Commercial_Correspondence

PLANNING

The way to make sure you include the right amount of information, and in the right order, is by planning. Ask yourself what the purpose of the letter is, and what response you would like to receive. Note down everything you want to include before you start writing, then read your notes to check that you have included all the necessary information, that it is relevant, and that you have put it in the right order. Here, for example, is the plan for the letter on page 31.

ist para. Acknowledge enquiry

znd para. Enclose catalogue, price list

3rd para. Draw attention to watches suitable forArrand, and latest designs

4th para. Mention guarantees and reputation

5th para. Encourage further contact

First paragraph

The opening sentence or paragraph is important as it sets the tone of the letter and creates a first impression. Generally speaking, you would thank your correspondent for their letter (if replying to an enquiry), if necessary introduce yourself and your company, state the subject of the letter, and set out its purpose. Here are two examples of opening paragraphs.

— Thank you for your enquiry dated 8 July in which you asked us about our range of cosmetics. As you probably know from our advertising, we appeal to a wide age group from the teenage market through to more mature women, and our products are retailed in leading stores throughout the world.

— Thank you foryour letter of 19 August, which I received today. We can certainly supply you with the industrial floor coverings you asked about. Enclosed you will find a catalogue illustrating our wide range of products currently used in factories and offices throughout the world.

Middle paragraphs

The main part of your letter will concern the points that need to be made, answers you wish to give, or questions you want to ask. As this depends on the type of letter that you are writing, these topics will be dealt with in later units. In the middle paragraphs, planning is most important to make sure your points are made dearly, fully, and in a logical sequence.

Final paragraph

At the end of your letter, if it is a reply and you have not done so at the beginning, you should thank your correspondent for writing. If appropriate, encourage further enquiries or correspondence, mentioning that you look forward to hearing from him or her soon. You may want to restate, briefly, one or two of the most important points you made in the main part of your letter. Here are some examples of final paragraphs.

—Once again thank you for writing to us. Please contact us if you would like any further information. To summarize: all prices are quoted CIF Yokohama, delivery would be six weeks from receipt of order, and payment should be made by bank draft. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

—I hope I have covered all the questions you asked, but please contact me if there are any other details you require. If you would like to place an order, may I suggest that you do so before the end of this month so that it can be met in good time for the start of the summer season? I hope to hearfrom you in the near

future.

— We are confident that you have made the right choice as this line is a leading seller. If there is any advice or further information you need, we would be happy to supply it and look forward to hearing from you.

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Content and style

STYLE AND LANGUAGE

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Commercial correspondence often suffers from an old-fashioned, pompous style of English which complicates the message and gives readers the feeling that they are reading something written in an unfamiliar language. In this letter, all the writer is trying to do is explain why he delayed paying his account but, because of the style, it is too long and is difficult to understand.

Dear Sir / Madam

I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter of the 15th inst. in connection with our not clearing our account, which was outstanding as of the end of June.

Please accept our profuse apologies. We were unable to settle this matter due to the sudden demise of Mr Noel, our Accountant, and as a result were unaware of those accounts which were to be cleared. We now, however, have managed to trace all our commitments and take pleasure in enclosing our remittance

for £2,120, which we trust will rectify matters.

We hope that this unforeseen incident did not in any way inconvenience you, nor lead you to believe that our not clearing our balance on the due date was an intention on our part to delay payment.

We remain, yours, etc

Here is a simpler version of the letter. Mr Aldine will be satisfied with it because it tells him— simply and clearly— what he wants to know. First, his customer uses his name. Second, he has apologized. Third, Mr Aldine knows his was not the only account that was not paid when due, and knows why. Finally, he has his cheque.

Your style should not, however, be so simple that it becomes rude. Here is an example of a letter that is too short and simple.

Dear Mr Aldine

I am replying to your letter of 15 July asking us to clear our June balance.

I apologize for not settling the account sooner, but due to the unfortunate death of Mr Noel, our Accountant, there have been delays in settling all of our outstanding balances.

Please find enclosed our cheque for £2,120, and accept our apologies for any inconvenience.

Yours sincerely

Dear Mr Rohn

I've already written to you concerning your debt of £1,994. This should have been cleared three months ago. You seem unwilling to co-operate in paying us. We'll sue you if you do not clear your debt within the next ten days.

Yours, etc.

In the version of the same letter, notice the stylistic devices that are used to make it more polite: complex sentences, joined by conjunctions, rather than short sentences (e.g.... the balance of £1,194, which has been outstanding ... rather than ...your debt of

.£1,994. This should have been cleared ...); the use of full rather than abbreviated forms (e.g. I shall have to consider... rather than

We'll sue ...) ; and the use of passive forms and indirect language that avoids sounding

aggressive (e.g.... for the account to be settled ...

rather than ... if you do not clear your debt ...).

loll©trns and collogulal language

It is important to try to get the right 'tone' in your letter. This means that, generally speaking, you should aim for a neutral tone,

avoiding pompous language on the one hand and language which is too informal or colloquial on the other.

You may set the wrong tone by using the wrong vocabulary or idioms, or using short forms inappropriately. Here are a few examples, together with a preferred alternative.

On the whole, it is better to avoid using colloquial language or slang. Apart from the danger of being misunderstood if your correspondent's first language is not English, he or she may think you are being too familiar.

Dear Mr Rohn

I refer to our previous letter sent on 10 October in which you were asked to clear the balance of £1,994 on your account, which has been outstanding since July. As there has been no reply, I shall have to consider handing over the matter to our solicitors.

However, I am reluctant to do this and am offering a further ten days for the account to be settled.

Yours sincerely

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35

Content and style

36

CLARITY

Your correspondent must be able to understand what you have written. Confusion in correspondence often arises through a lack of thought and care, and there are a number of ways in which this can happen.

Abbreviations and initials

Abbreviations can be useful because they are quick to write and easy to read. But both correspondents need to know what the abbreviations stand for.

The abbreviations c IF and FOB, for example, are INCOTERMS which mean, respectively, Cost, Insurance, and Freight and Free On Board. But can you be sure that your correspondent knows that p&p means postage and packing?

Some international organizations, e.g. NAT O (North Atlantic Treaty Organization), are known in all countries by the same set of initials, but many are not, e.g. EU (European Union) and UN (United Nations). National organizations, e.g. in the UK, c B (Confederation of British Industry) and TUc (Trades Union Congress), are unlikely to be familiar to correspondents in other countries.

A range of abbreviations are used in email correspondence r> see page 22, but many of them are not widely known. If you are not absolutely certain that an abbreviation or set of initials will be easily recognized, it is best not to use it.

We saw on page 8 that the use of figures instead of words for dates can create problems.

Numerical expressions can also cause confusion. For example, the decimal point in British and American usage is a full stop, but a comma is used in most continental European countries, so that a British or American person would write 4.255 where a French person would write 4,255 (which to a British or American person would meanfour thousand two hundred and fifty-five).

If there is the possibility of confusion, write

the expression in both figures and words, e.g.

£10,575.90 (ten thousand five hundred and seventy-five pounds, ninety pence).

Prepositions

Special care should be taken when using prepositions. There is a big difference between

The price has been increased to £450.00, The price has been increased by £45o.00, and The price has been increased from £450.00.

ACCURACY

Spelling

Careless mistakes in a letter can give readers a bad impression. Spelling, punctuation, and grammar should all be checked carefully. Many people have come to rely on the spellchecker in their computers to ensure that there are no spelling mistakes. But a word spelt incorrectly may form a completely different word, e.g.

(the writer means thought); I saw it their (the writer means

A spell checker would miss these mistakes. There is no substitute for carefully reading, or proofreading a letter that you have written.

Thies, names, and addresses

Use the correct title in the address and salutation. Spell your correspondent's name correctly (nothing creates a worse impression than a misspelled name), and write their address accurately.

If you do not know your correspondent, do not assume that they are one sex or the other, i.e. use Dear Sir /Madam rather than Dear Sir or

Dear Madam. If you know a correspondent's name but not their sex, use Mr /Ms, e.g. Dear Mr /Ms Barron.

References

When replying to a letter, fax, or email, quote all references accurately so that it is immediately clear to your reader what you are writing about.

Prices, measurements, etc.

Special care should be taken when quoting prices or giving specifications such as measurements or weights. Quoting these incorrectly can cause serious misunderstandings.

Enclosures and attachments

Always check that you have actually enclosed the documents you have mentioned in your letter, or attached them to your email

Check, too, that you have enclosed or attached the right documents. If, for example, the document you are enclosing is invoice PI, / 231, make sure you do not enclose invoice PL/213.

When ordering, make sure you quote the order number correctly, especially in international trade where mistakes can be very expensive in both time and money.

Points to remember

1 Include the right amount of information. If you are responding to an enquiry, make sure you have answered all the writer's questions.

2 Plan before you start writing. Make sure you say everything you want to say, and in a logical sequence.

3 Use a simple but polite style of language.

4 Make sure that everything you write is clear and easy to understand. Do not use colloquial language or abbreviations that your reader may not understand. Write numbers in words as well as figures.

5 Accuracy is important. Pay special attention to details such as titles and names, and references and prices, and remember to check enclosures or attachments.

6 Check what you have written when you have finished. Make sure everything is as it should be.

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MAKING ENQUIRIES

A simple enquiry can be made by email, fax, or cable. The contents of an enquiry will depend on three things: how well you know

the supplier, whether the supplier is based in your country or abroad, and the type of goods or services you are enquiring about. There is a difference between asking a computer company about the cost of installing a complex computer network and asking a publisher about the price of a book.

Tell your supplier what sort of organization you are.

—We are a co-operative wholesale society based in Zurich.

—Our company is a subsidiary of Universal Business Machines and we specialize in...

—We are one of the main producers of industrial chemicals in Germany, and we are interested in ...

How did you hear about the company you are contacting? It might be useful to point out that you know their associates, or that they were recommended to you by a consulate or trade association.

—We were given your name by the Hoteliers' Association in Paris.

—You were recommended to us by Mr John King, of Lawsom & Davies, Merchant Bankers.

—We were advised by Spett. Marco Gennovisa of Milan thatyou are interested in supplying ...

—The British Consulate in Madrid has told us that you are looking for an agent in Spain to represent you.

It is possible to use other references.

—We were impressed by the selection of gardening tools displayed on your stand at this year's Hamburg Gardening Exhibition.

—Our associates in the packaging industry speak highly of your Zeta packing machines, and we would like to have more information about them. Could you send us ...

Aglaqa5,c'ealiWegues, palca Has, etc.

It is not necessary to give a lot of information about yourself when asking for CATALOGUE S, price lists, etc. This can be done by letter, fax, or email, but remember to give your postal address. It is also helpful to point out briefly any particular items you are interested in.

—Could you please send your current catalogue and price list for exhibition stands? We are particularly interested in stands suitable for displaying furniture.

—We have heard about your latest equipment in laser surgery and would like more details.

Please send us any information you can supply, marking the letter For the Attention of

Professor Kazuhiro: Tokyo General Hospital, Kinuta-Setagayaku, Tokyo, Japan.

—I am planning to come and study in London next autumn and would be grateful if you could send me a prospectus and details of yourfees. lam particularly interested in courses in computing.

—Please would you send me an up-to-date price list for your building materials.

iZoCangs IICJU deWL

When asking for goods or services you should be specific and state exactly what you want. If replying to an advertisement, you should mention the journal or newspaper and its date, and quote any Box NUMBER or department number given, e.g. Box No. 341; Dept 4/128. And if ordering from, or referring to, a catalogue,

always quote the reference, e.g. Cat. no. A149; Item no. 351; Course

BL 362.

—I am replying to your advertisement in the June edition of 'Tailor and Cutter'.1would like to know more about the steam presses which you are offering at cost price.

—I will be attending the auction to be held at Turner House on 16 February, and am particularly interested in the job lot listed as Item No. 351.

—Could you please give me more information about course BL 362, which appears in the language-learning section of your summer prospectus?

—I would appreciate more details about the `University Communications System' which you are currently advertising on your website.

Asking for samples, patterns, and demonstrations

You might want to see what a material or item looks like before placing an order. Most suppliers are willing to provide samples or patterns so that you can make a selection. However, few would send a complex piece of machinery for you to look at. Instead, you would probably be invited to visit a showroom, or the supplier would offer to send a representative. In any case, if it is practical, ask to see an example of the article you want to buy.

—When replying, could you please enclose a pattern card?

—We would also appreciate it if you could send some samples of the material so that we can examine the texture and quality.

—Before selling toys we prefer to test them for safety. Could you therefore send us at least two examples of the 'Sprite' range?

—I would like to discuss the problem of maintenance before deciding which model to install in my factory. Therefore I would be grateful if you could arrange for one of your representatives to call on me within the next two weeks.

—Where can I see a demonstration of this system?

SuzzeztOnag tams, methods of payment, and discounts

Companies sometimes state prices and conditions in their advertisements or literature and may not like prospective customers making additional demands. However, even if conditions are quoted, you can mention that you usually expect certain concessions and

politely suggest that, if your terms were met, you would be more likely to place an order.

—We usually deal on a 3o% trade discount basis with an additional quantity discount for orders over too° units.

As a rule, our suppliers allow us to settle by monthly statement and we can offer the usual references if necessary.

—We would also like to point out that we usually settle our accounts on a D/A basis with payment by 3o-day bill of exchange.

—Could you let us know if you allow cash discounts?

As we intend to place a substantial order, we would like to know what quantity discounts you allow.

Asking for goods on approval, or on sale or return

Sometimes retailers and wholesalers want to see how a LINE will sell before placing a firm order with a supplier. Two ways of doing this are by getting goods on approval or on a SALE basis. In either case the supplier

would have to know the customer well, or would want TRADE REFERENCE S. The supplier would also place a time limit on when the goods must be returned or paid for.

—The leaflet advertising your latest hobby magazines interested us, and we would like to stock a selection of them. However, we would only consider placing an order if it was on the usual basis of sale or return. If this is acceptable, we will send you a firm order.

—In the catalogue we received from you last week, we saw that you are introducing a new line in synthetic furs. While we appreciate that increasing pressure from wildlife protection societies is reducing the demand for real furs, we are not sure how our customers would react to synthetic alternatives. However, we would like to try a selection of designs. Would it be possible foryou to supply us with a range on an approval basis to see if we can encourage a demand? Three months would probably be enough to establish a market if there is one.

Asking f© an estimate or tender

E STIMATE s are quotations to complete a job, e.g. putting a new roof on a factory or installing machinery. TENDERS are similar

quotations, but in written form. They are often used when the job is a large one, e.g. building a complete factory. When the work is for a government, or is a large undertaking, there are often newspaper advertisements inviting tenders.

—ADVERTISEMENT:

The Irish Tourist Organization invites tenders

from building contractors to erect seating for to,000 people for the Dublin Summer

Festival. Tenders should be in by I March 20—, and will be assessed on price and suitability of construction plans.

—ADVERTISEMENT:

The Zena Chemical Company invites tenders

from private contractors for the disposal of chemical waste. Only those licensed to deal with toxic substances should apply. Further details from ...

A company may write C IRCULAR LETTERS to several suppliers, inviting offers to complete a construction job, or to do repairs or decorating.

—We are a large chain of theatres, and would be interested in receiving estimates from upholsterers to re-cover the seats in our two main theatres in Manchester.

—We are writing to a number of building contractors to invite estimates forthe conversion of Northborough Airfield into a sports and leisure centre. The work will include erecting buildings and providing facilities such as ski slopes and parachute jumps.

The deadline for completion is the end of December 2 o—. If you can provide a competitive estimate please contact us at...

—As you may be aware from recent press reports, we have taken over International

Motors plc and are in the process of automating their Hamburg factory. We are writing to several engineering designers, including yourselves, who we think may be interested in converting the plant to a fully automated production unit. Enclosed you will

m

find the specifications. We would welcome inspection of the site by your surveyors, with a view to supplying an estimate for the reconstruction.

Closing

Usually a simple 'thank you' is sufficient to close an enquiry. However, you could mention that a prompt reply would be appreciated, or that certain terms or guarantees would be necessary.

—We hope to hear from you in the near future. —We would be grateful for an early reply —Finally, we would like to point out that

delivery before Christmas is essential, and hope that you can offer us that guarantee.

—If you can agree to the concessions we have asked for, we will place a substantial order.

—Prompt delivery would be necessary as we have a rapid turnover. We would therefore need your assurance that you could meet all delivery dates.

You can also indicate further business or other lines you would be interested in. If a supplier thinks that you may become a regular customer, they will be more inclined to quote competitive terms and offer concessions.

If the product is satisfactory, we will place further orders withyou in thefuture.

—If the prices quoted are competitive and the quality up to standard, we will order on a

regular basis.

—Provided you can offer favourable quotations and guarantee delivery within four weeks from receipt of order, we will place regular orders with you.

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