Chapter 19

Ten Things Never to Say in French

Have you ever had foreign visitors say something that made you just want to crack up laughing or hold your breath and hope no one else

heard? Well, even the best of us linguists make mistakes like this, but people new to a language are particularly susceptible to these errors. This chapter offers some pointers to help you avoid the worst pitfalls!

Using “Tu” When You Mean “Vous”

When speaking to anyone other than children, be sure to never use the familiar form of address: tu (tew) (you) or ton/ta/tes (tohN/tah/tey) (your). For example, when you meet someone and want to say How are you? you say Comment allez-vous? (koh-mahN-tah-ley-vooh?), not Comment vas-tu? (kohmahN vah-tew?). If you use the familiar form in the wrong situations, you’ll be perceived as uneducated; in the worst cases, your listeners may even take it as an insult!

Wait until the other party offers the familiar form — Mais on peut se tutoyer!

(meh ohN puh suh tew-twah-yey!) (But we can use the familiar form with each other!). This is the green light, of course, that lets you know that using the familiar form is fine. In fact, turning the offer down would be considered pretty insulting!

Using “Bonne nuit!” for Good-Bye

When you say good-bye to someone at night, you don’t want to say Bonne nuit! (bohhn nwee) (Good night!) unless you mean to make a point of the fact that you are going straight to bed. Stick to Au revoir! (ohr-vwahr) (Goodbye!) or Bonsoir! (bohN-swahr) (Good evening!).

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Using “Garçon” or “Porteur” to Address Service Staff

When you want to get the waiter’s attention in a restaurant, don’t call out Garçon! (gahr-sohN!) (Boy!). And in airports and train stations, you want to avoid the term porteur (pohr-tuhr) (porter). The attendants absolutely hate being referred to by these terms, which are considered condescending. Say monsieur (muh-syuh) (sir) instead.

Saying “Je suis excité(e)” to Indicate Excitement

If you are excited about something, don’t say Je suis excité/excitée (zhuh swee-zehk-see-tey) (I am excited) because the phrase has a sexual connotation. Even though French has no direct equivalent for the phrase I’m excited, you can convey the same sentiment by saying J’ai hâte de. . . . (zhey aht duh. . . .) (I look forward to. . . .) or Je suis très heureux/heureuse. . . .

(zhuh swee treh-zuh-ruh/uh-ruhz. . . .) (I am very happy. . . .).

Saying “Je suis chaud(e)/froid(e)” to Say You’re Hot or Cold

When you are hot or cold, be sure not to say Je suis chaud/chaude (zhuh swee shoh/shohd) (I am hot) or Je suis froid/froide (zhuh swee frwah/ frwahd) (I am cold) because these phrases actually mean that you’re in heat or frigid, which is probably not your intent! Instead, say J’ai chaud/chaude (zhey shoh/shohd) or J’ai froid/ froide (zhey frwah/frwahd), both of which use the verb avoir (ah-vwahr) (to have).

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Saying “Je suis plein/e” to Mean You’re Full

If someone asks whether you’d like another helping at dinner and you’re full, you certainly don’t want to translate the word full into French. Saying Je suis plein/pleine (zhuh swee plahN/plehn) means I am pregnant. Instead, you can say J’ai fini (zhey fee-nee) (I’m finished) or J’ai assez/trop mangé

(zhey ah-sey/troh mahN-zhey) (I ate enough/too much).

Using “de la glace” to Request Ice

When you’re in a restaurant and you want ice cubes in your drink, you usually have to say so. The trouble is, if you ask for de la glace (duh lah glahs), the waiter may ask you Quel parfum? (kehl pahr-faN?) (What flavor?). The reason? In this context, la glace refers to ice cream. Instead, you want to request des glaçons (dey glah-sohN) (ice cubes).

Using “Je suis . . . ans” to Tell Your Age

If someone asks you your age, don’t translate literally from the English and say Je suis 30 ans (zhuh swee trahN-tahN) (I am 30 years old.) Use instead the verb avoir (ah-vwahr) (to have) because the French say J’ai 30 ans (zhey trahN-tahN) which literally means I have 30 years.

Asking for Change with “J’ai besoin de change”

When you want change for your large bills, don’t say J’ai besoin de change (zhey buh-zwaN duh shahNzh) because the listener may think you need a fresh set of clothes. You want to say instead J’ai besoin de monnaie (zhey buh-zwaN duh moh-neh) (I need change).

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Using the Verb “Visiter” in Reference to People

One way to guarantee a good laugh when you’re telling someone that you’re going to visit friends is to say something like Je vais visiter mon ami Paul (zhuh veh vee-zee-tey mohN-nah-mee pohl). Why so funny? Because the verb visiter (vee-zee-tey) (to visit) is used for places and monuments — for sightseeing — not for people. You probably don’t plan to walk around your

friend or your aunt in the same way that you walk around a monument, right? Instead, say Je vais voir Paul (zhuh veh vwahr pohl) (I am going to see Paul) or use the expression that is used to visit people, rendre visite à (rahN-druh vee-zeet ah) (to pay a visit to, to visit [a person]) as in Je vais rendre visite à Paul (zhuh veh rahN-druh vee-zeet ah pohl) (I’m going to visit Paul).

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