Medical humor

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 A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they didn't help. On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that didn't do any good. On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft."But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get pneumonia.""I know," said his physician. "I can cure pneumonia."

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A doctor is listening to his patient’s lungs whispering, “It’s good! It’s good! It’s very good!”

“What do you mean by saying ‘It’s very good”, replies the patient.

“It’s very good I have no disorders of this kind!”

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You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you’ll be afraid to cough.

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Patient: "Doctor, are you sure I'm suffering from pneumonia? I've heard once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died of typhus." Doctor: "Don't worry, it won't happen to me. If I treat someone with pneumonia he will die of pneumonia."

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Doctor to his patient, “Those light cigarettes have given you ‘light cancer’.”

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What is the worst thing about a lung transplant? Coughing up the other person’s sputum.

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Blue bloater - someone with COPD; particularly someone with chronic bronchitis who has trouble inhaling

The central nervous system

Phonetic exercise: nervous system [‘n:vəs ‘sistim], peripheral [pə‘rifərəl], nerves [‘n:vz], control [kən’trəul], behavior [bi’heivjə], cranium [‘kreiniəm], spinal [‘spainəl], substances [‘sΛbstənsiz], neurons [‘njuərnz], frontal [‘frΛntəl], parietal [pə‘raiətəl], temporal [‘tempərəl], occipital [k’sipitəl], cerebellum [,seri‘beləm], column [‘kləm], balance [‘bæləns], cervical [‘s:vikl; sə‘vaikl], thorasic [θ:’ræsik], lumbar [‘lΛmbə], sacral [‘seikrl], coccygeal [kk’sid3iəl], encephalitis [,ensəfə‘laitis], meningitis [,menin’d3aitis], stroke [struk], transient [‘trænziənt], ischemic [is’ki:mik], attack [ə‘tæk], tumours [‘tju:məz], polio [‘pəuliəu], paralysis [pə‘ræləsis], etc.

Make a report on the central nervous system according to the plan below:

Definition: the part of the nervous system that coordinates the activity of all parts of the body.

Function: to control behaviour.

Structure: the brain and the spinal cord.

Location: the brain: in the cranium (the skull); the spinal cord: in the spinal column

The brain: left and right cerebral hemispheres; grey and white substances; folded surface of the cerebral cortex; 50 billion –100 billion neurons; 4 lobes: functions: the frontal lobe: is responsible for thought; the parietal lobe: integration of sensory information; the occipital lobe: sense of sight; the temporal lobe: senses of smell and sound.

Weight of the brain: 1,300 - 1,400 g

The cerebellum: location: at the back; functions: balance and muscle coordination.

The spinal cord: the main pathway for information;

the main function: to connect the brain and peripheral nervous system;

the length: about 45 cm long in men and 43 cm long in women; 3 spinal meninges; 31 (or 25, counting the sacral as one solid piece) spinal cord nerve segments: 8 cervical segments; 12 thoracic segments; 5 lumbar segments; 1 or 5 sacral segments; 1 coccygeal segment.

The most common diseases: encephalitis or inflammation of the brain, meningitis or inflammation of the meninges, stroke or cerebrovascular accident, hemorrhagic stroke, ischemic stroke, transient ischemic attack (TIA), brain tumours, benign brain tumours, malignant brain tumours, polio or poliomyelitis, paralysis, monoplegia, hemiplegia, paraplegia, panplegia, etc.

stroke

Phonetic exercise: nervous system [‘n:vəs ‘sistim], neurological [,njuərə’ld3ikl], encephalitis [,ensəfə‘laitis], meningitis [,menin’d3aitis], stroke [strəuk], transient [‘trænziənt], ischemic [is’ki:mik], hemorrhage [‘hemərid3], hemorrhagic [,hemə’ræd3ik], accident [‘æksidənt], attack [ə‘tæk], tumours [‘tju:məz], polio [‘pəuliəu], paralysis [pə‘ræləsis], ultrasound [‘Λltrəsaund], magnetic [mæg’netik]; resonance [‘rezənəns], imaging [‘imid3iŋ], thrombus [‘θrmbəs], thrombosis [θrm’bəusis], interruption [,intə’rΛp∫n], obstruction [əb’strΛk∫n], cholesterol [kə‘lestərl], supply [sə‘plai], area [‘eəriə], hemiplegia [,hemi’pli:d3iə], numb [nΛm], numbness [‘nΛmnəs], obesity [əu’bi:səti; əu’bi:siti], vibratory [‘vaibrətəri], dysphasia [dis’feiziə], aphasia [ə’feiziə, æ’feiziə], vertigo [‘və:tigəu], consciousness [‘kn∫əsnəs], arteriography [a:,tiəri’grəfi], electrocardiography [,ilektrokdi‘grəfi], ultrasound [‘Λltrəsaund], angioplasty [‘ænd3i,plæsti]

Make a report on stroke according to the plan below:

Definition: a cerebrovascular accident (CVA), the rapidly developing loss of brain function(s) due to disturbance in the blood supply to the brain.

Definition of the World Health Organization: a "neurological deficit of cerebrovascular cause that persists beyond 24 hours or is interrupted by death within 24 hours".

Classification: two major categories: ischemic stroke and hemorrhagic stroke.

Causes of ischemic strokes: interruption of the blood supply. Blood supply to part of the brain is decreased, leading to dysfunction of the brain tissue in that area. In an ischemic stroke, there are four reasons why this might happen: thrombosis (obstruction of a blood vessel by a blood clot forming locally), embolism (obstruction due to an embolus from elsewhere in the body), systemic hypoperfusion (general decrease in blood supply, e.g. in shock), venous thrombosis.

Cause of hemorrhagic strokes: rupture of a blood vessel or an abnormal vascular structure.

Epidemiology: Stroke could soon be the most common cause of death worldwide. Stroke is currently the second leading cause of death in the Western world, ranking after heart disease and before cancer, and causes 10% of deaths worldwide. 87% of strokes are caused by ischemia, and the remainder by hemorrhage.

Risk factors: high blood pressure, atrial fibrillation, high blood cholesterol levels, diabetes, cigarette smoking (active and passive), heavy alcohol consumption, drug use, lack of physical activity, obesity and unhealthy diet.

Symptoms, signs, clinical manifestations, clinical features: Stroke symptoms typically start suddenly, over seconds to minutes, and in most cases do not progress further.

The symptoms: sudden-onset face weakness, arm drift (e.g. if a person, when asked to raise both arms, involuntarily lets one arm drift downward), abnormal speech, hemiplegia and muscle weakness of the face, numbness, reduction in sensory or vibratory sensation, altered smell, taste, hearing, or vision (total or partial), drooping of eyelids (ptosis) and weakness of ocular muscles, decreased reflexes: swallowing, pupil reactivity to light, balance problems, altered breathing and heart rate, inability to turn head to one side, weakness in the tongue (inability to protrude and/or move from side to side), aphasia (inability to speak or understand language), apraxia (altered voluntary movements), visual field defect, memory deficits (involvement of temporal lobe), disorganized thinking, confusion, altered movement coordination, vertigo and or disequilibrium; associated symptoms: loss of consciousness, headache, and vomiting, etc.

Evaluation: History: a personal medical history, a medication history, a family history, a social history, an occupational history, an environmental history, a neurological status history, an alcohol consumption history, a tobacco consumption history, etc.

Physical examination: observation, percussion, palpation, auscultation, neurological examination.

Instrumental evaluation: CT scans or MRI scans, Doppler ultrasound, and arteriography; no commonly used blood tests for the stroke diagnosis itself, though blood tests may be of help in finding out the likely cause of stroke; an electrocardiogram (ECG) and echocardiogram (to identify arrhythmias and resultant clots in the heart which may spread to the brain vessels through the bloodstream); a Holter monitor study to identify intermittent arrhythmias, an angiogram of the cerebral vasculature (if a bleed is thought to have originated from an aneurysm or arteriovenous malformation), etc.

Treatment: admittion to a "stroke unit", a ward or dedicated area in hospital staffed by nurses and therapists with experience in stroke treatment.

Treatment of ischemic stroke: thrombolysis, or thrombectomy; treatment with medications such as aspirin, clopidogrel and dipyridamole to prevent platelets from aggregating; control of blood sugars, ensuring the patient has adequate oxygenation and adequate intravenous fluids; intra-artial fibrinolysis, where a catherter is passed up an artery into the brain and the medication is injected at the site of thrombosis; mechanical thrombectomy; angioplasty and stenting; therapeutic hypothermia; secondary prevention of ischemic stroke: anticoagulation. Patients may be positioned with their heads flat on the stretcher, rather than sitting up, to increase blood flow to the brain. It is common for the blood pressure to be elevated immediately following a stroke.

Treatment of hemorrhagic stroke: anticoagulants and antithrombotics, oxygenation

Care and rehabilitation: the cornerstones of the rehabilitation process: physiotherapy and occupational therapy; a wheelchair, walkers, canes, and orthoses, devices which support or correct the function of a limb or the torso; speech and language therapy, good nursing care, etc.