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An Arresting Statement. Sometimes you can jolt the reader into attention,
using content, language, or both, particularly if your essay develops an unusual
or extreme position.
It's like Pearl Harbor. The Japanese have invaded, and the U.S. has been
caught short. Not on guns and tanks and battleships – those are yesterday's
weapons – but on mental might. In a high-tech age where nations increasingly
compete on brainpower, American schools are producing an army of illiterates.
Companies that cannot hire enough skilled workers now realize they must do
something to save the public schools. Not to be charitable, not to promote good
public relations, but to survive.
Nancy Perry, Saving the Schools: How Business Can Help
Interesting Details. These details pique curiosity and draw the reader into
the paper.
It is Friday night at any of the ten thousand watering holes of the small
towns and crossroads hamlets of the South. The room is a cacophony of the
ping-pong-ding-ding-ding of the pinball machine, the pop-fizz of another round
of Pabst, the refrain of “Red Necks, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer” on the
juke box, the insolent roar of a souped-up engine outside and, above it all, the
sound of easy laughter. The good ole boys have gathered for their fraternal
ritual – the aimless diversion that they have elevated into a life-style.
Bonnie Angelo, Those Good Ole Boys
A Question. A provocative question can entice the reader into the essay to
find the answer.
When you leave your apartment or house, do you begin to feel better? If
you leave for a week-long trip, do you find your head clears, your migraine
disappears, dizziness stops, your aches and pains subside, depression fades
away, and your entire attitude is better? If so, chemical pollution of the
atmosphere in your home may be making you ill.
Marshall Mandell, Are You Allergic to Your House?
Conclusions
A conclusion rounds out a paper and signals that the discussion has been
completed. Not all papers require a separate conclusion; narratives and
descriptions, for example, generally end when the writer finishes the story or
concludes the impression. But many essays benefit from a conclusion that drives
the point home a final time. To be effective, a conclusion must mesh logically
and stylistically with what comes earlier. A long, complex paper often ends with
a summary of the main points, but any of several other options may be used for
shorter papers with easy-to-grasp ideas. Most short essays have single-paragraph
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conclusions; longer papers may require two or three paragraphs. Here are some
cautions about writing your conclusion:
1. Don't introduce new material. Draw together, round out, but don't take
off in a new direction.
2. Don't tack on an ending in desperation when the hour is late and the
paper is due tomorrow – the so-called midnight special. Your reader deserves
better than “All in all, skiing is a great sport” or “Thus we can see that
motorcycle racing isn't for everyone.”
3. Don't apologize. Saying that you could have done a better job makes a
reader wonder why you didn't.
4. Don't moralize. A preachy conclusion can undermine the position you
have established in the rest of your composition.
The following examples illustrate several common types of conclusions.
Restatement of the thesis. The following conclusion reasserts Jordan's
thesis that “a mood of antisocial negativism is creeping through the structure of
American life, corroding our ideals, and suffocating the hopes of poor people
and minorities.”
There is room for honest differences about each of these key issues, but
the new negativism's overt greed and the implicit racism of its loud “No” to
minority aspirations indicate that this is a poisonous movement that denies the
moral ideals and human values that characterize the best in America's heritage.
Vernon E. Jordan Jr., The New Negativism
A Summary. A summary draws together and reinforces the main points of
a paper.
There are, of course, many other arguments against capital punishment,
including its high cost and its failure to deter crime. But I believe the most
important points against the death penalty are the possibility of executing an
innocent man, the discriminatory manner in which it is applied, and the
barbaric methods of carrying it out. In my opinion, capital punishment is, in
effect, premeditated murder by society as a whole. As the old saying goes, two
wrongs don't make a right.
Diane Trathen
A Question. The paragraph below concludes an argument that running
should not be elevated to a religion, that its other benefits are sufficient. A final
question often prompts the reader to think further on the topic. If your essay is
meant to be persuasive, be sure to phrase a concluding question so that the way a
reasonable person would answer emphasizes your point of view.
Aren't those gifts enough? Why ask running for benefits that are plainly
beyond its capacity to bestow?
James Fixx, What Running Can't Do for You
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A Quotation. A quotation can capture the essence of your thought and end
the essay with authority.
“We had no idea of the emotional involvement and the commitment of
these women,” Richard says. “Suddenly a constituency arose. Suddenly there
are thousands and thousands of women who don't care about your moral
position or mine – they want a baby.”
David Zimmerman, Are Test-Tube Babies
the Answer for the Childless?
Ironic Twist or Surprising Observation. These approaches prompt the
reader to think further about a paper's topic. The following paragraph points out
the ironic refusal of the government to confront poverty that exists a mere ten
blocks away from its offices:
Thus, a stark contrast exists between the two cultures of 14th Street,
which appears to be like an earthworm with half of its body crushed by poverty
but the other half still alive, wriggling in wealth. The two are alike only in that
each communicates little with the other because of the wide disparity between
the lives of the people and the conditions of the environments. The devastating
irony of the situation on 14th Street lies in the fact that only ten blocks away sit
the very governmental institutions that could alleviate the poverty-the Senate,
the House of Representatives, and the White House.
Student Unknown
Clever or Lighthearted Ending. In our example, the writer, capitalizing
on the essay's topic, ends by exaggerating the fault being criticized.
Because using clichés is as easy as falling off a log, it goes without saying
that it would be duck soup to continue in this vein till hell freezes over. However,
since that would be carrying coals to Newcastle, let's ring down the curtain and
bid adieu to the fair topic of the cliche. (No use beating a dead horse.)
Student Unknown
Personal Challenge. A challenge often prompts the reader to take
some action.
And therein lies the challenge. You can't merely puff hard for a few days
and then revert to the La-Z-Boy recliner, smugly thinking that you're “in shape.”
You must sweat and strain and puff regularly, week in and week out. They're your
muscles, your lungs, your heart. The only caretaker they have is you.
Monica Duvall
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Hope or Recommendation. Both a hope and a recommendation may
restate points already made in the essay or suggest actions to take in order to
arrive at a solution.
Periodically my pilot and I climb into our aircraft and head out over the
Minnesota wilderness, following a succession of electronic beeps that lead to
some of the last remaining wolves in the lower 48 states. We hope that the data
we collect will provide a better understanding of the wolf. We especially hope
that our work will help guide authorities into a management program that will
insure the perpetuation of the species in the last vestiges of its former range.
L. David Mech, Where Can the Wolves Survive?
I who am blind can give one hint to those who can see-one admonition to
those who would make full use of the gift of sight: Use your eyes as if tomorrow
you would be stricken blind. And the same method can be applied to the other
senses. Hear the music of voices, the song of the bird, the mighty strains of an
orchestra, as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow. Touch each object you
want to touch as if tomorrow your tactile sense would fail. Smell the perfume of
flowers, taste with relish each morsel, as if tomorrow you could never smell and
taste again. Make the most of every sense; glory in all the facets of pleasure and
beauty which the world reveals to you through the several means of contact
which Nature provides. But of all the senses, I am sure that sight must be the
most delightful.
you are writing, wait until you finish the paper before choosing one. Since the
reader must see the connection between what the title promises and what the
essay delivers, a good title must be both accurate and specific.
mislead the reader, as shopping is mentioned only briefly. A specific title
suggests the essay's focus rather than just its topic. For example, “Teenage
Fun in Mt. Pleasant” is clearer and more precise than simply “Mt. Pleasant.”
The essay is geared to teenage activities, not a description of the city as
a whole.
Helen Keller, Three Days to See
3.6. Selecting a title
All essays require titles. Unless a good title unexpectedly surfaces while
Titling the Mt. Pleasant essay “Shopping in Mt. Pleasant” would
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3.7. Sharpening sentences and words
Next, turn your attention to sentences and words. You can improve your
writing considerably by finding and correcting sentences that convey the wrong
meaning or are stylistically deficient in some way. The following strategies will
help you to revise your sentences effectively.
1. Use parallelism.
2. Use a consistent point of view.
3. Use specific words.
4. Use active verbs.
5. Use concise words.
6. Vary your sentences.
Use Parallelism. Words in a pair or a series should have parallel structure.
By balancing the items in a pair or a series so that they have the same kind of
structure, you will make the sentence clearer and easier to read. Notice how the
parallel sentences that follow read more smoothly than nonparallel ones.
Nonparallel (Not balanced) Parallel (Balanced)
My job includes checking the inventory,
initialing the orders, and to call the
suppliers.
The game-show contestant was told to be
cheerful, charming, and with enthusiasm.
Grandmother likes to read mystery novels,
to do needlepoint, and browsing the
Internet on her home computer.
We painted the trim in the living room; the
wallpaper was put up by a professional.
My job includes checking the inventory,
initialing the orders, and calling the suppliers.
(A balanced series of -ing words: checking,
initialing, calling)
The game-show contestant was told to be
cheerful, charming, and enthusiastic.
(A balanced series of descriptive words:
cheerful, charming, enthusiastic)
Grandmother likes to read mystery novels, to do
needlepoint, and to browse the Internet on her
home computer.
(A balanced series of to verbs: to read, to do, to
browse)
We painted the trim in the living room; a
professional put up the wallpaper.
(Balanced verbs and word order: We painted…;
a professional put up…)
Balanced sentences are not a skill you need worry about when writing
first drafts. But when you rewrite, you should try to put matching words and
ideas into matching structures. Such parallelism will improve your writing
style.
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Use a Consistent Point of View
Consistency with Verbs. Do not shift verb tenses unnecessarily. If you
begin writing paper in the present tense, do not shift suddenly to the past. If you
begin in the past, do not shift without reason to the present. Notice the
inconsistent verb tenses in the following example:
Jean punched down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumps it
onto the floured worktable and kneaded it into a smooth, shiny ball.
The verbs must be consistently in the present tense.
Jean punches down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumps it
onto the floured worktable and kneads it into a smooth, shiny ball.
Or the verbs must be consistently in the past tense:
Jean punched down the risen yeast dough in the bowl. Then she dumped it
onto the floured worktable and kneaded it into a smooth, shiny ball.
Consistency with Pronouns. When writing a paper, you should not shift
your point of view unnecessarily. be consistent in your use of first-, second-, or
third-person pronouns. For instance, if you start writing in the first person, I, do
not jump suddenly to the second person, you. Or if you are writing in the third
person, they, do not shift unexpectedly to you. Look at the examples.
Inconsistent Consistent
One of the fringe benefits of my job is that you
can use a company credit card for gasoline.
Though we like most of our neighbors, there
are a few you can’t get along with.
One of the fringe benefits of my job is that
I can use a company credit card for gasoline.
Though we like most of our neighbors,
there are a few we can’t get along with.
Use Specific Words. To be an effective writer, you must use specific
words rather than general words. Specific words create pictures in the reader’s
mind. They help capture interest and make your meaning clear. Compare the
following sentences:
General Specific
She walked down the street. Anne wandered slowly along Rogers Lane.
Animals came into the space. Hungry lions padded silently into the sawdust-covered arena.
The man signed the paper. The biology teacher hastily scribbled his name on the course
withdrawal slip.
Here are four ways to make your sentences specific.
1. Use exact names.
He sold his camper.
Vince sold his Winnebago.
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2. Use lively verbs.
The flag moved in the breeze.
The flag fluttered in the breeze.
3. Use descriptive words (modifiers) before nouns.
A man strained to lift the crate.
A heavyset, perspiring man strained to lift the heavy wooden crate.
4. Use words that relate to the senses – sight, hearing, taste, smell, touch.
That woman jogs five miles a day.
That fragile-looking, gray-haired woman jogs five miles a day. (sight)
A noise told the crowd that there were two minutes left to play.
A piercing whistle told the cheering crowd that there were two minutes
left to play. (hearing)
When he returned, all he found in the refrigerator was bread and milk.
When he returned, all he found in the refrigerator was stale bread and
sour milk. (taste)
Neil stroked the kitten’s fur until he felt its tiny claws on his hand.
Neil stroked the kitten’s velvety fur until he felt its tiny, needle-sharp
claws on his hand. (touch)
Flan placed a sachet in her bureau drawer.
Fran placed a lilac-scented sachet in her bureau drawer. (smell)
Use Active Verbs. In general, active verbs are more effective than passive
verbs. Active verbs give your writing a simpler and more vigorous style.
Use Concise Words. Wordiness – using more words than necessary to
express a meaning – is often a sign of lazy or careless writing. Your readers may
resent the extra time and energy they must spend when you have not done the
work needed to make your writing direct and concise.
Here are two examples of wordy sentences:
In this paper, I am planning to describe the hobby that I enjoy of
collecting old comic books.
In Ben’s opinion, he thinks that cable television will change and alter our
lives in the future.
Omitting needless words improves these sentences:
I enjoy collecting old comic books.
Ben thinks that cable television will change our lives.
Vary Your Sentences. One part of effective writing is to vary the kinds of
sentences you write. If every sentence follows the same pattern, writing may
become monotonous to read. The following are four methods you can use to
revise simple sentences, making them more complex and sophisticated:
1. Add a second complete thought (coordination).
When you add a second thought to a simple sentence, the result is a
compound sentence. The two complete statements in a compound sentence are
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usually connected by a comma plus a joining or coordinating word (and, but,
for, or, nor, so, yet). A compound sentence is used to give equal weight to two
closely related ideas.
Greg worked on the engine for three hours, but the car still wouldn’t start.
Bananas were on sale this week, so I bought a bunch for the children’s
lunches.
2. Add a dependant thought (subordination).
When you add a dependant thought to a simple sentence, the result is a
complex sentence. A dependent thought begins with one of the following
subordinating words:
after
although
though
as
because
before
even though
how
if, even if
in order that
since
that, so that
unless
until
what, whatever
when, whenever
where, wherever
whether
which, whichever
while
who
whose
A complex sentence is used to emphasize one idea over another.
Although the exam room was very quiet, I still couldn’t concentrate.
3. Revise by beginning with a special opening word or phrase.
Among the special openers that can be used to start sentences are -ed
words, -ing words, -ly words, to word groups, and prepositional phrases. Here
are examples of all five kinds of openers:
-ed word
Concerned about his son’s fever, Paul called a doctor.
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-ing word
Humming softly, the woman browsed through the rack of dresses.
-ly word
Hesitantly, Sue approached the instructor’s desk.
to word group
To protect her hair, Eva uses the lowest setting on her blow dryer.
Prepositional phrase
During the exam, drops of water fell from the ceiling.
4. Revise by placing adjectives or verbs in a series.
Various parts of a sentence may be placed in a series. Among these parts
are adjectives (descriptive words) and verb. Here are examples of both in a
series:
Adjectives
I gently applied a sticky new Band-Aid to deep, ragged cut on my finger.
Verbs
The truck bounced off a guardrail, sideswiped a tree, and plunged down
the embankment.
3.8. Hints about editing
Here are hints that can help you edit the next-to-final draft of a paper for
sentence-skills mistakes:
1. Have at hand two essential tools a good dictionary and a grammar
handbook.
2. Use a sheet of paper to cover your essay so that you will expose only
one sentence at a time, look for errors in grammar, spelling, and typing.
3. Pay special attention to the kinds of errors you tend to make.
3.9. Proofreading your draft
After revising your draft, proofread or edit it to correct errors in grammar,
punctuation, and spelling. Since we often overlook our own errors simply
because we know what we meant, proofreading can be difficult. Inch through
your draft deliberately, moving your finger along slowly under every word.
Repeat this procedure several times, looking first for errors in grammar, then for
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sentence errors and problems in punctuation and mechanics, and finally for
mistakes in spelling. Be especially alert for problems that have plagued your
writing in the past.
Effective proofreading calls for you to assume a detective role and probe
for errors that weaken your writing. If you accept the challenge, you will
certainly improve the quality of your finished work.
SELF-STUDY
Your own revising practice
1. How did you begin revising?
2. What comments on or responses to your draft did you have? How
helpful were they and why?
3. How long did revising take? How many drafts did you produce?
4. Were the revisions that you tended to make mostly additions?
deletions? replacements of one word, for example, and so on, by another?
transfers of material from one place to another?
5. What kinds of changes did you tend to make – in organization,
paragraphs, sentence structure, wording, adding or deleting information?
6. What gave you the most trouble as you were revising?
7. What pleased you most? What would you most like to change about
your process of revising, and how do you plan to go about doing so?
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