cherchill

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Final Test

All the words in the list below are taken from the texts of this book. Several meanings are given for each of them. Find out the only one appropriate. Go ahead. e. g.: 4a.

1

1.Network:

amaking a net;

bfishing;

ca system of linked PC.

2.Spellchecker:

aan editor;

ba program that corrects spelling;

ca proofreader.

3.Platform:

aa surface for passengers at a railway station;

ba raised floor for speakers;

ca computer family (CPU, OS type etc.).

adirector’s office;

ba named group of files;

ca book of names.

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Keys to exercises

6.Slave:

asomeone forced to work for an owner;

bsomeone who works very hard;

ca device under control of a computer.

7.Scratch:

arub with the nails;

berase data;

ctear with claws.

8.Add-in:

acomponents that can be added to a computer;

binclusion;

cinsertion.

aa small piece of smth;

bthe smallest unit of information;

ca small tool for boring.

11. Slot:

aa rectangular opening for connection;

ba small narrow opening;

ca position.

12. Port:

aa strong sweet dark-red wine;

ba harbor;

can external connection.

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Taking Computer for Granted

13. Confuser:

abox;

ba person that is confused;

ca person that confuses smb.

apad to stop bleeding;

bsmth that presses together;

cthe process of packing data.

2

For every italicized expression pick out the right meaning, e.g. 1c.

ato be in the power of computers;

bto feel that computers show mercy to you;

cto depend completely upon computers.

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