Interpersonal Attraction: Filtering Theory

We have seen how relationships change over time. But what causes people to enter relationships in the first place? Steve Duck feels that attraction is really a process of elimination. According to his filtering theory, we use a series of fil­ters to judge how close to others we want to become. At each filter, some po­tential partners are eliminated and some move on. The point at which someone is eliminated from further consideration determines the level of that relation­ship. Those who do not pass through the first filter remain strangers. Those who make it through the first but not the second become acquaintances, and so on, with those who make it to the end becoming intimates.

Duck identifies four fil­ters: sociological or incidental, pre-interaction, interaction, and cognitive cues. Sociological or incidental cues are the demographic or environmental factors that determine probability of contact. They include factors such as where we work and live, how frequently we travel, and so on. Obviously, we cannot form relationships with people we have never met, and maintaining contact with someone thousands of miles away is extremely difficult. Physical proximity seems to be a key factor here. Numerous studies show that marriages and close friendships are most likely to occur between people who live close to one an­other. To increase one’s chance of forming a relationship, one must over­come isolation. By carefully choosing where to live, work, and play, people can increase the nature and frequency of their interpersonal bonds.

Pre-interaction cues are also important filters. People use nonverbal im­pressions to determine whether they wish to interact with others. We use body type, physical beauty, dress, and related artifacts to give us some idea of what others are like. We respond to some cues (hair color, height, etc.) because of personal preferences. Other cues tell us how similar or different another person may be or whether future interaction is likely to be rewarding. Whether or not they should, surface details often determine whether future interaction will occur. At least some of the time, the old expression “You never get a second chance to make a first impression” is true. Therefore, it is important to become more aware of the ways silent nonverbal messages affect impression formation.

Interaction cues occur once we have made initial contact. Some interac­tions are smooth and comfortable, whereas others are awkward and difficult. When topics flow easily, turn taking is smooth and effortless, eye contact and facial expression indicate friendliness and approval, and attraction is high. The ability to manage conversations and to make interaction rewarding is an important factor in increasing attractiveness. Luckily, conversational competence is learned, and, with some observation and a little practice, individuals can increase their interaction skills.

Cognitive cues constitute the last, and most important, filter. Studies show that the strongest factors in creating solid, long-lasting relationships are psychological. In the long run, the extent to which values are shared and atti­tudes and beliefs are similar is a more important determinant of friendship than is physical appearance. How do we get to know another person at this level? By communicating openly about our beliefs, attitudes, and values. This is why it is important to disclose one’s own beliefs and values and to elicit disclosure from others. It is also important to be open to the possibilities in others. If we let ini­tial filters keep us from getting to know people, we may be missing out on po­tentially rewarding relationships.