V. To create a Skype connection with a faraway partner and then fall asleep together.
Other Forms
Skype sleeping pp.
Examples
2012
Another tip for Skype-sleeping would to leave a night light or a bedside lamp on so you don’t appear as a black block on the screen.
—“Looking at You Looking at Me,” Glimmerbomb, February 28, 2012
2011
Kaj Hasselriis brings us the sweet story of a couple who “Skype Sleep”, that is keeping their laptops on all night and falling asleep together on Skype.
—Nora Young, “Spark 161 - November 6 & 9, 2011,” CBC Radio, November 6, 2011
2010 (earliest)
Skype sleep
Going to sleep with your laptop open next to your pillow and running Skype and watching your girlfriend or boyfriend, who is doing the same.
—“Skype Sleep,” Urban Dictionary, October 8, 2010
Notes
Many thanks to the fabulous Karen H. for spying this term.
The more general practice of leaving a Skype connection open is known as ambient Skype:
For the first time in my life I used a Skype video call with my wife today as an ambient backdrop to life, rather than just as tool for having a conversation. I’d always wanted to try it, ever since hearing my friend and colleague Dave Newbold mention, in a presentation he was giving a couple of years ago about the near future for technology and social interaction, something he’d heard described as ‘ambient Skype’, whereby people leave a voice client running in the background while they are away from home as a way of being almost-there.
—Roo Reynolds, “Ambient Skype,” Roo Reynolds - What’s Next?, March 12, 2008
smoking bed
n. Evidence of sexual misconduct by a politician or other public figure.
Etymology
cf. smoking gun
Examples
2008
The story concerns events that may or may not have happened eight years ago, as McCain first pointed his toes toward the White House. “A female lobbyist had been turning up with him at fund-raisers, visiting his offices and accompanying him on a client’s corporate jet,” wrote the Times, with the breathlessness of a romance novel. Ex-McCain staffers — anonymously, natch — told the Gray Lady that “top advisers intervened to protect the candidate from himself.”…Failing to find a smoking bed, the paper trashed its presumably high standards for a “gotcha” piece of journalism better suited for the birdcage.
—Andrea Peyser, “All the news fit to smear — Gray Lady’s dirty tactics,” The New York Post, February 22, 2008
1991 (earliest)
Similarly, most of the press long kept rumors of Gary Hart’s alleged philandering out of print, but when Hart, the front-runner for the 1988 Democratic presidential nomination, “spends the night in a townhouse with a woman not his wife, you print it because it’s news,” Coffey says. The press then got caught up in a feeding frenzy over Hart’s sex life, though, with reporters racing each other to see who could find the next smoking bed.
—David Shaw, “Stumbling over sex in the press,” Los Angeles Times, August 18, 1991
Notes
This term is a play on the phrase smoking gun, “conclusive evidence or proof, especially of some immoral or illegal activity” (which the OED dates to 1894).
solitudinousness
n. A state or condition characterized by solitude.
Examples
2014
Van Vogt was the first Canadian sf writer of real importance, and it is arguable that a Canadian solitudinousness colours his work throughout.
—“van Vogt, A E,” The Encyclopedia of Science Fiction, October 14, 2014
2012
Entering a relationship with a romantic “life partner,” commonly through marriage, is considered a significant social marker, denoting full adulthood and providing universally recognized social reasons, which do not meet with requests for further explanation. Some groups may accord this status only to marriage, others more broadly to cohabitants; but it is an evaluative social classification that friendships or, even more so, solitudinousness rarely breach.
—Elizabeth Brake, Minimizing Marriage, Oxford University Press, March 15, 2012
2010
Just had some lunch. Just me and a book. Part of my new efforts at solitudinousness.
—Jon Becker, “Just had…,” Twitter, April 1, 2010
2007 (earliest)
The filmmakers ask how cinema and stars can help the Vietnamese people to win their independence. They must listen to these people and learn things. Their analysis of the photograph contrasts Fonda’s solitudinousness, her failure as actress to consider her militant activity, with the urgent reality of the Vietnamese male in the background.
—Dennis Grunes, “LETTER TO JANE (Jean-Luc Godard, Jean-Pierre Gorin, 1972),” Dennis Grunes, December 21, 2007
Notes
Isn’t solitudinousness just the windbag’s way of saying solitude? Not quite. That is, it’s not referring to solitude itself, but to an inherent quality in some other thing that has solitude as its chief characteristic. Am I splitting hairs here? Very much so.
In case anyone asks you about the word solitudinous, “characterized by solitude,” you can say that it is indeed very old, dating to at least John D. M’Kinnon’s Descriptive Poems Containing Picturesque Views of the State of New York, published in 1802:
Diminutive beneath, the Hudson, deep
Coerc’d by rocks, and silent, penetrates
The solitudinous and woodland scene
speed dating
pp. Taking part in a series of short conversations with potential romantic partners.
Also Seen As
speeddating
Other Forms
speed date v.
Examples
2003
Speed dating is a growing phenomenon after the system was dreamt up by a New York rabbi: the usual method is that about two dozen men and women have just three minutes to impress each other before being moved on to the next table.
—Helen Rumbelow, “High-speed daters may find their love’s labour’s lost,” The Times (London), January 31, 2003
2002
Most people can tell in a short time whether their date is going to make it to Round 2 or end up in the ever-growing pile of don’t-call-me-I’ll-call-you. With that in mind, it seems silly to devote an entire evening to one person when you could just as easily date 10 people in the same amount of time.
Of course, if you actually dated 10 people in one evening you might pass out from exhaustion and would certainly wind up with an unflattering nickname if your scheme were ever discovered. Enter speed dating, which requires almost no training except for the ability to stand up, sit down and move a seat to your right every time you hear a bell.
The premise of speed dating is to bring together a group of men and women who will each spend three minutes together to see whether they hit it off. Each person involved carries something resembling a scorecard, which at some point during the “date” they mark to indicate whether they would like to see the person again or not.
—Eric Edwards, “Speed dating is casual and offers low expectations,” Chicago Tribune, June 6, 2002
2000 (earliest)
Scenario: Your latest blind date is another bust. There you are, slumped over a table at Tony Roma’s, slogging through banal conversation with a nerdy mensch until you can escape.
You’re stuck. So is the conversation. With glazed eyes, you ask about his favorite color and wonder if you’ll end up alone like Aunt Pat, living with too many cats, cutting coupons and kvetching about the weather.
Solution? If you’re Jewish and dating in Southern California, you may want to try “speed dating,” an innovative strategy for the weary lovelorn sponsored by Aish HaTorah, a synagogue and international Jewish outreach network
—Elaine Gale, “Quick-fire matches,” Los Angeles Times, January 15, 2000
Notes
The term speeddating ™ is a registered trademark of American Friends of Aish HaTorah-Western Region, Inc., with a filing date of October 4, 1999.
sponsored wedding
n. A wedding in which some or all of the costs, products, or services are provided by local businesses in exchange for exposure or publicity.
Examples
2001
For today’s economy lesson we turn to Corinthia Batista, 22, and Faruq Robinson, 24, who were married Saturday in a traditional service followed by a lovely dinner for about 100 guests.
And everything, from her bra to his socks, was given by local shopkeepers — from Germantown to South Philadelphia and Pennsauken — in exchange for a promise of publicity. . . .
Batista and Robinson, who have daughters ages 4, 2, and 1, saw a rerun of that “Oprah” segment last year. They looked at each other and nodded. Yes, they decided, as if thinking in unison, they’d do it. Of course, few brides are as ambitious as Batista. She was determined to have the first fully sponsored wedding — an event that would cost the couple nothing at all. It took a year of extreme persistence [but] she persuaded approximately 35 business owners to give away goods and services valued at $40,000.
—Dianna Marder, “Nothing borrowed; everything begged,” The Philadelphia Inquirer, September 1, 2001
1995 (earliest)
Ah, a man for the ‘90s.
And one whose upcoming wedding on Feb 25 will be a splashy affair.
“The theme is pure, simple and white. The wedding is going to be televised, you know. It’s a half-hour special. I thought it would be a good idea. We would like to celebrate with as many people as we can. I have fans who ask me ”when’ and “where’, so this would be a good way to reach out to them”…and the sponsors.
A sponsored wedding?
“The wedding’s not going to cost us anything. But, we’ve paid for the place. The dinner will be at Fort Canning, in the gardens. But I don’t know how much the dinner will be. We’re still looking for caterers to sponsor us. The sponsorship is not closed yet.”
—Koh Boon Pin, “My Feb 25 wedding will be on TV,” The Straits Times (Singapore), February 3, 1995
Notes
In 1990, the average cost of a wedding was U.S.$15,000. By 2002, according to Conde Nast Bridal Group, that average had jumped to U.S.$22,360, a nearly 50 percent increase in just a dozen years. Special day or no special day, this is an absurd amount of money and, in 1999, Tom Anderson tried to do something about it. He’s a Philadelphia entrepreneur who was getting married at the same time that he was trying to start a business. “It occurred to me that a startup company and a startup couple both need launch money,” he told The New York Times in 2000. He must be quite a salesman because he eventually talked two dozen companies into paying for most of the wedding’s princely U.S.$30,000 price tag. A newswire picked up the story and Mr. Anderson and his bride ended up on the “Oprah Winfrey Show.” (Hence the “Oprah” reference in the first example citation.) What’s next, I wonder? Nike swooshes on the bridal gown? Star Wars action figurines on the wedding cake?
starter marriage
n. A first marriage that lasts only a short time and that ends in a problem-free divorce.
Etymology
cf. starter home
Examples
1996
The past ten years has seen a surge in what are now called ‘starter’ marriages, as ephemeral as spring.
—Lynn Darling, “For better and worse,” Esquire, May 1, 1996
1994 (earliest)
Marriage and family experts — psychologists, sociologists, lawyers and clergy — are beginning to look at these brief young unions, seeing in their implications a barometer of society’s attitudes about marriage and divorce. Some say starter marriages signal the need for more premarital counseling.
—Deborah Schupack, “‘Starter’ Marriages: So Early, So Brief,” The New York Times, July 7, 1994
stealth shopper
n. A person who shops secretly to avoid flaunting wealth or to hide expenses from a spouse; a person who purchases expensive items that do not look expensive.
Other Forms
stealth shopping pp.
Examples
2014
Sheepish about stepping out as the credit crunch bites, lovers of shopping are hiding behind their computers where they can spend, spend, spend in complete privacy. The web offers the perfect opportunity for a new breed of ‘stealth shoppers’, embarrassed about flaunting their wealth, or what is left of it.
—Alice Fisher & David Smith, “Stealth shoppers shun stores and splash out on luxuries online,” The Observer, November 30, 2014
2009
But such obvious excess is seriously frowned upon now. The shopaholic is now a “recessionista,” proudly wearing last year’s “It” item and claiming that not only is it years old, but she got it at Winners.
The entire language of fashion is shifting, and the new frugality is dictating the vernacular.
The shopaholic, fashion victim or fashion-lover is now a “stealth shopper.”
—Tracy Nesdoly, “Confessions of a stealth shopper,” The Toronto Star, February 5, 2009
1992 (earliest)
Michelle, a successful writer and editor, fears the day her husband might discover her secret stash of credit cards, her clandestine post office box and a host of other tricks she uses to hide how much money she spends on herself.
—Jeanne Wright, “Charge of the lie brigade; Secret credit cards and other surreptitious strategies are just a few weapons stealth shoppers wield at orange county malls when their mates aren’t looking,” Los Angeles Times, October 25, 1992
stepwife
n. The current wife of a woman’s ex-husband; the ex-wife of a woman’s current husband.
Also Seen As
step-wife
Other Forms
stepwives pl.
Examples
2002
We never really knew what to call each other,“ Ms. Oxhorn-Ringwood said. ”When Evan was a kid, I would call Louise my ex-husband’s new wife, but after 10 years I couldn’t do that anymore. We came up with stepwives to describe the relationship between ex-wives and current wives.
—Alex Witchel, “Wives No. 1 and No. 2 Bury the Sandals,” The New York Times, May 12, 2002
1990
The premise of Phillis Stevens’ first novel, STEPWIVES (Crown, $18.95) — it’s O.K. to murder your husband if the guy’s a slob and you need the money — is enough to thin your blood. The comic scheme to assist the Santa Fe millionaire Mac Carpenter into an early grave is hatched when the first Mrs. Carpenter (who has become her former husband’s housekeeper) persuades another penurious divorcee to become the second Mrs. Carpenter. Between her own high-cholesterol cooking, reasons Marilee, and Karen’s bedroom duties, fat and greedy Mac will keel over with the heart attack he deserves.
—Marilyn Stasio, “Crime,” The New York Times, August 26, 1990
1989 (earliest)
We asked for specific phrases for adults to use instead of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” Here are some of your suggestions: … Nikki Klinsky — “Stephusband” or “Stepwife.”
—Bob Greene, “It’s a close call among old friends,” Chicago Tribune, January 24, 1989
Notes
This word is in the news because of a book called Stepwives: 10 Steps to Help Ex-Wives and Stepmothers End the Struggle and Put the Kids First, by Louise Oxhorn and Lynne Oxhorn-Ringwood. The first citation hints that they coined the term, but that’s not true. However, the earliest citation I could uncover for this word isn’t quite right, as you can see below.
In case you’re wondering, the word stephusband — the current husband of a man’s ex-wife or the ex-husband of a man’s current wife — has made the occasional appearance in the media over the years. The earliest citation for this sense is the same as the one for stepwife.
In our context, the woman must be a man’s wife or ex-wife and not merely a girlfriend. So the honor of coining the term in its “correct” sense goes to writer Phyllis Stevens who published a novel called Stepwives in 1990.
throuple
n. Three people in a romantic relationship.
Also Seen As
threelationship
Pronunciation
THRUP.ul
Etymology
three + couple
Examples
2013
In that case, every argument for recognizing two men’s bond as marital — equality, destigmatization, extending economic benefits — would also apply to recognizing romantic triads (“throuples,” as they are now known).
—Robert P. George, “Gay marriage, then group marriage?,” CNN.com, March 21, 2013
2012
“Tim is wide open to defining who he is sexually,” says James. “The setup is that Tammy’s and my character consider a relationship with Sean. We’re calling it a throuple.” (“Threelationship” also works.)
—James Dziemianowicz, “D’Arcy James scores a ‘Big C’ triple play,” New York Daily News, May 12, 2012
2004 (earliest)
It’s the hottest thing in romantic commitment since monogrammed towels. It’s set Provincetown abuzz. And now it’s got a catchy name: “throuple,” as in couple, only consisting of three (usually same-sex) members instead of two.
—Edith Zimmerman, “City Journal,” Boston Magazine, October 1, 2004
Notes
A less popular but more euphonius synonym is threelationship, which first appeared in a December 12, 2007 Urban Dictionary post.
toxic bachelor
n. An unmarried man who is selfish, insensitive, and afraid of commitment.
Examples
2002
I hope no one gave you The Rules for Christmas, girls, because I’m afraid that the idea that men could be brought to heel, like dogs, is completely over. There is a triumphalist whiff of testosterone in the air — the toxic bachelor, formerly known as the cad, the rake, the bounder and the ladykiller, is back in town.
—Jane Campbell, “Watch out ladies — the toxic bachelor is coming to town,” Independent on Sunday, January 6, 2002
1995 (earliest)
Carrie’s brother Peter (John Barrowman) is an attorney whose glamor-boy aura and family mystique obscures his professional achievements. His best friend, Gil Chase (Justin Lazard), is a sleazy, love-’em-and-leave-’em stockbroker, accurately described in the pilot as a “toxic bachelor.”
—Gene Seymour, “New York City gets its own prime-time soap, ‘Central Park West.’,” Newsday, September 3, 1995
Notes
This phrase was coined by Candace Bushnell in one of her original “Sex and the City” columns for the New York Observer in the mid-90s.
trailing spouse
n. In a relationship, the person who gives up their job in order to follow the other person to a new location where that person has found employment.
Examples
2003
Not fitting in socially may seem like a small thing. But it can lead to severe difficulties. The Japanese psychologist Junko Tanaka-Matsumi, who worked with the 50,000-member Japanese community in the New York, New Jersey and Connecticut region, noted that a foreign transfer could commonly spell depression for so-called trailing spouses.
—Sharon Reier, “Tricky task of choosing a therapist,” The International Herald Tribune, March 22, 2003
1982 (earliest)
In the past, companies primarily found jobs for wives of transferred employes. But now that too is changing. As women reach higher positions in corporations, more and more are being asked to transfer, and the husband ends up as the “trailing spouse.”
—“Firms transferring employes often find jobs for spouses,” The Wall Street Journal, January 21, 1982
tuxeda
n. A tuxedo designed for a woman.
Examples
2008
Last week I learned a new word: tuxeda.
It’s a tuxedo for women — one of the terms that might come up when planning a lesbian commitment ceremony. Then again, both partners may choose to wear a traditional wedding gown, or something altogether different.
—Dalia Colon, “‘Out’ weddings are in,” St. Petersburg Times, May 2, 2008
2006
From locating a gay-friendly rabbi to finding a smokin’ tuxeda for you and your wife-to-be, planning a same-sex wedding can present many hurdles not found in the hetero world.
—Caroline Ryder, “We do, too!,” LA Weekly, February 10, 2006
1994 (earliest)
Megan and Debbie Rosenhart, a lesbian couple, drove 1,100 miles from Santa Cruz, Calif., to show beaded and sequined gowns and “tuxedas,” jackets and tails designed for women, at Spokane’s coronation.
—Carla K. Johnson, “Ball lets men be queen for a day,” The Spokesman Review, October 11, 1994
uni-moon
n. A vacation taken separately by each person in a newly married couple in lieu of a honeymoon.
Also Seen As
unimoon
Etymology
uni- (“consisting of one”) + honeymoon
Examples
2015
Busy lives lead couples to take separate honeymoons. You heard correctly. Some people are actually taking honeymoons without their spouses called “unimoons.” … Demanding jobs and conflicting schedules lead to the separate post-wedding trips.
—Larry Dowdy, “How busy is too busy,” Sunny 93.5, January 6, 2015
2015
There’s [sic] always going to be new trends in weddings. From a hairstyle ever [sic] bride wants to wear to a type of picture people seem to be taking, every season brings something new. But there is one new trend I just can’t even wrap my head around.
They’re called uni-moons and they are apparently honeymoons you go on by yourself.
—Nancy Hall, “The Worst Wedding Trend Ever,” Fun 107, January 2, 2015
2014 (earliest)
Even as Melissa and I married, in a small ceremony with family and close friends, our overworking led us to join the disquieting “uni-moon” trend. Instead ofa honeymoon trip together in the busy weeks after our wedding, we each took separate, individual vacations without each other — uni-moons, or what amounted to a few days of free time at the end of separate work trips.
—William Powers, New Slow City, New World Library, October 27, 2014
unwedding ceremony
n. A formal ceremony held to celebrate a couple’s divorce and to acknowledge their married life.
Also Seen As
unwedding
Examples
2001
Now that divorce is an established cultural tradition, and no longer stigmatised as a shameful moral failing, increasing numbers of incompatible Americans are choosing to solemnise the break-up of their marriages with an “unwedding ceremony” — often in church with a reception afterwards — which acknowledges their shared life and marks their amicable separation as a couple.
—Dermot Purgavie, “More and more divorcing couples are opting to end their union with a formal ceremony,” Sunday Express, June 17, 2001
1980 (earliest)
George Zweibel of Washington, D.C., son of the late Albert Zweibel, was unmarried last evening at a Silver Spring warehouse in a simple ceremony officiated by William Berinsky, a bass guitarist.
“Will you, George, continue to keep this woman as your wedded wife, love and comfort her, in sickness and in health, etc., etc.?” said Berinsky.
“No way,” said George.
The guests cheered.
This was George Zweibel’s official “unwedding,” thrown by two cohorts to celebrate his messy divorce granted July 1. “This is the happiest day of my life,” said Zweibel.
—Elisabeth Bumiller, “Tying the Not,” The Washington Post, July 19, 1980
Notes
Another name for an unwedding ceremony is a divorce ceremony, a phrase that goes back over 20 years:
To divorce lecturer and author Rabbi Earl Grollman of Temple Beth El in Belmont, Mass., divorce can be even more traumatic then death. ‘The big difference is, death has closure, it’s over,’ says Grollman, who performs divorce ceremonies for families. ‘With divorce, it’s never over.’
—Linda Bird Franke, “The Children of Divorce,” Newsweek, February 11, 1980
If you see the end of your marriage as more of a death, then perhaps a marriage wake (2004) is more your style:
It was a lovely ceremony. The bride wore black.
And if her heavy veil, bowed head and crumpled tissue said “grieving widow,” it was only fitting. For this was not a wedding, but an unwedding — a “marriage wake” to mark the death by divorce of Amanda Schultz’s 11-year union with her dearly departed.
—Cecilia Goodnow, “Requiem for a marriage,” The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, February 3, 2004