Unit 2: The Day I Saw Five Loch Ness Monsters

"I didn’t have my camera," says Michael Thompson-Noel, who examines very carefully the evidence supporting Nessie’s existence.

“I was on the banks of Loch Ness the other morning sunning my long legs, when one of those Nessies — those plesiosaur-type monsters that inhabit the loch — surfaced in front of me.

She was 10 or 15 yards away. She had three or four humps and a greenish-brownish skin. A long, graceful neck. Peat coloured eyes. As silent as mist. Not at all threatening.

Within a few seconds, a second monster surfaced and bobbed beside the first one. Then a third and a fourth one — followed by a younger one. I suppose it was young, for it was smaller than the other four.

I reached for my camera, but it was in my car, hundreds of yards away. I couldn’t possibly reach it. So I have no evidence — let alone proof — that what I saw were five Loch Ness monsters”.

At any rate, around the world — Scotland to Canada, Russia to Central Africa and beyond — 265 lakes and rivers are reputed to harbor Loch Ness-type monsters. But there is no place on Earth with as many monster sites as Scotland, which has 24.

The most famous site of all is Loch Ness, which enjoys — because of Nessie, and because of its beauty — a great popularity and a top position among the world’s most famous tourist attractions.

The first recorded surfacing of Loch Ness monster in front of eye-witnesses occurred, allegedly in AD 565, when the Irish missionary-saint, Columba, is said to have met her and spoken to her.

Over the years, there has been a large amount of evidence — all of it disputed — for Nessie’s existence, including surface and under-water photographs and sonar contacts. But no piece of the monster, let alone a whole one, has ever been captured. No hair, skin, or skeleton. No proof whatsoever. Belief in the monster rests entirely on faith.

If you visit Loch Ness today, all you need to do to feel close to the monster is view the excellent audio-visual presentation at the visitors’ center. The presentation lasts half an hour and is balanced and neutral in tone. Visitors are given all the information they need and shown pictures — then invited to judge for themselves whether the creature in the loch is real or imagined.

Unit 3: Giving Excuses

When Henry asked Sheila to go to a dance with him last Saturday night, she responded by saying, “Oh, Henry, I’d love to go, but my Aunt Marion will be in town from New York, and I really have to take her out to dinner.”

When Albert showed up in his writing class without his composition, he said, “Dr. Tailor, you’ll never believe what happened to my paper. My dog chewed it up.”

When Jane’s grandmother invited her to the Senior Citizens Luncheon and Fashion Show on Saturday, Jane told her, “Oh, grandma, you know I wouldn’t miss out on it for the world, but I’ve just got to type up my term paper this weekend. I have to hand it in on Monday.”

What do these responses have in common? They all contain something we’ve all offered at one time or another to friends, relatives, teachers, police officers, or supervisors — excuses.

Could we go even a day without making some kind of excuse? It is highly unlikely. It would be difficult to give up excuses because we need them to help us get through the day. When we are asked to do something we don’t want to do or can’t possibly do, a plausible excuse is more gracious than a blunt no. Even if we make up an excuse, “tell a white lie” as we say, we may feel it is the right thing to do in order not to hurt someone’s feelings.

There are, of course, good excuses and bad excuses. A good excuse is easy and natural and has a ring of truth to it. A bad excuse is false and unbelievable. If you cannot get a paper in on time, it is probably a mistake to think up an excuse such as, “I spilled coffee all over it and was ashamed to turn it in in that condition”. If you don’t have a good solid excuse, such as a note from a physician, it might be better to say simply, “I’m sorry, but it just wasn’t possible for me to turn the paper in on time”.

Judith Martin, who writes the syndicated newspaper column “Miss Manners”, which offers advice on social etiquette to readers, would probably agree. She doesn’t believe in giving specific excuses in social situations. For example, when Aunt Ethel and Uncle Fred arrive in town unannounced and wake you up out of a sound sleep and invite you to meet them on the other side of town in a few hours, she suggests saying something like this: “Oh, we would have adored to see you and Uncle Fred — isn’t it rotten luck that the one time you were free is the time we simply can’t? Promise that next time you’re planning to come by you’ll remember to put us on the top of your advance notice list!”