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Reflecting on your writing process
1. How did you arrive at your specific subject?
2. When did you first begin to think about the assignment?
3. What type of exploring or planning did you do?
4. How long did it take to complete your draft (including the time spent
gathering information)?
5. Where did you write your draft? Briefly describe the setting.
6. How did awareness of your particular audience help to shape your
draft?
7. What have you learned from your draft about your own understanding
of the topic?
8. What do you see as the major strengths of your draft?
9. What do you see as the major weaknesses of your draft?
10. What would you like to change about your drafting process?
SELF-STUDY
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3. REVISING AND EDITING
3.1. What is revision?
All of us at one time or another have said something careless to a friend,
date, or mate and then spent the rest of the night regretting our words. In
contrast, when we write we can make sure we say exactly what we mean. Good
writers don't express themselves perfectly on the first try, but they do work hard
at revising their initial efforts.
Just what is revision? Don't confuse it with proofreading or editing, the
final stage of the writing process, where you carefully inspect your word choice,
spelling, grammar, and punctuation. Revision is much more drastic, often
involving an upheaval of your draft as you change its content and organization
in order to communicate more effectively.
Most of what you read has been considerably altered and improved as
the writers progressed through early drafts. This fact shouldn't surprise you.
After all, a rough copy is merely a first attempt to jot down some ideas
in essay form. No matter how well you gather and organize your material,
you can't predict the outcome until you've prepared a draft. Sometimes only
touch-up changes are required. More often though, despite your efforts,
this version will be incomplete, unclear in places, possibly disorganized.
You might even discover an entirely different idea, focus, or approach buried
within it. During revision you keep changing things – your focus, approach
to the topic, supporting material, and thesis statement – until the results
satisfy you.
Inexperienced writers often mistakenly view initial drafts as nearly
finished products rather than as experiments to alter, or even scrap, if need
be. As a result, they often approach revision with the wrong attitude. To
revise successfully, you need to control your ego and your fear and become
your own first critical reader. Set aside natural feelings of accomplishment
(“After all, I've put a great deal of thought into this”) and dread (“Actually,
I'm afraid of what I'll find if I look too closely”). Instead, recognize that
revision offers an opportunity to upgrade your strong features and strengthen
your weak ones.
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3.2. Preparing to revise
To distance yourself from your writing and sharpen your critical eye, set
your first draft aside for at least a half day, longer if time permits. When you
return to it, gear up for revision by jotting down your intended purpose and
audience before you read your paper. These notations will help keep your
changes on track. In addition, note any further ideas that have occurred to you.
The right attitude is vital to effective revision. Far too many students
hastily skim their essays to reassure themselves that “Everything sounds O.K.”
Avoid such a quick-fix approach. If your draft appears fine on first reading,
probe it again with a more critical eye. Try putting yourself in your reader's
place. Will your description of a favorite getaway spot be clear to someone who
has never seen it? Will your letter home asking for money really convince
parents who might think they've already given you too much? Remember: if you
aren't critical now, anticipating confusion and objections, your reader certainly
will be later.
Read your essay at least three times, once for each of these reasons:
1. To improve the development of the essay as a whole.
2. To strengthen paragraph structure and development.
3. To sharpen sentences and words.
When you finish reading your paper for content, make a final, meticulous
sweep to search for errors and problems that mar your writing.
3.3. Considering the whole essay
If you only inspect your draft sentence by sentence, you can easily
overlook how its parts work together. A better approach is to step back and view
the overall essay rather than its separate parts, asking questions such as “Does
the beginning mesh with the end?” “Does the essay wander?” “Has anything
been left out?” In this way you can gauge how part relates to part and to the
whole. Use the acronym FACT to guide this stage of your revision.
F. Ask yourself first whether the whole essay FITS together, presenting a
central point for a specific audience. Have you delivered what the thesis
statement promises? First drafts often include paragraphs, or even large sections,
that have little bearing on the main point. Some drafts contain the ideas of
several different essays. Furthermore, one section of a draft might be geared to
one audience (parents, for example) and another section to an entirely different
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audience (students, perhaps). As you read each part, verify its connection to
your purpose and audience. Don't hesitate to chop out sections that don't fit, redo
stray parts so they accord with your central idea, or alter your thesis statement to
reflect better your supporting material. Occasionally, you might even expand
one small, fertile section of your draft into an entirely new essay.
A. Whenever we write first drafts, we unwittingly leave out essential
material. As we revise, we need to identify and fill these gaps. Ask yourself:
"Where will the reader need more information or examples to understand my
message?" Then ADD the appropriate sentences, paragraphs, or even pages.
C. First drafts often contain material that fits the thesis but doesn't
contribute to the essay. Writing quickly, we tend to repeat ourselves, include
uninteresting or uninformative examples, and crank out whole paragraphs when
one clear sentence would suffice. As you revise, CUT away this clutter with a
free hand. Such paring can be painful, especially if you're left with a skimpy
text, but your message will emerge with much greater clarity. As you've
probably guessed, revising a draft often requires both adding and cutting.
T. Carefully TEST the organization of your essay. The text should flow
smoothly from point to point with clear transitions between the various ideas.
Test the organization by outlining your major and minor points, then checking
the results for logic and completeness. Alternatively, read the draft and note its
progression. Look for spots where you can clarify connections between words
and thus help your readers.
When you finish revising your draft, you might want to team up with one
or more classmates and read one another's work critically. The fresh eye you
bring to the task can uncover shortcomings that would otherwise go unnoticed.
3.4. Strengthening paragraph structure and development
Once you finish considering the essay as a whole, examine your
paragraphs one by one, applying the FACT approach that you used for the whole
paper. Make sure each paragraph FITS the paper's major focus and develops a
single central idea. If a paragraph needs more support or examples, ADD
whatever is necessary. If a paragraph contains ineffective or unhelpful material,
CUT it. TEST the flow of ideas from paragraph to paragraph and clarify
connections, both between and within paragraphs, as necessary. Ask the basic
questions in the checklist that follows about each paragraph, and make any
needed revisions.
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Paragraphs help guide readers through longer pieces of writing. Some
break lengthy discussions of one idea into segments of different emphasis,
thus providing rest stops for readers. Others consolidate several briefly
developed ideas. Yet others begin or end pieces of writing or link major
segments together. Most paragraphs, though, include a number of sentences
that develop and clarify one idea. Throughout a piece of writing, paragraphs
relate to one another and reflect a controlling purpose. To make paragraphs fit
together smoothly, you can't just sit down and dash them off. Instead, you
first need to reflect on the entire essay, then channel your thoughts toward its
different segments. Often you'll have to revise your paragraphs after you've
written a draft.
Characteristics of effective paragraphs
Unity. A paragraph with unity develops one, and only one, key controlling
idea. To ensure unity, edit out any stray ideas that don't belong and fight the
urge to take interesting but irrelevant side trips; they only create confusion about
your destination.
The following paragraph lacks unity:
The psychiatric nurse deals with dangerous mental patients, pathological
personalities who may explode into violence at any moment. Sigmund Freud was
one of the first doctors to study mental disorders. Today psychotherapy is a well
established medical discipline.
What exactly is this writer trying to say? We can't tell. Each sentence
expresses a different, undeveloped idea:
1. Job of the psychiatric nurse.
2. Freud's pioneering work in studying mental disorders.
3. Present status of psychotherapy.
In contrast, the following paragraph develops and clarifies only one
central idea: the professional responsibilities of a psychiatric nurse.
The psychiatric nurse deals with dangerous mental patients,
pathological personalities who may explode into violence at any moment. For
this reason, the nurse must remain on guard at all times. When a patient
displays anger or violence, she cannot respond in kind but must instead show
tolerance and understanding. Furthermore, she must be able to recognize
attempts at deception. Sometimes a mentally ill person, just prior to
launching an attack, will act in a completely normal way in order to deceive
the intended victim. The nurse must recognize this behavior and be alert for
any possible assault.
Peggy Feltman
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Because no unrelated ideas sidetrack the discussion of responsibilities, the
paragraph has unity. To check your paragraphs for unity, ask yourself what each
one aims to do and whether each sentence helps that aim.
Exercise. After reading the next two paragraphs, answer the questions:
1. Which of these paragraphs lacks unity? Refer to the paragraphs when
answering.
2. How would you improve the paragraph that lacks unity?
The legend – in Africa – that all elephants over a large geographical area go
to a common “graveyard” when they sense death is approaching led many hunters
to treat them with special cruelty. Ivory hunters, believing the myth and trying to
locate such graveyards, often intentionally wounded an elephant in the hopes of
following the suffering beast as it made its way to the place where it wanted to
die. The idea was to wound the elephant seriously enough so that it thought it was
going to die but not so seriously that it died in a very short time. All too often, the
process resulted in a single elephant being shot or speared many times and
relentlessly pursued until it either fell dead or was killed when it finally turned
and charged its attackers. In any case, no wounded elephant ever led its pursuers
to the mythical graveyard with its hoped-for booty of ivory tusks.
Kris Hurrell
When I was growing up, I spent many happy hours with my brothers and
sisters playing jungle games in the woodlot behind our farm home. This lot, ten
acres of dense-set poplars and birches standing amidst the blackened stumps of
an old pine forest, provided a perfect setting for our jungle adventures. At times
we acted out African versions of cowboys and Indians; at others we sought the
long-lost treasures of fabled diamond mines. Often our adventures pitted Tarzan
against tomb robbers and poachers. Besides serving as a playground, our
woodlot furnished most of the fuel for the iron stoves in our kitchen and living
room. I can still remember the back-breaking work of chopping up stumps and
fallen trees and hauling them to the house. In the winter, the woodlot offered
fine small-game hunting. In the summer, it provided a cool refuge from the heat
that blistered the fields and farmhouse. Today, farm and woodlot are gone,
swallowed up by a sprawling suburb. I wonder whether the children who live
there ever want to play jungle games or regret that there's no place for them.
Student Unknown
Topic Sentence
The topic sentence states the main idea of the paragraph. Think of the
topic sentence as a rallying point, with all supporting sentences developing the
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idea it expresses. A good topic sentence helps you gauge what information
belongs in a paragraph, thus ensuring unity. At the same time, it informs your
reader about the point you're making.
Placement of the topic sentence varies from paragraph to paragraph, as the
following examples show. As you read each, note how supporting information
develops the topic sentence, which is underlined.
Topic Sentence Stated First. Many paragraphs open with the topic
sentence. The writer reveals the central idea immediately and then builds from a
solid base.
Starting about one million years ago, the fossil record shows an
accelerating growth of the human brain. It expanded at first at the rate of one
cubic inch of additional gray matter every hundred thousand years; then the
growth rate doubled; it doubled again; and finally it doubled once more. Five
hundred thousand years ago the rate of growth hit its peak. At that time, the
brain was expanding at the phenomenal rate of ten cubic inches every hundred
thousand years. No other organ in the history of life is known to have grown as
fast as this.
Robert Jastrow, Until the Sun Dies
Topic Sentence Stated Last. In order to emphasize the support and build
gradually to a conclusion, a topic sentence can end the paragraph. This position
creates suspense as the reader anticipates the summarizing remark.
An experience of my own comes handily to mind. Some years ago, when
the Restaurant de la Pyramide in Vienne was without question one of the best
half-dozen restaurants in the world, I visited it for the first time. After I had
ordered my meal, the sommelier [wine steward] appeared to set before me a
wine list of surpassing amplitude and excellence. But as I cast my eyes down this
unbelievable offering of the World's most tantalizing wines, the sommelier bent
over me and pointed out a wine of which I had never heard, ticketed at a price
one-fifth that of its illustrious neighbors. “Monsieur,” said the sommelier, “I
would suggest this one. It is a local wine, a very good wine. It is not a great
wine, but after all, monsieur, you are likely to pass this way only once. The great
wines you will find everywhere; this wine you will find only in Vienne. I would
like you to try it, while you have the opportunity.” This, to my mind, was true
sophistication – on the part of M. Point for having the wine and on the part of
the waiter for offering it.
Stephen White, The New Sophistication: Defining the Terms
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Topic Sentence Stated First and Last Some paragraphs lead with the
main idea and then restate it, usually in different words, at the end. This
technique allows the writer to repeat an especially important idea.
Everything is changing. . . . This is a prediction I can make with absolute
certainty. As human beings, we are constantly in a state of change. Our bodies
change every day. Our attitudes are constantly evolving. Something that we
swore by five years ago is now almost impossible for us to imagine ourselves
believing. The clothes we wore a few years ago now look strange to us in old
photographs. The things we take for granted as absolutes, impervious to change,
are, in fact, constantly doing just that. Granite boulders become sand in time.
Beaches erode and shape new shorelines. Our buildings become outdated and
are replaced with modern structures that also will be torn down. Even those
things which last thousands of years, such as the Pyramids and the Acropolis,
also are changing. This simple insight is very important to grasp if you want to
be a no-limit person, and are desirous of raising no-limit children. Everything
you feel, think, see, and touch is constantly changing.
Wayne Dyer, What Do You Really Want for Your Children?
Topic Sentence Stated in the Middle On occasion, the topic sentence falls
between one set of sentences that provides background information and a followup set that develops the central idea. This arrangement allows the writer to shift
the emphasis and at the same time preserve close ties between the two sets.
Over the centuries, China has often been the subject of Western fantasy. In
their own way, a number of scholars, journalists, and other travelers have
perpetuated this tradition in recent years, rushing to rediscover the country after
its long period of isolation. Some of these visitors, justifiably impressed by the
Communists' achievements in eliminating the exploitative aspects of pre-1949
mandarin society, propagated the view that the revolution, after its initial
successes, had continued to “serve the people,” and that China was “the wave of
the future” – a compelling alternative to the disorder and materialism of
contemporary Western society. Human rights were not at issue, they argued,
because such Western concepts were inapplicable to China. In the past year,
however, the Chinese have began to speak for themselves, and they are conveying
quite a different picture. In the view of many of its own people, China is a
backward and repressive nation. “China is Asia's Gulag Archipelago,” an elderly
Chinese scholar said to me shortly after I had arrived in China last spring. “I was
in Germany right after the Second World War, and I saw the horrors of
Buchenwald and other concentration camps. In a way – in its destruction of the
human spirit these past two decades – China has been even worse.”
David Finkelstein, When the Snow Thaws
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Topic Sentence Implied Some paragraphs, particularly in narrative and
descriptive writing, have no topic sentence. Rather, all sentences point toward a
main idea that readers must grasp for themselves.
[Captain Robert Barclay] once went out at 5 in the morning to do a little
grouse shooting. He walked at least 30 miles while he potted away, and then
after dinner set out on a walk of 60 miles that he accomplished in 11 hours
without a halt. Barclay did not sleep after this but went through the following
day as if nothing had happened until the afternoon, when he walked 16 miles to
a ball. He danced all night, and then in early morning walked home and spent a
day partridge shooting. Finally he did get to bed – but only after a period of two
nights and nearly three days had elapsed and he had walked 130 miles.
John Lovesey, A Myth Is as Good as a Mile
The details in this paragraph collectively suggest a clear central idea: that
Barclay had incredible physical endurance. But writing effective paragraphs
without topic sentences challenges even the best writers. Therefore, control most
of your paragraphs with clearly expressed topic sentences.
Exercise. Identify the topic sentences in each of the following paragraphs
and explain how you arrived at your decisions. If the topic sentence is implied,
state the central idea in your own words.
Last winter, while leafing through the “Guinness Book of World Records”
I came across an item stating that the tallest sunflower ever had been grown by
G. E. Hocking, an Englishman. Fired by a competitive urge, I planted a half acre
of sunflower seeds. That half acre is now a magnificent 22,000 square feet of
green and gold flowers. From the elevated rear deck of my apartment, I can look
out over the swaying mass of thick, hairy green stalks and see each stalk
thrusting up through the darker heart-shaped leaves below and supporting an
ever-bobbing imitation of the sun. In this dwarf forest, some of the flower heads
measure almost a foot in diameter. Though almost all my plants are now
blooming, none will top the sixteen feet, two inches reached by Hocking's plant.
My tallest' is just thirteen feet even, but I don't think that's too bad for the first
attempt. Next year, however, will be another matter. I plan to have an automatic
watering system to feed my babies.
Joseph Wheeler
What my mother never told me was how fast time passes in adult life.
I remember, when I was little, thinking I would live to be at least as old as my
grandmother, who was dynamic even at ninety-two, the age at which she died.
Now I see those ninety-two years hurtling by me. And my mother never told me
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how much fun sex could be, or what a discovery it is. Of course, I'm of an age
when mothers really didn't tell you much about anything. My mother never told
me the facts of life.
Joyce Susskind, Surprises in a Woman's Life
In fact, the separation between the scientists and non-scientists is much
less bridgeable among the young than it was even thirty years ago. Thirty years
ago the cultures had long ceased to speak to each other: but at least they man
aged a kind of frozen smile across the gulf. Now the politeness has gone, and
they just make faces. It is not only that the young scientists now feel that they
are part of a culture on the rise while the other is in retreat. It is also, to be
brutal, that the young scientists know that with an indifferent degree they'll get a
comfortable job, while their contemporaries and counterparts in English or
History will be lucky to earn 60 percent as much. No young scientist of any
talent would feel that he isn't wanted or that his work is ridiculous, as did the
hero of Lucky Jim; and in fact, some of the disgruntlement of Amis and his
associates is the disgruntlement of the underemployed arts graduate [Kingsley
Amis is the author of the novel Lucky Jim].
bald head and a moustache so thick and black that it obliterated his mouth. Four
of the masked terrorists were guarding him closely, each with a heavy rifle held
ready for fire. When the group was about fifty feet from the plane, a second
hostage, a young woman in flowered slacks and a red blouse, was brought out in
clear view by a single terrorist, who held a pistol against the side of her head.
Then the first four pushed the dark little man from them and instructed him to
kneel on the pavement. They looked at him as they might an insect. But he sat
there on his knees, seemingly as indifferent as if he had already taken leave of
his body. The shots from the four rifles sounded faintly at the far end of the field
where a group of horrified spectators watched the grisly proceedings.
fifty to sixty words? Seven to ten sentences? About one-fourth of a page?” The
questions are natural, but the approach is. wrong. Instead of targeting a
particular length, ask yourself what the reader needs to know. Then supply
enough information to make your point clearly. Developing a paragraph
inadequately is like inviting guests to a party but failing to tell them when and
C. P. Snow, The Two Cultures: A Second Look
The first hostage to be brought off the plane was a dark little man with a
Bradley Willis
Adequate development
Students often ask for guidelines on paragraph length: “Should I aim for
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