I managed to convey, after several attempts, that it wasn't going to get any better anytime soon. I needed to get past Charlie before it got late enough for him to call Billy.

So he drove me home - for once not even getting close to my truck's internal speed limit - keeping one arm wrapped tightly around me. The whole way, I fought for control. It seemed to be a doomed effort at first, but I didn't give up. Just a few seconds, I told myself. Just time for a few excuses, or a few lies, and then I could break down again. I had to be able to do that much. I scrambled around in my head, searching desperately for a reserve of strength.

There was just enough for me to quiet the sobs - hold them back but not end them. The tears didn't slow. I couldn't seem to find any handle to even begin to work with those.

"Wait for me upstairs," I mumbled when we were in front of the house.

At this Rosalie glared at the book and Esme let out a sigh. She shouldn't ask that of him when she was crying about someone else like this.

He hugged me closer for one minute, and then he was gone.

Once inside, I headed straight for the stairs.

"Bella?" Charlie called after me from his usual place on the sofa as I walked by.

I turned to look at him without speaking. His eyes bugged wide, and he lurched to his feet.

"What happened? Is Jacob . . . ?" he demanded.

I shook my head furiously, trying to find my voice. "He's fine, he's fine," I promised, my voice low and husky. And Jacob was fine, physically, which is all Charlie was worried about at the moment.

"But what happened?" He grabbed my shoulders, his eyes still anxious and wide. "What happened to you?"

I must look worse than I'd imagined.

"Nothing, Dad. I . . . just had to talk to Jacob about . . . some things that were hard. I'm fine."

The anxiety calmed, and was replaced by disapproval.

"Was this really the best time?" he asked.

"No, it should have been done a long time ago," Alice said. "But it's best not to wait any longer."

"Probably not, Dad, but I didn't have any alternatives - it just got to the point where I had to choose. . . . Sometimes, there isn't any way to compromise."

He shook his head slowly. "How did he handle it?"

I didn't answer.

He looked at my face for a minute, and then nodded. That must have been answer enough.

"I hope you didn't mess up his recovery."

"He's a quick healer," I mumbled.

"Some things heal faster than others though," Carlisle sighed.

Charlie sighed.

I could feel the control slipping.

"I'll be in my room," I told him, shrugging out from underneath his hands.

"'Kay," Charlie agreed. He could probably see the waterworks starting to escalate. Nothing scared Charlie worse than tears.

I made my way to my room, blind and stumbling.

Once inside, I fought with the clasp on my bracelet, trying to undo it with shaking fingers.

"No, Bella," Edward whispered, capturing my hands. "It's part of who you are."

He pulled me into the cradle of his arms as the sobs broke free again.

This longest of days seemed to stretch on and on and on. I wondered if it would ever end.

"It's not truly the longest day... that's not until after you're a vampire," Emmett said.

But, though the night dragged relentlessly, it was not the worst night of my life. I took comfort from that. And I was not alone. There was a great deal of comfort in that, too.

"For you," Rosalie muttered, looking sideways to her brother.

Charlie's fear of emotional outbursts kept him from checking on me, though I was not quiet - he probably got no more sleep than I did.

My hindsight seemed unbearably clear tonight. I could see every mistake I'd made, every bit of harm I'd done, the small things and the big things. Each pain I'd caused Jacob, each wound I'd given Edward, stacked up into neat piles that I could not ignore or deny.

"It was stupid to even try to ignore them," Rosalie muttered.

"I don't think she meant to," Emmett said.

"It doesn't matter," Rosalie grumbled.

And I realized that I'd been wrong all along about the magnets. It had not been Edward and Jacob that I'd been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, Edward's Bella and Jacob's Bella. But they could not exist together, and I never should have tried.

I'd done so much damage.

At some point in the night, I remembered the promise I'd made to myself early this morning - that I would never make Edward see me shed another tear for Jacob Black. The thought brought on a round of hysteria which frightened Edward more than the weeping. But it passed, too, when it had run its course.

Edward said little; he just held me on the bed and let me ruin his shirt, staining it with salt water.

It took longer than I thought it would for that smaller, broken part of me to cry herself out. It happened, though, and I was eventually exhausted enough to sleep. Unconsciousness did not bring full relief from the pain, just a numbing, dulling ease, like medicine. Made it more bearable. But it was still there; I was aware of it, even asleep, and that helped me to make the adjustments I needed to make.

The morning brought with it, if not a brighter outlook, as least a measure of control, some acceptance. Instinctively, I knew that the new tear in my heart would always ache. That was just going to be a part of me now. Time would make it easier - that's what everyone always said. But I didn't care if time healed me or not, so long as Jacob could get better. Could be happy again.

When I woke up, there was no disorientation. I opened my eyes - finally dry - and met his anxious gaze.

"Hey," I said. My voice was hoarse. I cleared my throat.

He didn't answer. He watched me, waiting for it to start.

"No, I'm fine," I promised. "That won't happen again."

His eyes tightened at my words.

"I'm sorry that you had to see that," I said. "That wasn't fair to you."

"No, it really wasn't," Rosalie said bitterly.

He put his hands on either side of my face.

"Bella . . . are you sure ? Did you make the right choice? I've never seen you in so much pain -" His voice broke on the last word.

But she was, Alice thought, one that she didn't really want Edward to hear, but she couldn't stop herself from thinking it all the same.

But I had known worse pain.

I touched his lips. "Yes."

"I don't know. . . ." His brow creased. "If it hurts you so much, how can it possibly be the right thing for you?"

"Edward, I know who I can't live without."

"But . . ."

I shook my head. "You don't understand. You may be brave enough or strong enough to live without me, if that's what's best. But I could never be that self-sacrificing. I have to be with you. It's the only way I can live."

Listen to that, Alice thought.

Edward looked at her and his eyes said quite clearly 'Our reality is different.'

He still looked dubious. I should never have let him stay with me last night. But I had needed him so much. . . .

"That's no excuse... you shouldn't have let him stay," Rosalie hissed. "That must have killed him."

"She was in pain," Edward said in his dead voice.

"So it's okay to put you through that pain, too?" Rosalie groaned.

"She was in pain," Edward repeated.

"Edward couldn't have left her," Esme said sadly, she would have had tears in her eyes if she could have, her voice was disapproving, but understanding. "Even if she asked him to."

"That's true," Jasper said, looking at his brother. "He would have taken the pain a thousand times if it might have helped her."

"Hmph," Rosalie huffed, looking madder than she was before.

"Hand me that book, will you?" I asked, pointing over his shoulder.

His eyebrows pulled together in confusion, but he gave it to me quickly.

"This again?" he asked.

"I just wanted to find this one part I remembered . . . to see how she said it. . . ." I flipped through the book, finding the page I wanted easily. The corner was dog-eared from the many times I'd stopped here. "Cathy's a monster, but there were a few things she got right," I muttered. I read the lines quietly, mostly to myself. "'If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.'" I nodded, again to myself. "I know exactly what she means. And I know who I can't live without."

"Well, that makes sense," Emmett said.

Edward took the book from my hands and flipped it across the room - it landed with a light thud on my desk. He wrapped his arms around my waist.

A small smile lit his perfect face, though worry still lined his forehead. "Heathcliff had his moments, too," he said. He didn't need the book to get it word perfect. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ear, "'I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!'"

Alice looked at her brother warily at that, but he just turned his head away from her.

"Yes," I said quietly. "That's my point."

"Bella, I can't stand for you to be miserable. Maybe . . ."

"No, Edward. I've made a real mess of things, and I'm going to have to live with that. But I know what I want and what I need . . . and what I'm going to do now."

"What are we going to do now?"