- •I dumped a can of cat food into her bowl, then stumbled toward the bathroom, her official feeding ground. Needless to say, there was a nearly full bowl of food already there.
- •I pulled up my pants leg, fully exposing the scar. Only then did Joanne drop her hand.
- •I looked into my coffee cup, but no answers were there. “Yes,” I finally said.
- •I looked them over. Danny was right, well, not quite. “Danny said you were hot. She didn’t say molten,” I let out.
- •I bowed to her as the first soft notes of the music began, then her hand was in mine and my arm around her waist.
- •I laughed, caught happily by her confidence in me and the lift of the music.
- •I walked with them, still puzzling about Cordelia’s toast.
- •I waved it away. I was unnerved by Cordelia standing so close.
- •I didn’t really mean to, but she was standing over me, with that damned slit halfway up her thigh. From my floor perspective I could see way beyond thigh level. So I looked. And she caught me looking.
- •I heard voices from the lawn.
- •I shuddered at the common horror of it. “Can you find out?” I wanted to know this women’s fate, the final details. Knowing, no matter how brutal, would be better than imagining.
- •It doesn’t count, Alex, I silently said to the disappearing car. This morning doesn’t count. It wasn’t a rough act of passion, adultery, if you will. It was the only way to stop my hands from shaking.
- •I gave up on reading, not feeling much wiser.
- •I nodded. Nuns lied, I was sure, but only if they thought they were doing it for God.
- •I stood up and extended a hand.
- •I nodded my head, remembering some of the older nuns I had met. I wondered why Sister Ann had decided to answer my questions.
- •I nodded. I would ask Bernie about it.
- •I remembered the letter from the ones Cordelia had shown me. It was to Peterson, r.N., and commented on her insatiable sexual appetite, accusing her of sleeping with a different man every night.
- •I gave her directions, glad that she was interested.
- •I nodded.
- •I wanted to get up and hit him. He was good. But only if you were on his side.
- •I stood up. Joanne walked over to Cordelia and put her hand on Cordelia’s shoulder.
- •I was awakened a few bare hours later by the phone ringing. Joanne answered it.
- •I stuck my head out to observe, but didn’t move to interfere. Millie could probably handle him better than I could. Another figure in white came up behind him.
- •I got up, motioning Cordelia to her chair. I perched on a window sill behind her, looking protectively over her shoulder. She needed to be sitting for what o’Connor was going to tell her.
- •I finally turned from the window when all the footsteps had ceased echoing in the hallway.
- •I suddenly felt tired, letting myself lean against my car, enervated by the day. I didn’t feel up to parading around Danny’s house with Alex there, pretending I wasn’t sleeping with Joanne.
- •I got in my car. Joanne appeared at my window, leaning on the door.
- •I fell back asleep.
- •I headed for the clinic. Since it was Thursday they had evening hours. Cordelia should still be there, I told myself as I turned into the parking lot.
- •I sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping my clothes on.
- •I borrowed a note pad from Bernie, on which I made up a list of probable license plate numbers.
- •I draped my arm across her shoulders. “Alex, if Joanne is insane enough to throw you over for me, then she’s too crazy for me to want to be with.”
- •I shrugged. I didn’t care to tell Aunt Greta anything about Cordelia.
- •I wondered why Cordelia, as upset as she was with me, had chosen to tangle with my Aunt Greta.
- •I caught sight of Cordelia over Emma’s shoulder. She’d obviously heard the last part of our conversation. Her face was somber.
- •I stood, brushed off my knees, and without saying anything, let myself out of her office.
- •I heard the door open behind me.
- •I looked at Elly, wondering what she wanted from me.
- •I didn’t reply, knowing that he wanted me to ask.
- •I stood still, taut, sampling the air.
- •I entered Cordelia’s office, aware of o’Connor’s eyes on my back. I paced as I waited for her, unable to be still. About a minute later, she entered.
- •I walked out first, followed by Cordelia, then o’Connor. I wanted to protect her, at least deflect the staring gazes.
- •I was hearing a confession, I realized.
- •I sat, trying to read Dante, and waited for the phone to ring.
- •I waited while Bernie turned off the lights and locked up. It was after six.
- •I savored the forbidden bourbon I found in her mouth, thrusting my tongue deeply inside to find the hard taste of it.
- •I got in bed. She stood, watching me, then swung a leg over me, sitting astride my stomach.
- •I lay still, rigid, as her fingers moved in me, trying to feel as little as possible. I knew that somewhere there was a Joanne who would be appalled at what she was doing.
- •I rolled over to her side of the bed, then sat up. I reached out my hand to her.
- •I had to look away from her before I could answer. “Yes. Yes, he did.”
- •I instinctively tightened my arms about her, holding her close.
- •I nodded and he continued.
- •It was my turn to look at Sister Ann oddly. “Besides,” I continued, “I doubt Cordelia prefers the company of women.” I didn’t think she would like me coming out for her, particularly to a nun.
- •I nodded, suddenly wondering what it had been like for Cordelia to struggle against what everyone thought she should be, those generations of expectations.
- •I’d supped and showered and was sitting reading when the phone rang. About time, I thought, wondering which of my long-absent friends had finally remembered my existence.
- •I just let her cry. As she had no words for my pain, I found none for hers.
- •I was caught for a moment, looking into her eyes, then I had to glance away. My stomach had just done a very complicated somersault and I didn’t want her noticing.
- •I sat on the side of Elly’s chair and put my arm around her shoulders. “You want to do some forgettable things?”
- •If this was what morality and celibacy did for you, I was glad I had done such a good job of avoiding them both.
- •I jerked against my bonds, more in fury than in any real hope that they would come undone. He calmly ignored my struggling. Even if I got loose, I wasn’t likely to get past him to freedom.
- •I jerked and pulled at the ropes holding me, unable to stay still and let the horror of my death sink in.
- •I galloped across the parking lot as he got out of his car.
- •I did as I was told. The door opened. Cordelia stepped in.
- •I took off my jacket and gun and put them on a chair. Then I stood still, waiting for her to move. I realized I needed her to want me enough to come to me.
- •I stared at Cordelia, “How did you…?”
- •I moaned softly as she covered me.
- •I kissed her again. Thoroughly.
- •I defiantly kept my hand where it was.
- •I knew she didn’t expect an answer, but I gave her one anyway.
- •I nodded. I knew that.
- •I stared at her, completely nonplused.
- •I was still unable to look at Danny. Or Elly. I turned away, leaning onto the counter.
- •I noticed that Danny had wet streaks down her cheeks.
- •I looked at this pink-faced man in a wheelchair, wondering how he was going to kill me. Then I glanced around, sure Frankenstein was going to emerge from one of the doors in the hallway.
- •I extended a hand to help her up.
- •I started to turn to her, but Bernie edged between Elly and Millie.
- •I stared at him. He could have said, “She was my second grade guppy,” for all the remorse in his voice. “Your girlfriend?” I shot back incredulously. “Did you plant her in the clinic?”
- •I roughly pulled him up. “I’ll tell you what went wrong. Betty really was pro-life. She started asking questions. And she realized your answers weren’t her answers.”
- •I gave her an as-delicate-as-possible version of my meeting with Randall Sarafin.
- •I looked at her. Nuns weren’t supposed to approve of lesbians.
- •I shrugged. It was too hot to get into all this.
- •I stopped, taking a drink of the unlabeled juice.
- •I nodded yes.
- •I made an angry gesture.
- •I didn’t tell anyone. I knew they wouldn’t understand or approve.
- •I nodded agreement. I could think of several encounters I would have enjoyed more had I been eating oyster dressing instead of a woman.
- •It was, Joanne said, an ugly conjunction of hatreds.
I gave her directions, glad that she was interested.
The neighborhood had changed with darkness. The buildings, shabby by day, took on a reclusive, ominous look at night. Locked and shuttered, little light escaped. No one was visible on the dim streets. The streetlight at the corner wasn’t working. Shattered by vandalism or left unlit by the neglect of the city, I couldn’t tell. We drove slowly by the front of the building, then turned down the side street that bordered it.
“Should there be lights on?” Joanne asked.
“I don’t know. There are late hours tonight, but surely not this late.” It was past ten now.
“Let’s look,” Joanne said, parking her car. “Just remember, no heroics,” she admonished me as we got out.
“No, ma’am, Sergeant, sir.”
She gave me a stern look, but said nothing. We walked around the fence into the yard. It appeared that the inside hall light was on. Shards of light appeared through several door frames. Joanne motioned me along the street side as she headed for the side next to the empty lot. I noticed she had pulled her gun.
I crept slowly beside the building, listening for any sound that might indicate this was something other than a night-light. Sight, not sound, confirmed our suspicions.
A foot was silently slipping out of a window, not five feet in front of me.
Unless someone on the staff had cat-burglar fantasies, that foot belonged to a someone who didn’t belong in the building.
Joanne had said no heroics. Since the person was about to step on my head, I figured the most cowardly thing I could do was apprehend him before he caught sight of me.
I grabbed the dangling foot and pulled. I vaguely hoped that the foot didn’t have a hand holding a gun attached, but I figured if I was going to get shot, it would be just as easy to get me in the back as I ran to find Joanne.
The foot belonged to a very strong leg. It kicked and jerked out of my grasp, disappearing back into the window.
I jumped, grabbing the window sill, and hauled myself up. I glimpsed the body attached to the foot in silhouette as it went through the door into the lit hallway. I clambered through the window and went in pursuit.
Just as I got to the door, the lights in the hallway went out. I couldn’t see a thing. I can’t stand here waiting for my eyes to adjust, I thought, whoever it was had to have seen me. I started to edge back into the room. Then I heard a noise to my right, maybe twenty feet down the hall. If you can’t see them, they can’t see you. I ran toward it, hoping I would crash into something soft and human.
There was a slight shuffle at the sound of my approach, giving me the exact location of my target. The leading edge of my elbow caught someone’s stomach. He went into the wall with a grunt. Then I felt a knee in my groin. This body was fairly tall and knows how to fight, I thought as I bent over. I spun out of his reach. For a moment I thought about calling Joanne, but didn’t because that would only reveal where I was. Besides, Joanne had to have heard the scuffle and my yelling wouldn’t bring her any quicker.
Then I was tackled, my assailant doing to me what I had hoped to do to him. We were on the floor, him on top. He tried to grab my arms, but I jerked them free. Then with my left hand I caught his shoulder, pushing him away. And, more importantly, giving me a pretty accurate picture of where to punch him in the nose. My right hand swung back, ready to strike.
The lights blazed on.
“Stop! Police!” Joanne’s official voice filled the hall.
I looked at my assailant, fully intending to stop after I punched him, not before.
I caught myself just in time, barely grazing her jaw instead of breaking her nose.
“Micky!” Cordelia said, as surprised to be sitting on top of me as I was at being under her.
“Oh, shit! Are you all right?” I exclaimed, wondering how much damage my pulled punch had done.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry,” she said as she got off me. “Here, let me help you. Are you okay?” She extended a hand and helped me get up.
“Only my pride,” I mumbled. “Were you climbing out a window just now?” I asked, remembering my dangling foot.
Joanne joined us.
“What happened?” she contributed.
“You saw someone climbing out a window?” Cordelia questioned.
I nodded. We exchanged stories. Cordelia had been seeing patients until after nine, then stayed to finish paperwork. She had seen the main hallway light come on and heard noises. She wasn’t too worried, she explained, as there were often people here this late. She’d come out to look, the lights went out, and I’d rushed her.
Joanne, hearing the noise, had come in the front door, finding it unlocked.
I was the only one who had seen another person. Cordelia pointed out that the front door shouldn’t have been left unlocked. The intruder had probably run out that way.
“Whoever it was, they’re gone now,” Joanne commented. “Let’s see if they took anything. Cordelia, check the clinic. Micky, the rest of this floor. I’ll do the upstairs,” she ordered. Giving us no time to dissent, she headed up the stairs, still holding, I noticed, her gun. Just in case he was hiding out up there.
Cordelia gave me a quick smile, then a shrug, and went into the clinic. I headed down the hall, checking doors to see if any locks had been tampered with or if anything looked out of place. Nothing. I turned and headed to the back of the building, rechecking to see if I had missed anything. Still nothing.
I walked to the back door and looked out at the overgrown lot behind the clinic. Someone could hide for days in that and not be found.
Then I noticed that the door to the basement was open. The lock was lying on the floor. The door that I had so carefully closed and semi-locked this morning. I turned on the light and went down the stairs. The basement, ill-lit in daylight, was now worthy of a Vincent Price movie.
“Nothing down here but a vicious gang of killer rats,” I said out loud, noting silently that Joanne was certainly right, whoever I had seen was long gone.
I ventured from the stairs to the first pool of light. The basement appeared as barren as it had this morning. Dampness and dirt, a pervasive moldy smell. Hardly threatening. I walked on to the next pool of light.
The only person foolish enough to go into this basement is you, I told myself, seeing only more dirt and undisturbed spiderwebs. Then why was the door open? Any number of reasons came to mind. The killer rats may have decided to move into a better neighborhood, for example. Maybe my foot person opened it looking for a way out. Maybe even hightailed it out one of those rotten windows. But he (or perhaps she, I couldn’t be sure) certainly hadn’t left a plethora of clues in this dismal basement.
It was not likely that whoever broke in had anything to do with the letters. Probably someone trying to steal drugs from the clinic.
There were even fewer lights in this part of the basement. The next one was a good thirty feet away.
Then I noticed some loose soil lying on the hard-packed dirt floor. Odd, I thought, freshly turned from the feel of it. Perhaps the killer rats were digging their way out.
I continued to the next light.
As I got to it, something beyond it caught my eye. A lighter shape against the dark dirt. A piece of paper, perhaps?
I headed toward it, leaving the light behind, losing the object several times in my shadow. The damp and the darkness seemed to be enshrouding me the farther I got from the light. This basement badly needs to be aired out, I thought, as the fetid smell of the dampness assaulted my nose.
Then I recognized what I was walking toward. And realized that what I was smelling wasn’t the moist air of a basement.
I stopped, the hand pale against the dark earth, outstretched and grasping for me. Just as the other one had been.
Only the arm from the elbow down was visible, the rest of the body hidden by one of the thick brick supports. It was covered in dirt as if some hasty attempt at burial had been made. The hand seemed to be reaching out of its hurried grave.
I turned my head away, took a quick gasp of air, and forced myself to go closer, circling around to see what lay behind the column.
She was splattered with dirt, shoved in a trough that was impossibly shallow for her. Her eyes were open and staring, mercifully oblivious to the inadequacy of the earth at covering her nakedness. For she had no clothes, nor jewelry, nothing to mark who she was and how she had come to be left here.
I felt my lungs burn, begging for a breath. I was reluctant to take in the decayed air.
She wasn’t here this morning, I suddenly thought. I would have seen her. She hasn’t been here rotting for days and days.
I let my breath out. And was assaulted with the smell of putrefaction. The dank air of the cellar seemed to amplify the stench of her decomposition. I gagged. Then I ran, to get away from the reach of her hand and the long grasp of decay. The pools of light seemed distant, hidden by shadows and their horrifying secrets.
Finally reaching the stairs, I bolted up them, taking two at a time, stumbling into the clear air of the hallway. For a moment, I just leaned against the nearest wall, purging my lungs of the foul air. Then I shook myself, abashed at my panic.
Cordelia came out of the clinic.
“Micky, what’s wrong?” she said when she saw me.
“Where’s Joanne?” I answered.
“I don’t know,” she replied, coming over to me. “What’s wrong?” she repeated, putting a hand on my shoulder.
“We’re going to need to call the police,” I said, trying to think what to do. Joanne will know, I thought.
“Why? What’s missing?” Cordelia asked.
“Nothing…there’s another one,” I finished, so softly she had to lean in to hear.
“Another…oh, my God!” She shook her head as if in disbelief, then pulled me to her, holding me.
“Am I interrupting something?” Joanne said, descending the stairs.
“I wish to hell you were,” I replied. We broke our embrace.
Cordelia turned to Joanne, still keeping an arm around my shoulder.
“There’s a body in the basement,” I stated matter-of-factly, steadied by Cordelia’s arm.
“What?” Joanne exclaimed. “Are you sure?”