- •Author's Note
- •Chapter 1
- •It was a short list. My mom; my dad; my (sigh) stepmother, Antonia; her
- •It's not happening."
- •I glared at the two of them, but Tina and Eric kept babbling. I wasn't sure if they were ignoring me or honestly hadn't heard, so I took the mature route and just spoke louder.
- •I had to admit, I had no idea what Antonia (the werewolf, not my stepmother) saw in him.
- •Chapter 2
- •Chapter 3
- •In the movies, everybody would have stopped; Alonzo did, but Sophie was still shrieking and clawing at him, and I saw her tear a huge strip of skin off his shaved scalp.
- •Chapter 4
- •I turned to Alonzo. "This is quite a spot you've put me in."
- •I rolled up the sleeves of my special, Garrett-knitted, baby blue sweater. "Hey, you wanna go? Let's go. But you won't be picking on a kid waitress this time."
- •Chapter 5
- •I slumped lower on the couch. "Don't remind—wait. You think they should have stopped by sooner?"
- •Chapter 6
- •I crossed my legs and pointed my toe, an old trick that called attention to my (if I do say so myself—there weresome advantages to being a six-foot-tall dork) good legs. "Thanks," I said.
- •Chapter 7
- •It occurred to me, not for the first time, that I had very little clue what
- •I stuck a finger in Alonzo's bemused face. "Don't even think about it."
- •I trudged back to the parlor, laden with bags of baby crap and, of course, the baby.
- •Chapter 8
- •Chapter 9
- •I heard a car door slam outside and, annoyingly, Tina and Sinclair looked completely unsurprised.
- •I didn't knowwhat it was. But I could see the white Walgreens prescription bag peeking out of her purse. All of a sudden, I didn't want to be in this meeting.
- •Chapter 10
- •I died."
- •I glared up at her. "When I get off this floor I'm kicking the shit out of you.
- •Chapter 11
- •Chapter 12
- •I shivered. "Eric, I love you, but sometimes you give mesuch a case of the creeps."
- •Chapter 13
- •Chapter 14
- •Chapter 15
- •I, the fucking family calendar?
- •I didn't. Marjorie waited for me to catch on. I quietly trusted she had packed a lunch. Finally, she said, "Page forty-seven."
- •Chapter 16
- •I was beginning to feel like I was spending half my (new) life in parlors.
- •I nearly walked into a melting snowbank. "Seriously? You're asking me?" "I am but a loyal subject. Your will is my will."
- •I laughed.
- •Chapter 17
- •I slung my coat into the mudroom closet, kicked off my boots, and made for the kitchen.
- •I slunk into one of the chairs. "What people? It's her, and it's Liam. And no.
- •Chapter 18
- •I was hurt. Well, pretending to be. "Are you thaying I thould be athamed?
- •I glared. "You know, most sensible people would be scared of me."
- •Chapter 19
- •In fact, he'd shown up here a few months ago when he heard about my impending unholy nuptials. The gist of our conversation:
- •I could almost hear Sinclair in my head:Then don't .
- •I stammered, trying to say five things at once.
- •Chapter 20
- •I made a face. "Don't remind me."
- •Chapter 21
- •I had to laugh. The animals! Apparently all these studies had been done about how soothing and restful nursing home inmates—uh, residents—found live-in cats, dogs, and birds.
- •I shuddered, imagining Grandpa's wrath. As a member of The Greatest
- •Chapter 22
- •I stirred my tea, and simmered next to it. Like Korben Dallas inThe Fifth
- •I swung open the door.
- •I took a step forward, fragile baby-and-poop bomb bouncing tenderly in my arms. My mouth was beginning to hurt. "Sometimes, I just feel like I'm going to break, you know what I mean? Can you imagine?"
- •Chapter 23
- •Chapter 24
- •I swallowed my irritation. Cathie had had a hard life. Or death, rather. She was lonely. She was bitchy. I was the only person she could bug. Talk to, rather.
- •Chapter 25
- •It took a long time to find the door.
- •Chapter 26
- •I tried to squash the traitorous thought
- •Chapter 27
- •Chapter 28
- •It was coming from Alonzo's body.
- •Chapter 29
- •I looked around at the others. "When you use euphemisms like 'take care of it' and stuff, are we, I just wanted to make sure, are we talking about the same thing?"
- •I turned and walked a little ways away from the group. "Then you came over here and did it?"
- •I closed the phone and turned back to the group. "Okay! Where were we?
- •Chapter 30
- •I shook my head; if he was looking for answers, he had the wrong girl. "I'm so fucking thirsty right now," I admitted, "it's hard to get worked up about anything."
- •I followed her, groaning. What fresh hell was this? Couldn't I ever get a break? And why was Jess even bothering me with this stuff? She knew I
I glared up at her. "When I get off this floor I'm kicking the shit out of you.
Then you'llreally need a doctor."
She grinned down at me. "Happy birthday."
Chapter 11
The kitchen door swung open before Jessica, Eric, Tina, or I could say another word. "I'm home!" Antonia the werewolf called, Garrett right behind her.
"Not now, Toni."
"How many fucking times I have to tell you? AnTONE-ee-uh. Just because your lousy stepmother has the same name doesn't mean I have to change mine."
"Notnow ."
"Oh." She looked down at me. Garrett did, too. "Jessica finally told you, huh?"
Eleventh!
"Duck and cover," Tina muttered, but I was in no condition to launch myself at our resident psychic werewolf.
"You saw it in a vision?" Jessica asked.
"Hell, no. You smell totally bland. What, you guys didn't know?" Toni was looking around at all of us. With her short, Aeon Flux-like dark hair and big brown eyes, she should have looked more innocent than she sounded. And I didn't know what was up with the old T-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts (and flip-flops! In April!) but right now, her grotesque fashion screwup was the least of my problem. "Huh. Guess I should have said something before I left."
"Think so?" I snarked from the floor. "As your punishment, you are now and forever known as Toni."
"The hell!"
"Jessica's sick," Garrett said helpfully. "Also, there's a zombie in the attic."
"Shut up. Help me up. Goddammit, I'm kicking some serious ass in a minute."
"I'm outta here," Toni said at once, turning to leave. "Just wanted you to know I'm back from the Cape."
"Well,thanks for sharing ." God, she was the most fucking annoying person in the fucking history of fucking people! Ever! Though, to be fair, I may have been feeling overly sensitive at that moment.
"Come on up to the bedroom and welcome me back," Toni was saying to Garrett as they left the kitchen.Ugh . I prayed I wouldn't be able to hear them doing it.
"What are your immediate plans?" Sinclair asked Jessica as he grabbed my elbow and lifted me effortlessly to my feet. Apparently, I was done wallowing.
"Chemo, probably. We're still figuring out options."
"How sick are you?" I asked anxiously.
"Not sick at all, compared to how I'll feel when they shoot radiation into me," she said with glum humor. "I'm just tired a lot these days. I actually thought I might be… well…"
"Pregnant?" Tina suggested quietly.
Jessica nodded. "Yeah. I'd been tired, and I'd—well, there were other symptoms. And Nick and I—anyway. I was wrong. Definitely not pregnant."
"Does Nick know?"
She looked away. "Nobody knows except you guys."
"Oh." I knew Jess very well, better than anybody (I was pretty sure), and I knew why she hadn't said anything. I didn't like it, but I could figure it out.
"If you thought you were carrying his child, then perhaps you should tell him you're ill."
"I don't want to. I didn't want to tell you guys, remember?" "Oh, I remember." I still had tile marks mashed into my butt, for God's sake.
"It's like—it's not real if nobody alive knows. Right?" She smiled crookedly, dark eyes filling with tears. "It's not happening to me if the only people who know are dead."
I felt like a total toad, watching her cry. "Come on, don't do that." I hugged her. Had she lost weight? Was she bonier than usual? I was embarrassed that I didn't know. And why hadn'tI smelled anything different? Sure I was still rather new at this, but couldn't I learn stuff like that? Was I that damned selfish? So wrapped up in my own troubles that I didn't care when my best friend caught cancer?
And hey,could you catch cancer? I didn't know a thing about it. That would change as soon as I could get my ass to a computer. Or my hands on those seven fucking specialists.
"You're living with the king and queen of the vampires, a werewolf, an actor, and a doctor."
"And a Libra," Tina piped up, a rare joke.
"Right. We'll help you. We'll fix it."
"You're an idiot," Jessica sobbed in my arms.
"That's the spirit!"
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she finally offered.Finally . "It's just all this stuff with Sophie and Liam and Alonzo. And your birthday and your wedding. I didn't want to be the downer, you know?"
I knew. And that's when I got my idea. My really, ridiculously, atrociously bad idea.