Books on Happiness / The Definitive Book Of Body Language- 2 students
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Putting It All Together
In this scene the man on the left and the woman have mirrored each other's gestures to form 'bookends' on the couch. The couple are very interested in each other and have positioned their hands in such a way that they can expose their wrists, and they have crossed their legs towards one another. The man in the middle has a Tight-Lipped Smile in an attempt to look interested in what the other man has to say but this is incongruent with his other facial and body gestures. His head is down (disapproval), the corner of his mouth turned down, his eyebrows are also down (anger) and he is giving the other man a sideways glance. His arms and legs are tightly crossed (defensive) — all indicating that he has a very negative attitude.
15. What Are the Fifteen Main Signals?
Answers
The man on the left is using a cluster to convey openness and honesty - exposed palms, foot forward, head up, coat unbuttoned, arms and legs apart, leaning forward and smiling gestures. Unfortunately for him, however, his story is not getting across. The woman is sitting back in her chair with her legs crossed away (defensive), she has a partial arm-barrier (defensive), a clenched fist (tension), her head down and is using a critical evaluation gesture (hand to face). The man in the middle has a raised Steeple gesture, indicating that he feels
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confident or smug and he is sitting in the Figure 4 leg position, showing that his attitude is competitive or argumentative. We can assume that his overall attitude is negative as he is sitting back, his head down.
l6.aWhat Are the Nine Main Signals?
The following three scenes demonstrate typical defence, aggression and courtship clusters.
Answers
The beginning of the conversation
In the first scene, all three people have their arms folded, two have their legs crossed (defensive) and all have their bodies oriented away from each other, all indicating that they may have just met for the first time. The man on the right appears interested in the woman as he has his right foot twisted around to point at her and he is giving her a sideways glance, combined with raised eyebrows (interest) and a smile; he is leaning towards her with the upper part of his body. She is closed off to both men at this point.
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16b.What Are the Eleven Main Signals?
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Five minutes later
The woman has now uncrossed her legs and is standing in the Attention position, while the man on the left has uncrossed his legs and is pointing one foot at her (interest) and leaning towards her. He is using the Thumbs-in-Belt gesture, which is either intended as a competitive display towards the other man, in which case the attitude is aggression, or is directed towards the woman, making it a sexual display. He is also standing straighter to make himself appear bigger. The man on the right seems intimidated by the other man, as seen by his now more erect stance, his crossed arms and the fact that he is giving the other man a sideways glance combined with eyebrows down (disapproval) and his smile has gone.
16c. What Are the Fifteen Main Signals?
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Fifteen minutes later
The attitudes and emotions of these people are now clearly shown by their body language. The man on the left has kept his Thumbs-in-Belt, Foot-Forward position and has turned his body more towards the woman, making it a complete courtship display. His thumbs are also gripping his belt much tighter to make the gesture more noticeable and his body has become even more erect. The woman is responding to this courtship display with her own, showing that she is interested in being involved with him. She has uncrossed her arms, turned her body towards him and is pointing one foot at him. Her courtship gestures include hair touching, exposed wrists, chest forward to show cleavage and positive facial expression, and she is blowing her cigarette smoke upwards (confidence). The man on the right is unhappy about being excluded and is using the Hands-on-Hips gesture (aggressive readiness) and standing Crotch Display to show his displeasure.
In summary, the man on the left has won the woman's attentions and the other man should take a hike in the Himalayas.
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How Did You Rate?
130150 points
Holy intuition Batman! You are an extremely effective communicator who is sensitive to other people's feelings most of the time. Go to the top of the class!
100 - 130 points
You are very good with people and generally have a 'feel' about what's going on. With perseverance and practice you can become a top-notch communicator.
70 - 100 points
Sometimes you twig to how people are feeling about things or about each other, at other times you find out several days later. You need diligent body language practice.
70 or fewer
You've read this book and still not even scored 70? We suggest you search for a career in computing, accounting or as a medical receptionist where people skills are not a requirement. Go back to the start of this book and read it again. Meanwhile, do not leave home or even answer a telephone.
Summary
Research has now shown convincingly that if you change your body language, you can change many things about your approach to life. You can alter your mood before going out, feel more confident at work, become more likeable and be more persuasive or convincing. When you change your body language you interact differently with people around you and they, in turn, will respond differently to you.
When you first start increasing your awareness of body language you'll probably feel uncomfortable and self-conscious. You will be aware of practically every expression you make,
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surprised at how many gestures you make and how often you fiddle with things and you'll feel as if everyone around is seeing it all too. Remember that most people are completely unaware of what their bodies are doing and they're so busy trying to make an impression on you that they are not consciously noticing what you are doing. It may seem strange at first to consciously have your palms open and keep steady eye contact if you've spent your life keeping your hands in your pockets or holding hands with yourself and looking away.
You may ask, 'How do I watch someone's body language while thinking about my own body language and trying to concentrate on what we're talking about?' Remember that your brain is already programmed to read many body language signals so all you are doing is learning consciously to read the signals and messages. It's like riding a bicycle for the first time
— it feels a little scary at the start and you might take an occasional tumble but before long you'll be riding like a pro.
Some people may feel that learning body language skills is manipulative or insincere, but learning to be proficient at reading it and using it is no different to wearing certain types of clothes, using certain language or telling stories that put you in the best light. The difference here is that it won't happen unconsciously and you'll make a better impression on others. If you're a man, remember that women are reading and decoding your body language whether you realise it or not, so learning how it's done can give you an equal footing. Without effective body language you can be like a spaghetti Western — the lips don't match the words and the viewers are constantly confused or switch channels.
Finally, here is a summary of the keys points for making a positive body language impression on others.
The Six Secrets of Attractive Body Language
Face: Have an animated face and make smiling a part of your regular repertoire. Make sure you flash your teeth.
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Gestures: Be expressive but don't overdo it. Keep your fingers closed when you gesture, your hands below chin level and avoid arm or feet crossing.
Head Movement: Use Triple Nods when talking and Head Tilt when listening. Keep your chin up.
Eye Contact: Give the amount of eye contact that makes everyone feel comfortable. Unless looking at others is a cultural no-no, lookers gain more credibility than non-lookers.
Posture: Lean forward when listening, stand straight when speaking.
Territory: Stand as close as you feel comfortable. If the other person moves back, don't step forward again.
Mirror: Subtly mirror the body language of others.
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