Intellidating
n. Dating that emphasizes intelligence, particularly by attending lectures, readings, or other cultural events.
Also Seen As
intelli-dating
Other Forms
intellidate n. · intelli-date n.
Etymology
intelligent + dating
Examples
2006
Call it the courtship equivalent to the slow-food movement. Call it a backlash against point and click matchmaking. Whichever, intellidating — an unhurried, decidedly highbrow approach to mating — is catching on in Boston, New York, Toronto and beyond …
Intellidating is also a boon for the shy. In contrast to speed-dating, which demands rigidly timed discussions about pretty much whatever pops to mind, events such as lectures and viewings offer built-in conversational pegs.
And, as London relationship coach Michael Myerscough says, it takes the “stress of performance” off of dating, since most intellidating unfolds over many hours in a less love-me-now-or-leave-me environment than the bar scene or a jittery fix-up dinner.
—Dana Gornitzki, “Notes from the field: intellidating,” The Globe and Mail, October 28, 2006
2005
There’s a new dating trend for busy people who want to narrow the pool.
On a busy Friday night in Boston, young singles are out on the town. Restaurants, pubs and clubs are filled with young people hoping to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.
One place that may look like a typical after work hotspots is actually the Museum of Fine Arts.
The singles go the museum to share their love of art, but that’s not all.
They may not even realize it, but many of the people are part of a growing trend called “intellidating.” They are singles who would rather discuss art and architecture than beer and bar-hopping.
—Paula Ebben, “New Dating Trend For Busy People: Intellidating,” CBS 4 Boston, December 9, 2005
2005 (earliest)
The [Royal Geographical Society], once home to deadbeats and bores, has become a popular destination for romantic couples. Its Intelligence Squared debates are at the vanguard of “ intellidating” — an emerging trend in London for more cerebral dates.
From debates and poetry readings to art fairs and wine lectures, savvy Londoners are eschewing cocktails and a taxi fumble in favour of a more rarefied seduction. “It’s nice to do something where you are not stuck glaring at each other over supper for two hours,” says writer Esther Walker, 25, an intellidating regular. “You are with someone who believes all your brain cells are functioning and not only the ones that tell you how to put on lipstick and high heels.”
—Sebastien Shakespeare, “Want romance? Go on an intelli-date,” Evening Standard (London), November 2, 2005
kitchen pass
n. Permission from one’s spouse to attend an event or go on an outing.
Examples
2004
Wolfgang Kern, 40, joined the free-play [chess] tournament Saturday afternoon for a few quick games. He and his wife recently had their first child, so getting out of their Allen home for chess tournaments isn’t possible if they are daylong affairs. “I have to get the kitchen pass from my wife to go play, but it’s fun.”
—Tiara M. Ellis, “No-frills tournament just cuts to the chess,” The Dallas Morning News, January 25, 2004
2003
My wife’s favorite hors d’oeuvre is ceviche made from triggerfish, so it’s usually easier for me to get a “kitchen pass” for my next fishing trip if I return home with a couple of trigger fillets in the cooler.
—George McKinney, “On the Reef,” Pensacola News Journal (Pensacola, FL), October 23, 2003
1992 (earliest)
Upper-Crust executives in the San Francisco Bay area go to Bohemian Grove for their retreat. The Silicon Valley technology crowd’s idea of relaxation is the Consumer Electronics Show. And the executives of the real estate- and construction-related industries that support high technology in the valley get their kicks courtesy of the Kitchen Pass Club.
Last week, for example, members of the club were diving in the Red Sea, just the latest in a string of adventures that dates back more than a dozen years and has included race-car driving, off-road motorcycling, fishing and a rodeo, as well as diving.
These are businessmen who grew up in the area when it was still known as the Santa Clara Valley. Their world is less that of lone-wolf entrepreneurs than of social groups engaging in old-fashioned macho hobbies. Many of them are the kind who express politically incorrect attitudes that no longer surface in the boardrooms of their trend-setting clients. Indeed, the Kitchen Pass name, a groaner for outsiders and even some club members nowadays, came from the idea that each member of the all-male club needed permission from his wife to go.
—Michael S. Malone, “The Driving, Diving Boys of Silicon Valley,” The New York Times, October 11, 1992
Notes
I’m not sure about the earliest usage of this phrase. The 1992 Times cite talks about the Kitchen Pass Club, but the article also mentions that the club was formed in the late 1970s. It doesn’t say, however, whether the club used that name from the beginning or switched to it later on.
kitchen-sink
v. To announce all of a company’s bad financial news at one time.
Examples
2002
Job cuts and a dividend reduction are thought to have already been factored into the share price. Equity salesmen believe that there is also little that could be said to push the shares higher on the day as the management has already kitchen-sinked the business and parted with Mariah Carey, one of its most expensive stars.
—Alex Jackson-Proes, “Hedge funds rush to pick up EMI’s tune,” The Daily Telegraph, March 15, 2002
1990 (earliest)
Mr Anderson declined to comment last week on the extent of losses. But analysts said they would include massive write-downs of assets, substantial provisions for future contracts and hefty reorganisation costs. “There’s going to be a lot of kitchen-sinking in the results and they’ll look terrible,” said Peter Knox of Salomon Brothers.
—Martin Winn, “Ferranti set to unveil big losses,” The Independent, July 15, 1990
Notes
This verb is based on the idiom everything but the kitchen sink, which hails from World War II. (Back then it referred to a heavy bombardment in which it appeared the enemy was firing everything but the kitchen sink.) The verb is based on a sensible strategy: If a company must divulge some bad news in its financial results, then it might as well bring all of its fiscal skeletons out of the accounting closet. The reasoning is that although the company’s share price may drop a bit more than it otherwise would, it will drop far less than if the company announced each bit of bad news separately.
leather spinster
n. A heterosexual or asexual woman who is happily unmarried and has no desire to seek a mate.
Examples
2003
In October 1997, English, a 32-year-old former rental agent and financing consultant, began interviewing unmarried women for her self-published book, Leather Spinsters and Their Degrees of Asexuality. The book was released in January 1998. Inspired by the interests of her interviewees — often referred to as leather spinsters — English began publishing the newsletter, which debuted in print in October 1998. Subscriptions to the newsletter grew to 300,000 in three years, and in March 1999 English went online with it.
—Helaine R. Freeman, “Singular women,” The Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, February 25, 2003
1999
Leather spinsters on the Web offers a newsletter, chat room, health tips, a directory, a pen pals section, and more for the leather spinster (“a happily unmarried woman who sees her life as fulfilling and complete without a mate”).
—“Computer Talk: World Wide Websites,” Feminist Collections: A Quarterly of Women’s Studies Resources, July 31, 1999
1998 (earliest)
The term leather spinsters was first used in the late 80s by successful American careerwomen who didn’t feel the urge or need to add marriage and it’s [sic] components to their lives. First it was used as a shock tool against nagging family members whose sole purpose was to pressure them into conformity of “having it all”, career, husband, and children. Later the term was used as a necessity to identify who they weren’t.
As time marched on the term was refined so as to define who leather spinsters were as women thus dispelling myths of them being promiscuous and gay, or as embittered sullen women no men wanted as wives. Leather spinsters aren’t gay nor are they angry for being single. These women consciously chose to live full, abundant, and joyous lives as single women they don’t fault or blame others for their lifestyle choices.
To call oneself a leather spinster is a powerful way of saying, I’m a happily unmarried straight (or asexual) woman and proud of it. The difference between leather spinsters and single women (most) is a purposeful personal choice not a accident or “I don’t have a choice in the matter singlehood just happened”, it’s a lifestyle choice.
—“Leather Spinster Origins,” LeatherSpinsters.com, January 1, 1998
Notes
The phrase leather spinster (where the word “leather” is used to suggest a certain toughness) was popularized a few years ago by Regena English, who founded the Leather Spinster website and e-zine. According to the site (see example citation #2), leather spinster was coined in the 1980s, but I can find no evidence of it used before January 1998, when English’s book (mentioned in the example citation) was published.
living apart together
n. A situation in which an unmarried couple live in separate residences while maintaining an intimate relationship; a person in such a relationship.
Also Seen As
LAT
Other Forms
living apart together adj. · live apart together v.
Examples
2003
Another twist on the traditional family is that one out of every 12 Canadians was living apart from a partner in 2001 — most of them young adults. Many were living with their parents, the report found. In all, eight per cent of the population aged 20 and over were part of what is being termed LAT, Living Apart Together, relationships, said Statistics Canada.
While most of those living apart from a partner — 56 per cent — were in their 20s, 19 per cent were in their 30s, 14 per cent in their 40s and 11 per cent were 50 and over. The survey also found that 36 per cent of those living apart lived with their parents.
Many Canadians involved in such relationships see the arrangement as a precursor to marriage; for others careers mean this type of union may be more permanent. About one-half of Living Apart Together couples expect to live common law in the future.
—“Fewer want traditional family: Statistics Canada,” The Record (Kitchener-Waterloo, Ontario), June 11, 2003
2003
My bloke and I already exist happily as LATs (Living Apart Together) and there are compelling environmental reasons for our decision. Noise pollution, for one. Our arguments are the sort of things that keep decibel-measuring men from the council employed full-time. Also, we both know my way of life would damage my bloke’s mental environment. When he discovered I keep my screwdriver kit in an Alannah Hill velvet purse, fear showed in his eyes and talk of cohabiting ended. I think the poor man imagined himself arranged in the corner, draped in a beaded throw.
—Amy Cooper, “Changing Places,” Sun Herald (Sydney), March 9, 2003
1989 (earliest)
Frederick Barthelme is adept at writing short stories — until he tries to turn one into a novel. But that is precisely what he has done with his fifth book, Two Against One, his portrait of a modern marriage teetering on the brink of relapse. It tells the story of one weekend in the lives of Edward and Elise, a separated couple considering such yuppie marriage remedies as living apart together and living together with a third.
—Jason Sherman, “Inside this flabby novel lurks a taut short story,” The Toronto Star, March 11, 1989
Notes
Isn’t this near-oxymoronic phrase nothing but a fancy-schmancy synonym for “going steady”? In some cases that’s true, but LATs generally have a stronger, more committed relationship than those who have been merely dating for a while. In most cases, a living apart together couple would happily choose to get married or live common law except that circumstances prevent shacking up. For example, one of the partners may have one or more kids or may be taking care of an elderly or sick parent. In both cases, bringing their partner into the household might be too disruptive. In other cases the partners have a “long-distance relationship” that precludes living together. Finally, there are those people who simply prefer living alone and maintaining some level of independence from their partner. (I call such people inloviduals.)
Finally, here’s an earlier citation that uses the phrase in a (slightly creepy) business context:
Artois Piedboeuf Interbrew was formed two years ago to bring together a large number of chiefly export-oriented activities. Since then the two sides have grown closer together, and they now enjoy what De Financieel Ekonomische Tijd terms a “living apart together” relationship.
—“Artois Piedboeuf Interbrew has announced that it has effected certain organisational changes in order to improve efficiency ahead of the creation of the single European market in 1993,” Textline Multiple Source Collection, January 14, 1988
love beeper
n. A device that comes in “male” and “female” versions and that beeps if another person with an opposite sex beeper comes within range.
Also Seen As
love bleeper · lovegety
Examples
1999
A supermarket chain unveiled its latest weapon in the battle for customers yesterday. Sainsbury is appealing directly to shoppers’ hearts by handing out ‘love beepers’ so they can ‘check out their perfect partner’ in the aisles.
—Clare Garner, “Check It out: Shoppers Are Issued with Patented Mate-Detector,” The Independent, November 6, 1999
1998 (earliest)
Lonely hearts are prowling the streets of Japan, armed not with romantic haiku poems or long sultry looks, but with the ultimate matchmaking tool of the electronic age.
The love beeper.
While the real name of the gadget “Lovegety” might not be so fetching, the toy’s makers and the 400,000 souls who have bought one already are hoping it’ll open the door to romance. The Lovegety a rather straightforward mix of “love” and “get” is an oval disc that fits in your hand. It’s carried on forays into crowded places and sends out different signals, depending on the setting.
When someone of the opposite sex carrying a Lovegety comes into range, the two machines beep or flash. Then it’s up to the would-be lovers to seek each other out or run the other way.
The device, which came out in February, has three settings for favorite activities: “karaoke” for romantic crooners, “chat” for those who want to talk, and “friends” for something, well, more intimate.
—Chisaki Watanabe, “Beeper Helps Japanese Seek Mates,” Associated Press Online, June 1, 1998
man drought
n. A relative shortage of eligible bachelors in a particular area.
Also Seen As
man-drought
Examples
2011
Women dating younger men is no big deal.
With Australia in the grip of a man drought as identified by demographer Bernard Salt in 2008, we’re likely to see more of it.
Salt pointed out that in 1976 there were 56,000 more men than women in their 30s in Australia but by 2006 there was a deficit of 9000.
—Kylie Lang, “Time to sheath the claws,” The Sunday Mail, May 2, 2011
2011
A large middle class presented its own problems, though, such as the high proportion of well-off spinsters and a “man drought” as eligible men left Edinburgh to seek fortunes abroad.
—Sandra Dick, “Bringing us to our census,” Edinburgh Evening News, March 24, 2011
1995 (earliest)
Sit at a bar in any city on any night and you’ll hear the stories. Melbourne is bursting with all the sophisticated, welldressed and heterosexual men Sydney lacks, they say. Adelaide is in the grip of a crippling man-drought and Canberra is too transient even to bother attempting a meaningful relationship.
—Richard Jinman, “Singles scan the cities for true love,” The Weekend Australian, November 4, 1995
man drought
n. A relative shortage of eligible bachelors in a particular area.
Also Seen As
man-drought
Examples
2011
Women dating younger men is no big deal.
With Australia in the grip of a man drought as identified by demographer Bernard Salt in 2008, we’re likely to see more of it.
Salt pointed out that in 1976 there were 56,000 more men than women in their 30s in Australia but by 2006 there was a deficit of 9000.
—Kylie Lang, “Time to sheath the claws,” The Sunday Mail, May 2, 2011
2011
A large middle class presented its own problems, though, such as the high proportion of well-off spinsters and a “man drought” as eligible men left Edinburgh to seek fortunes abroad.
—Sandra Dick, “Bringing us to our census,” Edinburgh Evening News, March 24, 2011
1995 (earliest)
Sit at a bar in any city on any night and you’ll hear the stories. Melbourne is bursting with all the sophisticated, welldressed and heterosexual men Sydney lacks, they say. Adelaide is in the grip of a crippling man-drought and Canberra is too transient even to bother attempting a meaningful relationship.
—Richard Jinman, “Singles scan the cities for true love,” The Weekend Australian, November 4, 1995
manther
n. A middle-aged man who seeks sexual or romantic relationships with significantly younger women.
Examples
2011
Now the Cougars have more than 20 members, including two males who have been dubbed Manthers (aka male panthers), but they’d like more, to expand their fundraising strength.
—Steve Newman, “Cougars Conquering Cancer campaign underway,” Your Ottawa Region, February 10, 2011
2011
Undulating vineyards, juicy weather, lingering melodies and memories, charming people (cougars and manthers will be in attendance — caveat emptor).
—“A quick word: Brooke Fraser, Jason Kerrison and Jeremy Redmore,” The New Zealand Herald, February 3, 2011
2004 (earliest)
manther: A male cougar. Single, usually divorced, and at a minimum 10 years older than a cougar.
—Wes Tent, “manther,” Urban Dictionary, April 29, 2004
marriage lite
n. Mildly derogatory term for an unmarried couple who live together or a couple who have formed a civil union or similar partnership.
Examples
2010
They are right about the fact cohabitation — what some call “marriage lite” — is changing the social map. Census figures show the proportion of adults in de facto relationships more than doubled between 1986 and 2006. With other countries showing similar shifts, many social scientists studying this trend conclude marriage lite is not a change for the better.
—Bettina Arndt, “Shacking up is hard to do: why Gillard may be leery of the Lodge,” Sydney Morning Herald, June 29, 2010
2009
But the other side of the coin is that is that a civil partnership is, face it, marriage lite. Terms and conditions apply, if you’re gay your results will definitely vary from the bride and groom down the road. Because civil partnerships simply do not come with all of the legal rights of marriage.
—Cahir O'Doherty, “Irish Government introduces gay marriage (lite),” Irish Central, June 26, 2009
1989 (earliest)
Spinoff: is Bruce Bellingham the first or the last to describe the domestic partners law as Marriage Lite?
—Herb Caen, “How Firma the Terra,” The San Francisco Chronicle, October 25, 1989
minimoon
n. A short, simple honeymoon.
Also Seen As
mini-moon
Etymology
mini + honeymoon
Examples
2013
“There are a lot of people taking road trips, or taking the train, or doing a staycation, or doing a more scaled-down version,” says Meg Keene, publisher and executive editor of A Practical Wedding website, apracticalwedding.com, and author of a guidebook of the same name.
There’s even a word for the smaller, simpler options: mini-moons.
—Nara Schoenberg, “Scaling back on the honeymoon,” Chicago Tribune, June 18, 2013
2012
In fact with many couples both time-poor and with budgets that have already been blown out on the big day the new trend is to ditch the typical honeymoon for a minimoon.
—“Enjoy a honeymoon or a mini-moon,” Illawarra Mercury, November 20, 2012
2000 (earliest)
So, the honeymoon has become a chance to be creative, to think outside the coconut-scented box that holds the traditional week in Bermuda or Jamaica or Hawaii. That creativity has spawned weddingmoons, halfmoons, mini-moons and extravagant vacations that are rationalized as honeymoons.
—Naedine Joy Hazell, “New ‘moons For A New Day,” Hartford Courant, June 22, 2000
misteress
n. A man who has an extramarital affair with a woman.
Etymology
mister + mistress
Examples
2012
Not every woman is currently in pursuit of a white-picket fence lifestyle, relationship of permanence, children, mortgage and scheduled date nights,“ says Noel Biderman, founder and CEO of AshleyMadison.com. ”Many women are seeking adventure, and on a service like ours encountering older sophisticated men with the same ‘no strings attached’ mentality that creates the perfect match. Also it is very evident that this is not just a female thing, there are an increasing number of single men on AshleyMadison.com connecting with married women…we refer to them as ‘MISTEResses’.
—“Dubious website names Los Angeles top most mistress city in Nation,” Guardian Express, November 3, 2012
2011
Mr. NEUMAN: I even say, you know, we call her a mistress, what do you call the man that she cheats with?
KOTB: Why are…
Mr. NEUMAN: There’s not even a word in our vocabulary.
GIFFORD: Oh, we need a word.
KOTB: We know—we understand why some men cheat, what are you hearing about why…
GIFFORD: Misteress. Misteress.
KOTB: Misteress.
Mr. NEUMAN: Misteress. Thank you.
—“‘Connect to Love’ author M. Gary Neuman discusses why some women cheat on their husbands,” Today, January 19, 2011
2004 (earliest)
DEAR ANNIE You recently printed a letter from “Equal Rights in Michigan.” She said a woman who has an affair with a married man is called a “mistress,” but what do you call a man who has an affair with a married woman?…
Houston: How about “misteress”?
—Kathy Mitchell & Marcy Sugar, “Annie’s Mailbox,” South Coast Today, March 30, 2004
MoSoSo
n. Programs that enable you to use your mobile phone to find and interact with people near you.
Pronunciation
moh.SOH.soh
Etymology
mobile + social + software
Examples
2005
One of the newer shorthand labels making the rounds is MoSoSo, which stands for “mobile social software.” The idea behind the label is that technology users are becoming more mobile, whether they are using laptops or PDAs with Wi-Fi or Bluetooth built in, or smart-phones that have those and other features. Since many of these users are likely to be young, single and social, mobile social software is a way of helping them find their friends, or make new friends. Some call these new services SoLoMo, for “social, location-based, mobile software.”
Whatever you want to call it, both search giant Google and cellphone behemoth Nokia appear to be pretty interested in it. Google spent an undisclosed amount of money in mid-May to buy a startup MoSoSo company called Dodgeball, while Nokia recently launched a MoSoSo cellphone application called Sensor.
The idea behind Dodgeball is that you sign up and give the company a list of friends and up to five “crushes,” or people you’re interested in getting to know. When you get to a particular place - a bar or club, for example - you send Dodgeball a message and it tells your friends and/or crushes (within a 10-block radius) where you are. It can even expand your social circle by telling friends of your friends.
—Matthew Ingram, “A friend finder for the young, single and socially mobile,” The Globe and Mail, May 26, 2005
2005
MoSoSos are the mobile equivalents of online social networks like Friendster and LinkedIn. They help users find old friends, or potential new ones, on the go.
Typically, users set up a profile listing interests, hobbies and romantic availability. They also state what kind of people they’d like to meet. Because the service is tied to a mobile device, it knows when people with similar interests are near each other.
—Daniel Terdiman, “MoSoSos Not So So-So,” Wired News, March 8, 2005
2004 (earliest)
MoSoSo*
Will need a critical mass to work (what doesn’t?) and who knows what that’s at, but I hope it catches on. Looks like a royal laugh.
Dodgeball (NYC only atm).
* Mobile Social Software, dahlings. Do keep up.
—Alice Taylor, “MoSoSo*,” Wonderland, April 13, 2004
mother-out-law
n. The mother of a person’s former spouse.
Also Seen As
mother out-law
Etymology
cf. mother-in-law
Examples
2003
Scotland’s weirdest wedding has been banned at the last minute.
Pat Smith, 44, had been due to marry her toyboy lover George Greenhowe, 22, today.
And George’s ex-wife, Pat’s daughter Allison, was to be the bridesmaid. But Scots law says a man may not marry his former wife’s mother if his ex-wife is still alive.
—Brian McCartney, “Mother out-law,” Daily Record, March 21, 2003
2000
I am very proud of my son-out-laws and when they introduce me as their “mother-out-law” it seems to put paid to the old negative stereotype of the “mother-in-law”.
—Joan Kersey, “Judge parents on merit, not marital status” (letter), Sydney Morning Herald (Australia), August 23, 2000
1983 (earliest)
Not long ago, when living together first became a common pattern, people couldn’t figure out what to call each other. It was impossible to introduce the man you lived with as a “spouse equivalent.” It was harder to refer to the woman your son lived with as his lover, mistress, housemate.
It’s equally difficult to describe the peculiar membership of this new lineage. Does your first husband’s mother become a mother-out-law?
—Ellen Goodman, “The Very Extended Family,” The Washington Post, August 20, 1983
multi-dadding
pp. Having multiple children with multiple men.
Other Forms
multi-dad v. · multi-dad n.
Examples
2007
In our part of the world, Lucy Lawless, Sally Ridge and Wendyl Nissen happily navigate their way through multi-dadding arrangements. …
Women like Anderson say the negative reaction towards multi-fathered families comes from an assumption that multi-dadding women must be promiscuous.
But Anderson is quick to set the record straight, saying she has only had relationships with four men — the fathers of her four children.
—Shelley Bridgeman, “Who’s the daddy?,” The New Zealand Herald, September 30, 2007
2007
I have witnessed a broad spectrum experience this week, as I have been on a journey to discover what makes a modern British family.
I have been to visit a group of single mums in Bristol and a “multi-dad” in Derby who claims 18 children by at least five partners.
—Katie Hopkins, “Katie Hopkins’ guide to family life,” BBC News, August 17, 2007
2007 (earliest)
Sadie Frost has done it. Ulrika Jonsson does it all the time. Paula Yates did it. And so have I. What we, and countless other women have done, is have children with more than one man. It is fraught, it is complicated but, in this day and age, almost inevitable. As more marriages break down and former partners take up with new partners, multi-dadding seems to be a modern phenomenon.
—Lucy Cavendish, “Multi-dads: Having four children by three different men works for me. Is multi-dadding the future of parenting?,” The Observer, February 11, 2007
Notes
Here’s a citation for the adjective multidad, although in this sense it means “having multiple stepfathers”:
The play is, however, mildly amusing in a low-impact way. And the writing in the multidad girl’s speeches is lovely, full of wonder and humane feeling. … Sarah Malkin is appealing as the girl for whom Frank is the ninth dad.
—Joe Adcock, “Loony ‘Gargoyle’ is mildly amusing,” The Seattle Post-Intelligencer, August 16, 2003
niche dating
pp. Dating people based on a single characteristic, or on a very limited set of characteristics.
Other Forms
niche-dating adj. · niche dater n.
Examples
2009
Tracking down someone who shares your passion for Zemlinsky, intermediate skiing or offshore banking before Saturday might seem tough — but thanks to the latest revolution in romance, securing a genuine soulmate has never been easier or quicker. Forget speed dating: welcome to the esoteric world of niche dating. Whether you’re into ballroom dancing, kittens or dirt bikes, there’s a site out there for lonely hearts just like you.
—Judith Woods, “Valentine’s Day: the 20 best niche dating websites,” The Daily Telegraph, February 11, 2009
2009
Niche dating — narrowing down prospects according to religion, say, or ethnicity — is on the rise, judging from the evidence online. Hitwise, which measures online traffic, reports that last year the top five niche dating categories gained market share, while general matchmaking sites stayed about the same. The biggest gains were in the gay dating and religious dating categories.
—Paige Wiser, “Nerds of a feather,” Chicago Sun Times, February 9, 2009
1994 (earliest)
Dating organizations serving such special interests as disabled singles, “full-figured” people and single parents abound and are attempting to improve on the age-old art of matchmaking.
But Concerned Singles and At the Gate offer a variation on niche dating services. They connect singles by ideology rather than common interest or mutual problems.
—Jennifer Bush, “Soul Mates,” The Washington Post, August 23, 1994
office spouse
n. A co-worker with whom one has a very close but nonromantic relationship.
Also Seen As
workplace spouse
Examples
2006
Another love connection at work? Whoa, says Ms. Hiddema and Mr. Ducoffe. While they may be spending countless hours together and are so close they often communicate without speaking, there is nothing romantic about their relationship, they say.
They’re simply office mates who also happen to be soul mates.
Or, to use a term that has come into vogue, Ms. Hiddema and Mr. Ducoffe are office spouses — corporate couples bound by mutual respect, common interests and that particular chemistry of friendship
—Marjo Johne, “Wedded work bliss: the office spouse,” The Globe and Mail, April 5, 2006
2006
Feeling close to your office mate? You’re not alone.
As more women find themselves on equal footing with their male counterparts, a new workplace phenomenon is emerging: the office spouse.
A recent study by Vault.com found that 32 percent of office workers have an “office husband” or “office wife” — that is, a nonromantic relationship — and many have more than one.
—Ieva M. Augstums, “Do you take this co-worker…,” The Dallas Morning News, March 12, 2006
1996 (earliest)
Keith is looking out the window, cradling the telephone in the crook of his neck. “You’re the best,” he breathes into the mouthpiece in that purr I love. “I’d be lost without you. Okay, see you later.” He hangs up the phone and turns … to me.
See, those sweet, soothing words were for Sue, the Other Woman in my husband’s life. … Then I remember Sue is his workmate, his pal. He’s with the woman I am now comfortable describing as Keith’s “office spouse.”
—Carla Merolla, “Everything but sex: the office-wife thing,” Cosmopolitan, August 1, 1996
parallel parenting
n. A form of parenting in which a divorced couple assume or are assigned specific parental duties while minimizing or eliminating contact with each other.
Examples
2003
In the most high-conflict cases, the arrangements are being called “parallel parenting” — the idea that with the right contract to guide them, both mom and dad can care for their children independently, without ever having to exchange a friendly word.
Last year, family lawyer Nathalie Boutet represented the mother in an Ottawa case involving a three-year-old girl. A social worker had determined that both parents were important in the child’s life, and she would do well with either one of them.
The judge returned with a decision that ordered the parents to share time with their daughter almost equally, but split up the decision making, giving sole responsibility for health decisions to the mother, and charge of education decisions to the father.
Critics of parallel parenting say it is impossible to divide up the decisions of a child’s life without overlap; what happens when a Catholic parent, with control of religious decision, wants their child in a Catholic school, but the other parent decides matters involving education?
—Erin Anderssen, “Fine-print parenting,” The Globe and Mail, August 2, 2003
1999
Shared parenting is only considered an option when the parents get along—ignoring the cases of parallel parenting that are trickling down through the courts. (Parallel parenting is where each parent makes all the decisions and does all the parenting when the kids are with them; schedules are usually close to 50/50 and laid out in great detail, and contact between the parties is minimal—and these arrangements seem to work.)
—Jason Bouchard, “The Divorce Survival Kit,” Everyman: A Men’s Journal, October 31, 1999
1982 (earliest)
Dr. Furstenberg said he had no quarrel with the Wisconsin group’s conclusions about friendly relationships between former spouses, but believed that other sorts of relationships might be more prevalent.
“It seems to me that the predominant mode when formerly married people are parenting is not co-parenting,” he said, “but ‘parallel parenting’,” where each parent operates as a self-contained unit.
—Glenn Collins, “Some broken families retain many bonds,” The New York Times, December 20, 1982
Notes
Although some divorced couples seem to have hit upon parallel parenting arrangements themselves, this two-track parenting scheme is usually court mandated or part of the couple’s separation agreement. It is often part of a parenting plan (1988) in which the responsibilities and duties of each parent are spelled out in writing. In case of disputes, a parenting coordinator (2001) is assigned to iron things out.
polyfidelity
n. Faithfulness within a group of sexual partners, particularly to the other members of a polygamous relationship.
Examples
2010
It’s been my experience that when language changes, causes often succeed. … Turley uses the term “plural unions,” and introduced me to a new word, “polyfidelity,” being faithful to many lovers.
—Debra J. Saunders, “Polygamy debate evokes familiar ‘rights’ argument,” The San Francisco Chronicle, November 28, 2010
2010
Though common descriptors used for monogamy don’t easily apply to polyamory, there is a recognizable spectrum of how open these partnerships may be. On the closed end, you might have a couple in a primary relationship who will then have one or more secondary relationships that are structured to accommodate the primary one. There’s also polyfidelity, in which three or more people are exclusive with one another.
—Sandra A. Miller, “Love’s new frontier,” The Boston Globe, January 3, 2010
1978 (earliest)
Registration for four-day conference at Kerista Village, Utopian Egalitarian Community. Topics to include polyfidelity, culture sculpture, neotrbalism, and gestalt o’rama.
—Cynthia Gorney, “Wares of Awareness,” The Washington Post, July 11, 1978
post-mortem divorce
n. A stipulation that one must be buried separately from one’s deceased spouse.
Also Seen As
post mortem divorce
Examples
2003
The most poignant story of the week comes from Japan where women who are trapped in unhappy marriages are secretly arranging to be buried apart from their husbands, saving money from housekeeping for a separate burial plot which can cost up to £16,000.
Haruyo Inoue, a writer who coined the term “post-mortem divorce”, says: “The wives feel that they have no choice but to stay with the husband while they are alive, but in the next world they would like to get their freedom back.”
—Allison Pearson, “Till death us do part,” The Evening Standard (London), February 26, 2003
2003 (earliest)
A growing number of Japanese women trapped in unhappy marriages, for whom divorce and separation are unthinkable, are opting for freedom beyond the grave by secretly arranging to be buried apart from their husbands.
“In Japan, many women stay with their husbands even though their feelings towards him are cold and they sleep in separate rooms. That way they are economically supported by their husbands,” said Haruyo Inoue, a writer who has coined the term “post mortem divorce”.
—Colin Joyce, “Divorce beyond the grave for Japanese wives,” The Daily Telegraph, February 22, 2003
Notes
This eyebrow-raiser of a phrase is very new, as the earliest citation shows. However, it has already been picked up by four different media sources, so it meets the minimum Word Spy criteria (at least three different articles appearing in at least three different sources written by at least three different writers).
prom proposal
n. An elaborate or unusual request to attend a high school prom with someone.
Examples
2006
Pity the boys in today’s celebrity-driven, over-the-top entertainment culture, where asking a girl to the prom has turned into performance art.
Prom proposals, as these humbling exercises are now called, have been more elaborate than ever this spring, according to Promspot.com’s associate editor, Kate Wood. Promspot solicited examples this year and received hundreds of responses from teenagers all over the country, “even North Dakota,” says Wood. “This is not just an East Coast/West Coast thing.”
Clearly, though, it is a big thing. A chat with her girlfriends, a phone call or a quick conversation by the lockers between classes won’t do anymore. That’s so 2005. In 2006, the request has to be painted on a giant sign parked in front of her house or accompanied by 50 red candles, hundreds of Hershey Kisses and an original poem. Why? For the same reason guys go to prom: because girls want it that way.
—Laura Sessions Stepp, “To Pop the Question, Kids Are Thinking Big; ‘Wanna Go to Prom?’ Is Now an Epic Request,” The Washington Post, May 19, 2006
2005
Devising a plan to ask someone to the big event has become a big event itself.
Tales are rampant on Mountain Pointe and Desert Vista high school campuses about guys, for example, who sprinkle rose petals along the walkway to a girl’s home before presenting her with a dozen red roses and a prom proposal. Then there’s the boy who used paper cups to spell out, “Will you go to prom with me?” in the chain link fence along Loop 101.
—Susanne Tso, “Popping the prom question takes creativity,” The Arizona Republic, April 16, 2005
2001 (earliest)
The two had a contest to see who could be more creative in their prom proposal. A few weeks ago, Leah asked David by sending him on a scavenger hunt.
—Mhari Doyle, “Roadside prom proposal,” The Columbian, June 1, 2001
promposal
n. An invitation to a prom, particularly one that is elaborate, unusual, or performed in a public place.
Also Seen As
prom-posal
Etymology
prom + proposal
Examples
2014
Making a memorable promposal has prompted group serenades, Jumbotron questions, public address requests, flash mobs, airplane banners, cheesy public poetry, and tons of flowers, chocolates, and other gifts, including cupcakes with the question spelled out in icing
—Bella English, “With ‘promposals,’ excess is a competition,” The Boston Globe, May 17, 2014
2014
The days of sheepishly posing the question to a girl are gone, replaced by a phenomenon known as the “promposal.”
The question isn’t popped on the phone or at a girl’s locker, but in romantic settings such as Disney World or public places such as city streets and school gymnasiums.
Often captured by photo or video, promposals are promptly shared on social media, where they are liked, favorited and retweeted time and again.
—Adam Clark, “Lehigh Valley teens use ‘promposals’ to pop the question,” Morning Call (Allentown, Pennsylvania), May 4, 2014
2006 (earliest)
Promposal
(n)- a proposal from one person asking another person to the prom.
—TexanJackass, “Promposal,” Urban Dictionary, January 22, 2006
pup nup
n. A prenuptial agreement that specifies who gets custody of the couple’s dog or dogs.
Also Seen As
pup-nup · pupnup
Etymology
pup + prenup
Examples
2014
One of the more common things Mr Edward sees is people fighting over pets.
“I’ve coined the terms pet nup and pup nup.
“It should say if the couple bust up, John gets the poodle or the wife gets the parrot.”
—Kylie Adoranti, “Casey, Mornington Peninsula, Frankston and Brimbank have the highest number of divorcees in Melbourne, ABS figures show,” Melbourne Leader (Melbourne, Australia), September 23, 2014
2013
When considering a prenuptial agreement, couples usually include their thoughts on pre-marital finances, 401K plans, bank accounts and real estate. But they should also discuss what to do about dogs, cats and other animals acquired before and during the marriage.
—Gina Calogero, “Prenups and Pup-Nups: Getting it in Writing,” Gina Calogero Attorney at Law, February 15, 2013
2008 (earliest)
Most important, keep refocusing on the dog during all the turmoil. Now more than ever, dogs need routine and clarity….And if you ever dare slip a ring on your finger again, consider the wave of the future: “pupnups.”
—Denise Flaim, “When marriage goes to the dogs, who gets them?,” Newsday, May 15, 2008
Notes
The general term pet nup dates to mid-2011. The feline variation cat nup is surprisingly rare, probably because, in the event of a divorce, it’s the cat that decides who gets custody.
quirkyalone
n. A person who enjoys being single and so prefers to wait for the right person to come along rather than dating indiscriminately.
Examples
2003
Folks move about the room, sharing seats, sharing laps, making valentines for themselves, doodling in notebooks, reading over each other’s shoulders, offering each other peer counseling at the “advice table,” reading name tags, and asking questions of strangers to determine if the famous person on the back of their shirt is, or is not, quirkyalone. Katharine Hepburn (yes) pushes past Morrissey (yes) on the way to the bathroom, and pauses to read a quote from bell hooks written on the wall about people who deny true love and cling to that assumption because, if faced with the truth of its absence, they will be engulfed by despair. This is a sentiment believed but made beautiful by the patron saint of quirkyalone, Rainer Maria Rilke.
—Silke Tudor, “Solitary Refinement,” SF Weekly, February 19, 2003
2003
Today is International Quirkyalone Day, a four-city, two-continent celebration of what it means to be single and happy, not dependent on a relationship for self-worth.
(That said, quirkyalones are quick to paint themselves as passionate romantics always alert for the transcendent love experience.)
Sasha Cagen laughs a lot as she talks about Valentine’s Day. It is not the first reaction you might expect from a single woman of 29 facing the heavy thrum of the day’s romantic hype.
But as the multitudes cope with over-amped visions of rose petals falling from the sky and heavenly choirs singing, Cagen may have the last laugh. Tonight she, a group of friends — and the public — will gather at a Mission District cafe to celebrate being single and alone. After all, you’re never alone when you’re with others who are alone, singly.
Especially when they, like you, are quirkyalones.
That’s right: quirkyalones. Cagen, a graduate of Sarah Lawrence College, coined the word on a freezing Brooklyn subway platform on New Year’s Day, 1999, the morning after a party when she couldn’t find a midnight kiss to ring in the new year.
—Dave Ford, “‘Quirky’ Day offers singular alternative to Valentine’s,” The San Francisco Chronicle, February 14, 2003
2000 (earliest)
I am, perhaps, what you might call . . . deeply single. Almost never ever in a relationship. Until recently, I wondered if there might be something weird about me. But then, lonely romantics began to grace the covers of TV Guide and Mademoiselle. From Ally Mc Beal to Sex in the City, a spotlight came to shine on the forever single. Perhaps I was not so alone after all.
The morning after New Year’s Eve (another kissless one, of course) I standing in the cold Brooklyn air when a certain jumble of syllables came to me. I had, in a mental click that felt so clear and quickening, invented a new word, drawing upon its constituent parts with a self-evident meaning. When I told my friends Tara and Marissa, their faces lit up with an instant recognition: the quirkyalone.
If Jung was right, that people are different in fundamental ways that drive them from within, then the quirkyalone is simply to be added to the pantheon of personality types that have been collected over the 20th century. Only now, 25 years into the second wave of feminism when the idea of marrying at age 20 has become thorougly passe, are we emerging in larger numbers.
We are the puzzle pieces who seldom fit with other puzzle pieces. We inhabit singledom as our natural resting state. In a world where marriage and proms define the social order, we are, by force of our personalities and inner strength, rebels.
Yet make no mistake: We are no less concerned with coupling than your average serial monogamist. Secretly, we are romantics, romantics of the highest order. We want a miracle. Out of millions we have to find the one who will understand.
For the quirkyalone, there is no patience for dating just for the sake of not being alone. On a fine but by no means transcendent date we dream of going home to watch television. We would prefer to be alone with our own thoughts than with a less than perfect fit. We are almost constitutionally incapable of casual relationships.
—Sasha Cagen, “The Quirkyalone,” To-Do List, June 1, 2000
regift
v. To give as a gift something that one received as a gift.
Other Forms
regift n. · regifter n.
Pronunciation
REE.gift
Examples
2002
Isn’t selling wedding gifts kind of … tacky? I called Angela … at work to get her take. And Angela, now Angela Wichita, said she wasn’t trying to be tacky. Just practical. These are gifts she didn’t register for, won’t use and can’t return.
“My husband said we should just recycle them as wedding gifts.”
But Angela thinks some of the presents may have been regifted once or twice already.
—Rainbow Rowell, “Wedding gifts get new life in sale,” Omaha World-Herald, August 2, 2002
1995
Call it tacky, rude, maybe even thoughtless, but “regifting” is about as ritualistic as giving away that lump of jellied fruit every year. A two-year study of appalling habits has found that most Americans have done it. According to the study, reported in Bernice Kanner’s book Are You Normal?, 54 percent of Americans rewrap, rebox and resend unwanted presents. Regifting is a brilliant concept, really. Everyone needs to reroute a few ugly, useless gifts this time of year.
—Maile Carpenter, “The gift you keep on giving,” Wilmington Star-News (Wilmington, NC), December 3, 1995
1995 (earliest)
George: The wedding is off. Now you can go to the Super Bowl.
Jerry: I can’t call Tim Whatley and ask for the tickets back.
George: You just gave them to him two days ago, he’s gotta give you a grace period.
Jerry: Are you even vaguely familiar with the concept of giving? There’s no grace period.
George: Well, didn’t he regift the label maker?
Jerry: Possibly.
George: Well, if he can regift, why can’t you degift?
Jerry: You may have a point.
George: I have a point, I have a point.
—“The Label Maker,” Seinfeld (TV show), January 19, 1995
Notes
This word originated with that always reliable source of neologisms, the TV show “Seinfeld.” Regift (and the noun regifter) appeared in the episode titled “The Label Maker,” which first aired on January 19, 1995 (see the earliest citation; note, as well, the bonus neologisn, degift). It took a while, but regift eventually embedded itself in the language. The proof? I found dozens of media citations that used the word without referencing its Seinfeldian origins. That’s not surprising since the word fills in a language gap and succinctly describes something that the majority of us have done (see the second citation for a stat).
relationshippy
adj. Relating to something that is associated with or strongly reminiscent of a romantic relationship.
Also Seen As
relationshipy
Examples
2008
To refresh your memories, the “Grey’s Anatomy” co-star was widely viewed as dissing her fellow cast members and in general the hand that feeds her when she opined that the show’s scripts last season didn’t merit her getting an Emmy nomination. Blogs cited “Grey’s’ insiders” who reportedly were ticked off, and betrayed fans of the relationshippy doctor show are treating Heigl (who plays Izzie Stevens) like she was the second coming of Dixie Chick Natalie Maines.
—David L. Coddon, “Hard to knock Heigl for just speaking candidly,” The San Diego Union-Tribune, August 15, 2008
2008
Q: I’ve been friends with this girl for years and we have a good time together. We started sleeping together. Then she abruptly wanted to stop the physical activity, which is fine, but:
She wants to break it off because she thinks I’m being too “relationshippy” too quickly because I invited her on a trip, but really, as a friend, I would have invited her anyway and it wouldn’t have been weird, but now it is because we slept together.
—Shawn, “Definitely maybe,” Star Tribune, March 13, 2008
1991 (earliest)
George: I got it. You wanna get her something nice? How about a music box?
Jerry: No, too relationshippy. She opens it up, she hears that Laura’s theme, I’m dead.
—Larry David, “The Deal,” Seinfeld, May 2, 1991
Notes
If the slightly pejorative term relationshippy has traction in the culture (and I think it does), it might be thanks to its cameo appearance in the Seinfeld episode The Deal, which aired on May 2, 1991 (see the earliest citation). For the record, here’s the rest of the conversation (where George is helping Jerry buy Elaine a birthday present after the latter two slept together):
George: Okay, what about a nice frame? With a picture of another guy in it. Frame says I care for you, but if you wanna get serious, perhaps you’d be interested in someone like this.
Jerry: Nice looking fellow.
George: What about candle holders?
Jerry: Too romantic.
George: Lingerie?
Jerry: Too sexual.
George: Waffle maker.
Jerry: Too domestic.
George: Bust of Nelson Rockefeller.
Jerry: Too Gubernatorial.
rescue call
n. A call to a cell phone placed at a prearranged time to give the person being called an excuse to end a date or other social engagement.
Examples
2005
The SOS service just shows the way things past come back and haunt you. And it’s funnier that even technology is like that. In an earlier generation, people set up a friend or colleague to make the rescue call.
—N. Nagaraj, “Dial SOS for that exit line,” The Hindu, March 7, 2005
2004
The peak time for dates from hell in New York City is Friday at 8 p.m. — judging by the cell phone calls delivering emergency excuses to bolt.
Truth is, they’re fake “rescue” calls — now being offered by two cell phone providers, Cingular Wireless and Virgin Mobile USA. In an era of Internet-set dates, it’s just customer service — a hip way to wiggle out of an uncomfortable encounter.
—“Via cell, help’s on the way for bad dates,” The Associated Press, August 8, 2004
2002 (earliest)
The Virgin Mobile will provide quirky functions aimed at the youth market, the company said. Callers will be able to programme their telephones to send them a “rescue call” and a message, which will provide them with a plausible escape from a blind date gone wrong.
—Abigail Rayner, “Virgin targets US mobile market,” The Times (London), June 21, 2002
Notes
Have you ever been on a bad date and wished someone would call you with some urgent task that required your immediate attention? Wish no more: Cellular providers Cingular Wireless and Virgin Mobile USA offer rescue call services that ring your cell phone at a preset time and supply you with a “script” to make it appear that you’ve received an emergency call. (Cingular’s service is called, memorably, Escape-A-Date.)
sapiosexual
n. A person who is sexually attracted to intelligent people.
Other Forms
sapiosexual adj. · sapiosexuality n.
Etymology
sapient + sexual
Examples
2012
“Sapiosexual” is a relatively new word that refers to a person who is erotically attracted to intelligence.
—Rob Brezsny, “Free Will Astrology: November 21-27, 2012,” The Village Voice, November 21, 2012
2012
NOW relocated to Paris after years living in Co. Kildare, husky-voiced chanteuse Marianne Faithfull speaks enthusiastically of a little-known entry in the lexicon of love. The 65-year-old says: ‘There is this fantastic new term and I really hope it exists. It’s “sapiosexual”… It means being attracted sexually to people’s minds as well as their bodies. And there was a lot of it around in the Sixties, let me tell you.’
—Isaac Bickerstaffe, “Now relocated to Paris after…,” Irish Daily Mail, April 24, 2012
2003 (earliest)
Here’s an e-mail that I sent out a while back on what I mean by sapiosexual….
I want an incisive, inquisitive, insightful, irreverent mind. I want someone for whom philosophical discussion is foreplay. …I decided all that means that I am sapiosexual….I invented this term while on too little sleep driving up from SF in the summer of ‘98.
—Torin/Darren WhoEver, “Stoked on sapiosexuality,” LiveJournal, March 15, 2003
Notes
This term is more or less a blend of the adjectives sapient (wise or sagacious; cf. homo sapiens) and sexual, with an o shoehorned in to mirror terms such as heterosexual and homosexual.
secondary virginity
n. The state or condition achieved by a sexually active person who abstains from sex for a period of time, especially prior to getting married.
Other Forms
secondary virgin n.
Examples
2002
Since July 26, three months to the day before she will say, “I do,” she has been abstaining from sex with her live-in fiance, David Crawford, and plans to continue until after they are married. . . . These days, a period of “secondary virginity,” as it is sometimes called, is increasingly the norm for many brides-to-be across the South, an accommodation to the modern reality of premarital sex and the traditional disapproval of it in the Bible Belt.
—Elizabeth Hayt, “It’s Never Too Late To Be a Virgin,” The New York Times, August 4, 2002
1985 (earliest)
She said the healthiest procedure for not-yet-married Christian couples is to relish their desire for each other, to hold the line at passionate kissing, and to avoid situations where they might cross that line. . . . “They need to know that there is ‘secondary virginity’.”
—Karen Abbott, “Waiting for sex challenges couples,” Denver Rocky Mountain News, August 29, 1985
Notes
The apparent popularity of this phrase is a bit puzzling, mostly because of the linguistic baggage that comes with the “secondary” adjective. It not only gives the phrase a strong bureaucratic smell, but it brings the whole concept down a notch or two since the word is used to describe something of lesser importance or value. I see how that fits the idea, but an alternative such as new virginity (which has made a few appearances over the years; so have neo-virginity, born-again virginity, and retroactive virginity) sounds snappier and more slogan-friendly.
shopping boyfriend
n. A man hired to accompany a woman on a shopping trip.
Examples
2003
The fact that shopping can make or break a relationship — and that a relationship can make or break shopping expeditions — is one that retailers are paying attention to.
Glasgow’s Braehead Mall recently offered women a “shopping boyfriend,” a guy who “takes a girl around, helps her pick her outfits, stands outside the change rooms — does all the things men don’t like about shopping,” in the words of organizer Pauline Shaw.
Several dozen women checked their regular boyfriends into a “recharge zone,” complete with video games, music and lad magazines, to take advantage of “the novelty that someone actually enjoyed shopping with them.”
—Jessica Johnson, “Walking down the aisle: how shopping tests your relationship,” The Globe and Mail, April 12, 2003
2001 (earliest)
Women can hire “surrogate boyfriends” to take them shopping while their real other halves relax in a men-only zone, under a pilot scheme taking place today.
The stand-in boyfriend promises to be enthusiastic, attentive, admiring and complimentary, according to organisers of the promotion. …
Carol-Ann Stewart, brand manager for Lucozade Energy, said: “Our research reveals just how much of an energy-draining experience, not to mention a strain on relationships, shopping with a girlfriend can be for men.
”Our pilot scheme gives men a chance to enjoy ‘boys’ toys’ in a guilt-free zone while their girlfriend shops in the capable company of a shopping boyfriend.“
—Graham Hiscott, “Shop-hating boyfriends can hire stand-ins for their partners,” Press Association, November 9, 2001
singlism
n. Workplace discrimination against employees who are single; the negative stereotyping of single people.
Also Seen As
single-ism
Other Forms
singlist n.
Examples
2011
he growing numbers of individuals marrying later or not marrying at all, combined with high divorce rates, have resulted in a growing number of adults who will live a considerable portion of their adult lives as singles. Despite this trend, recent empirical investigations suggest that singles face a particular form of stigma and discrimination, termed “Singlism”.
—“The stigma of “Singlism”: ever-single women’s perceptions of their social environment,” SAGE Insight, June 22, 2011
2010
Singledom and a massive case of “singlism” are red hot right now as Samantha Jones cracks menopause jokes at 54 as she romps in the desert with her three fab friends in Sex and the City 2.
—Leanne Italie, “Single and happy: believe it or not,” The Associated Press, June 10, 2010
2004 (earliest)
Anne, a Toronto interior designer, agrees that being married can be helpful in the workplace. “I have more to talk about with clients. . .” she says, adding: “It shows a maturity. And when you’re developing business, you need things to relate to. Marriage and kids….”
Bella DePaulo, a visiting professor of psychology at the University of California, Santa Barbara, who is writing a book tentatively titled Singled Out, calls such pro-marriage discrimination “singlism.”
—Tralee Pearce, “One is not the loneliest number,” The Globe and mail, July 3, 2004
Notes
Here a much earlier citation that doesn’t quite fit my definition, but covers what could be called social discrimination against singles:
[B]ut it doesn’t take long for a widowed or divorced parent to find that our couple-oriented society has forged a modern phenomenon which might be termed “singlism.” Singlism wasn’t invented, it just exists. Invitations are made for pairs—dinner parties, tennis games, dances or theatre-going are done in duos.
—The Single Parent Volume 18, Parents Without Partners, January 1, 1975
SITCOM
n. The natural evolution of upwardly-mobile couples who have children and then one spouse stops working to raise the kids.
Etymology
From the phrase single income, two children, oppressive mortgage
Examples
1996
People cash out to work at home partly because corporations aren’t offering quality child care. The two-income family may still be the time-pressed norm, but according to Barron’s, SITCOMs are on the rise.
—“Popcorn-Speak,” The Dallas Morning News, May 14, 1996
1994 (earliest)
SITCOMs (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage)
What yuppies turn into when they have children and one stops working to be with the kids. The true martyrs of Reaganomics, as characterized in The Economist.
—Gareth Branwyn, “Jargon Watch,” Wired, October 1, 1994
situational intimacy
n. Intimate feelings that are generated by proximity or a shared situation instead of love or some other deep connection.
Examples
1996
In September, George Sowa, a World War II bomber pilot, spent a lot of anxious hours in the waiting room of the Andrews Air Force Base hospital, where his wife was operated on for lung cancer and placed in the intensive care unit. In the situational intimacy of such places, he got to know Robert Miller, a retired military man, who was hospitalized for an irregular heartbeat and liked to escape his bed occasionally for the more companionable waiting room.
—Jean Marbella & Michael James, “The hunt for $ 7 million,” The Sun (Baltimore), February 25, 1996
1993 (earliest)
Intimacy isn’t just for people in love.
Indeed, the Rev. James W. Hanna, director of the Samaritan Center of Lancaster County, finds the patterns of intimacy in all sorts of relationships, including the individual’s relationship with God. . . .
He explores intimacy with one’s family, one’s beloved and, with some unexpected references to the Book of Job, one’s God.
In addition, he explores situational intimacy — for instance, the intimacy that springs up at work, at a concert, lecture or ball game, or watching a national story unfold on television.
—Naomi Yocom, “More than Love; Hanna book expands idea of intimacy,” Lancaster New Era (Lancaster, PA), May 11, 1993
skinship
n. Feelings of relatedness and affection between two people, particularly a mother and a child, caused by hugging, touching, and other forms of physical contact.
Examples
2003
Cathedrals of the Flesh, by Alexia Brue (Bloomsbury; $24.95). This entertaining picaresque chronicles the author’s mostly naked reconnaissance of the world’s public baths, from cavernous marble Turkish hamams and smoky Helsinki saunas to militantly hot Moscow banyas and a New York bathhouse of dubious hygiene. … Brue’s depiction of herself as a bumbling innocent abroad isn’t entirely believable, but her approach to other cultures is refreshingly humble, and her devotion to the pleasures of bathing with strangers makes a seductive case for “skinship,” in which, naked together in the same water, “you do away with all the normal social barriers in life.”
—“The Critics: Briefly Noted,” The New Yorker, January 20, 2003
1982 (earliest)
Kawabata said it was sad that the nation is losing the “skinship” of public bathing. “Some children on school trips to Tokyo who come here even enter the bath with their pants on, because they’ve never taken a communal bath and are embarrassed,” he said. “Young people don’t have a chance to learn the social manners to be gained from bathing together.”
—Jim Abrams, “Communal Baths Being Sunk By High Costs, Affluence,” The Associated Press, September 15, 1982
Notes
Wasei eigo (“Japan English”) is the Japanese term for English words that are either coined in Japan or imported from English and “Japanized” (for example, recipient becomes “reshipiento” and computer becomes “konpyuta”). Skinship (“sukinshippu.” in Japan) is an example of a Japanese-coined English word. I thought this term was relatively new, but at the last minute I found the following citation which claims the word is quite old:
Skinship is a Japanese/English word developed during a World Health Organization meeting in Japan in 1940. It describes the physical closeness between a mother and her child. When a child receives an abundance of skinship, the child is better able to handle stressful situations and will mature into an emotionally stable adult.
—Debbie Treijs, “Japanese Skinship; healthy touching between parent and child,” Mothering, September 1, 1999
Note that the World Health Organization wasn’t established until 1948, so I’m not sure how reliable this citation is. Word Spy subscriber Tom Gally informs me that the earliest Japanese citation in Nihon Kokugo Daijiten, a 14-volume dictionary similar in scope to the OED, is from 1971.
Skype sleep