Increasing Nonverbal Skills

To become a successful communicator one should be aware of and make eff­ective use of the unspoken languages available. There are some ways to improve nonverbal skills.

Firstly we should learn to be cautious in interpreting nonverbal messages. Most of us share the folk belief that it is possible to read another per­son like a book if we are sensitive to that person’s nonverbal behavior. Most of us have our own theories about what to look for to judge another’s character, and we use these theories as a kind of early warning device to avoid unpleasant interactions. That we never stop to test these stereotypes seldom bothers us. Yet many of our most cherished nonverbal stereotypes are false. It’s important to re­member that nonverbal behaviors can have many different meanings. When Anne crosses her arms over her chest, she may be inadvertently indicating a need to protect herself from contact, or she may simply find that posture com­fortable. When Larry’s eyes shift during a conversation, he may be lying, he may be nervous, or he may have been distracted by some extraneous stimulus.

It is not a good idea to read deep meaning into every gesture, yet it is im­portant to give proper attention to nonverbal cues. Just as some people seem too sensitive to nonverbal cues, others seem completely insensitive. People will sometimes tell us nonverbally what they will not tell us with words, and we should not ignore those silent messages.

In addition to becoming more aware of others’ messages, you should also become aware of the messages you may be inadvertently sending. As we’ve seen, people jump to conclusions about nonverbal behavior. And if they form judg­ments about other people in this way, you can bet that they also form judg­ments about you. Remember that what you do is as important as – and some­times more important than – what you say. We’re used to considering our words but much less used to monitoring our nonverbals. Think about the ways you habitually use all of the nonverbal codes. Some of these ways will be obvi­ous to you, but others will not. Most people check out their clothes in a mirror, but fewer are aware of vocal habits, and still fewer stop to think about their use of space and time. If you’re not sure what messages you’re sending, ask some­one you trust to give you feedback.

It’s also wise to remember that nonverbals you consider to be perfectly innocent can be invasive and even threatening to others. When we stare at people, enter their personal space, use objects that belong to them, or make them wait for us, we may be offending them in ways we scarcely realize. That these things don’t bother us doesn’t mean that they don’t bother others. And the potential for inadvertently committing offense is compounded whenever cultural differences exist. Take the time to find out the nonverbal meanings of others, and try to re­spect those meanings.

The silent messages that make up the nonverbal codes are subtle and are easily misinterpreted. Yet they are powerful modes of communication, and complete communicators are as aware of their own nonverbal messages as they are of their spoken words. If we overlook nonverbal communication, we overlook a world of meaning.