Russian For Dummies

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Novyj God combines traditions that Americans associate with other holidays. Russian Santa Claus, Dyed Moroz (dyed mah-rohs; Grandfather Frost) comes on New Year’s night. He brings along his granddaughter Snyegurochka (snee- goo-ruhch-kuh), and neither reindeer nor elves are in the picture. A Christmas tree in Russian is called a New Year’s Tree — novogodnyaya yolka (nuh-vah- gohd-nee-ye yohl-kuh; Literally: New Year’s pine tree).

Novogodnyaya yolka is not just a tree; it’s also the name of a New Year’s party for children, which is organized by all the schools, youth clubs, day care centers, and companies for their employees’ children. The celebration usually consists of an interactive performance, written and staged by teachers, older students, or company enthusiasts; the traditional dance khorovod (khuh-rah- voht), when everybody holds hands and moves around the tree in circle; contests; and presents. Another surprising fact: For New Year’s parties, Russians of all ages dress in costumes, just as Americans do for Halloween.

No one is supposed to stay home on New Year’s night. Russians of all ages get together for New Year’s parties, where they first celebrate at abundantly served tables, and then dance the night away. If the weather permits (and even if it doesn’t), city authorities organize celebrations in the parks and on the main squares. You’re likely to see a lot of fireworks (which you can buy on every corner), improvised khorovody, and people dressed up as Dyed Moroz riding public transportation.

Russians don’t have New Year’s resolutions. Instead, they make a New Year’s wish, which is believed to always come true. They make it at the stroke of midnight while raising a glass of shampanskoye (shuhm-pahn-skuh-ee; champagne) — the official drink of the Novyj God.

If you have a chance to celebrate the Novyj God with Russians, do so — it’s sure to be a memorable experience.

Old New Year’s

Considering how much fun New Year’s night is, you can understand why having just one a year isn’t enough. The roots of Staryj Novyj God (stah-rihy noh-vihy goht; Old New Year’s) go back in time to the epoch when Russia’s calendar was two weeks behind the European one, thus placing New Year’s day on contemporary January 14.

The celebration isn’t as extensive as that of December 31 (two celebrations of that caliber would be too much even for Russians), and businesses aren’t supposed to be closed on that day. Don’t hope to get anything done, though; it’s Staryj Novyj God, and no one is in the mood for work. Visit your friends, eat, and dance.

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Russian Christmas

This fact may come as a surprise, but Christmas doesn’t automatically mean December 25. Most Russians are Orthodox Christians, and Orthodox

Rozhdyestvo (ruhzh-dees-tvoh; Christmas) is January 7. Orthodox Christianity was the first to split from the big Christian tree back in 1054. The most conspicuous features that distinguish Orthodox churches (not to go into theology) are highly ornate internal and external design, richly decorated ikony (ee-koh-nih; icons), and generous use of incense during services. On Christmas, all-night services are held in the most important Russian churches.

Those who follow the old traditions make kutya (koo-t’ya), a wheat porridge with honey, walnuts, and other ingredients, seven of them altogether; Russians believe seven to be an especially good number.

Russian Easter

Speaking of religious holidays, Russian Orthodox Paskha (pahs-khuh; Easter) doesn’t coincide with Western Easter, either. Paskha is not only the name of the holiday, but also a special cake that Russians bake (or, more realistically, buy) for Easter. They also dye boiled yajtsa (yahy-tsuh; eggs) into cheerful colors and exchange them. On the day of Easter, instead of “Hello,” Russians say to each other Khristos voskryes! (khrees-tohs vahsk-ryes; Christ has arisen!) The appropriate response is Voistinu voskryes! (vah-ees-tee-noo vahsk-ryes; He truly has!)

Women’s Day

In spite of its official name, The International Day of Solidarity of Women, or, simply, 8 marta (vahs’-moh-ee mahr-tuh; March 8), Women’s Day is as far from feminism as it gets. This official day off is the day when every Russian female has a chance to “feel like a real woman.” It’s a mixture of Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day, but more inclusive: All women, from grandmothers to neighbors to colleagues, to say nothing of mothers and sweethearts, receive flowers, gifts, and abundant compliments. This day is also the only day of the year when Russian men awkwardly cook breakfast and clean the apartment.

The Day of the Defender

of the Fatherland

Dyen’ zash’itnika otyechyestva (dyen’ zuh-sh’eet-nee-kuh aht-tye-cheest- vuh), February 23, was initially a holiday to note men who have served or are

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currently serving in the military. With time, it’s become a male counterpart to Women’s Day on March 8. Offices and organizations hold parties, women give presents to their male relatives and colleagues, all TV stations broadcast thematic concerts, and cities organize fireworks and open-air festivities.

Russian Mardi Gras

Maslyenitsa (mahs-lee-nee-tsuh) is a week of celebration right before Lent, seven weeks before Russian Easter. Maslyenitsa goes back to the pagan tradition of greeting the spring. The main attributes include bliny (blee-nih; pancakes), which are symbols of the sun, and open-air festivals, during which straw figures symbolizing winter are burned in bonfires.

May Day

Pyervoye Maya (pyer-vuh-ee mah-ye; May 1), started as the International Day of Solidarity of Working People, but eventually it became just another celebration of spring. On the first day of this two-day holiday, various floats, political or not, navigate down the streets of every Russian town; on the second day, everybody leaves the city for a mayovka (muh-yohf-kuh): a large-scale picnic in the lap of nature.

Victory Day

This fact is little known in the West, but the Russians took a very active part in World War II, and lost a huge number of people in it. On May 9, they celebrate Dyen’ Pobyedy (dyen’ pah-bye-dih; Victory Day) over Fascism with parades, fireworks, and open-air festivals.

National Unity Day

Created to replace the Day of the October Revolution (which used to be celebrated, ironically, on November 7), Dyen’ Narodnogo Yedinstva (dyen’ nuh- rohd-nuh-vuh ee-deenst-vuh; National Unity Day), celebrated on November 4, commemorates the events of 1612, when two Moscow merchants called for the unity of Russian citizens in the effort to liberate Moscow from Polish-Swedish troops. It’s another occasion for parades, fireworks, and open-air festivals.

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she may actually treat you nicer instead of reporting you to the authorities. It’s hard to believe, but this exact phrase is considered appropriate with colleagues, shop assistants, and hotel receptionists. Just remember to stop using the phrase after you leave Russia if you want to avoid criminal charges.

If someone says Vy syegodnya pryekrasno vyglyaditye! to you, remember that the appropriate response isn’t spasibo (spuh-see-buh; thank you); you should say Nu, chto vy! (noo shtoh vih; Ah, what are you talking about!) You have to show your modesty and disagree.

Zakhoditye Na Chaj!

Making a Russian friend is very easy. When you meet someone (and if you like this person enough to want to be his or her friend), don’t think too hard about finding a way to create a social connection. Just say Zakhoditye na chaj! (zuh-khah-dee-tee nuh chahy; Stop by for some tea!) The person won’t think you’re a freak or a serial killer; he or she will most likely take your offer at face value. Keep in mind, though, that unlike “Let’s do lunch,” Russians take Zakhoditye na chaj seriously and usually accept your offer. That being said, you should actually have some tea and cookies at home, because Zakhoditye na chaj! implies drinking tea and conversing, unlike the American version: “Would you like to stop by my place for a drink?”

Ugosh’ajtyes’!

When you invite a new friend over for tea and whip out your strategically prepared box of cookies, a nice thing to say is Ugosh’ajtyes! (oo-gah-sh’ahy-tees’; Help yourself! Literally: Treat yourself!) Besides being friendly and polite, this word is just long enough to scare off foreigners. Which is, of course, a good enough reason to learn it and stand out in the crowd.

Priyatnogo Appetita!

Unless you want to strike people as a gloomy, misanthropic sociopath, don’t start eating without wishing others Priyatnogo appetita! (pree-yat-nuh-vuh uh-pee-tee-tuh; Bon appetit!) Don’t hesitate to say this phrase to people you don’t know and are seeing for the first time in your life after your waiter sits them down at your table in an over-crowded restaurant.

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sounds suspiciously close to an insult. In any other situation, K chyortu! would sound offensive. Responding to Ni pukha, ni pyera! in this manner is a precious opportunity to send the devil someone you always wanted to get rid of but were afraid to. Just be sure to smile while responding!

Tseluyu

Russians sign their letters, e-mails, and cell-phone text messages with Tseluyu (tsih-loo-yu; kisses, Literally: [I am] kissing [you]). You can also say Tseluyu at the end of a phone conversation. We don’t recommend saying it in person, though: if you’re face to face with someone, you may as well kiss the person instead of talking about it!

Russians are known for kissing socially. Like folks in France, Russians kiss on the cheek; unlike folks in France, Russians do it three times (because three, much like seven, is a lucky number). Social kissing is such an accepted practice in Russia that one Soviet leader caused a considerable international scandal when he whole-heartedly kissed a Western leader. Doesn’t sound too scandalous? Well, being old and clumsy, the Soviet leader missed his cheek and kissed his counterpart on the mouth!

S Lyogkim Parom!

Here’s a weird one: When Russians see someone who just came out of a shower, a sauna, or any place where you can, supposedly, clean yourself, they say S lyogkim parom! (s lyokh-keem pah-ruhm; Literally: Congratulations on a light steam!) This phrase is very popular, especially after it became the title of the token Russian New Year’s night movie “Ironiya sud’by, ili s lyogkim parom!” (ee-roh-nee-ye sood’-bih ee-lee s lyokh-keem pah-ruhm; The Irony of Fate, or Congratulations on a light steam!) This romantic comedy, shown by pretty much every Russian television channel on December 31, starts in a Russian banya (bah-nye; sauna), which triggers all the adventures that follow. (See Chapter 19 for more about Russian holidays.)

You can use S lyogkim parom! humorously: Say it to someone who got caught in the rain or someone who spilled a drink. Yes, it sounds mean, but Russians have a dark sense of humor.

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off their street shoes when they enter private residencies. The host usually offers a pair of tapochki (tah-puhch-kee; slippers); if you go to a party, women usually bring a pair of nice shoes to wear inside. And again, if you fail to take your shoes off, nobody will say anything; you’re the guest, so you can do pretty much whatever you want. But sneak a peek: Are you the only person wearing your snow-covered boots at the dinner table?

Don’t Joke about the Parents

Russians aren’t politically correct. They casually make jokes that may cause you to cringe in your seat. No sensitive issue is spared, so you better prepare yourself. Parents, however, are the one thing that Russians just don’t make jokes about, and they don’t tolerate anyone else doing it either. So, go ahead and tell an anyekdot (uh-neek-doht; joke) based on ethnicity, appearance, or gender stereotypes; just steer clear of jokes about somebody’s mother or father. You won’t be understood.

Don’t Toast with “Na Zdorov’ye!”

People who don’t speak Russian usually think that they know one Russian phrase: a toast, Na Zdorov’ye! Little do they know that Na Zdorov’ye! (nuh zdah-rohv’-ee; for health) is what Russians say when somebody thanks them for a meal. In Polish, indeed, Na Zdorov’ye! or something close to it, is a traditional toast. Russians, on the other hand, like to make up something long and complex, such as, Za druzhbu myezhdu narodami! (zah droozh-boo myezh-doo nuh-roh-duh-mee; To friendship between nations!) If you want a more generic Russian toast, go with Za Vas! (zuh vahs; To you!)

Don’t Take the Last Shirt

A Russian saying, otdat’ poslyednyuyu rubashku (aht-daht’ pahs-lyed-nyu-yu roo-bahsh-koo; to give away one’s last shirt), makes the point that you have to be giving, no matter what the expense for yourself. In Russia, offering guests whatever they want is considered polite. Those wants don’t just include food or accommodations; old-school Russians offer you whatever possessions you comment on, like a picture on the wall, a vase, or a sweater.

Now, being offered something doesn’t necessarily mean you should take it. Russians aren’t offering something because they want to get rid of it; they’re offering because they want to do something nice for you. So, unless you feel that plundering their home is a good idea, don’t just take things offered to you and leave. Refuse first, and do so a couple of times, because your hosts

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will insist. And only accept the gift if you really want this special something, but then return the favor and give your hosts something nice, as well.

Don’t Underdress

Russians dress up on more occasions than Americans do. Even to go for a casual walk, a Russian woman may wear high heels and a nice dress. A hardcore feminist may say women do this because they’re victimized and

oppressed. But Russian women themselves explain it this way, “We only live once; I want to look and feel my best.” Who can blame them?

On some occasions, all foreigners, regardless of gender, run the risk of being the most underdressed person in the room. These occasions include dinner parties and trips to the theater. Going to a restaurant is also considered a festive occasion, and you don’t want to show up in your jeans and T-shirt, no matter how informal you think the restaurant may be. In any case, checking on the dress code before going out somewhere is a good idea.

Don’t Go Dutch

Here’s where Russians differ strikingly from Western Europeans. They don’t go Dutch. So, if you ask a lady out, don’t expect her to pay for herself, not at a restaurant or anywhere else. You can, of course, suggest that she pay, but that usually rules out the possibility of seeing her again. She may not even have money on her. Unless they expect to run into a maniac and have to escape through the back exit, Russian women wouldn’t think of bringing money when going out with a man.

And for our female readers: Even if your Russian male friend lives on a scholarship of $100 a month, he will insist on paying for everything. And if he doesn’t at least insist, we recommend taking a closer look at him. Having a woman pay is a strong taboo in Russia; you may want to wonder why this man chooses to break it.

Don’t Let a Woman Carry

Something Heavy

This rule may make politically correct people cringe, but Russians believe that a man is physically stronger than a woman. Therefore, they believe a man who watches a woman carry something heavy without helping her is impolite.