How Battered Wives Can Learn to Leave

The brutal slaying of Nicole Brown Simpson in the 90s XX c shocked the nation. That her ex-husband, sports legend O.J. Simp­son, should be charged with killing her and her friend, Ronald Goldman, sent another shock wave.

Police records and 911 calls revealed several incidents of wife abuse. Nicole Simpson's murder seemed a classic example of what can happen when domestic violence goes untreated and unpunished.

There are millions of Nicole Simpsons who on the surface are living the suburban dream. Married to solid, middle-class, even prominent, men, they are raising children, shopping, carpooling, managing their homes. But for these women, the dream has become a nightmare.

Many women remain in violent marriages, but Kate Burnham finally rounded the strength to end the silence that for 18 years had held her hostage inside her own home.

One Beating Every 15 Seconds

At first glance Burnham^’s house, a sprawling ranch flanked by pink and white rhododendrons, looks like any other on her mani­cured Massachusetts lane. Coffee is brewing in the kitchen, music plays softly and light pours in through the picture windows. But two objects on the kitchen table quickly shatter the idyll: a tear-gas canis­ter and mobile security alarm she keeps by her side.

Burnham, age 42, lives in fear of her violent ex-husband, Ste­phen who has threatened to kill her and kidnap their 11-year-old son. A short woman with graying hair, she has sad eyes and an easy laugh. «My husband was active in Cub Scouts and Little League. We were upstanding members of the community. But behind closed doors, we lived a very quiet hell».

Yet she dreaded exposure. Burnham was not nearly as alone as she thought. Every 15 seconds a woman is bartered in this country, say victims' advocates. The FBI reports that domestic violence claimed the lives of 1,432 of the 4,936 women who were murdered.

Middle-class men who batter are no less brutal than other bartered Yet they are far less likely to face repercussions. They often have the money

and influence to discredit their accusers, blunt prosecution and - in an increasing number of cases - exact revenge by winning custody of their children.

The educated, suburban batterer is often very sophisticated in making the victim think she's overreacting, that she's crazy, say ad­vocates. As Burnham recalls her marriage, she can now see there were red flags right from the beginning. When she was in love Ste­phen Burnham had everything she desired in a husband. He was from a good family, well educated and seemed to want only to protect her.

Yet his protectiveness masked something else. Soon after their marriage Burnham discovered his insatiable need to control her - a common trait of batterers. He started degrading her in front of friends. When he began having problems at work, he took his rage out on her. At his insistence, she quit the university office job she loved. Little by little the once gregarious Kate Burnham retreated from the world.