Jerome k. Jerome (1859–1927)

An English writer Jerome K. Jerome was born in May, 2, 1859 in Stafford-shire. During his life he tried many professions. He was a teacher, an attorney assistant, an actor and an editor of comic magazine. His first works were connected with the theatre.

In 1899 he visited Russia and his oppressions he described in the article called “The Russians whom I know”.

He wrote his famous story “Three in a boat” in 1889, and in 1900 “Three on a bike” was published.

Jerome K. Jerome is the author of many humourous plays and short stories. His humour is good-natured and sentimental. The ordinary topic of his stories is adversities of the average men.

He died in 1927 in Northampton.

“THREE MEN IN A BOAT”

I remember going to the British Museum one day to read up the treatment for some slight disease. I got down the book and read all I had come to read. Then without realizing what I was doing I turned the leaves and began to study diseases generally. I forget which was the first disease I read about but before I looked through the list of the symptoms I felt that I had it. I kept on reading, feeling rather nervous, and realised that I was suffering from every disease imaginable. The only thing I had not got so far was housemaid's knee. To say that I was worried and upset and that I felt miserable would be to say nothing. I nearly fainted. In fact I felt more dead than alive. I tried to examine myself. I felt my pulse. I discovered that I had no pulse. I tried to feel my heart. I could not feel my heart. It had stopped beating. I tried to look at my tongue. I stuck it out as far as it would go. I shut one eye, and tried to examine it with the other. I could only see the tip but I no longer doubted that in addition to everything I had scarlet fever.

It became clear to me that I would never recover and would never get rid of the thousand diseases I had. I gave up all hope. Medicine could not help me. I had walked into the reading-room a happy healthy man, I walked out an invalid.

Though I doubted if anyone would be able to cure me of my diseases, I went to consult my physician. I always turn to him for advice and help. He is a nice fellow and an old friend of mine. He had been treating me for many years. I never make an appointment with him, he's always ready to see me. He looks at my tongue, feels my pulse, talks about the weather, and all for nothing, when I imagine that I am ill. He never remains indifferent to what I say and always does his best to encourage me when I start complaining of my diseases. I thought that he would be thankful if I went to him. ""What a doctor wants," I said to myself, "is practice. He shall have me. He will get more practice out of me than out of seventeen hundred ordinary patients with only one or two common diseases each."

"Well, what's the matter with you? Got any complaints?" he asked.

I did not pretend to be calm. My whole life depended on what he would say.

"I will not take up your time, dear fellow, by telling you what is the matter with me," I began. "Life is short and you may die before I'm through. But I'll tell you right away what is not the matter with me. I haven't got housemaid's knee. Why I haven't got it I cannot tell you. But the fact remains that I haven't got it. Everything else I have got. My life is in danger."

I told him how I came to discover it all. I didn't pretend I wasn't frightened. He took my temperature, felt my pulse, and then hit me over the chest when I wasn't expecting it. After that he sat down and wrote out a prescription. He folded it and giving it to me said that I had better go home.

I did not open the prescription. I went to the nearest pharmacy to have it filled. The chemist read the prescription and handed it back. He apologised for being unable to help me. He said he didn't keep it and smiled. I got very much annoyed. I did not see the joke.

I said, "You are a chemist, aren't you?" He did not deny it. "I am a chemist," he said. "If I were a department store and family hotel combined, I might be able to help you. But the matter is I am only a chemist. That's why I can't oblige you."

I read the prescription. It said:

“1 Ib.¹ beefsteak, with

1 pt. beer every six hours.

1 ten-mile walk every morning.

1 bed at 11 sharp every night.

And avoid stuffing up your head with things you don't under­stand."

I felt relieved. My life was out of danger. I didn't tear up the prescription or throw it away. I followed the directions with the happy result — my life was saved and is still going on. My health has improved, but I never mention the incident to anyone.

ASSIGNMENTS

1. Answer the questions.

1. How did it happen that Jerome K. Jerome discovered he had a thousand diseases?

2. When did Jerome K. Jerome realize that in addition to everything he had scarlet fever?

3. Why did Jerome K. Jerome always consult his physician?

4. Why did the poor invalid think his physician would be glad to have him for a patient?

5. What did Jerome K. Jerome tell his physician?

6. What did the prescription say?

7. Was Jerome K. Jerome’s life saved in the end? What about his health?

8. Whom did he tell about the incident?

9. How did Jerome K. Jerome feel when he discovered that he had no pulse?

10. Who did he turn for advice to?

11. What did he think all doctors needed?

12. What did he feel his life depended on?

13. Why didn’t Jerome K. Jerome have to make an appointment with the doctor?

14. When did Jerome K. Jerome feel that his life was saved and he was out of danger? What did the doctor advise him to avoid doing?

2. Choose the necessary word combination or sentence and complete the phrases.

1. Jerome K. Jerome went to the British Museum … (to take out a library card; to look up some figures; to read some fiction; to read up the treatment for some disease).

2. When Jerome K. Jerome discovered that he had all diseases imaginable, he…(got embarrassed; was surprised; calmed down; nearly fainted).

3. It became clear to Jerome K. Jerome that … (he was in pretty good health; he would never recover; his life was out of danger; his life was in danger).

4. Jerome K. Jerome’s friend … (was indifferent to what he said; always encouraged him; listened to his complaints very attentively; did his best to help him).

5. The physician advised Jerome K. Jerome … (to take up art; to read medical books; to avoid thinking about things he didn’t understand).

6. Jerome K. Jerome followed the doctor’s directions with the happy result - … (he died; his life was saved; he went mad; his health improved).

7. Jerome K. Jerome never mentioned the incident to anyone because he … (had forgotten it very soon; felt ashamed; did not see the joke; had no sense of humour).

3.Correct the false statements.

1. Jerome K. Jerome looked through the list of symptoms and realized that he hadn’t got any disease.

2. It became clear to him that he would soon recover.

3. He felt happy and cheerful because he discovered that nothing was the matter with him.

4. He did not doubt that he could be easily cured of his diseases.

5. When he went to consult his physician who was a very good specialist, he always made an appointment with him first.

6. It seemed to Jerome K. Jerome that he had only one common disease.

7. Jerome K. Jerome pretended that he wasn’t frightened.

8. Jerome K. Jerome went to the pharmacy and had the prescription filled.

4. Make up your own sentences using the following word combinations.

1. not to doubt that 6. to feel better

2. turn to smb. for advice 7. have a prescription filled

3. treat smb. 8. be out of danger

4. do one’s best 9. mention the incident

5. write out a prescription

5. Summarize the text and retell the summary.