Checklist: are you а born lisтener ует?

Yes No

Do you pay close attention when others are talking?
When sitting next to someone you don’t know at a meal do you always seek to find an area of common interest?
Do you believe that everyone has something to teach or share with you that has value for you – now or in the future?
Can you set aside such factors as a person’s personality, voice or delivery in order to find out what he or she knows?
Are you a curious person, interested in people, ideas and things?
Do you respond with a smile or nod or word of encouragement as the speaker is talking? Do you maintain good eye contact?
Do you take notes?
Do you have a good awareness of your own prejudices, blindspots and assumptions, and are you aware that they can create problems for you as a listener? Do you control them?
Are you patient with people who have difficulty in expressing themselves?
‘The trouble with you is that you do not listen’. How many times has that been said about you? never once occasionally frequently
Do you keep an open mind regarding the points of view of other?
Do you listen for the speaker’s emotional meaning as well as the subject matter content?
Do you often reflect, restate or paraphrase what the speaker has said in order to make sure you have the correct meaning?

Тне skills of listening

‘The fact that people are born with two eyes and two ears, but only one tongue', wrote the Marguise de Sévigné, 'suggests they ought to look and listen twice as much as they speak.' Persuading you to fall in love with listening, turning from the negative to the positive, from symptoms of disease to signs of fitness, I have summarized in the table below the five skills of а good - or very good - listener. You should be able to recognize occasions when you have performed or experienced them all, so it is more а question of widening and deepening your range rather than learning something new from scratch.

Be willing to listen	The will to listening - wanting to
	listen - comes first. In most contexts
	listening also requires an openness
	of mind, a willingness in principle to
	think or act differently.
Hear the message	Receiving clearly what is actually
	being said - not a penny more, not
	а penny less - is the next vital
	ingredient. There may be problems
	in physically hearing: if so they
	have to be overcome. The issue at
	this stage is not whether or not you
	agree, but do you hear clearly what
	is being said?
Interpret the meaning	The meaning in question is the
	speaker's meaning. It may be clear
	and intelligible. The test is whether
	or not you can play back to the
	other person what they mean in
	your own words in such a way that
	they accept it as accurate.
Evaluate carefully	You may want to suspend
	judgement, so that you can use
	information or ideas for creative
	thinking purposes. But at some
	stage or other you will need to
	assess the worth or value of the
	content of what you hove listened
	to. Is it true? Is it useful?
Respond appropriately	Communication is two-way. А response is called for. It may be no more than applause - оr even silence. But it is still a response, which will in turn be interpreted by the speaker. Make sure you respond appropriately.

In almost all instances of listening some element of evalu­ation comes in. Even if you are given а direct order, for example, by someone with the authority to issue such orders to you, there is still а moment when you must decide whether or not to obey. If there is а moral principle at stake you mау decide not to do it. If you are а soldier you mау be ordered to shoot an unarmed prisoner, but you ought со refuse to do so. Such occasions are mercifully rare, but the sequence of evaluation and response is happening all the time. Having grasped someone's meaning you have to assess its degree of truth. You mау agree or disagree with the speaker, for example, and that will invariably influence your response.

Active listening is quite hard mental work. Brace yourself to:

ASK QUESТIONS 'Не who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning,' says

a Danish proverb.

Ask not only information-seeking questions but

reflective ones as well, such as:

'Would it be true to say that you believe . . .?'

'If you had to sum up your message in one or two

sentences, what would they be?

WEIGH ТНЕ EVIDENCE Assertions that such and such is the case or is

true should always be examined. Some

assertions may be self-evident truths, but а rational

person requires grounds for accepting others.

What grounds for аccерtаnсе are being offered?

Are they compelling or conclusive?

WATCH YOUR ASSUMPTIONS Wе tend со make conscious or unconscious

assumptions. It is difficult со think without

making assumptions but the unconscious ones in

particular can easily lead us into misinterpreting what

the other person is saying. Jumping to conclusions -

assuming that we know what someone is going

to say or do - is one form it takes.

Can you think of others?

You may wonder how you have time for all this critical and creative mental activity when you are busy following the sense of what is being said. А good speaker, of course, will make it easy for you to pay this kind of attention; he or she will also create some time and space for you to think by, for example, not talking too quickly.