- •Author's Note
- •Chapter 1
- •It was a short list. My mom; my dad; my (sigh) stepmother, Antonia; her
- •It's not happening."
- •I glared at the two of them, but Tina and Eric kept babbling. I wasn't sure if they were ignoring me or honestly hadn't heard, so I took the mature route and just spoke louder.
- •I had to admit, I had no idea what Antonia (the werewolf, not my stepmother) saw in him.
- •Chapter 2
- •Chapter 3
- •In the movies, everybody would have stopped; Alonzo did, but Sophie was still shrieking and clawing at him, and I saw her tear a huge strip of skin off his shaved scalp.
- •Chapter 4
- •I turned to Alonzo. "This is quite a spot you've put me in."
- •I rolled up the sleeves of my special, Garrett-knitted, baby blue sweater. "Hey, you wanna go? Let's go. But you won't be picking on a kid waitress this time."
- •Chapter 5
- •I slumped lower on the couch. "Don't remind—wait. You think they should have stopped by sooner?"
- •Chapter 6
- •I crossed my legs and pointed my toe, an old trick that called attention to my (if I do say so myself—there weresome advantages to being a six-foot-tall dork) good legs. "Thanks," I said.
- •Chapter 7
- •It occurred to me, not for the first time, that I had very little clue what
- •I stuck a finger in Alonzo's bemused face. "Don't even think about it."
- •I trudged back to the parlor, laden with bags of baby crap and, of course, the baby.
- •Chapter 8
- •Chapter 9
- •I heard a car door slam outside and, annoyingly, Tina and Sinclair looked completely unsurprised.
- •I didn't knowwhat it was. But I could see the white Walgreens prescription bag peeking out of her purse. All of a sudden, I didn't want to be in this meeting.
- •Chapter 10
- •I died."
- •I glared up at her. "When I get off this floor I'm kicking the shit out of you.
- •Chapter 11
- •Chapter 12
- •I shivered. "Eric, I love you, but sometimes you give mesuch a case of the creeps."
- •Chapter 13
- •Chapter 14
- •Chapter 15
- •I, the fucking family calendar?
- •I didn't. Marjorie waited for me to catch on. I quietly trusted she had packed a lunch. Finally, she said, "Page forty-seven."
- •Chapter 16
- •I was beginning to feel like I was spending half my (new) life in parlors.
- •I nearly walked into a melting snowbank. "Seriously? You're asking me?" "I am but a loyal subject. Your will is my will."
- •I laughed.
- •Chapter 17
- •I slung my coat into the mudroom closet, kicked off my boots, and made for the kitchen.
- •I slunk into one of the chairs. "What people? It's her, and it's Liam. And no.
- •Chapter 18
- •I was hurt. Well, pretending to be. "Are you thaying I thould be athamed?
- •I glared. "You know, most sensible people would be scared of me."
- •Chapter 19
- •In fact, he'd shown up here a few months ago when he heard about my impending unholy nuptials. The gist of our conversation:
- •I could almost hear Sinclair in my head:Then don't .
- •I stammered, trying to say five things at once.
- •Chapter 20
- •I made a face. "Don't remind me."
- •Chapter 21
- •I had to laugh. The animals! Apparently all these studies had been done about how soothing and restful nursing home inmates—uh, residents—found live-in cats, dogs, and birds.
- •I shuddered, imagining Grandpa's wrath. As a member of The Greatest
- •Chapter 22
- •I stirred my tea, and simmered next to it. Like Korben Dallas inThe Fifth
- •I swung open the door.
- •I took a step forward, fragile baby-and-poop bomb bouncing tenderly in my arms. My mouth was beginning to hurt. "Sometimes, I just feel like I'm going to break, you know what I mean? Can you imagine?"
- •Chapter 23
- •Chapter 24
- •I swallowed my irritation. Cathie had had a hard life. Or death, rather. She was lonely. She was bitchy. I was the only person she could bug. Talk to, rather.
- •Chapter 25
- •It took a long time to find the door.
- •Chapter 26
- •I tried to squash the traitorous thought
- •Chapter 27
- •Chapter 28
- •It was coming from Alonzo's body.
- •Chapter 29
- •I looked around at the others. "When you use euphemisms like 'take care of it' and stuff, are we, I just wanted to make sure, are we talking about the same thing?"
- •I turned and walked a little ways away from the group. "Then you came over here and did it?"
- •I closed the phone and turned back to the group. "Okay! Where were we?
- •Chapter 30
- •I shook my head; if he was looking for answers, he had the wrong girl. "I'm so fucking thirsty right now," I admitted, "it's hard to get worked up about anything."
- •I followed her, groaning. What fresh hell was this? Couldn't I ever get a break? And why was Jess even bothering me with this stuff? She knew I
I crossed my legs and pointed my toe, an old trick that called attention to my (if I do say so myself—there weresome advantages to being a six-foot-tall dork) good legs. "Thanks," I said.
"I have something for you," Nineteen Seventies said, reaching under the table, and coming back up with—ugh—a muzzled toy poodle. It was wriggling like a worm on a hot sidewalk and making little burbling noises around the muzzle.
"Get that away from me," I almost yelled. I wasn't a dog person. I especially wasn't a fan of dogs that only weighed as much as a well-fed lab rat.
Nineteen Seventies enfolded the curly, trembling creature into his bony arms. "I thought you liked dogs," he said, sounding wounded.
"They like me," I retorted. Another unholy power—dogs followed me everywhere, slobbering and yelping. Cats ignored me. (Cats ignore everybody, even the undead. There's something Egyptian in all of that.) "I don't like them. Will you put that thing back in your pocket?"
"Sorry. I thought—I mean, I came here with a boon because—"
"A boon? Like a present? I don't want any presents. Or boon. Consider me boonless. She Without Boon. And if Idid want a boon—which I don't—I'd rather have some Jimmy Choos."
He nodded to someone else at the bar, a short brunette with disturbingly rosy cheeks, and she rose, came over, got Sir Yaps a Lot, and discreetly vanished into a back room somewhere.
"Jeepers," Nineteen Seventies said. "I guess I messed it up all the way around."
"Messedwhat up?"
"Well…" He stroked his mustache, a loathsome habit I had no intention of sticking around long enough to break him of. "Everybody says that if I'm in town, this is the place I have to come. And that it's best to, you know, spend a lot of money here and all that."
"Oh." Who was "everybody"? The all-vampire newsletter one of the local undead librarians put out? Street gossip? My mother? What? "Well…"
This was my chance to say, don't sweat it, my good man. I'm just an ordinary gal, not a dictator-for-life asshole like Nostro was. You don't have to do anything—just try to keep your nose clean. You certainly don't have to come to my bar. But thanks anyway.
"Drink up," is what Idid say, and sure, I felt a little crummy about it, but hey, everybody's got to make a living.
Chapter 7
I groaned when I pulled into my driveway. It wasn't even nine o'clock and the whole evening was crumbling apart. I hated how things had gone with Sophie—and what was I going to do if she disobeyed me? "Disobeyed," ha! Even the word was silly. Everybody said I was the queen, but in my head, I was still Betsy Taylor, shoe fashionista and part-time temp worker. It had been almost a year since the Aztek had creamed me, but it still felt like about two days.
Meanwhile, there was a Ford Escort in my driveway, one that smelled like chocolate. Detective Nick Berry, Jessica's new boyfriend.
Marc's beat-up Stratus was parked next to it. Lucky Marc, he'd missed all the excitement the night before, but it looked like he was on days again for a while.
And a rental car—a Cadillac, no less. The Europeans were back.
It took a long moment for me to open the door of my car. I damn near put the engine in reverse and got the hell out of there.
In the end, I got out and trudged into the mansion. Where was I supposed to go, anyway? This was home.
I zeroed in on the conversation—the third parlor, the one that took up a good chunk of the first floor. I could hear Marc squawking like a surprised goose: "Whaaaaa?"
I hurried down the dimly lit hallway.
"You guyssaw Dorothy Dandridge?" he was saying as I entered the parlor.
He was delighted and surprised, jumping up on the couch cushions like
Tom Cruise with a boner. "You saw her live, on stage?"
"Yes, on a visit to New York City." Alonzo was watching Marc like an amused cat. He was sleek and cool in a black suit, black shirt, black socks and shoes. I didn't know the brand—men's shoes all look the same to me.
His were spotless and polished to a high gloss, the bows in the laces perfectly tied. "She was wonderful—a joy."
"It was the last time I saw you," Sinclair commented, "before last year." He was more casually dressed—an open-throated shirt, dark slacks. Shoeless and sockless. This was a message, I knew, one for Alonzo:I'm not worried enough about you to dress up .
"Correct, Majesty," Tina said courteously. "We left for the West Coast right after."